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Hello Goodbye #1

Goodbye Paradise

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Most people called it a cult. But for twenty years, Josh and Caleb called it home.

In Paradise, there is no television. No fast food. Just long hours of farm work and prayer on a dusty Wyoming ranch, and nights in a crowded bunkhouse. The boys of the Compound are kept far from the sinners’ world.

But Joshua doesn’t need temptation to sin. His whole life, he’s wanted his best friend, Caleb. By day they work side by side. Only when Josh closes his eyes at night can they be together the way he craves.

It can never be. And his survival depends on keeping his terrible desires secret.

Caleb has always protected Josh against the worst of the bullying at the Compound. But he has secrets of his own, and a plan to get away — until it all backfires.

Josh finds himself homeless in a world that doesn’t want him. Can Caleb find him in time? And will they find a place of safety, where he can admit to Josh how he really feels?

Warning: Contains a hot male/male romance, copious instances of taking the Lord's name in vain, and love against the kitchen counter. This book was previously released under the title: In Front of God & Everyone.

266 pages, Paperback

First published February 18, 2015

About the author

Nealy Wagner

2 books202 followers

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,516 reviews
Profile Image for ✦❋Arianna✦❋.
790 reviews2,599 followers
August 23, 2016
4.5 Stars!!

description

To be honest, reading the blurb I was expected this author’s debut novel to be too religious-y for me, but surprise, surprise - it really wasn’t. The religious aspect was barely there which I obviously liked. Neally Wagner delivered a sweet, steamy and heartwarming tale about to boys who find themselves and find love despite the fact their lifestyles and living conditions are unusual to say the least.

Caleb and Josh have been living in a polygamist compound all their lives. In the compound there are rules and there are expectations. While Caleb is treated all the time with consideration and respect, Josh is treated pretty badly. The two boys have been friends since forever, but recently Josh started to feel something more than friendship for his best friend. He feels guilty for his sexual fantasies and for the fact Josh is the first person who’s popping in his mind every morning, not only because he knows for sure the gays are condemned in the compound, but also because he thinks his best friend wouldn’t like to find out about his sexual orientation.

When Caleb realizes Josh will be kicked out from the compound he decides to go with his best friend and live his own life. The two boys decide to find Maggie, a woman who escaped the compound several years ago, so helped by a truck driver they start their journey to a more fulfilling life. They tentatively start to open up and express the feelings they have for each other trying to find out who they are individually and together as a couple.

Overall the story was well done! Despite the religious aspect the story wasn’t as angsty as I had expected. Personally I wouldn’t have minded a little more angst, because I honestly think the story would have been more believable in some way. This first installment in the series was really sweet, but not too sugary sweet to be ridiculous. I really enjoyed the premise. It was my first time reading a book with such a premise and I really found it to be very interesting and also refreshing.

I liked how the story progressed and how the relationship between the two main characters evolved. Both main characters were adorable individually and especially together and both of them were pretty well developed. I liked the fact they were so different from each other and of course the fact that both of them were virgins. It was very sexy to say the least. The sexy scenes between them were hot as hell, intense and at times so damn sweet. Caleb and Josh complemented each other perfectly. They were so sweet together and I have to say I enjoyed how they helped each other in some way or another as the story progressed and most of all the tenderness between them.

Overall, this was a wonderful friends to lovers story that made smile and swoon from beginning until the end.
Profile Image for Judith.
724 reviews2,870 followers
June 13, 2016
So good...

"Hi baby,"he said under his breath.He leaned in and kissed me on the lips,right in front of God and everyone.









Well,this one surprised me in a good way.I would probably never have read it if I hadn't read some friends reviews.

Josh and Caleb are 19 and 20 respectively and have lived in a polygamist compound for years.They have been best friends for years but recently Josh has been lusting after Caleb in a big way.
When Caleb realizes Josh is going to be cast aside he arranges to meet him and leaves the compound.

They set off to find Maggie who had escaped the compound years ago.Along the way they meet Washington ( a fantastic character ), who helps them.
They,tentivaly start to share their feelings for each other.
Although they are both virgins ( YES !! ), things heat up between them very nicely.There's a bit of ( delicious ) awkward fumbling between them initially but when they take things to the bedroom....and other surfaces,the sex is HOT with some dirty talk.
I just adored these two and how their story played out.







Fantastic secondary characters in Maggie,Dylan and the gorgeous Chloe.

Highly recommended....
Profile Image for Christy.
4,232 reviews35.1k followers
March 23, 2017
5+ stars!!!

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I've read most of Sarina Bowen's books, and there hasn't been one I've read that I didn't enjoy. But I haven't loved one quite as much as Goodbye Paradise. The Understatement of the Year is a close second, so it's safe to say this author has quite the knack for M/M romance.

Caleb and Joshua are from a polygamist compound. They have been best friends their entire life, but there has always been feelings there, lingering between them. For Joshua, he's always wanted his best friend, Caleb. Even if he knew it was something he could never have. Caleb has always loved Joshua and has done his best to protect him in this world they're from. But there comes a point when protecting him is impossible, and all he can do is try to save him.
My whole life I’d wanted this impossible thing. And I didn’t know why it was happening now. But it was everything I’d ever wanted.

Joshua and Caleb have quite a journey. Caleb and Josh are both so strong in different ways. I don't want to talk much about the story-line, I loved experiencing it completely blind. Honesty, I just skimmed the blurb and that is it. I adored both of these boys and loved watching them come into their own. Their love for each other is inspiring.
“Caleb,” he whispered against my skin. “Just make me yours.”

“You,” I said, kissing him on the forehead, “are already mine. You have always been mine.”

Caleb and Josh's story had just enough angst to keep you hooked, but it wasn't overboard. Honestly, it didn't need all the extras. Their story itself was powerful all on it's own. Josh and Caleb were so different, but they complimented each other. I loved them together so much.

