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nathan's Reviews > Grief Is for People
Grief Is for People
by
by
Major thanks to NetGalley and MCD for providing me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts:
If Nora Ephron wrote Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.
When we talk about grief, we talk about Didion's more personal works. Crosley references a book club on reading Didion:
"..𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳.. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥. 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘪𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 '𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨' 𝘩𝘦𝘳."
Didion means a great deal to Crosley with the press work at Vintage and because of the talk they shared for the New York Public Library.
When we lose someone, I think we all run to Didion. Because she was always so articulate about how she dealt with grief. And I honestly feel bad for those who don't see it.
If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know like I honestly feel bad for you. I cannot explain it. I don’t have the vocabulary to sit here and explain it. You get the vibe or you don’t get the vibe.
We all deal with grief differently, and here Crosley creates emotional balance in sadness and humor to levy out the emotional drainage that is the grieving process. With so much heart, so much yearning, I can already imagine the endless pages that went on and on about how much she loved her friend, how much of a character he was, how much he meant to her, the world, and the way the world moves. How do we conceive a world without the people we love the most?
In jewel heist and hot insider tea in the publishing-sphere, Crosley creates an honest account of all the ways the heart aches when we lose a great love like this.
She just gets it. The pain. How much it hurts. The blue that comes after. The days. Long ass days. But also the bursts of humor that need to happen. Humor happens to edit down on the big blue. Because what does Didion say about blue nights? Something about the dying of the brightness? Crosley, ten-fold forward, is after the opposite, the dying of the brightness.
The living of the brightness.
I'll end with this Didion reference from the book:
"𝘐𝘯 The Year of Magical Thinking, 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴: '𝘈 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺.' 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶."
If Nora Ephron wrote Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking.
When we talk about grief, we talk about Didion's more personal works. Crosley references a book club on reading Didion:
"..𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳.. 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥. 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘪𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 '𝘢𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨' 𝘩𝘦𝘳."
Didion means a great deal to Crosley with the press work at Vintage and because of the talk they shared for the New York Public Library.
When we lose someone, I think we all run to Didion. Because she was always so articulate about how she dealt with grief. And I honestly feel bad for those who don't see it.
If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know like I honestly feel bad for you. I cannot explain it. I don’t have the vocabulary to sit here and explain it. You get the vibe or you don’t get the vibe.
We all deal with grief differently, and here Crosley creates emotional balance in sadness and humor to levy out the emotional drainage that is the grieving process. With so much heart, so much yearning, I can already imagine the endless pages that went on and on about how much she loved her friend, how much of a character he was, how much he meant to her, the world, and the way the world moves. How do we conceive a world without the people we love the most?
In jewel heist and hot insider tea in the publishing-sphere, Crosley creates an honest account of all the ways the heart aches when we lose a great love like this.
She just gets it. The pain. How much it hurts. The blue that comes after. The days. Long ass days. But also the bursts of humor that need to happen. Humor happens to edit down on the big blue. Because what does Didion say about blue nights? Something about the dying of the brightness? Crosley, ten-fold forward, is after the opposite, the dying of the brightness.
The living of the brightness.
I'll end with this Didion reference from the book:
"𝘐𝘯 The Year of Magical Thinking, 𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴: '𝘈 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺.' 𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶."
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Reading Progress
January 12, 2024
–
Started Reading
January 12, 2024
– Shelved
January 12, 2024
–
2.0%
"This is the front entrance of the story, the facts of the case. Container first, emotion second. As if by offering up an order of events, the significance of those events will fill itself in automatically. But that story ends before it begins, without ever really being told."
January 12, 2024
–
3.0%
"The past is quicksand and the future is unknowable, but in the present, you get to float. Nothing is missing, nothing is hypothetical."
January 12, 2024
–
3.0%
"We are so allergic to our own mortality; we’ll do anything to make it not so. Denial is also the weirdest stage of grief because it so closely mimics stupidity. But it can’t be helped."
January 12, 2024
–
5.0%
"..this is the price of writing not “I miss this person,” but “Miss this person as I do.” It’s too much laundering of empathy."
January 12, 2024
–
8.0%
"“Pictures should be of what you see, not of what the world sees when it sees you.”"
January 14, 2024
–
20.0%
"It’s hard to know the size of things. To manage the size of things. Am I making our friendship bigger than it was to keep it from getting any smaller?"
January 14, 2024
–
27.0%
"I am disgusted by the universal truths of grief, by the platitudes. I don’t want to make my way through the coming stages, however ill-defined. I don’t want to become more human for this experience. Whatever level of human I’m at is fine."
January 14, 2024
–
28.0%
"..in the words of Yeats, “The years to come seemed waste of breath / A waste of breath the years behind.” And who are we to litigate the severity of someone else’s pain?"
January 15, 2024
–
29.0%
"the books about her husband and her daughter.. these are far more personable than the essays, that Didion’s tone is less detached. Perhaps there is no need for me to disagree, to say, actually, her tone is the same as always, if anything the style is stripped to the bone, it’s the subject that’s a mess. One woman suggests the memoirs were written so Didion could forgive her husband for “abandoning” her."
