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Nominee for the 2024 Goodreads Choice Awards
Grief Is for People
Following the death of her closest friend, Sloane Crosley explores multiple kinds of loss in this disarmingly witty and poignant memoir.
Grief Is for People is a deeply moving and surprisingly suspenseful portrait of friendship and a book about loss packed with verve for life. Sloane Crosley is one of our most renowned observers of contemporary behavior, and now the pathos that has been ever present in her trademark wit is on full display. After the pain and confusion of losing her closest friend to suicide, Crosley looks for answers in friends, philosophy, and art, hoping for a framework more useful than the unavoidable stages of grief.
Grief Is for People is a deeply moving and surprisingly suspenseful portrait of friendship and a book about loss packed with verve for life. Sloane Crosley is one of our most renowned observers of contemporary behavior, and now the pathos that has been ever present in her trademark wit is on full display. After the pain and confusion of losing her closest friend to suicide, Crosley looks for answers in friends, philosophy, and art, hoping for a framework more useful than the unavoidable stages of grief.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published February 27, 2024
About the author
Sloane Crosley
17 books2,462๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝfollowersSloane Crosley is the author of the novels Cult Classic and The Clasp, as well as three books of essays collections, most recently Look Alive Out There and the New York Times bestsellers I Was Told There'd Be Cake and How Did You Get This Number. A two-time finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor, her work has been selected for numerous anthologies. Her next book, Grief Is for People, will be out in early 2024. A contributing editor at Vanity Fair, she lives in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,658 reviews
April 23, 2024
yes.
this book had two of my favorite things (honest writing; sloane crosley) and two of my least favorite things (writing about the pandemic; writing about new york as if it's the center of the world).
but the first two certainly made up for the latter.
i mourned russell alongside sloane, wondering HOW and WHY and wishing this gorgeous friendship could have lasted far longer. the middle sections can feel confusing and overwritten, but that only adds to the feeling of total discombobulation at this loss.
bottom line: i can't imagine how hard this book was to write, but i'm grateful to read it.
(3.5 / thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
this book had two of my favorite things (honest writing; sloane crosley) and two of my least favorite things (writing about the pandemic; writing about new york as if it's the center of the world).
but the first two certainly made up for the latter.
i mourned russell alongside sloane, wondering HOW and WHY and wishing this gorgeous friendship could have lasted far longer. the middle sections can feel confusing and overwritten, but that only adds to the feeling of total discombobulation at this loss.
bottom line: i can't imagine how hard this book was to write, but i'm grateful to read it.
(3.5 / thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
May 8, 2024
4.5 stars
I loved this book despite its imperfections. It contains powerful writing from Sloane Crosley about her grief process after one of her closest friends died by suicide. Thereโs so much sad honesty in these pages, about missing her friend, feeling angry at the world, about time passing and your person still being gone. I liked that she shines a spotlight on grieving a close friend given that grief in media is often portrayed centering a nuclear family member or romantic partner. Crosleyโs prose overall impressed me โ from the first page she jumps right into the action and I was hooked until the very end. I read this whole book in one afternoon.
There were a few passages in this book that took it to the five-star level for me, passages that captured grief in such a poignant and real way. Thereโs one passage about grief being like holding a vase and not having anywhere to put it down that made me cry. And the last few pages made me bawl. I loved these parts of the book and they felt so affirming to me in my own grief processes, that sometimes grief just is and you have to find a way to keep living even with the pain.
I want to be honest about what I perceive as some of the bookโs faults, a minor one and then a more major one. First, I think at times Crosleyโs prose read as a bit intellectualized to me, when she couldโve added even more detail about the friendship or her or her friendโs background. Second, I took some issue with how she wrote about Russellโs problematic behavior. I do think itโs important that she named the parts of her friend that werenโt ideal or that were problematic; I love not idealizing people whoโve passed away. Yet, some of her writing about his problematic behavior almost came across as making excuses for it. Thereโs one passage where she writes about the younger generation wanting to engage in activism and sublimating that desire through calling out their problematic bosses and I was likeโฆ uh people can both address structural inequality through broader actions and also call out harassment in the workplace? Basically, I feel she couldโve more directly just owned the fact that her friend engaged in problematic/harassing behavior instead of, in my view, dancing around it or overwriting about it. This couldโve even led to deeper exploration of what itโs like for privileged people (because her friend was a white man) to lose power or to get called out for harmful things they used to not get called out for.
Anyway, despite my quibbles about Grief is for People I loved the book and was deeply moved by it. Grief is so important to me personally and professionally and Iโm heartened by this bookโs addition to the grief canon.
I loved this book despite its imperfections. It contains powerful writing from Sloane Crosley about her grief process after one of her closest friends died by suicide. Thereโs so much sad honesty in these pages, about missing her friend, feeling angry at the world, about time passing and your person still being gone. I liked that she shines a spotlight on grieving a close friend given that grief in media is often portrayed centering a nuclear family member or romantic partner. Crosleyโs prose overall impressed me โ from the first page she jumps right into the action and I was hooked until the very end. I read this whole book in one afternoon.
There were a few passages in this book that took it to the five-star level for me, passages that captured grief in such a poignant and real way. Thereโs one passage about grief being like holding a vase and not having anywhere to put it down that made me cry. And the last few pages made me bawl. I loved these parts of the book and they felt so affirming to me in my own grief processes, that sometimes grief just is and you have to find a way to keep living even with the pain.
I want to be honest about what I perceive as some of the bookโs faults, a minor one and then a more major one. First, I think at times Crosleyโs prose read as a bit intellectualized to me, when she couldโve added even more detail about the friendship or her or her friendโs background. Second, I took some issue with how she wrote about Russellโs problematic behavior. I do think itโs important that she named the parts of her friend that werenโt ideal or that were problematic; I love not idealizing people whoโve passed away. Yet, some of her writing about his problematic behavior almost came across as making excuses for it. Thereโs one passage where she writes about the younger generation wanting to engage in activism and sublimating that desire through calling out their problematic bosses and I was likeโฆ uh people can both address structural inequality through broader actions and also call out harassment in the workplace? Basically, I feel she couldโve more directly just owned the fact that her friend engaged in problematic/harassing behavior instead of, in my view, dancing around it or overwriting about it. This couldโve even led to deeper exploration of what itโs like for privileged people (because her friend was a white man) to lose power or to get called out for harmful things they used to not get called out for.