This story brought ALL the feels. Josh and Caleb are two characters you'll root for. Their story was so dang beautiful. Heart-felt, emotional, sexy, and a gorgeous friends to lovers tale- this story is about two best friends who fall in love, learn how to survive, and learn it's okay to be their true selves. I can't recommend this book enough. The best M/M I've read in a while, and one of my top books so far this year!
“I could never help loving you. It’s just the way I’m wired.”
Profile Image for Lana ❇✾DG Romance❇✾.
2,178 reviews13.4k followers
March 19, 2017
5 STARS

Caleb," he whispered against my skin. "Just make me yours."
"You," I said, kissing him on the forehead, "are already mine."


When was the last time you read a romance that was so powerful and sweet that you felt it touch your very soul? For me, that was today and this romance was this book. THIS BOOK. My god. I sobbed my way through almost the entire thing. I couldn't help myself. It wrecked me and it owned me all at once. I don't have enough praise to describe everything that was this story. All I know is that Caleb and Josh's story is one that will stay in my heart forever, and as a voracious romance reader, I don't make that statement lightly. It was just that good.
Nothing had ever felt better than lying in Caleb's arms.

Caleb and Josh have been best friends for as long as they can remember. And Caleb has been Josh's confidant and protector just as long. Growing up in a religious cult where a man's worth is measured by his strength and ability to withstand hard labor, brainy Josh has always been at the bottom of the food chain. Caleb has always looked out for him and protected him, and Josh has been secretly in love with Caleb just as long.

When it becomes evident that Josh will soon be tossed out, Caleb makes a plan to escape. Having nothing to their name, no IDs, no money, they only have each other to lean on when they end up in a world that Josh had no idea existed and Caleb only had quick glimpses of.

Caleb has always been the strong one, but Josh has always been his strength. Unbeknownst to Josh, Caleb has been in love with his best friend but much better at hiding it. Now that they're out, there's nothing holding them back from being together but each other.
Maybe I'd craved him all my life, but I was his first, too. I felt powerful because of it.

This was such a powerful story of an emotional journey of two boys growing into men with nothing to guide them through it but each other. There's no crazy drama, no silly angst. Absolutely nothing to take away from the incredibly poignant romance.

The secondary characters only served to strengthen the story and add another touching layer to something that was already solid to begin with. I loved the friendships and bonds that these boys formed through their journey. Every secondary character drove the plot further and just connected me to the story that much more.

I adored Caleb's strength, but what I loved even more was Josh's silent and unassuming strength. They balanced each other so well and their undying devotion to the other was nothing if not incredibly touching.
Hi baby," he said under his breath. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, right in front of God and everyone.

This book is exactly why I'm such a huge fan of this author. It was romantic and powerful, sweet and emotional, it was touching and poignant and everything that I love about romance. It was one of the most unforgettable romances I've read in a long while and I simply can't recommend it enough.

ARC courtesy of author in exchange for an honest review

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Profile Image for Rachel  L.
2,022 reviews2,446 followers
March 17, 2017
5 stars!

Okay. Shut the front door. What friggin rock have I been living under that I had never heard of this book before?????



Goodbye Paradise was originally published under the title In Front of God and Everyone. Sarina Bowen is now republishing it with a new cover and title. Josh and Caleb live in a cult, the two are best friends. But Josh feels something more for Caleb, something forbidden. And when Josh gets dumped in the middle of nowhere by the cult, Caleb needs to find him.



“It’s a sin.”
“No,” he whispered, still stroking my face. “Hurting someone is a sin. Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“Does this hurt someone else? Are you going to marry a woman, Josh? Am I keeping you from that?”
“No.”


I fell in love with this story. Caleb and Josh are my new book boyfriends, even if they love each other and not me. I’ll just be the fly on the wall of their relationship like the perve I am. I thought the cult aspect made the story very interesting, because an environment like that can bring so much hate into a person’s life, and it obviously affected these two men very greatly.

This story was only a wee bit angsty, I wish it had been more. But I love my angst. Caleb also used the word baby, and while normally I don’t care for that, it felt so genuine and made my heart melt. You could feel his love and protectiveness he felt for Josh. Caleb was kind of like an alpha male, but without all the frustration. Both guys were amazing. Josh was a vulnerable man and I loved seeing him find his bravery and his strength.

This book was seriously hot, emotional at times, and swoon worthy. Make this the next book you pick up!


“My whole life I’d wished for things. But I’d never known how confusing it might be to see my wishes come true.”

ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review


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June 17, 2016
Thanks to all my peeps for putting this book on my radar. This is an incredibly sweet (maybe too sweet), sexy story of two young men leaving a cult and making a go at life together.

I loved all the smexy. I loved the HEA. I loved Maggie and Dylan and baby Chloe. How could anyone not love all that?

However, I expected more real-life angst and internal conflict. These boys were raised in an abusive, polygamist compound. They were both virgins and taught that homosexuality, any sex outside marriage really, was a sin.

While Josh is hesitant at first, Caleb (the more worldly one, as he was allowed to run errands outside the compound) is all in. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. These boys burn up the sheets. I'm especially fond of the scene against the kitchen counter.

But when I compare this book to Keira Andrews' A Forbidden Rumspringa, it falls short. There just wasn't the depth of feeling here, and I found myself rolling my eyes through Caleb's little martyr moment at the end.

Everybody in this book is good, SO SO good: Washington, Maggie & family, the guys at the shop where Caleb works, Caleb's boss, Maggie's catering partner. I needed more conflict, fewer typos.

I'm still going with 4 stars because I really liked how the story played out, even if it was too easy. I'm a sucker for friends-to-lovers stories, and Caleb & Josh were so hot together and so in love. Plus, Josh caring for baby Chloe melted me every single time.
Profile Image for Elise ✘ a.k.a Ryder's Pet ✘.
1,314 reviews3,029 followers
May 6, 2021
Second re-read: 06.05.2021
Couldn't help the re-reading. Caleb and Josh are so cute together. I really like this story. My problem this time around was . That said, I enjoyed this re-read. Have anyone read book two in this series? Is it good? Even after all these years, I still haven't read it...