January 15, 2024
–
29.0%
"Do you have to forgive a person who dies by suicide? What if part of you is relieved for them? To be gobsmacked by suicide, to consider it in need of forgiveness, is a marker of solipsism, is it not? It’s to deny what the world is like for others, to decide that darkness exists in service to light, that darkness is the glitch and lightness is the control."
January 15, 2024
–
30.0%
"But it’s now years into the future and these dreams remain so close to the surface of my memory, they don’t feel like dreams. They feel like a set of parallel realities."
January 15, 2024
–
41.0%
"The guilt of this moment changes in diameter but never evaporates. To mourn the death of a friend is to feel as if you are walking around with a vase, knowing you have to set it down but nowhere is obvious... Put it anywhere. But you know better. You know that if you put your grief in a place that’s too prominent or too hidden, you will take it back when no one’s looking."
January 15, 2024
–
43.0%
"as Natalia Ginzburg wrote, “You cannot hope to console yourself for your grief by writing. You cannot deceive yourself by hoping for caresses and lullabies from your vocation.” What you can do is be careful with other people. Human beings are solid things made out of delicate materials..this is why we like jewelry as much as we do, because jewelry is our inverse—delicate things made out of solid materials."
January 15, 2024
–
47.0%
"..when I think of Virginia Woolf, it is not merely as a helpless participant in the morbid fascination that has sprung up around these two writers—but of the windows of time of their deaths. The time it took Woolf to fill her pockets with rocks. The selection of those rocks. When does a suicide begin? When do we start counting? At the riverbank or in the river? In the kitchen the night before or the next morning?"
January 15, 2024
–
47.0%
"Rilke warned that “we must learn to die: That is all of life. To prepare gradually the masterpiece of a proud and supreme death, of a death where chance plays no part, of a well-made, beatific, and enthusiastic death of the kind the saints knew to shape.”
That’s nice. But it’s hard to throw something like that together at the last minute."
That’s nice. But it’s hard to throw something like that together at the last minute."
January 15, 2024
–
61.0%
"In Goodbye to All That, Joan Didion writes, “It is easy to see the beginnings of things, and harder to see the ends.” When it comes to our personal life, this resonates."
January 15, 2024
–
63.0%
"I don’t remember much from that trip apart from a makeup artist emerging during a commercial break to dab Oprah’s leg with concealer.
😭😭😭"
😭😭😭"
January 15, 2024
–
69.0%
"I’d spent my last day at Vintage escorting Alice Munro around town and, during a lull in the conversation, I asked her if people ever recognized her on the street. She thought for a moment and said: “On my better days, I think they do. On my worse days, I think they’re thinking, ‘What a sweet little old lady, I hope she doesn’t die in front of me.’”
😭😭😭"
😭😭😭"
January 15, 2024
–
70.0%
"If love comes from a desire to be known, then grief comes from the fleeting fulfillment of that desire. I had stored everything I liked best about myself in Russell."
January 15, 2024
–
70.0%
"Anger is a cousin of intelligence. If you are not revolted by certain things, you have no boundaries. If you have no boundaries, you have no self-knowledge. If you have no self-knowledge, you have no taste, and if you have no taste, why are you here? Russell taught me that. He taught me to be selective about who I jumped for and how high."
January 15, 2024
–
80.0%
"Time only pushes wounds aside. Regular life becomes insistent and crowds out the loss."
January 15, 2024
–
81.0%
"Perhaps this is the plainest definition of anxiety: mourning what isn’t gone yet. Anxiety is an ever-present stage of grief, a shadow attached to the heels of its more infamous siblings."
January 15, 2024
–
83.0%
"In The Year of Magical Thinking, Didion writes: “A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.” Also true: The whole world is empty, and a single person is missing for you."
January 15, 2024
–
88.0%
"You can ignore grief. You push it around your plate. But you can’t give it away."
January 15, 2024
–
92.0%
"We must decide the city is worth its trials…Where we are from and where we call home can, at long last, pull apart. Like repotting plants. We become not resigned to, but full of pride for the city’s endless parade of handicaps, for the ordeals that shape us."
January 15, 2024
–
96.0%
"“There is only one liberty,” wrote Camus, “to come to terms with death. After which, everything is possible.” By now, I have come to terms. Rather, your suicide has brought the terms to me. Your suicide. As if it belongs to you.
…
But I still miss you like you wouldn’t believe. The years have done nothing to dull the missing."
…
But I still miss you like you wouldn’t believe. The years have done nothing to dull the missing."
January 15, 2024
–
99.0%
"My grief for you will always remain unruly, even as I know it contains the logic of everyone who has ever felt it. Sometimes I close my eyes so that I can listen to it spread. So that I can make it spread. I run it up the walls of my apartment. I listen to it circle the doorframes and propel itself out the window."
January 16, 2024
–
Finished Reading