Anyway, despite my quibbles about Grief is for People I loved the book and was deeply moved by it. Grief is so important to me personally and professionally and Iโm heartened by this bookโs addition to the grief canon.
March 5, 2024
Tangling With Grief
Author Sloane Crosley had her apartment broken into and lost jewelry, most of it relatively inexpensive, some of it tied to strong family sentiment. She took this hard; this was a violation. Her closest friend and former boss, book publicist Russell Perreault, was the shoulder to cry on and the one person she felt comfortable confiding in. His reassurance: โIf itโs any consolation,โ he said, โyou canโt take it with you when you go.โ
A few nights later he committed suicide.
Unexpectedly, she forges the two events together. If she can solve the robbery and recover the jewelryโ somehow it can turn events back. The first portion of the book has her working around the ineffectiveness of the police and doing her own investigation. This all-consuming mission acts as a protective cloak hiding her denial over the sudden loss of her friend. She even fantasizes about Russell, in death, recovering the jewelry for her.
As the title states, โGrief is for People,โ not possessions. As the jewelry issue fades, Sloane deals with the guilt, the post-traumatic stress disorder, and the thousands of questions this loss brings out. We get that she loved Richard dearly as a friend and desperately searches for a way to bring him back, that by her continued living she is leaving him behind. She does paint a loving picture of his quirkiness and we do get a sense of why he is so missed.
We are not smothered in a solemn gloomy mess, though. There is a lot of witty humor in this book, which is a good thing because it helps balance out an underlying anger Sloane expresses. โWe have all committed the sin of not being able to bring him back.โ This does not profess to be a self-help bookโ she actually mocks the rigidity of a lot of those and challenges the traditional โfive stages of grief,โ they are not as neatly divided as put forward. Everyone wears their grief differently.
I was drawn to this book as a way to address some of my own recent grief issues, and, although the suicide focus is not something specifically relevant, a lot of chords were struck that rang true. I have just ordered Joan Didionโs โYear of Magical Thinking,โ her moving account of how she attempted to function in her world soaked in grief. That book is referred to a number of times here and when I first read it I was not looking at these issues from the same vantage point.
Please donโt be put off by the darkness you may associate with the subject matter. This is an excellent exploration of a place we are all bound to dwell in at some point. Again, serious questions addressed with an appropriately humorous slant. It is the tragedy comedy tradition.
โI still want to know where everything I loved has gone and why.โ
Thank you to Farrar, Straus and Giroux, thank you to NetGalley for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
Author Sloane Crosley had her apartment broken into and lost jewelry, most of it relatively inexpensive, some of it tied to strong family sentiment. She took this hard; this was a violation. Her closest friend and former boss, book publicist Russell Perreault, was the shoulder to cry on and the one person she felt comfortable confiding in. His reassurance: โIf itโs any consolation,โ he said, โyou canโt take it with you when you go.โ
A few nights later he committed suicide.
Unexpectedly, she forges the two events together. If she can solve the robbery and recover the jewelryโ somehow it can turn events back. The first portion of the book has her working around the ineffectiveness of the police and doing her own investigation. This all-consuming mission acts as a protective cloak hiding her denial over the sudden loss of her friend. She even fantasizes about Russell, in death, recovering the jewelry for her.
As the title states, โGrief is for People,โ not possessions. As the jewelry issue fades, Sloane deals with the guilt, the post-traumatic stress disorder, and the thousands of questions this loss brings out. We get that she loved Richard dearly as a friend and desperately searches for a way to bring him back, that by her continued living she is leaving him behind. She does paint a loving picture of his quirkiness and we do get a sense of why he is so missed.
We are not smothered in a solemn gloomy mess, though. There is a lot of witty humor in this book, which is a good thing because it helps balance out an underlying anger Sloane expresses. โWe have all committed the sin of not being able to bring him back.โ This does not profess to be a self-help bookโ she actually mocks the rigidity of a lot of those and challenges the traditional โfive stages of grief,โ they are not as neatly divided as put forward. Everyone wears their grief differently.
I was drawn to this book as a way to address some of my own recent grief issues, and, although the suicide focus is not something specifically relevant, a lot of chords were struck that rang true. I have just ordered Joan Didionโs โYear of Magical Thinking,โ her moving account of how she attempted to function in her world soaked in grief. That book is referred to a number of times here and when I first read it I was not looking at these issues from the same vantage point.
Please donโt be put off by the darkness you may associate with the subject matter. This is an excellent exploration of a place we are all bound to dwell in at some point. Again, serious questions addressed with an appropriately humorous slant. It is the tragedy comedy tradition.
โI still want to know where everything I loved has gone and why.โ
Thank you to Farrar, Straus and Giroux, thank you to NetGalley for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
March 9, 2024
so absolutely heartwrenching and beautifully written. sloane crosley's memoir is all in all, a deeply personal study on grief and loss. she grapples with the loss of her best friend and mentor while attempting to make sense of her feelings. how do you mourn the loss of a loved one? where do you place the love you had for them, and the grief you feel in its place?
sloane crosley is an extremely talented writer and her vulnerability and eloquence shine through in her new book. i know that i'll be coming back to reread this in a bit.
thank you fsg for the arc!
sloane crosley is an extremely talented writer and her vulnerability and eloquence shine through in her new book. i know that i'll be coming back to reread this in a bit.
thank you fsg for the arc!
March 16, 2024
One of the smartest, most beautiful, and most moving meditations on grief I've ever read. And, because this is Sloan Crosley telling the story, it's often very, very funny. (It is a rare essayist indeed who finds the humor in a burglary and a suicide, but Crosley is pretty much one of a kind.) I am going to be haunted (for a variety of reasons) by this memoir for a long time, and I am going to carry with me her descriptions of pool parties when people (once) were young and the vibrancy of publishing and New York when we were naive enough to believe that old age was deep in the future and sadness was just a blip. Everything about this book, right down to the sentence rhythms and the small asides, is a treasure.