Re-read: 13.09.2018
Caleb and Josh's story is so beautiful it actually makes me teary. It gorgeously written and I love seeing the grow. I'm still wishing we'd gotten more from these two, to see them as adults and all that. It not a perfect book, but it a story definitely worth reading and recommended. I hope to everything out there that Sarina Bowen will write more M/M, because her M/M books are awesome!
Just another day in Paradise.


⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Finding a home*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱

Strange as this book was, I actually liked it. I liked the beautiful friendship/relationship Joshua ‘Josh’ ‘Joshy’ Royce (19, becomes 20?) and Caleb Smith (20, becomes 21) had. I adored their clumsiness and getting to know each other outside of Paradise Compound. It was quite beautiful to read. I liked Caleb being a bit alpha male and always wanting to take care of - and love - Josh. I liked how adorable Josh was, with Chloe, with the cows, with Caleb. I adored watching them find themselves, getting to know who they are. Overall, the story was interesting, the couple was cute and adorable and the side characters were nice to get to know. Though I didn't love this book, I really did like it, and I want more of Josh and Caleb.
“Just make me yours.”
“You,” I said, kissing him on the forehead, “are already mine. You have always been mine.”

Quick basic facts:
Genre: - (NA) Contemporary Romance (M/M)
Series: - Series (Standalone?), Book One
Love triangle? -
Cheating? -
HEA? -
Favorite character? - Caleb Smith.
Would I read more by this author/or of series? - Sure.
Would I recommend this book/series? - Yes.
Will I read this again in the future? - Who knows.
Rating - 3.5 stars.
Profile Image for Carol [Goodreads Addict].
2,701 reviews25.1k followers
April 30, 2023
Goodbye Paradise is book one in the Hello Goodbye series by Sarina Bowen. Wow. This book was beautifully written. I was afraid it would be angsty but it wasn’t. It was just a beautiful love story between two men who didn’t think it could ever be possible for their dreams to come true.

Caleb Smith and Joshua Royce are nearly twenty years old. They have seen each other every single day of their lives where they grew up on The Paradise Ranch in Wyoming. But this ranch was anything but paradise. It was a cult. Once you turned about sixteen, you were forced to leave your parents home and live in a bunkhouse with all the other unmarried males. You were forced to work the fields by day and spend your free time in prayer. The women of the ranch were nothing more than possessions.

“He was the last one I saw before I closed my eyes at night and the first person I looked for when I opened them again in the morning.”

Josh has always been just a little bit in love with Caleb. Caleb was the one who was strong, who worked on the compound’s engines. Who could always pick faster than he could in the fields. But Josh kept his feelings a secret. As has happened to so many men before him, Josh soon finds himself cast out with no where to go. But Caleb promises he will come to him, that they will escape together. That they will make a new life!



This is their story. The story of two men who knew very little about the world we live in. Two men whose love for each other was finally allowed to blossom. This is also the story of found family. There are several people who stepped up to help these two adjust to their new lives. Caleb always tried to be the strong one. He felt the responsibility of everything on his shoulders. But it’s Josh who really stole my heart. Josh who felt like a burden to everyone and had no idea how he could contribute. Josh who’s heart was so big and just easily found what he was good at.



This book was so sexy, so sweet, and just so wonderful. I couldn’t have loved these two more. Now I can’t wait to start the next book in the series, Hello Forever. We are promised a few updates on Josh and Caleb as we meet a new couple.

For more about this book and so many others, come and visit me at Carol's Crazy Bookish World.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/Carol...

Profile Image for Saswati.
489 reviews339 followers
February 13, 2021
“I love you.” I could say that without guilt. Because loving someone wasn’t a sin. Other things… sure. But love could never be a crime.

Goodbye Paradise follows Josh and Caleb, two 20-year olds, as they escape from an extreme polygamous cult in the middle of nowhere, and try to find a better life for themselves.

A tale of yearning, suffering, hope and new beginnings, this is one of those books that somehow makes its way into my heart and refuses to leave. Along with the story, I adored all the characters in it, specially baby Chole 💖

With Josh's quiet strength and Caleb's fierce protectiveness, this book was sweet, hot and a bit different from the ones I usually read. I highly recommend it!

“Caleb,” he whispered against my skin. “Just make me yours.”
“You,” I said, kissing him on the forehead, “are already mine. You have always been mine.”
Profile Image for Mirjana **DTR - Down to Read**.
1,448 reviews790 followers
January 29, 2018

**1/17/18 - Listening to the audio book! Friends to lovers is my favoritest trope in all the land and I felt it was time to revisit one of my favorite books!! I absolutely ADORED this book when I read it a couple of years ago and can't wait to revisit Caleb and Josh!! ♥ ♥ Plus the audio book was on sale....and you know that's a sign from the book gods to haul ass and pick up the audio book! **



-------------------------------------------

***2/8/17 UPDATE: Looks like we now have answers! Mind. Blown. These books were originally published by Sarina Bowen under the penname Nealy Wagner. Below is a link to her announcement. She'll be re-releasing both books in this series under her name and with new titles.

https://sarina-bowen.squarespace.com/...

Per her Facebook post, this book (which was originally titled In Front of God and Everyone but will be changed to Goodbye Paradise) will have barely any content changes. The second book will be more heavily revised.


7/8/16 UPDATE: Please see note at the bottom of review regarding trying to locate this book :( I'm so sad.***

--------------------------------------------
Please note my review is for the original version of this book published previously under Sarina Bowen's penname. My reference below to editing issues may have been addressed and corrected in the re-released book.

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***5 Stars***

Hear ye! HEAR YE!!!

This book....plain and simple...



I literally just finished the book and sit here in the midst of the happiest, most wonderful book high!




The sweetness, the sexiness, the love, the touch of angst...



I'm not gonna a lie...I was a little worried after reading the blurb. Was it gonna be all preachy and religous-y? Was I going to have to read pages and pages about brainwashed boys who are ashamed of who they are? And the simple answer to that...



GAH!!!! Seriously...I'm bursting here. Caleb and Josh were just....



They balanced each other so well. Even though outwardly, and more obviously, Caleb took care of Josh, but what Josh possessed was a more quiet strength. With each passing day, just by being himself, he was a pillar of stability for those around him. Without second thought he righted the scales and helped balance the load.

