shifu (hiatus)'s Reviews > Defy Me

I never thought that i could like a book in this series as much as Ignite Me but i was wrong. Because this book was everything. I actually don't remember the last time a book made me feel this much. This happy, this emotional, this sad. I had to close the book at some moments, close my eyes and put the book on my face because of the number of things i was feeling.

So, instead of writing a review, i'm just gonna write my reaction to everything that went down instead because i don't think i actually can write a coherent review of this book 😭😭😭

spoilers ahead !!

POV: I read Defy Me for the first time
● okay okay it's time to start


● deep breathing because the last book left my mind in shambles
● right off the bat we have a Kenji pov
● Kenji baby ilysm but CAN WE JUST EXPLAIN THE ENDING OF THE LAST BOOK?😀
● i'm pacing in my room and shaking, i'm so worried
● oh my god both Warner and J are missing 😭


● AARON POV, AARON BABY I WAS SO WORRIED POOKIE
● BABY AARON? AND J/ELLA?
● Baby Juliette threatning to kill Anderson the bc, i'm crying


● Back to Kenji POV
● Why are all people from Omega Point acting like self entitled bitches? Everything is possible because of J and Aaron.
● Nazeera is about to tell us something, let's go, i'll bring the tea


● We have another baby J and Aaron interaction

“This is Juliette,” Mr. Anderson says, and looks me over. “Tragic”—he sighs—“just like her namesake.

● This reminded of simpler times in Unravel Me when they were talking about Shakespeare, i will cry pt.77
● ANDERSON DON'T EVEN TOUCH THEM GET AWAY FROM THEM


● Nazeera is showing pictures of young J, Emmaline, Naz AND AARON
● hahahahhaa Adam is so mad about this 💀


● Naz is so pure, i love her 😭❤️ She wants to help rescue J and Aaron
● I will kill Anderson, why is he bullying Aaron over caring about his mother, I HATE HIM

“Suffice it to say that your girlfriend is ruining my goddamn day. As usual.”
“My what?” I frown. “Dad, Lena isn’t my girlfriend. I don’t care what she’s telling any—”
“Different girlfriend,” Anderson says, and sighs.

● WDUM DIFFERENT GIRLFRIEND, HE IS TALKING ABOUT JULIETTE


● AARON YOU'RE ALIVE BABY I'LL COME SAVE YOU
● SOMEONE JUST KICKED AARON IN THE GUT, I'M GONNA COMMIT MURDER


● Kenji and Nazeera are fighting?? stop. marry each other.
●

“Can’t look at you.”
“Why not?”
“Too pretty.”

● avhggdvf KENJI STOP.
● THEY'RE MAKING OUT, MY BOY IS FINALLY GETTING HIS MOMENT
● IAN INTERUPTED THEM
● We just had a happy moment, now we're back to sadness

"You’re not looking for anything serious, and I don’t know how to have casual relationships anyway. I always end up caring too much, to be honest, so this probably wasn’t a good idea."

● why is this making me tear up? he is just like me.


● JULIETTE IN THE POLICE CAR WHEN SHE KILLED THE LITTLE BOY
● Delalieu you absolute sneak, you always knew everything 😭
● JULIETTE JUST SAW AARON

I dare to turn, to look up at him. And that’s when I notice the third person in the room.
A boy.
My breath catches in my throat with an almost audible gasp. A single tear escapes down my cheek and I brush it away, even as I stare at him. I can’t help it—I can’t look away. He has the kind of face I’ve never seen in real life. He’s more handsome than the commander. More beautiful. Still, there’s something unnerving about him, something cold and alien about his face that makes him difficult to look at. He’s almost too perfect. He has a sharp jawline and sharp cheekbones and a sharp, straight nose. Everything about him reminds me of a blade. His face is pale. His eyes are a stunning, clear green, and he has rich, golden hair. And he’s staring at me, his eyes wide with an emotion I can’t decipher.

● I'M CRYING WTF
● J always looking at Aaron and thinking that he's perfect to a fault
● WHO IS DOING SOULMATES LIKE THEM?


● They make me feel so much emotion
●

I hear the commander mutter angrily under his breath. “Unbelievable,” he says. “Always the same.”
I look up.
“Aaron,” he says sharply. “Get out.”
The boy—his name must be Aaron—startles. He stares at the commander for a second, and then glances at the door. But he doesn’t move.
“Delalieu, please escort my son from the room, as he seems presently unable to remember how to move his legs.”

● THEY ARE BOTH BAFFLED BY EACH OTHER, GREATEST COUPLE IN HISTORY IDC


● WE JUST MET JULIETTE'S MOM, I'M GRABBING MY GUN
● HER MOM JUST SLAPPED HER, I WILL KILL THESE PEOPLE
● Another Aaron and J meeting, i am sobbing now

“Hi,” I say.
She turns at the sound of my voice and startles when she sees my face. Her eyes widen. And I feel it, right away, when her emotions change.
She’s attracted to me.
She’s attracted to me, and the revelation makes me happy. I don’t know why. It’s not new. I learned, long ago, that lots of people find me attractive. Men. Women. Especially older women, a phenomenon I still don’t understand.
But this—
It makes me happy. She finds me attractive.