March 3, 2024
Crosley's first memoir shows the author lost in grief after the suicide of her best friend and former colleague, Russell Perreault, who hanged himself in 2019. The book's strength is also its weakness: Crosley depicts the process of coming to terms with what happened as messy, fragmentary, and mysterious. Thus, it is rendered realistically from a psychological standpoint, but the construction diminishes the essayistic force when mundane scenes that suddenly acquire meaning and random connections the mind makes under such pressure get the same (and frequently more) weight than the parts that are interesting on the factual level.
The book rests and emotional movements, and it does so intentionally, meaning that the text is just as much about Crosley as about Perreault. But I wanted to hear more about Perreault's backstory and his possible motivations. I only briefly learnt how he, as a gay man, fled to NYC to live freely, how he did tend to not supplement, but replace his life with performance art, and, most interestingly, how he received regular complaints for his behavior at work because he was stuck in the old world where harsh, inappropriate words from older men were just accepted. I was wondering: How did Crosley feel about it, did they talk about it? Of course there can't be one definite answer as to why a person ends their life, but the neuralgic points remained too murky for me. I also loved the little bits and pieces about the publishing world, like the scandal around A Million Little Pieces, and I wanted more.
Still, Crosley remains a great writer, and it's intriguing to witness her trying to capture the unspeakable. The title hints at the fact that with a person, a whole world disappears, also a world of things, routines, events. There are many smart little throwaways in there, relating to the power of anger, for instance, or the existential loneliness that becomes graspable when you realize you can't fully know a person. I wished the text made more of it potential though.
The book rests and emotional movements, and it does so intentionally, meaning that the text is just as much about Crosley as about Perreault. But I wanted to hear more about Perreault's backstory and his possible motivations. I only briefly learnt how he, as a gay man, fled to NYC to live freely, how he did tend to not supplement, but replace his life with performance art, and, most interestingly, how he received regular complaints for his behavior at work because he was stuck in the old world where harsh, inappropriate words from older men were just accepted. I was wondering: How did Crosley feel about it, did they talk about it? Of course there can't be one definite answer as to why a person ends their life, but the neuralgic points remained too murky for me. I also loved the little bits and pieces about the publishing world, like the scandal around A Million Little Pieces, and I wanted more.
Still, Crosley remains a great writer, and it's intriguing to witness her trying to capture the unspeakable. The title hints at the fact that with a person, a whole world disappears, also a world of things, routines, events. There are many smart little throwaways in there, relating to the power of anger, for instance, or the existential loneliness that becomes graspable when you realize you can't fully know a person. I wished the text made more of it potential though.
February 28, 2024
As someone who rarely takes notes, underlines, or scribbles in the margins while reading, it is truly a testament to this book how much of it I ended up highlighting. So many passages and even sentences just stopped me in my tracks and had me reading them over and over again.
It feels almost impossible to weigh in on writing like this that is so raw and personal, but this book completely bowled me over and I will be thinking about it for a long time. I am such a fan of Crosleyโs writing and her signature wit remains while she deftly recounts a time in her life that was marked by such devastating grief. I am honestly just so thankful that I was able to read this and find some comfort in how one can begin to deal with this specifically tragic and complicated type of loss.
I canโt recommend this highly enough.
Many thanks to Farrar, Straus, and Giroux and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
It feels almost impossible to weigh in on writing like this that is so raw and personal, but this book completely bowled me over and I will be thinking about it for a long time. I am such a fan of Crosleyโs writing and her signature wit remains while she deftly recounts a time in her life that was marked by such devastating grief. I am honestly just so thankful that I was able to read this and find some comfort in how one can begin to deal with this specifically tragic and complicated type of loss.
I canโt recommend this highly enough.
Many thanks to Farrar, Straus, and Giroux and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
March 12, 2024
my emotions reading : ๐ฅบ๐คฃ๐๐ฅฐ๐คง๐ซจ
----
โI am waiting for the things I love to come back to me, to tell me they were only jokingโ
โGrief Is For Peopleโ by Sloane Crosley is not your typical grief story. Sloane takes us through a difficult period of loss in her life where she was burglarized and one month later lost her closest friend to suicide. These distinct events are smartly intertwined and told with her unique spin on the stages of her grief to create an emotional, funny, and honest story.
This isnโt a dark book. It feels weird to say I enjoyed it, yet I did. But not enjoyment the same way you enjoy a romantic beach read. It's enjoyable in the way of having a heavy and revealing heart-to-heart with a close friend.
Death is often spoken in hush tones. When mentioned many react as if you just said a huge disgusting spoiler to life despite it being one of the few facts of all our lives. But this fact doesnโt lessen the pain when it does happen, and it is a unique pain when someone does it of their own free will.
The humor in the story allows room for the complicated, sad and non-linear emotions that Sloane experiences to be felt without leaving you depressed. This wasnโt funny in a gimmicky way but in a helpful refresher that as much as life can be sad, it can also be funny. And people are not the summation of their final moments. Sloane's inclusion of the sliver of her moments shared with Russell and some of the moments due to her burglary added color to keep it from being a bleak story.
A necessary life reminder โitโs not such a nice world. Bad things happen. Sometimes they happen all at onceโ. But if you donโt sink, you find a way to swim.
I underlined many lines โ some for their cleverness, humor, and relatability. Already an NYT Bestseller, and deservedly so.
Thank you FSG/MCD for the gifted copy! Iโm now 2/2 with Sloane. The epigraph is a fitting note to end on...
โEither you jump out the window or you liveโ
----
โI am waiting for the things I love to come back to me, to tell me they were only jokingโ
โGrief Is For Peopleโ by Sloane Crosley is not your typical grief story. Sloane takes us through a difficult period of loss in her life where she was burglarized and one month later lost her closest friend to suicide. These distinct events are smartly intertwined and told with her unique spin on the stages of her grief to create an emotional, funny, and honest story.
This isnโt a dark book. It feels weird to say I enjoyed it, yet I did. But not enjoyment the same way you enjoy a romantic beach read. It's enjoyable in the way of having a heavy and revealing heart-to-heart with a close friend.
Death is often spoken in hush tones. When mentioned many react as if you just said a huge disgusting spoiler to life despite it being one of the few facts of all our lives. But this fact doesnโt lessen the pain when it does happen, and it is a unique pain when someone does it of their own free will.