But don't be fooled, these two virgins (oh yes, you read that right) knew how to ignite the spark of passion, too. Every kiss, caress and touch came from a deep rooted yearning and longing to be together. And what you get here is both the perfect quantity and damn good quality!!



Are there things that I could nitpick here? Yes (I'm looking at you editing errors). But will I?



Why? Because the story, Caleb and Josh, the secondary characters...this book owned me with every word that I read.

And that epilogue? That GLORIOUS epilogue??





What more can I say?? This book is going on my favorites shelf. Caleb and Josh are going on my favorite couples shelf. I want this in paperback. I will most definitely be re-reading this in the future.

Still teetering on whether or not to read the book? Let me give you some advice to help you make good life choices...




**So, it appears that this book and the author have disappeared! I got the books a couple of months ago, and now they're gone from every retailer's website. First off, I want to say that I hope everything is okay with the author. I've asked around and no one seems to know anything. Such an abrupt departure can mean anything, but I hope it's nothing bad. And second, this breaks my heart because I want everyone to read this book! I want to shout it from the mountaintops. I'm hoping that this disappearance is temporary and she'll return soon, because after just one book (and a debut to boot!) she's got a serious fan in me...I'd easily put Nealy Wagner on my autobuy list. I'll be staying on top of this and hopefully she'll come back to our reading world soon.**
Profile Image for *J* Too Many Books Too Little Time.
1,921 reviews3,717 followers
June 9, 2016
This Book.



It had me smiling and swooning like a lunatic.

I was hesitant to read this one because I thought it would be too religious-y. WRONG.

I also thought it might too farm-y. WRONG again.

Josh really grabbed a hold of me from the get-go. And Josh and Caleb together were just....



I honestly loved everything about this one.

I smiled. I laughed. I definitely swooned. I was hot and bothered (don't let these two virgins fool you...talk about some heat between the sheets....and on the kitchen counter ;)). Hell I even cried.

That ending.



Loved this one.


Profile Image for Sabrina.
3,800 reviews2,317 followers
March 21, 2017
NOW LIVE
*Amazon*B&N*Kobo*

Goodbye Paradise shocked me with how much I enjoyed it. In all honesty I was nervous that it would be too involved in religion being that it was about members of a cult. But I had nothing to worry about because that wasn't the case at all. The main focus was on Caleb and Josh, and the cult just happened to be where they came from. I was happy that it didn't have too much of an impact on the story.



Though, it certainly had an affect on these characters but the author wrote them in such a way that the troubles they had adjusting to life out of the cult only added to the story. I really liked that we got to see how Josh and Caleb helped each other and trusted one another a great deal. Neither of them had a problem needing help and I loved that about them.

Josh was the one that had a harder time getting used to life not led my the cult leaders. His struggles really made me like his characters because I loved seeing him push through and not give up. He was my favorite character out of the whole book and I just adored him.

Bottom line, this is a must read for all M/M lovers and I think most people will love these two together as much as I did.
Goodbye Paradise Playlist:
All We Know - The Chainsmokers
Roam - Theia
Not Going Home - DVBBS
Trouble - R3hab
Faded On You Love - Griffin Stoller
Love Gun - Tess

ARC kindly provided in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Susan's Reviews.
1,162 reviews658 followers
August 15, 2021
Such an epic, heartwarming read!



This was one of the first m/m novels I'd ever read. I have always been interested in stories about communes and this one sounded particularly interesting. Josh and Caleb, two inexperienced young men who have lived their entire lives on a secluded ranch in Wyoming, are expelled from the commune and hitch hike across the country in order to reach friends and sanctuary on the east coast.



Such a beautiful love story. These two lifelong friends at last find acceptance and love outside the stifling confines of their commune, which was the only home they had ever known. I reread this book every few years, and it never disappoints! Highly recommended!
Profile Image for Lau ♡.
449 reviews465 followers
December 11, 2022
Caleb is everything Joshua has ever wanted, but that’s a secret he’s carrying to the grave. His best friend is well-loved at the Compound, the religious place they live in, where everyone expects Caleb to marry half a dozen teenagers and work for the rest of his days.

They have other plans for Joshua. In a heartbeat, he finds himself homeless at a cold bus station, without anything or anyone to hold on to, confused and hurt even though he knew it was eventually going to happen. Then Caleb is there, ready to protect him as he has always done.

Only that Caleb is now calling him baby. Maybe he’s not the only one who is going to root in hell.


I can’t get over how much I loved this. I haven’t had the best luck with the books S.Bowen wrote on her own, but the audiobook was narrated by Teddy Hamilton so I found myself clicking the play button and listening to the whole thing in two days, with my heart compressed with the overwhelming feeling of love.


Joshua’s constant fear of being discovered was so raw, he had to keep stopping himself from staring at Caleb’s movement, from showing any kind of non-platonic love even though his best friend was the one starring each one of his dreams. I melted every time Caleb exchanged his work so that Josh didn’t get yelled at for being too slow, every time Joshua both loved him and hated him for being so difficult not to hate. It broke my heart how the bullying Joshua suffered his entire life made him feel he was worthless, that he didn’t deserve any kind of love, that he was only a burden for Caleb. That Caleb would be better off without him.


Discomfort and shame were my constant companions. Caleb covered for my mediocrity as best he could. My best friend had saved my backside too many times to count. And how did I repay him? With sinful, lusty thoughts.


Although Joshuas’s POV is the only one during the first half, you realize way sooner Caleb is being fooling everyone for years, Joshua included. Caleb might be more difficult to love because he was good at hiding his feelings while Joshua was oblivious and transparent, but I think it may be even harder for Caleb having to hide knowing he could have it all. Caleb was always the one comforting Josh, hating how much of the Compound’s bullshit mentality had infiltrated Joshua's thoughts and showing him no more than patience and understanding.


