Abused Women Quotes

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as
obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Shouldn't there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?”
― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us

“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to uncover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“... in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women's experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men.”
― Judith Lewis Herman

“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. These walls tend to grow over time, so that after a few years in a relationship my clients can reach a point where they feel no more guilt over degrading or threatening their partners than you or I would feel after angrily kicking a stone in the driveway.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.”
― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

“The whole thing becomes like this evil enchantment from a fairy tale, but you're made to believe the spell can never be broken.”
― Jess C. Scott, Heart's Blood

“People only picked the pretty, sweet-smelling flowers. The ones with thorns were left alone.”
― Nenia Campbell, Fearscape

“I wondered about her chicken-and-egg relationship with Dad. Which came first? Her helplessness or his controlling?”
― Justina Chen Headley, North of Beautiful

“He knew exactly how to hit a woman, so that the marks hardly showed. He knew how to kiss her, too, so that her heart began to race and she'd start to think forgiveness with every breath. It's amazing the places that love will carry you. It's astounding to discover just how far you're willing to go.”
― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

“There's always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of." Psychotherapist David in Type 1 Sociopath”
― P.A. Speers, Type 1 Sociopath - When Difficult People Are More Than Just Difficult People

“No matter what, the day didn't feel like Christmas to her.

She remembered years ago, when she had been just a little kid, and the word had been enough to make her happy. Nothing stirred in her now. Her childhood felt like it had been in another life. As she sat alone in her room with tears drying to her face, she resolved that no matter what the calendar said, it wasn't Christmas.

If it was, she'd feel happy, not depressed.”
― Kayla Krantz, Survive at Midnight

“Terri had already gotten her panties into a bunch just from one little phone call, so he knew coming at her too much too fast would be more trouble than it was worth. He couldn’t exactly beat her into submission, not right away anyway. Although he did enjoy seeing her get all riled up.
Nothing tugged at a man’s heartstrings like a pair of mascara smeared eyes.

Randy from Spring Cleaning-- Coming Summer 2012”
― Brandi Salazar, Spring Cleaning

“Undaunted, she was completely alone for the first time in her life. Soberly examining each one of the bruises left beneath her skin from Hank’s forceful hands, she felt safe in the freedom of loneliness. The evening was serene, and Violet was unworried that everything would work out.”
― Norah Ann Marler

“Being indifferent about sexual abuse is an absolute assault on the truth of who the victim is!”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of abuse hidden behind closed doors

“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative attitudes toward females, but men who have abusive fathers do; the disrespect that abusive men show their female partners and their daughters is often absorbed by their sons.
So while a small number of abusive men do hate women, the great majority exhibit a more subtle—though often quite pervasive—sense of superiority or contempt toward females.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

“I wonder why there was an implicit expectation that if I like certain behaviours or features, that I would have to like the person. I don't. I can like this and not that and it does not need to lead to only one conclusion.”
― Anita Bentata, The Wolf in a Suit: The 7 Secrets Inside Relationship Abuse

“A man beats a woman who becomes a man.”
― Tamerlan Kuzgov

“She would no longer speak fear into my world with good intent, but instead she would leave it for me to inherit. To warn other women through story that wickedness lurks, but hidden in the words was a secret. A clue. To escape to the Castle Moreau. Each story called to the downtrodden, to the woman who had no place to find freedom. In every story the woman with the crooked hand ever told me, it always ended with the words, "Beauty is found in walls of stone, beauty where love begins."
Hidden among the travesties and nightmares of violence, all the abused must know that of this place. Only they would recognize the words for what they were. For only the broken are searching for a place to heal.”
― Jaime Jo Wright, The Vanishing at Castle Moreau

“The day you allow him hit you , he begins taking you for granted.”
― gugu innocentia mofokeng

“This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” proclaims connectedness, equality, and mutuality, not dominance or a hierarchy of power.”
― Ngina Otiende, Courage: Reflections and Liberation For the Hurting Soul

“No, Queen, abuse is NOT okay. I encourage you to stop making excuses for being abused. Come on, Queen… You CAN do this. It’s time to honor yourself! You are worthy of love, respect, and appreciation. You ARE important. No matter how you may feel or what has been said to you, you DO matter.”
― Stephanie Lahart

“Some men claim they can't predict the future of a relationship, but in reality, they're just unwilling to commit to the present. Their uncertainty is a mask for their own lack of loyalty, truth, and dedication. Be cautious of those who drained your energy and waste your time, for they are often the ones who crave open relationships and are spiritually adrift, searching for meaning in all the wrong places.”
― Shaila Touchton

“Forgiveness is not a reunion; it's a release. We can forgive our abusers without reconciling with them. Forgiveness frees us from the chains of resentment and anger, but it doesn't mean we have to go back to the toxic relationship. We can choose to forgive and still choose to stay away from harm. Forgiveness is for our own healing, not for the abuser's absolution.”
― SHAILA Touchron