The humor in the story allows room for the complicated, sad and non-linear emotions that Sloane experiences to be felt without leaving you depressed. This wasnโt funny in a gimmicky way but in a helpful refresher that as much as life can be sad, it can also be funny. And people are not the summation of their final moments. Sloane's inclusion of the sliver of her moments shared with Russell and some of the moments due to her burglary added color to keep it from being a bleak story.
A necessary life reminder โitโs not such a nice world. Bad things happen. Sometimes they happen all at onceโ. But if you donโt sink, you find a way to swim.
I underlined many lines โ some for their cleverness, humor, and relatability. Already an NYT Bestseller, and deservedly so.
Thank you FSG/MCD for the gifted copy! Iโm now 2/2 with Sloane. The epigraph is a fitting note to end on...
โEither you jump out the window or you liveโ
April 26, 2024
"We tell ourselves stories in order to live..." So begins the embraced-to-the-point-of-asphyxiation Didion passage from The White Album. The line continues with: "We look for the sermon in the suicide." If there is a sermon to be found in what happened to Russell, it's that he needed to be told stories in order to live. He approached his life through the lens of fiction. It was how he divided the world into villains and victims, how he diagnosed those closest to him, how he diagnosed himself. He was not the first gay man in New York with an affinity for performance, but his addiction served not as a supplement to life, but, too often, as replacement for a story of his own. It was his way of weaseling out of the arduous task of recognizing his own gray areas, by framing everything through Carmen and Tosca. To wit: He was never big on museums. All the humanity, none of the humans. Call him when the paintings start sleeping with each other.
I find myself once again in the arena of the buzzworthy, closing the cover of a book that splashed for a moment on the New York lists, twisted to a ripple and is rippling still. It is an examination of grief that does perhaps belong on a shelf aside Didion, McDonald, C.S. Lewis and the like - all ridiculously literate; prose rising from the shimmering depth like a spiraling string of bubbles in a flute of Dom on the very worst night of your life. You will get drunk on this.
Sloane Crosley, writer, New Yorker, close friend of Russell, came home one day to a burgled apartment. Part of what left in the backpack of the thief was her grandmother's amber necklace. In retrospect, I wonder that she never once alluded to the way lives were known to catch themselves in the molten heart of these stones; lethal mistakes preserved for eternity. Too obvious? Too cliche? Clearly too something some thirty days (to the day) later when Russell woke up and decided to take his own life. The analysis of loss begins.
It is a small book. A brief book. A sharp Manhattan blade of a thing. And so I must, having roots in those environs, leave you with a bit more of its Lebowitzian wit:
Once, near the end of my time at Vintage, an author canceled his tour on account of a broken foot. He assured me he'd do anything else I asked. But when the writing assignments rolled in, requests for a list of favorite films or a description of a memorable meal, he demurred. He demurred in all caps. TELL THEM I BROKE MY GODDAMN FOOT.
I typed: Your writing foot?
(And the glasses are clinking, can you hear?)
I find myself once again in the arena of the buzzworthy, closing the cover of a book that splashed for a moment on the New York lists, twisted to a ripple and is rippling still. It is an examination of grief that does perhaps belong on a shelf aside Didion, McDonald, C.S. Lewis and the like - all ridiculously literate; prose rising from the shimmering depth like a spiraling string of bubbles in a flute of Dom on the very worst night of your life. You will get drunk on this.
Sloane Crosley, writer, New Yorker, close friend of Russell, came home one day to a burgled apartment. Part of what left in the backpack of the thief was her grandmother's amber necklace. In retrospect, I wonder that she never once alluded to the way lives were known to catch themselves in the molten heart of these stones; lethal mistakes preserved for eternity. Too obvious? Too cliche? Clearly too something some thirty days (to the day) later when Russell woke up and decided to take his own life. The analysis of loss begins.
It is a small book. A brief book. A sharp Manhattan blade of a thing. And so I must, having roots in those environs, leave you with a bit more of its Lebowitzian wit:
Once, near the end of my time at Vintage, an author canceled his tour on account of a broken foot. He assured me he'd do anything else I asked. But when the writing assignments rolled in, requests for a list of favorite films or a description of a memorable meal, he demurred. He demurred in all caps. TELL THEM I BROKE MY GODDAMN FOOT.
I typed: Your writing foot?
(And the glasses are clinking, can you hear?)
March 12, 2024
Crosley has a magical way of sculpting language. Itโs art, the way she expresses herself, and itโs an art I greatly appreciate. However, I did find she used language in a way that kept her emotionally distant from the subject at hand. She conveyed her thoughts beautifully, but I didnโt feel she let her heart show up very often. Perhaps it was just too soon for this. Perhaps it was too painful to really go there. All of that is fair.
Grief is extremely messy. Unless we leave this earth entirely too soon, weโre all bound to know its sloppy nature at some point. So I didnโt mind that this book was also a mess at first. Itโs all over the place, bouncing off each thought like a bumper car, haphazardly making connections, sharing memories, and trying to make sense of it all. It was chaos, and so it was grief itself. I maintain that Crosley is a phenomenal writer, and Grief is for People was quite compelling early on, but I did find it to be a bit tedious as time went on. Perhaps this was because of what I mentioned in my first paragraph. Perhaps its meandering method contributed, as well.
It was nice to get to know Russell through Sloane Crosley. Iโm unsure how to feel about an aspect she chose to share, though. I donโt want to spoil it or taint anyone elseโs perspective. When we love someone, it can be easy to put them on a pedestal, even more so after theyโve died. Crosley did acknowledge her beloved friendโs flaws at times, mostly in a joking manner, and they were arguably presented as glamorous eccentricities. I liked her unconditional fondness, but I found her casual dismissiveness of problematic workplace behavior to be off putting. I appreciate her compassion for Russellโs own confusion, and I feel this addition gave readers another piece of understanding toward his emotional undoing, but I was uncomfortable and in disagreement with her stance.
I know many worry that theyโre rating a personโs life when they rate a memoir. What weโre rating is our experience with the presentation. If someone told me their story, I certainly wouldnโt critique their delivery, but if they chose to have it published, monetizing on it - well, I think that is something else entirely. Itโs brave, putting yourself out into the world so vulnerably, but I donโt feel readers should have to struggle over not loving every facet of the telling. I hope writing this book helped Crosley better process her loss, and I am glad she chose to share some of her insight with the rest of us.