“Baby, are you okay?” No. Not at all. But please feel free to call me ‘baby’ again. Anytime you want.
“Josh?” He crept back up and lay beside me. “Didn’t you like it?” I peeked at him from under my hand. He was still the same, calm Caleb that I’d always known.
“I never liked anything more,” I admitted. “But we shouldn’t have done it.” Maybe another man would have gotten mad. But Caleb just reached up a hand and pushed the damp hair off my forehead.



I can see the drama at the end making Caleb lost several points, but it was clear from the beginning Caleb’s both biggest virtue and weakness was wanting to protect everyone he cared about, even if that made him blind and stupid and crazy and hurt other people he cared about more in the process.


Caleb and Joshua’s need to find a way to survive pushed the romance to the background at times, but I found Goodbye Paradise richer because of this. You have a story that was already worth the read without the romance, so the addition of feelings only made better something that was already good. Overall, my only critique is going to be that I missed having more caring moments between them once things started to work. As much as I loved the secondary characters and the found family, I wished it was more about just Josh and Caleb sometimes.


PS: I might have screamed at how Caleb treated Joshua the second they left the Compound. It was glorious and it warmed my cold heart as much as confused poor, oblivious Joshua. They are so beautiful together 🥰

description


📚Story: 4.5 stars

🎵Audiobook: 4 stars. Teddy Hamilton narration of the first half of the book was as amazing as always but it was pain having to get used to all the new voices due to the change of narrators at the middle (Joshua’s POV started getting mixed with Caleb’s). It took me a while to connect again with the story.
Profile Image for Imme van Gorp.
725 reviews1,137 followers
October 11, 2022
|| 3.0 stars ||

This story follows two boys who decide to run away from the deeply religious cult they grew up in. This premise immediately held my attention and seemed very interesting. However, I personally felt the plot and characterization was lacking a little bit. The story didn’t dive into a lot of details and neither did most of the emotions feel very well-developed. Everything went a little too easily, and there weren’t many issues involved with Josh and Caleb’s escape from the cult. It went quickly and smoothly, which I was not expecting, and I genuinely think it would have been better if they faced more hardships. Honestly, the whole thing just fell a little flat, which is a shame, especially for a story with such a potentially intense and intriguing subject.

The romance between Josh and Caleb was unfortunately not anything special. I was expecting more depth within their relationship, especially considering they have been best friends since childhood and have undergone the same abusive upbringing in the cult.
Instead, though, I felt like Caleb could have shown Josh more devotion and also shown more care for him. Sometimes he did this really well, but it wasn’t consistent. In the end he even did something that I find pretty much unforgivable.
I also would have liked to see more conversations between them that showed me how close they were or how well they understood each other; but that did not happen. The romance was honestly a little weak, in my opinion.

I definitely liked Josh a lot more than I did Caleb and that’s probably why I was very interested in seeing Josh flourish and grow in his new environments. I especially loved seeing his relationship with Maggie and her baby, Chloe, develop, which was very sweet and exactly what he deserved: a loving and caring family of his own. I was happy he got that, at least.

All in all, I thought the premise of this book was awesome, but it could have been done a lot better. It was still interesting enough to keep my attention throughout, though.
Profile Image for Astrid - The Bookish Sweet Tooth.
795 reviews908 followers
March 11, 2017
4.5 STARS

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Review @ Vanilla & Spice Books

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If you have read Sarina Bowen's True North series a lot will sound familiar. This MM romance is set in this world and there are people mentioned we have met. It gives me a fuzzy, warm feeling being back in this setting.




Short summary


Caleb and Joshua grew up as best friends. There hasn't been a day in their lives that they didn't spend time. The place they grew up at is called Paradise and it is everything but. In fact it's a polygamist cult with a strict hierarchy and rules. And if you don't follow them you're getting kicked out like garbage. What this means to a person who has never set foot into the outside world is unfathomable. But I'm rambling...

Josh is at the lower end of the food chain, his future at the compound looks bleak. Being bullied is a daily occurrence. The one person who lifts his spirits everyday is Caleb. He has secretly loved and been in love with his best friend forever but loving a man is a sin and will result in being thrown to the curb. However, it is not Josh's feelings for Caleb that gets him kicked from the compound but a missing gun and since he was the last doing inventory he is being blamed. Thankfully his loyal best friend prepares him and tells him to meet him at a bus station in Casper.

Caleb is at the top of the food chain and has benefits the other members of the cult don't have, like spending time outside of the compound. When he runs away from the cult he has already a plan: make your way to Massachusetts, where another runaway is located who is only waiting to give people from the compound a leg up. On their way they meet sleazy people, giving them a healthy dose of reality but also well meaning ones, giving them hope. As they get more alone time with one another they open up to each other's feelings...but Josh struggles getting 20+ years of brainwash out of his mind.

“I never want you to feel bad. We get to be honest with each other now. I’ve been dying, Josh. Wanting you. Wanting to tell you. I’m sorry if I scared you just now.”








Ooops, that summary has become kind of long and I'm not even scratching the surface.

Both Josh and Caleb are deeply loyal. Josh is the sweet, shy and innocent - almost naive - one. He loves Caleb unconditionally and selflessly and trusts his friend to always do right by him.

“Caleb,” I whispered softly.
“Mmm?”
“What’s going to happen to us?”
“Dunno,” he mumbled. “’ Cept we’re going to stay together while we figure it out. No matter what.” “Okay,” I breathed.



As time passes Josh gains more self esteem. It was beautiful to see how he stood up to Caleb when the situation asked for it. I was cheering him on for being brave because he didn't let people run over him.


Caleb is the one in charge, taking responsibility and control even if it's misguided. He feels guilt for those he left behind at the cult and responsible to take care of Josh. He is the more adventurous of the two and the one with the self assurance. Caleb reciprocates Joshua's feelings absolutely but has always been good at hiding it. Finally he can act on them. These two are incredibly sweet and adorable together. You can feel their love for one another in every interaction and word.

Caleb’s voice dropped low, and he said only one, soft word. “Okay?” There it was. That one sweet moment of concern. The one that told me that no matter how bossy he was when we got naked, I was always safe with him. That he would always take care of me if I needed him to.


