Frederick Joseph

For context, I am a white woman, bisexual, parent and educator, age 59.
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Joseph is deeply compassionate. He works hard on behalf of poc, and on behalf of all of us white ppl who want to do & be better, too. One way he does this is by making the book easy to read. In between the explications of trauma and stress are lighter, almost humorous bits. I stepped in, rather than dove in, and still I got to p. 50 before even thinking about coming up for air.

Of course, when I realized how much I'd read so far, I stopped to make these notes. I don't want to read it at one sitting; I want to think about it as I go along, in order to try to take it to heart and to use whatever I can learn however I can.
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Ok done.
A couple of quibbles.

Joseph uses the word Latinx. I've been studying this and I def. get the impression that most Mexican-Americans, Dominican-Americans, etc. do not like this word.

He seems to think that 'black history' is not taught in schools to white kids. Not true in my experience. Even misguided teachers do something in February. In Carson City my son's high school had him read a lot of books like [b:Invisible Man|16981|Invisible Man|Ralph Ellison|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1556482805l/16981._SY75_.jpg|170957] and [b:Their Eyes Were Watching God|37415|Their Eyes Were Watching God|Zora Neale Hurston|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1368072803l/37415._SY75_.jpg|1643555]. Even when I was a girl in Wisconsin we were taught about slavery and the Underground Railway, and the way slaves were packed most tightly on the ships that crossed the Atlantic. [b:The Slave Dancer|172111|The Slave Dancer|Paula Fox|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1318518582l/172111._SY75_.jpg|1192621] is just one of the older books that won Newbery on the subject of the trauma that white people have caused. And now libraries are full of picture-book biographies and other books like [b:Exquisite: The Poetry and Life of Gwendolyn Brooks|36292215|Exquisite The Poetry and Life of Gwendolyn Brooks|Suzanne Slade|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1580780268l/36292215._SX50_.jpg|57956929], [b:Crown: An Ode to the Fresh Cut|34144489|Crown An Ode to the Fresh Cut|Derrick Barnes|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1489076010l/34144489._SX50_.jpg|55181311], and my current favorite, [b:The Old Truck|45894182|The Old Truck|Jarrett Pumphrey|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1562022370l/45894182._SX50_.jpg|70732727].

Well, ok, sure, his experience is different. He was educated in greater NYC which, I swear, is its own country.

So, moving along.

I do appreciate the call for us to be accomplices, not just allies. It's hard when I've never witnessed an act of racism, despite my attempts to spend more time in neighborhoods where "black and brown" people live. I do what he says, I spend my money there, I try to learn whatever they want to share about different aspects of their culture, I know how to pronounce Spanish and am learning a fair bit of Spanglish. I totally believe everything he says about all these different things... but I've yet to find a way to do anything about it except make sure my kids understand this stuff, and write a couple of letters to politicians.

All these different things he says... here's just a few:

Of course we "see color." White people cannot be color-blind. We have to know that life is harder for non-white people. And yes, at the same time, a non-white person is still a person, with their own interests, talents, dreams... some of which are very likely to resemble those of us white people.

Of course we cannot use the n-word, even when singing along to a song that uses it. Of course we cannot appropriate or exploit, for example by dressing up as Mariachi singers for Halloween. Whenever possible we should go to the source when eating [b:Fry Bread|42642044|Fry Bread A Native American Family Story|Kevin Noble Maillard|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1552350029l/42642044._SX50_.jpg|66378695], tacos or soul food, when reading books that have characters who are poc (#OwnVoices), when practicing yoga, when listening to the music that Elvis stole and did not credit.

Of course diversity enriches all. Any fan of Gene Roddenberry's Vulcans knows that.

I want to know how to get the badges off the bad cops (and not let them get rehired as security guards or substitute teachers). And I want to level the playing field by adopting the first principles of Affirmative Action in every clinical study, in every charter school, in every job search, in every university admissions office.

I think the best first step is for everyone to read this book and take it to heart, and to do the best they can to be an accomplice, to speak out when they see either direct or systemic racism.

Another step might be to celebrate what victories we can. For example, come join the Children's Books group and learn about the wonderful books for children that have become available, and then share them with every child, teacher, and parent that you know.

I thank Fred Joseph very much for this book. I've no doubt that it was as wrenching and wearying to write as he says that it was.
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Next up: [b:Everything You Wanted to Know About Indians But Were Afraid to Ask: Young Readers Edition|54503784|Everything You Wanted to Know About Indians But Were Afraid to Ask Young Readers Edition|Anton Treuer|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1604382910l/54503784._SX50_.jpg|85070285]. I've read a handful of similar books since I was in college to be a teacher and read [b:Custer Died for Your Sins: An Indian Manifesto|197753|Custer Died for Your Sins An Indian Manifesto|Vine Deloria Jr.|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1320821739l/197753._SY75_.jpg|1295352], but mostly have focused on children's books because the amazing [a:Debbie Reese|19253495|Debbie Reese|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1560282871p2/19253495.jpg] makes it so easy to find good ones for children. It's about time to read another non-fic plea for understanding from a Native author.… (more)

Writing from the perspective of a friend, Frederick Joseph offers candid reflections on his own experiences with racism and conversations with prominent artists and activists about theirs—creating an essential read for white people who are committed anti-racists and those newly come to the cause of racial justice.
“We don’t see color.” “I didn’t know Black people liked Star Wars!” “What hood are you from?” For Frederick Joseph, life as a transfer student in a largely white high school was full of wince-worthy moments that he often simply let go. As he grew older, however, he saw these as missed opportunities not only to stand up for himself, but to spread awareness to those white people who didn’t see the negative impact they were having.
Speaking directly to the reader, The Black Friend calls up race-related anecdotes from the author’s past, weaving in his thoughts on why they were hurtful and how he might handle things differently now. Each chapter features the voice of at least one artist or activist, including Angie Thomas, author of The Hate U Give;April Reign, creator of #OscarsSoWhite; Jemele Hill, sports journalist and podcast host; and eleven others. Touching on everything from cultural appropriation to power dynamics, “reverse racism” to white privilege, microaggressions to the tragic results of overt racism, this book serves as conversation starter, tool kit, and invaluable window into the life of a former “token Black kid” who now presents himself as the friend many readers need. Backmatter includes an encyclopedia of racism, providing details on relevant historical events, terminology, and more.… (more)

Another excellent book by Frederick Joseph! The subject matters (racism and white supremacy in America, intersectionality, the harm the patriarchy perpetuates) are heavy, but Joseph handles them with honesty, humor, and warmth, while still conveying how seriously we all need to do our part in our daily lives to bring about change.

I do believe this book is geared towards teens/adults in their early 20s, but at 35, I didn't feel like the tone would be felt as condescending for younger readers, nor too juvenile for those of us who are older. Joseph has many little interjections throughout his book containing additional (and often funny) details about the story he's relaying, and suggested further research (a person or place to google, a musician to listen to, a movie to watch) and I think these make an already personal book, even more personal. The book is not all humor though - there are a lot of serious, heartbreaking, and anger-inducing stories here, that can't have been easy to open up about.

If you're past your teens, I highly suggest reading his other book, Patriarchy Blues, right before or after this. As in this book, Joseph opens up about so many of his own experiences that I think are incredibly beneficial to those who need help seeing and understanding the racism and microaggressions committed against people of color. I know it's Joseph's hope that readers will take in his experiences and learn and grow from what he's been gracious enough to share.

I'm really not doing his books justice - I think they're both very important and that as many people who can read them, should.… (more)