3.5 stars
Grief is extremely messy. Unless we leave this earth entirely too soon, weโre all bound to know its sloppy nature at some point. So I didnโt mind that this book was also a mess at first. Itโs all over the place, bouncing off each thought like a bumper car, haphazardly making connections, sharing memories, and trying to make sense of it all. It was chaos, and so it was grief itself. I maintain that Crosley is a phenomenal writer, and Grief is for People was quite compelling early on, but I did find it to be a bit tedious as time went on. Perhaps this was because of what I mentioned in my first paragraph. Perhaps its meandering method contributed, as well.
It was nice to get to know Russell through Sloane Crosley. Iโm unsure how to feel about an aspect she chose to share, though. I donโt want to spoil it or taint anyone elseโs perspective. When we love someone, it can be easy to put them on a pedestal, even more so after theyโve died. Crosley did acknowledge her beloved friendโs flaws at times, mostly in a joking manner, and they were arguably presented as glamorous eccentricities. I liked her unconditional fondness, but I found her casual dismissiveness of problematic workplace behavior to be off putting. I appreciate her compassion for Russellโs own confusion, and I feel this addition gave readers another piece of understanding toward his emotional undoing, but I was uncomfortable and in disagreement with her stance.
I know many worry that theyโre rating a personโs life when they rate a memoir. What weโre rating is our experience with the presentation. If someone told me their story, I certainly wouldnโt critique their delivery, but if they chose to have it published, monetizing on it - well, I think that is something else entirely. Itโs brave, putting yourself out into the world so vulnerably, but I donโt feel readers should have to struggle over not loving every facet of the telling. I hope writing this book helped Crosley better process her loss, and I am glad she chose to share some of her insight with the rest of us.
3.5 stars
November 7, 2024
4.5 stars
"Human beings are the only animals that experience denial. All creatures will try to survive under attack, will burrow when under siege or limp through the forest. But they recognize trouble when it hits . . . Denial is humankind's specialty, our handy aversion. We are so allergic to our own mortality; we'll do anything to make it not so. [It] is also the weirdest stage of grief because it so closely mimics stupidity. But it can't be helped, [and] I can't be helped. " -- on pages 17-18
Author Crosley - who first hit my reading radar with her enjoyable essay collections I Was Told There'd Be Cake and Look Alive Out There over five years ago - takes a different direction with her newest non-fic offering entitled Grief is for People. She describes being a burglary victim - jewelry was stolen while she was away on a brief errand - at her New York City apartment in July 2019. Exactly one month later she loses a very close friend and former co-worker (from her pre-author days toiling away at a respected publishing company) in a completely unexpected suicide. Then approximately six months after that the metropolis enters into 'ghost town' status with the arrival of the Coronavirus pandemic. Far from being a supremely depressing read, Crosley channels her grief, confusion, anger and various other understandably shifting emotional states into a journal of sorts about those uneven months and the dark topic of loss. It made for a compelling and an occasionally even humorous work, with the most resonant and affecting sections being about the memories of her friend Russell and their big brother / little sister sort of relationship in and out of the office.
"Human beings are the only animals that experience denial. All creatures will try to survive under attack, will burrow when under siege or limp through the forest. But they recognize trouble when it hits . . . Denial is humankind's specialty, our handy aversion. We are so allergic to our own mortality; we'll do anything to make it not so. [It] is also the weirdest stage of grief because it so closely mimics stupidity. But it can't be helped, [and] I can't be helped. " -- on pages 17-18
Author Crosley - who first hit my reading radar with her enjoyable essay collections I Was Told There'd Be Cake and Look Alive Out There over five years ago - takes a different direction with her newest non-fic offering entitled Grief is for People. She describes being a burglary victim - jewelry was stolen while she was away on a brief errand - at her New York City apartment in July 2019. Exactly one month later she loses a very close friend and former co-worker (from her pre-author days toiling away at a respected publishing company) in a completely unexpected suicide. Then approximately six months after that the metropolis enters into 'ghost town' status with the arrival of the Coronavirus pandemic. Far from being a supremely depressing read, Crosley channels her grief, confusion, anger and various other understandably shifting emotional states into a journal of sorts about those uneven months and the dark topic of loss. It made for a compelling and an occasionally even humorous work, with the most resonant and affecting sections being about the memories of her friend Russell and their big brother / little sister sort of relationship in and out of the office.
March 1, 2024
DNF @ 55%
I am no English major, I read for my own pleasure, and I did not enjoy this book.
1, the writing style just didnโt work for me
2, she spends most of the time talking about her missing jewellery. Iโm sure itโs some great metaphor thatโs related to grief but I just donโt care.
I am no English major, I read for my own pleasure, and I did not enjoy this book.
1, the writing style just didnโt work for me
2, she spends most of the time talking about her missing jewellery. Iโm sure itโs some great metaphor thatโs related to grief but I just donโt care.
May 28, 2024
Grief is a universal thing everyone goes through, but our experiences with it are all so different even if we can relate to each other in some way.
Sloane Crosley's memoir on grief is so poignant, relatable and unique in her own way. She manages to capture the experience perfectly in ways that'll take your breath away.
I know I'll be purchasing a physical copy of this to return to so I can underline passages that have resonated with me. Very grateful for books on grief because while we all experience it, the experience can be very isolating. Thank you Sloane Crosley for this, and to the publisher for the eARC.
Sloane Crosley's memoir on grief is so poignant, relatable and unique in her own way. She manages to capture the experience perfectly in ways that'll take your breath away.
I know I'll be purchasing a physical copy of this to return to so I can underline passages that have resonated with me. Very grateful for books on grief because while we all experience it, the experience can be very isolating. Thank you Sloane Crosley for this, and to the publisher for the eARC.
July 19, 2024
with beautiful, intelligent writing, this sort-of memoir contains sloane crosleyโs examination of grief, mainly through two events in her life: a burglary of jewellery from her new york apartment, and the suicide of her best friend and mentor. crosley grapples with how to cope with loss, and where you put all the love you have for someone once theyโre gone. there was a standout passage about how grief feels like youโre holding a vase but have no where to put it down, and many other such moving passages; i underlined a lot in here.