Josh struggles with their new relationship, especially the sexual part of it. He is brainwashed and still considers being in love with a man a sin. Slowly with the help of modern civilization and Caleb he comes to accept that it's OK to love a man.



What made me take off half a star was a situation towards the end when Caleb acted a little bit out of character. It wasn't like him to be closed off and to shut out his best friend. I felt that was used a little bit for drama's sake. Eventually Caleb groveled and redeemed himself though.


“Josh, never meant to hurt you.”
My blood pressure was still off the charts. I could feel it throbbing in my neck. But somehow my voice was still steady.
“You said that already. But it didn’t mean shit. So pardon me if I don’t need to hear it again. Now pick up your clothes and get out.”
“Josh,” he swallowed and his throat worked. “I can’t think straight. Ever since last night, when I heard her tell Maggie…”
“OUT!” I screamed.


The relationship building between them worked very well, however, and I think the reason lies in them being so very different and complimenting and completing each other. They just worked.

Steam, wit, hilarious and heart-wrenching moments, and a heart full of love for the main and side characters - it is what you will get when you read "Goodbye Paradise". I enjoyed myself immensely and I can't wait to get my hands on the next one in this series. Sarina Bowen's landscape and situation description is one of a kind and her writing style has become a favorite of mine.








Profile Image for TheCrazyWorldOfABookLover.
362 reviews914 followers
March 20, 2017
In Front of God and Everyone tells the story of Josh and Caleb. They have spent majority of their lives living on a polygamist compound. When Josh is kicked out, Caleb also escapes and together they build a life on the outside, all the while trying to cope with this ‘new’ world they need to adjust to and dealing with their feelings for one another after being told most of their lives being gay is a sin.

Overall, this was an extremely sweet friends to lover romance and hopeful story with two very lovable characters.

So why not a higher rating? I was kind of looking forward to getting more detail about the cult they grew up in and would have liked more time spent on that aspect. Only maybe 2 chapters cover their life in the cult, and even in those chapters and the rest of the time it is brought up only very minor detail is given. Any real detail or serious topics- like their life leading up to them leaving, their transition after they leave, the inner turmoil they must have felt having grown up in a cult that taught them being gay was wrong, the lead up to admitting their love for one another and dealing with the feelings of falling for their best friend, life for others in the cult - were just skirted over.

I would have preferred a little more drama, a little more angst, and little more something to bring this to the next level. I just felt like there was so much untapped potential locked within this story and the author didn’t do much to let it out.

And lastly, There were also some things that didn’t really make sense to me.



It was romantic and enjoyable as I mentioned above, but to ME, the blurb reads like this was going to be a more serious, emotional and angsty read, which I didn’t find it to be.

If you’re looking for something on the lighter side with an M/M romance, I would say this book is for you.



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Profile Image for Heather K (dentist in my spare time).
3,996 reviews6,251 followers
May 13, 2019


I absolutely love Sarina Bowen, so when I found out that a book I've owned for ages was actually written by an earlier pen name of Sarina, I knew I had to dig it out of my Kindle to read it. But then I saw that Teddy Hamilton narrated the audiobook, and I knew I had to have it.

Honestly, I knew before I even started Goodbye Paradise that I would love it. It's just my kind of story, and Sarina Bowen writing M/M is pretty much a sure thing for me. And I did really love it, even with an uneven narration that ended up being distracting for me.

Teddy Hamilton really slayed the narration, like I knew he would. I wish he narrated both parts, or I wish an equally skilled narrator was his partner because Teddy carried that story. Dake Bliss was very choppy and lacked emotion, and I really disliked his parts. Sure, I've listened to worse, but going from Teddy to Dake was jarring and certainly affected my enjoyment of the story.

Still, Sarina delivered with an emotional, lovely story with two men who went through hell to find their HEA. I loved their romance and the supporting characters, and it only made me more excited for Sarina's newer stuff.

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Profile Image for P .
691 reviews342 followers
July 28, 2017
"Strong arms snaked around my waist and Caleb pulled me closer"




Goodbye Paradise was such a beautiful book to read! Caleb and Josh are friends for all of thier lives. When they run away together, they've never expected that they'd be welcomed by anybody. But surely they were, Maggie take them in and help them settle down. The book's absolutely full of romantic moments making me swoon. These boys melted my heart and made me alive after the sad news about Chester Bennington this past week.

There were so many good songs in my head while I was reading this book. Of course, it's all Linkin Park's and I'd not pretend that somewhere between the pages, it literally broke my heart into pieces for Chester and these boys. They love. They fight. They survive. That's all that matters.



Goodbye Paradise is a slice-of-life story. Two boys find each other in their desperate moment. I can't even find words to describe how exquisite they are. I enjoyed watching them grow up and figure out what to do with their lives. They're yound and have a lot to be done. So the ending is something from heaven. I didn't see it coming and when it did come, I was so happy that I almost burst into tears.



My playlist :

Linkin Park - Heavy
Linkin Park - In the end
Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest
Linkin Park - One more light
Linkin Park - Numb
Linkin Park - Waiting for the end
Linkin Park - Battle Symphony
Coldplay - Fix You
Coldplay - The scientist
Profile Image for Barbara➰.
1,626 reviews429 followers
July 6, 2024
Reread June 2024

How has it been 7 years since I first read this and haven't reread it before now? These two are so sweet even if I still wanted to strangle Caleb again lol.

Original read Septemeber 2017

This was so, so sweet. My heart broke for these two boys and I wanted so badly for them to get their happy ending. They had led a hard life. It was nice seeing them learn new things together. I wanted to strangle Caleb that one time. But he finally gets over himself and realizes his mistake. You just know these two were meant for each other.
Profile Image for Optimist ♰King's Wench♰.
1,789 reviews3,925 followers
June 28, 2017
It's official. I don't think Sarina Bowen can write a book that doesn't give me a case of The Feels. I didn't lahhhahuuvvv Goodbye Paradise like I have with other books of hers, but I did really like it. Regardless of whether or not I lahhahuuvvv or like her books I always have an emotional response. I find her books cozy and homey which is what keeps me coming back for more. She does friends to lovers and family dynamics, whether it be through blood ties or choice, really well, and I tend to gravitate to the latter.

