Nelly S. (on semi-hiatus)'s Reviews > These Monstrous Deeds

4.2 ”gut-wrenching” stars

tw: rape/sexual assault, sex trafficking/slavery, physical violence, degradation, psychological torture, suicidal ideation

He just loves this version of sir so much. The version who cares. The version that’s almost…human.
The smile slips away when he realizes how dangerous it is for him to enjoy this version of the monster. This version isn’t real. It’s only a matter of time before Carter gets hurt again.
Sir isn’t human.
Neither is Carter.
It’s best he remembers that.

These Monstrous Deeds is one of the darkest, most haunting books I’ve ever read. The trigger warnings should really be heeded. Unimaginable brutality and the worst aspects of human nature are depicted. But there also moments of tenderness and glimpses of joy to leaven the sheer ugliness. Nathan and Carter’s relationship gives new meaning to the term dark romance, but I question whether the term romance is correct. We have two people in forced proximity in a twisted world. They are the only sources of kindness and light in this world; how could they not be drawn to each other?

Travis Kenton: Travis Kenton, aka, Nathan Roarke, is an agent in a secret government operation tasked with bringing down an international trafficking ring. He’s assumed an undercover identity as Nathan Roarke—a wealthy, ruthless, human trafficking kingpin. He’s been operating under this identity for eight years and it’s taken a heavy toll on him. He fears that he’s lost Travis and his humanity in the process. His greatest fear is that he’s become a monster. But you see the continuous battle being waged internally between Travis and Nathan.

Carter Beckett: Carter is a twenty-two-year-old college student and the brother of Nathan’s best friend, Maison. Maison is also the commander of the secret operation to bring down the trafficking ring. Carter is kidnapped by a group of human traffickers once Maison’s identity is blown. The traffickers put Carter up for sale in a slave auction as payback for the operation. Nathan is tasked with buying Carter and becoming his owner. Carter is an intelligent character and brave. Although he is raped, abused and traumatized, he manages to maintain a positive spirit throughout everything.

Highlights
The characterization is stunning and both main characters really come to life. Carter leaps off the page. You can vividly picture his private hell every step of the way—first as a kidnap victim and then as a sex slave. Plucky and incredibly resilient, he also has a refreshing air of innocence about him. And he doesn’t lose his humanity or ability to laugh despite his circumstances.

“Carter doesn’t know if he can survive years.
But Carter doesn’t want to die.
He’s too young to die.
There are so many things left to do. So much left for him to learn and see.
He’s not finished.”

The inner conflict between Travis/Nathan is monumental. Travis’s toughest test occurs when he becomes Carter’s master. He is forced to rape and punish Carter in front of other people in order to stay in character with his Nathan persona. He hates himself for getting aroused when he rapes Carter and feels destined for hell. And he still feels guilty even when Carter consents to sex and enjoys it given their master/slave dynamic. He is tormented and being Nathan almost breaks him.

“Nathan hurries to turn back to Carter, squeezing his eyes shut. He focuses on the feel of his expensive suit wrapped around his body. The weight of the jacket. The silky material of his dress shirt. The cinch of his ties. The fabric that cups his ass. The buttery soft leather shoes that are perfectly molded to his feet. The cool metal of his watch.
His suit.
His armor.
His costume.
Travis isn’t here right now. Travis no longer exists. It’s just Nathan Roarke. Ruthless. Evil. Monster.”

The only way I could read this book was by creating emotional distance with Carter. I wondered why Nathan’s character stuck with me more and why I identified more strongly with him—the hero who did such monstrous things. And then I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to identify with Carter because being Carter is too scary. I didn’t want to and couldn’t afford to be in that mental space. He has so many atrocities committed on his body and undergoes such psychological torture. The only way I could stomach reading this was at an emotional remove from Carter. That is how painful his world is.

“Carter was prepared to live this new existence. He was prepared for this to be his world.
Then sir gave him to Todd.
Sir let Todd abuse him.
Sir used another slave.
Sir proved that Carter isn’t special.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing feels even slightly okay.”

At first, I found it a bit unrealistic/improbable for Nathan to fall in love with Carter. I could see Carter falling in love given how Stockholm syndrome works. But the rationale didn’t seem as clear cut with Nathan initially. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Nathan has had to don the mask of a monster for eight years during which time he’s been starved for affection, decency, and kindness. And then Carter walks in, who represents all these qualities. Carter is also vulnerable and completely dependent on him and arouses all his protective and possessive instincts. He also arouses lust and a sense of tenderness in him. And Nathan can’t stop fantasizing about what things would be like if they had met under normal circumstances.

Quibble
My major quibble is a long dream sequence (thirteen pages) that Carter has. Carter has a nightmare that captures his internal conflict between compromises he has to make to survive as a sex slave, while fighting not to lose his identity. He fears that he has become complicit and too comfortable with his situation. He is falling in love with his master, Nathan. Carter questions whether he has lost his desire to escape. The dream is repetitive and keeps revisiting this conflict between giving in to sir/Nathan versus fighting to escape. You could easily cut eight pages from the dream without losing its essence.