April 14, 2024
I adored this exquisitely written grief memoir which is a deeply personal study on the author's loss following the suicide of her best friend. This account is split into 5 main chapters, with each section mirroring a classified stage of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and afterward (instead of acceptance).
What makes this book so impressive is the author's brutal honesty in exploring her intimate feelings, and her ability to be simultaneously poignant and incredibly witty. Grief is for People is filled with sentences that will break your heart and have you laughing at the same time.
A short but unique and memorable read.
What makes this book so impressive is the author's brutal honesty in exploring her intimate feelings, and her ability to be simultaneously poignant and incredibly witty. Grief is for People is filled with sentences that will break your heart and have you laughing at the same time.
A short but unique and memorable read.
August 15, 2024
Review to come, but for now:
โI find I cannot have an interaction with a new person, a person you wouldโve adored, without wondering if I am meeting the friend you needed. Is this the person for whom you wouldโve lived just a little longer? Is this the person who wouldโve shown you how to keep going? What if I was the wrong friend for you? What if we were all the wrong people for you?โ
โI find I cannot have an interaction with a new person, a person you wouldโve adored, without wondering if I am meeting the friend you needed. Is this the person for whom you wouldโve lived just a little longer? Is this the person who wouldโve shown you how to keep going? What if I was the wrong friend for you? What if we were all the wrong people for you?โ
August 13, 2023
Thanks to Netgalley and FSG for the ebook. The author has always written such funny essays and novels, but is now hit with her New York City apartment being robbed and one of her best friends committing suicide, exactly one month apart. While her humor never leaves her, there are just some things that canโt be laughed away. She goes through the stages of grief and recalls fun tales of working for publicity for Vintage Books, where she and her friend used to work, as she plots to track down the jewelry that was stolen during the break in and then even has a world wide pandemic come to strand her in her apartment with her grief. She looks for her dead friend everywhere, as far away as Australia, and never finds him, but still learns to live with him.
November 6, 2024
Crosleyโs depiction of grief through a โtriflingโ event contrasts perfectly with another that is monumental. She discusses acute grief of having had her collection of jewellery stolen from her New York apartment. These were pieces of both immense sentimental and monetary value. Her world was shaken to the core, and her assumptions of what constituted a safe space completely shifted. Parallel to this narrative, we hear about the sudden, shocking suicide of one of her closest friends. This shakes the fundamentals on a deeper scale, triggering ideas of the futility of the self and the loss of meaning completely.
I listened to this book, and there were many moments that I needed to pause to hear what Crosley had just said. On the surface, a completely โirrelevantโ sentence, but containing an ocean of loss. For the vast majority of this book, I vacillated between 3 and 4 stars. I kept thinking that the weaving of these two events did not quite hold up, that she did not have complete control of the narrative, and that she had included the jewellery episode as a B-plot in order to add more content to the book. Some of my complaints may be true. But the fact is this: toward the end, I understood her thesis, that none of this is supposed to make sense. Grief is not supposed to make sense. You may experience deep sadness over a necklace being stolen and lost into the seedy sellers of eBay, while at the same time finding yourself somewhat indifferent to the loss of your closest ally. Once this happens, you may experience shame and guilt on a scale that had been foreign to you just months prior. This is okay.
A book in the tradition of Didion, and one that adds to the literature of grief memoirs. It will be helpful for many, Iโm sure.
I listened to this book, and there were many moments that I needed to pause to hear what Crosley had just said. On the surface, a completely โirrelevantโ sentence, but containing an ocean of loss. For the vast majority of this book, I vacillated between 3 and 4 stars. I kept thinking that the weaving of these two events did not quite hold up, that she did not have complete control of the narrative, and that she had included the jewellery episode as a B-plot in order to add more content to the book. Some of my complaints may be true. But the fact is this: toward the end, I understood her thesis, that none of this is supposed to make sense. Grief is not supposed to make sense. You may experience deep sadness over a necklace being stolen and lost into the seedy sellers of eBay, while at the same time finding yourself somewhat indifferent to the loss of your closest ally. Once this happens, you may experience shame and guilt on a scale that had been foreign to you just months prior. This is okay.
A book in the tradition of Didion, and one that adds to the literature of grief memoirs. It will be helpful for many, Iโm sure.
June 8, 2024
Okay I've slept on it and I think 4.5 stars rounded up works.
I read some other reviews to get a sense of how others took this book. Some were critical of her using the burglary of her jewelry in the context of losing a dear friend by suicide. I'm not here to criticize those readers; to each their own, but I respectfully disagree. She lost material things that were precious to her (old, familial heirlooms) and she lost a human being. At no time does she equate the two. But because she did suffer those two losses in quick succession, she has to navigate both. Separately and together. She braids the disparate grief into one narrative without mashing them into one.
The phrase "grief is grief" irritates me. Having lost dear pets, grandparents to old age, a father to suicide, and a 10-year-old daughter to her heart defect, I can say that each grief is vastly different. But they all have to be navigated. Instead, I like the concept that grief expands to fit the container it's in, (even if that's essentially saying "grief is grief" but without the comparative, dismissive undertones.) It's a better way for me to understand that the grief someone has is the only one they know, and it matters. I thought using the burglary as a contextual entry into the more complicated grief of losing her friend was well done and honored both of her losses. (Not to mention, the sleuthing she does to retrieve some of her pieces was first-rate crime thriller. This woman's got some serious cajones.)
As for the actual writing, this author writes as if she has a million words in her brain and she must get them all out as fast as possible. This isn't a criticism, however, since when they come out, she organizes them into sharp, funny, insightful sentences that tell us more about her than they do the who/what/when of what she's telling. She's obviously incredibly intelligent and I loved being allowed into her story.
I read some other reviews to get a sense of how others took this book. Some were critical of her using the burglary of her jewelry in the context of losing a dear friend by suicide. I'm not here to criticize those readers; to each their own, but I respectfully disagree. She lost material things that were precious to her (old, familial heirlooms) and she lost a human being. At no time does she equate the two. But because she did suffer those two losses in quick succession, she has to navigate both. Separately and together. She braids the disparate grief into one narrative without mashing them into one.