● Younger Aaron talking about J is killing me


● WDUM OLDER WOMEN AARON? How much stuff did my man go through? 😭😭😭 I want to give him the biggest hug.
●

“Hi,” she says, but she won’t look at me.
I realize she’s blushing. I’m surprised. There’s something sweet about her, something gentle and sweet I wasn’t really expecting.

● omw to die, they love each other sm, soulmates 😭❤️

“Will you look at me?” I say.
But when she looks me directly in the eye I feel my heart go suddenly, terrifyingly still. A skipped beat. A moment of death.
And then—
Fast. My heart is racing too fast.

● I CAN'T DO THIS, THEY ARE BOTH LITERALLY PERFECT
● I HATE EVERYONE FOR KEEPING THEM APART


●

There’s a palpable heat between our bodies, and her eyes are big and beautiful, blue green. Like the globe, I think. Like the whole world.
She’s looking at me and I feel suddenly off-balance.
“What’s wrong?” she says.
I have to step away from her. “I don’t—” I look at her again. “Are you sure I don’t know you?”
And she smiles. Smiles at me and my heart shatters.
“Trust me,” she says. “I’d remember you.”

● STOP THEY LOVED EACH OTHER SINCE FOREVER
● I'M SITTING ON THE FLOOR AND SOBBING, HE LOVES HER SO MUCH
● "Like the globe" AARON PLEASE I WILL DIE


● Delalieu YOU ASS GET HERE, HOW COULD YOU?
● They're all talking about Anderson taking Aaron and Ella's memories, i'm heartbroken.


● I HATE ANDERSON SO FUCKING MUCH
●

"You don’t know that Aaron has been in love with Ella for the better part of his entire life. They’ve known each other since childhood."

● I WILL DIE


● i will never be okay again, i will wake up during all nights in my future and think about this
●

"The reason he had to keep wiping their memories was because it didn’t matter how many times he reset the story or remade the introductions — Aaron always fell in love with her. Every time."

● i'm feeling so many things, it hurts


● I WANT A WARNETTE REUNION RN IDFC
● WTF ANDERSON IS ALIVE AND HE KILLED DELLULEUEI WTF WTF WTF


● i'm pacing my room, i'm so worried
● we are back to J pov and she is being tortured
● WHY ARE THEY TORTURING MY GIRL, I'M LOSING IT


● my girl deserves better PLEASE she has suffered enough
● i fucking hate her mom
● WDUM NAZ CALLED ANDERSON NO MY GIRL CANNOT BETRAY EVERYONE, THIS IS A PLAN
● BACK TO AARON POV

I asked her if she wanted to touch me, to test it out and see if anything would happen ... and when I took her hand, tentatively, waiting for disaster—
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened except that she burst into tears. She threw herself into my arms and wept and told me she’d been terrified that there was something wrong with her, that she’d turned into a monster—

● i am fucking crying, they always knew they could touch each other


● ANDERSON YOU ARE SO VILE AND SO CRUEL I WILL DRAG YOU TO THE PITS OF HELL
● OH GOD IT WAS ANDERSON'S PLAN TO PORTRAY AARON AS THE VILLAIN, IT WAS HIS PLAN SINCE BOOK 1 I FEEL SICK
● He is planning his escape YES, i'm praying tahajjud for you that you succeed
● Little Ella promised little Aaron that she will celebrate his birthday
●

In this new, turbulent reality, the one person I recognize anymore is him.
My memories of him—memories of us—have done something to me. I’ve changed somewhere deep inside. I feel different. Heavier, like my feet have been more firmly planted, liberated by certainty, free to grow roots here in my own self, free to trust unequivocally in the strength and steadiness of my own heart. It’s an empowering discovery, to find that I can trust myself—even when I’m not myself—to make the right choices. To know for certain now that there was at least one mistake I never made.
Aaron Warner Anderson is the only emotional through line in my life that ever made sense. He’s the only constant. The only steady, reliable heartbeat I’ve ever had.
Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron
I had no idea how much we’d lost, no idea how much of him I’d longed for. I had no idea how desperately we’d been fighting. How many years we’d fought for moments—minutes—to be together.

● JULIETTE STOP I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE
● the only reliable heartbeat?
● the only constant?
● the only thing that ever made sense?


● OH MY GOD KENJI AND NAZ ARE GONNA RESCUE THEM I KNEW IT, MY BELOVEDS THANKYOU
● Baby Ella telling baby Aaron that they can live in the lake
● STOP THIS, I CAN'T, I'M A MESS RN. All this stuff about them as babies is making my heart hurt in the worst way possible


● THEY ARE POISONING MY MAN, don't eat that
● CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE ALWAYS LOOKS AT HER EYES AND THINKS THEY ARE LIKE THE GLOBE


● Aaron PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE
●

I imagined a thousand different scenarios. I prepared for a myriad of opponents. But I had not prepared for this.
“Hi birthday boy,” he says, laughing as he steps into the light. “Did you miss me?”