Just to give a bit of background, Caleb and Josh have escaped from the same religious cult that Zach from her True North (which is MF) series did. They make their way to a farm in Massachusetts instead of Vermont which has been established by Maggie, another runaway from the Compound in Wyoming, and her husband, Daniel. Along the way they get picked up by an OTR truck river named Washington who turns into their first real friend outside of each other and a great secondary character.



Caleb and Josh have been best friends since they were kids. Josh never really fit in on the Compound and they have a vile habit of culling the herd, so to speak. Good thing Caleb's been planning for this day and has a semblance of a plan.

Josh has been gagaover his BFF since forever but failed to realize Caleb feels the same and his cluelessness was pretty adorable. Once that little tidbit is revealed these two can't get enough of each other, so there's not a lot of tension building. Both virgins, both filled with pent up need and both crazy about each other, but both have lived their entire lives in a highly repressed environment which I think Bowen handled well. They don't hop out of the closet ready to hit a Pride parade in full on rainbow regalia, though Caleb definitely handles the transition with greater ease than Josh.

Josh carries a lot of shame and fear of rejection from those he's come to care about which makes him more cautious and wary of coming out. His reasons are justified and what made me really invest in them as a couple was the fact that Caleb didn't push. Their relationship strengthens and intensifies as their narrative unfolds.

The world quieted down when I was in Caleb's arms.


Calesh (shipped!) are totes adorbs. I liked both of them as individuals and as a couple. They yin and yang perfectly. They have very little drama. They have chemistry out the wazoo. They're hard not to like.

I have to say I was surprised and maybe a little shocked at how bossy Caleb is during the sexy times and that he has such a potty mouth, but I ain't mad at it. He hit Google hard and made proper use of his time, it seems. Bossy in the bedroom is a hallmark of Bowen's and Josh likes to be bossed. A lot.

However, what I liked best about Goodbye Paradise, as I have with many of Bowen's works is how these two are accepted into this little community. Not just by Daniel and Maggie but Caleb's and Maggies co-workers, Washington and his wife and Miriam. They create their own little family and both of them begin to really figure out who they are, how to live freely and independently and what they want out of life rather than have it mandated by some religious fanatic with an ulterior motive.

Also, the HEA was very sweet and maybe caused an acute onset of allergies. Maybe.



There were a couple of editing issues that are uncharacteristic of Bowen's work but nothing too egregious.

If you're looking for a comfort read, look no further.

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A review copy was provided.
Profile Image for * A Reader Obsessed *.
2,437 reviews502 followers
May 4, 2017
4 Stars!

You know, my only beef with this story is that Sarina Bowen hasn’t written more. This was very reminiscent of Keira Andrews’s Amish series, so if you loved those books like I did, then I’m positive you’ll love this.

Once again, Bowen creates lovely, likeable, genuine MC’s, who have real struggles, and their love for each other is their strength. Caleb and Josh have lived their entire lives under the thumb of a polygamist religious cult, which is often cruel and always restrictive. Expressing their true feelings for each other is absolutely not an option. When their luck runs out, they grab their chance to escape, and what a culture shock it is. Luckily, there’s outside help, and though it’s tough going, they slowly get their bearings while slowly exploring each other. Oh yeah…

Seriously, this was so sweet, endearing, and scorching hot. As a warning, this did have some relationship angst, as well as some fretful situations and reveals. However, in books like these, love is intense and vital and necessary, it conquers, and it was beautiful.
Profile Image for Shile (Hazard's Version) on-hiatus.
1,120 reviews972 followers
June 2, 2017
Im going to give this book 5 amazing He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, right in front of God and everyone stars... just coz it made me so happy.

Josh and Caleb melted my heart... this book had a potential of being an angst book but it was not .. it was just full of rainbows, unicorns and butterflies.

Josh taking care of baby Chloe .. awww so cute .
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Caleb taking care of Josh .. well swoon.

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“Hi baby,” he said under his breath. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, right in front of God and everyone. Well, we were alone out here. But it wasn’t something that I would have let him do a week ago.”
Profile Image for ⊱✿⊰ Alicia ⊱✿⊰ .
653 reviews451 followers
February 21, 2019
So I started reading this late last night. I know, I know what a f'ing stupid idea!!!

I have not been able to put it down. It's soooooooooooo good!!!

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Profile Image for Jewel.
1,871 reviews272 followers
September 8, 2015
4.5 Stars

I love it when a book takes me by surprise. In Front of God and Everyone was a Bookbub special a few weeks ago, and the reviews were good, so even though I wasn't familiar with the author, I said, 'why not'. And it kind of sat on my Kindle for a bit and the cover taunted me some. So, finally, I gave in at the book's insistence that I read it. And, yeah, I was a bit surprised. Not that it was good, though. The reviews from trusted sources told me that, but that I would find it to be such an uplifting book.

You see, this story had the potential for some serious angst in the 'I hate myself' variety. And the 'you are sinful and evil and filled with Satan' variety. But that isn't what I got. What I got was an uplifting story about two young men finding their way in the real world after leaving the only way of life they had known. For much of the book, I watched Josh be so careful so that no one else would catch on to his relationship with Caleb. He was scared he would lose the only good things in life he has ever had.

So, yeah, I was surprised when his fears were unfounded and I was happy that he and Caleb were able to find their happy. That's not to say there isn't any angst, though. There is, but again, it isn't really what I expected (didn't keep me from wanting to smack one of the MC's for being such a bonehead, though).

And a special shout out to Washington, the older gentleman who rescued Josh and Caleb from a truck stop when they were trying to find a ride to Massachusetts. He was awesome, and it helps my wavering faith in humanity to see that not everyone is out to take advantage of those in need. He's a hero in this book. But not the only one.