The phrase "grief is grief" irritates me. Having lost dear pets, grandparents to old age, a father to suicide, and a 10-year-old daughter to her heart defect, I can say that each grief is vastly different. But they all have to be navigated. Instead, I like the concept that grief expands to fit the container it's in, (even if that's essentially saying "grief is grief" but without the comparative, dismissive undertones.) It's a better way for me to understand that the grief someone has is the only one they know, and it matters. I thought using the burglary as a contextual entry into the more complicated grief of losing her friend was well done and honored both of her losses. (Not to mention, the sleuthing she does to retrieve some of her pieces was first-rate crime thriller. This woman's got some serious cajones.)
As for the actual writing, this author writes as if she has a million words in her brain and she must get them all out as fast as possible. This isn't a criticism, however, since when they come out, she organizes them into sharp, funny, insightful sentences that tell us more about her than they do the who/what/when of what she's telling. She's obviously incredibly intelligent and I loved being allowed into her story.
August 17, 2024
All deaths are hard on us. I believe that. Even people who lack moral fiber or general human connection are bound to be haunted in some fashion. I might be wrong about that, but as a general statement, grieving is something I believe is part of being human. Suicide is a different form of torture. Questions are always lingering, and it feels like the what ifโs are even heavier. Iโm sorry for what the author has had to endure. The only thing I know about grief is my own, and Iโve learned two things: 1, itโs ok not to be ok, 2, grief will always be with me, but living eventually gets easier. I hope it gets easier for her too. This book definitely brought up some of my own, but grown is an old friend I now welcome back. Itโs like the people I mourn have come back to visit with me. So for me, this book was a comfort.
April 8, 2024
I always feel bad giving a low rating to memoirs, especially one with such a heartbreaking subject, but I just couldnโt connect to this one. I was hoping to find something cathartic in the experience of reading it, but I found it too disjointed. Plus Iโll pretty much always knock off a star for any book, TV show, or movie that unironically believes New York City is the most special and unique and magical and best on earth, as are all its inhabitants. The pandemic did also happen in other places, actually.
March 15, 2024
This book is an incoherent mess. The author rambles and rants about her fixation on the burglary of jewelry that she inherited from her grandmother and never wore, and efforts to find and retrieve it, and her obsession with the death by suicide of a former supervisor, colleague and friend. The later borders on mental illness.
The book swings endlessly from one to another for no apparent reason with some casual links between them.
Within the text are sections such as her biography of her friend, and the early portion of her segment on the Covid shutdown, that standing alone would have made good extended magazine essays. However, jumbled together they make little or no sense other than to make the reader think that the author is in serious need of help from a mental health professional, and the book requires an editor.
The book swings endlessly from one to another for no apparent reason with some casual links between them.
Within the text are sections such as her biography of her friend, and the early portion of her segment on the Covid shutdown, that standing alone would have made good extended magazine essays. However, jumbled together they make little or no sense other than to make the reader think that the author is in serious need of help from a mental health professional, and the book requires an editor.
April 8, 2024
A discursive memoir/essay in which Crosley attempts to come to terms with and make sense of the death by suicide of her dearest friend, the man who had started as her mentor and boss at publishing house Vintage. Itโs a funny, loving but unvarnished portrait of the man and of their friendship; I felt both that I got a pretty good sense of the person he was and of how much he meant to the author and the huge hole left in her life by his absence. She offers many interesting and touching reflections about her emotions surrounding the death. What worked less well for me was the authorโs attempt to see connective ripples between her friendโs death/absence and the break-in and theft of her jewelry exactly one month before his suicide. That didnโt really hit the mark for me and felt a bit like padding.
August 18, 2023
There are books whose titles are drawn from the text; you don't know when you'll encounter it until you get there and then tears spring to your eyes when you do. This is one (No One is Talking about This by Patricia Lockwood is another).
This book is not a fast read, although it's short, nor is it an easy read. Some of the sentences felt they should have been read aloud first, as a test of their readability, but you can understand why they weren't. It really must have been hard to write this. You can tell she really loved him.
My gratitude to NetGalley for allowing me access to an electronic ARC in exchange for this honest review.
This book is not a fast read, although it's short, nor is it an easy read. Some of the sentences felt they should have been read aloud first, as a test of their readability, but you can understand why they weren't. It really must have been hard to write this. You can tell she really loved him.
My gratitude to NetGalley for allowing me access to an electronic ARC in exchange for this honest review.
December 19, 2023
SPRINT DO NOT RUN, i wish six stars was an option. by far the best thing i read this year
September 27, 2024
I was really excited to get to this one, and unfortunately it was not my favorite. At first I was enjoying the style of writing because it reminded me of Jia Tolentino's Trick Mirror, which I adore, but eventually I got lost on the direction of the book. Sloane Crosley tells the story of grief as it related to the suic**de of her close friend, Russell, adjacent to a home burglary that took place in her apartment while she was not home, taking all of her jewelry. The first 20% of the book mainly focuses on the burglary, which I just didn't find particularly compelling. I also just didn't see the vision she was going for in telling these two stories so closely in tandem the way that she was. There are parts I thought were really creative, vivid, and beautifully written. The parts specifically about grief were very smart and well-stated. I just think there are so many books that I've adored that touch on the very specific type of grief that is grief by suic**de, and this one just felt less poignant. That could just be a personal style thing!
She references Joan Didion a lot, and I can see where her work is heavily inspired by Didion, but I personally have never been crazy captivated by Didion's books. It might just be the writing style I don't jive with, so take my opinion with a grain of salt!
Maybe I would feel better about it in print, or maybe this is just not my style!
She references Joan Didion a lot, and I can see where her work is heavily inspired by Didion, but I personally have never been crazy captivated by Didion's books. It might just be the writing style I don't jive with, so take my opinion with a grain of salt!
Maybe I would feel better about it in print, or maybe this is just not my style!
December 27, 2023
Tense, visceral, and completely gripping.
I was especially enthralled during the first half when we learn about Sloaneโs relationship with Russell and witness Sloaneโs determination to find out who stole her jewelry and how she could possibly get it back. This was my first read by this author and I enjoyed her writing style and storytelling abilities - she infuses humor into this deeply sad yet celebratory account of her friendship with Russell.
Thank you very much to Farrar, Straus and Giroux and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.