● ANDERSON I WILL MURDER YOU BY BURNING YOU ALIVE AND RIPPING YOU TO SHREDS. LEAVE AARON ALONE.
● Emmaline is talking to Ella. She's gonna help her escape, i'm crying
● Emmaline said she's dying


● NO WAY ANDERSON IS SHOWING AARON A VIDEO OF JULIETTE BEING TORTURED.
●

I wanted to be better for her. For her happiness. For her future.
But if she’s gone, what good is goodness?

● i'm a mess
●

“Enjoy hell,” I whisper, before walking away.
Nothing matters anymore.
I have to find her

● YES YES HE FREAKING ATE THAT SLAY
● Emmaline is a mess, she's showing J her memories. They deserve better. She wants J to kill her 😭


● ELLA JUST KILLED EVIE BYE
● ANDERSON IS STILL ALIVE, WHY DOES THIS BITCH JUST NOT DIE?
● OMG NAZ IS HERE TO SAVE AARON, PLS LET THIS WORK
● J IS ESCAPING and KENJI BABY IS HERE


● They are hugging 😭😭😭

“Don’t you dare start crying. If you start crying I’ll start crying and we do not have time to cry right now. We have too much shit to do, okay? We can cry later, at a more convenient time. Okay?”

● Their friendship means the entire world to me, y'all don't understand.


● KENJI WDUM YOU ALL HAVE TO LEAVE IN 30 MIN
● AARON GOT SHOT BUT THEY'RE FLYING NOW PLEASE LET EVERYTHING BE FINE PLEASE
● THEY JUST MET AGAIN I CAN'T BREATHE SHUT UP

“Ella?”
... Just the sound of his voice has my heart racing in a way that feels dangerous.

● THEY ARE TALKING AND HE'S HOLDING HER AND SHE IS APOLOGIZING, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

●

No one has ever apologized to me before. Not like this.
I’ve had men fall to their knees before me, begging me to spare their lives — but I can’t remember a single time in my life when someone apologized to me for hurting my feelings.

● AARON PLS STOP

●

My love.
My beautiful love.

● screaming, crying, throwing up, sobbing
●

I want this, forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to build a future with her. I want to grow old with her.
I want to marry her.

● I WILL DIE RN THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME
●

“Are you all right?”
He blinks, startled. “Yes,” he says, drawing in a sharp breath. “Yes. Yes, I’m perfect.”
I manage a small smile. “I’m glad you finally agree with me.”

● thehehhheehehehehe J and her rizz >>>


● THEIR INTERACTIONS, J EXPOSING KENJI, KENJI AND AARON DISCUSSING MOVIES, I LOVE THEM SM.
● Why is Castle back, i'm tired of him 💀
● They are finally safe, thank god.
● OH MY GOD WARNETTE ARE TAKING A SHOWER TOGETHER, SMN PASS THE BIBLE


●

“Take off your dress”

as you wish bb 🤭
● OH MY GOD HE IS PROPOSING

“Marry me,” he whispers.
I stare at him, disbelief and joy colliding. And it’s the look in his eyes—the hopeful, terrified look in his eyes—that nearly kills me.

● SHE SAID YES I'M SO HAPPY, WE WON LADS


●

“I love you, Ella,” I whisper. “I will love you for the rest of my life. My heart is yours. Please don’t ever give it back to me.”

● I WILL DRINK CYANIDE, THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH
● i'm so done, i can't anymore.
● NOW THEY ARE THROWING AARON A BIRTHDAY PARTY, SHE REMEMBERED HIS BIRTHDAY SINCE IGNITE ME. HOW MUCH MORE CAN I CRY?

I want to remember, forever, this look on Aaron’s face, as he’s bullied into blowing out his birthday candles for the very first time.

● i'm so done.


● Additional Notes: I listened to three songs on loop whilst reading this book.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Slut! by Taylor Swift

The wrong place at the right time
And I break down, then he's pullin' me in
In a world of boys, he's a gentleman
Got lovestruck, went straight to my head
Got lovesick, all over my bed
Love to think you'll never forget
We'll pay the price, I guess

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ About You by The 1975

There was something 'bout you that now I can't remember
It's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender
And I miss you on a train, I miss you in the morning

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Catching Feelings by EDEN

No, I don't know how to forget you
'Cause that girl took my heart
And I ain't want it back, no
A bulletproof restart
Oh no, I think I'm catching feelings and
I don't know if this is empathy I feel
Just hold on
Remember why you said this was the last time?

● i suck at song associations and my music taste is very limited so don't judge wtv
● i love this book forever bye.