Needless to say, but I will say it anyway, I recommend In Front of God and Everyone, even to the religion wary. There's not a lot of hate found in these pages. But there is an abundance of love and acceptance.
Profile Image for Fabi.
1,031 reviews157 followers
January 25, 2019
Oh my goodness! This one was really special. I can't help but round it up to five stars.

It was sad and sweet and the happy parts were all that much more poignant because of the sadness they'd overcome.

A beautiful new adult romance about two people who overcame incredible odds to find their HEA.

If you want mushy insides, read this one. ;-)


An Audible Romance Package selection.
Profile Image for Wendys Wycked Words.
1,581 reviews3,922 followers
June 3, 2016
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Wow this book was so sweet, but without being corny or sugary. It was also really hot, which I did not expect at all....so big plus !!

Caleb and Josh have been living their whole 20 years in a cult. They have always been best friends and were Caleb is respected...Josh is not. This is a bigamist cult where the grown men have up to 5 wives. Ofcourse this means that there are too many men and not enough women to go around. No all the men are excpected to get married. Caleb is, but Josh not so much....and he knows this.

Josh also knows that the unwanted men, like himself, disappear and when he get's accused of stealing, he knows something is up. So does his best friend Caleb. He warns Josh to put on his best clothes and to meet him at the busstation, when the time comes for him to get kicked out.

Josh is a bit confused by this. He has always had sinful thoughts about his best friend, but Caleb, he is in love with Miriam (their other friend) and he's supposed to marry her, she alredy asked him once. He can have a good life in the cult. Why would he want to leave that behind, to be with Josh....

Josh does get kicked out and Caleb does meet him at the busstation. They find an amazing truckdriver, who takes them crosscountry to Miriams sister, who's escaped the cult years ago. She and her husband want to take these boys in and share their home with them.

On this roadtrip, Josh finds out exactly why Caleb wanted to go with them. Seems their love was quite mutual....and it was amazing to read !!

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They make theirselves home at their new house with Maggie and Dylan (awesome sidecharacters) and try to make the best of things. Caleb starts looking for a job, while Josh focuses on the cown and the new baby in the house....he was awesome with Chloe !!

They want a place of their own however....how else can they have noisy sex ? Talking about sex....the steam in this one was awesome. These boys were very hot together but in such a freaking sweet way !!

Eventhough there wasn't a lot of angst in this one after they left the cult, I wasn't bored at all. The story just pulled me in and I wanted to know everything about these two amazing guys. Caleb does pull a douche-move towards the end, but Josh kicked his ass for it ;)

5 stars from me and a big "Thank you" to Susan for the rec !! ;)

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Profile Image for Dia.
534 reviews145 followers
October 27, 2019
1,5 stars

This one was tough to rate. I am right between 1 star for didn't like it and 2 for it was OK. I will go with 1,5 rounded up, because I enjoyed parts of it. It started pretty well actually. I have read some stories with religious cults, but this one was the most boring of them all. Maybe it's all my fault for diving in with big expectations. There are SO many 4 and 5 stars reviews, so I had such big hopes. Ugh, I never learn!!

I expected much more here. For some reasons I didn't think the main characters would leave the compound so fast. And after they were free they didn't really face any challenges. They were fortunate enough to meet Washington, then they got to Maggie and Daniel's house and everything kind of fell into place. Then nothing really happens! Caleb works. Josh takes care of Maggie's baby girl. Months pass, they hide their relationship. There are some hot scenes, but I think it all happened a little too fast and wasn't credible at all. 

When Miriam came into their lives I had no idea what would happen. I didn't see it coming, Caleb wanting to marry her and for what.. some sort of duty and misplaced anger?! How was he responsible for what happened to her?? He didn't abandon her there, she chose to stay. And yes, what happened to her was horrible, but to want to marry her and be a father to her child is NOT OK!!! Especially when he said he loved Josh and Maggie and Daniel already knew about their relationship. I rolled my eyes big time and finished the book only because I was buddy reading it with my best friend, but it was a struggle... I found this story simple, bland and nothing really happened...

Their wedding was sweet, but that's just it. Yes, they get their HEA and Washington being there for the big moment was endearing, but I just wished they would have taken down the compound, saved the other young girls, inform the authorities, I don't know... SOMETHING! ANYTHING! Ugh!!!

I'm sure I will forget this in a few days. Nothing made me enjoy the story, nothing worth remembering anyway. Or maybe I will remember that Caleb was determined to marry a woman, even if he was gay, and said he loved Josh... still he was determined to make such a big mistake! He hurt Josh, and was about to condemn himself to a miserable life with a woman who deserved to find someone who loved her!!! What was he thinking?!? It was beyond childish and stupid!!!

So I am disappointed and I don't think I will read the second book in the series. I reached my limit.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Jacqueline's Reads.
2,949 reviews1,523 followers
July 13, 2017
5 Sugary Sweet Stars

Goodbye Paradise was originally published in 2015 under a different title (In Front of God & Everyone) and is (to my excitement) re-released under a different title and cover. YAY!

This is a MM book and I have to tell you, I’m starting to like (love) MM books. The romance is hot and I find reading about the same sex issues (things they have to deal with, especially towards society), really fascinating to read.

This isn’t a cult book, but the Heroes of the book escape from a cult, which sets an interesting setting for the story.

Caleb is the hard worker. In the cult he has a good standing and will soon have plenty of wives. Joshua isn’t that strong as a worker and everyday he struggles to maintain his worth in the cult.

The thing about the Compound they are from, the weak men are tossed aside.

Caleb and Josh soon find themselves on their own. They have some experience in the outside world so it’s not a completely shock to them, but the feelings they feel. Well that’s different.

The thing that really worked for me in this book was that they two main characters were from a cult so their mindset was different and they were both gay. It was interesting to read how scared Josh was to reveal anything about himself to anyone. I also loved that they two Heroes are best friends and truly cared for each other. I loved all the characters Caleb and Josh come across and it added a little something to the story.

Overall, the read was really sweet and intriguing. I liked the way the book was broken into parts and each part was from either Caleb or Josh’s POV.

AN ARC was provided

Goodbye Paradise (Hello Goodbye, #1) by Nealy Wagner


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