I was especially enthralled during the first half when we learn about Sloaneโs relationship with Russell and witness Sloaneโs determination to find out who stole her jewelry and how she could possibly get it back. This was my first read by this author and I enjoyed her writing style and storytelling abilities - she infuses humor into this deeply sad yet celebratory account of her friendship with Russell.
Thank you very much to Farrar, Straus and Giroux and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.
August 1, 2024
writing about grief (especially in memoirs) can feel very self centered and, in this case, it made it very difficult for me to finish this book. where i am in my grief journey this book was not for me and that is okay
March 9, 2024
Major thanks to NetGalley and MCD for providing me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts:
If Nora Ephron wrote Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.
When we talk about grief, we talk about Didion's more personal works. Crosley references a book club on reading Didion:
"..๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ด ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ด๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ.. ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ข๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ข๐บ๐ด, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ต๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ. ๐๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ข๐จ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ข๐บ, ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ, ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด ๐ข๐ญ๐ธ๐ข๐บ๐ด, ๐ช๐ง ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ต๐บ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ช๐ตโ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ฃ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ตโ๐ด ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด. ๐๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ถ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ช๐ณ๐ด ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ด๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ '๐ข๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ' ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ."
Didion means a great deal to Crosley with the press work at Vintage and because of the talk they shared for the New York Public Library.
When we lose someone, I think we all run to Didion. Because she was always so articulate about how she dealt with grief. And I honestly feel bad for those who don't see it.
If you get it, you get it. If you donโt, you donโt. If you know, you know. And if you donโt know like I honestly feel bad for you. I cannot explain it. I donโt have the vocabulary to sit here and explain it. You get the vibe or you donโt get the vibe.
We all deal with grief differently, and here Crosley creates emotional balance in sadness and humor to levy out the emotional drainage that is the grieving process. With so much heart, so much yearning, I can already imagine the endless pages that went on and on about how much she loved her friend, how much of a character he was, how much he meant to her, the world, and the way the world moves. How do we conceive a world without the people we love the most?
In jewel heist and hot insider tea in the publishing-sphere, Crosley creates an honest account of all the ways the heart aches when we lose a great love like this.
She just gets it. The pain. How much it hurts. The blue that comes after. The days. Long ass days. But also the bursts of humor that need to happen. Humor happens to edit down on the big blue. Because what does Didion say about blue nights? Something about the dying of the brightness? Crosley, ten-fold forward, is after the opposite, the dying of the brightness.
The living of the brightness.
I'll end with this Didion reference from the book:
"๐๐ฏ The Year of Magical Thinking, ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ด: '๐ ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ต๐บ.' ๐๐ญ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ฆ: ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ต๐บ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ."
If Nora Ephron wrote Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.
When we talk about grief, we talk about Didion's more personal works. Crosley references a book club on reading Didion:
"..๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ด ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ด๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ.. ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ข๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ข๐บ๐ด, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ต๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ. ๐๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐ข๐จ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ข๐บ, ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ, ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด ๐ข๐ญ๐ธ๐ข๐บ๐ด, ๐ช๐ง ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ต๐บ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ช๐ตโ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ฃ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ตโ๐ด ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด. ๐๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ถ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ช๐ณ๐ด ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ด๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ '๐ข๐ฃ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ' ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ."
Didion means a great deal to Crosley with the press work at Vintage and because of the talk they shared for the New York Public Library.
When we lose someone, I think we all run to Didion. Because she was always so articulate about how she dealt with grief. And I honestly feel bad for those who don't see it.
If you get it, you get it. If you donโt, you donโt. If you know, you know. And if you donโt know like I honestly feel bad for you. I cannot explain it. I donโt have the vocabulary to sit here and explain it. You get the vibe or you donโt get the vibe.
We all deal with grief differently, and here Crosley creates emotional balance in sadness and humor to levy out the emotional drainage that is the grieving process. With so much heart, so much yearning, I can already imagine the endless pages that went on and on about how much she loved her friend, how much of a character he was, how much he meant to her, the world, and the way the world moves. How do we conceive a world without the people we love the most?
In jewel heist and hot insider tea in the publishing-sphere, Crosley creates an honest account of all the ways the heart aches when we lose a great love like this.
She just gets it. The pain. How much it hurts. The blue that comes after. The days. Long ass days. But also the bursts of humor that need to happen. Humor happens to edit down on the big blue. Because what does Didion say about blue nights? Something about the dying of the brightness? Crosley, ten-fold forward, is after the opposite, the dying of the brightness.
The living of the brightness.
I'll end with this Didion reference from the book:
"๐๐ฏ The Year of Magical Thinking, ๐๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ด: '๐ ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ต๐บ.' ๐๐ญ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ฆ: ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ต๐บ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ."
February 11, 2024
โI am waiting for the things I love to come back to me, to tell me they were only joking.
Grief is for people, not things.โ
How do we engage with the world when our people are no longer a part of it? Crosley grapples with life after the death of her best friend, Russell. She reminisces and through her often funny stories we come to know Russell, his quirks and idiosyncrasies, but not the why of his death. Thatโs the thing though. We canโt always know and so we search for meaning in our memories, in every bit of dialogue exchanged and ask ourselves, did we miss the signs?
In Grief is for People, Crosley doesnโt just focus on her personal grief but engages with the collective sadness around events such as 9/11 and the pandemic. That life limps inevitably onward and we eventually overtake the ones who left us behind.
I am 53 years old this month and my best friend will remain forever 25. And thatโs a very sad thing indeed.
Many thanks to MCD/FSG/Serpents Tail and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Grief is for people, not things.โ
How do we engage with the world when our people are no longer a part of it? Crosley grapples with life after the death of her best friend, Russell. She reminisces and through her often funny stories we come to know Russell, his quirks and idiosyncrasies, but not the why of his death. Thatโs the thing though. We canโt always know and so we search for meaning in our memories, in every bit of dialogue exchanged and ask ourselves, did we miss the signs?
In Grief is for People, Crosley doesnโt just focus on her personal grief but engages with the collective sadness around events such as 9/11 and the pandemic. That life limps inevitably onward and we eventually overtake the ones who left us behind.
I am 53 years old this month and my best friend will remain forever 25. And thatโs a very sad thing indeed.
Many thanks to MCD/FSG/Serpents Tail and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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