Parthiban Sundaram's Reviews > Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

Two years ago I joined a large firm as a software developer to develop a business application. I was very excited as the opportunities were enormous and the growth potential was literally sky high. But the excitement did not last long. For, within a month of my work there, my manager kept making a series of decisions that were, well, simply unpalatable to me! These decisions frustrated me tremednously and what's
worse - these disagreements seemed to be the norm rather than an exception. I, quietly in my heart, disagreed to every one of the decisions he made. In the team meetings, I would raise my concerns as softly as possible taking every precaution not to say anything that would make him angry. He would dismiss - ruthlessly and heartlessly, as it seemed to me at that time, - my opinions and would enforce his own opinions as team's decisions. The team members were not as directly
affected by the decisions as me, and I alone felt like a victim.

I raged and fumed internally. All I could think of was what a villain my boss was! How could he force his decisions down my throat like that! How could he be so brutal!

I lacked courage to bring up the issues again after the decisions were made and have been communicated publicly. So, the only options available were to quit the job or to accept the decisions.

My entire body revolted against the decisions when I thought of them. That's how strongly I felt against those decisions! However, I cannot quit the job given my situation at the time. So, I stayed with the job, never accepted the decisions and fought against them silently.

I began to hate my work since I worked on something that was against my core values. So, naturally, going to work stopped
being fun.

From then on, for every decision we had to make, I did not contribute my thoughts or opinions. I let my manager decide and silently resented the decisions.

What is wrong in this story?

Was my boss really a villain?

Was I really a victim?

My boss was not a villain. I was not perfect either. The fact is that we messed up our "crucial" conversations.

A conversation becomes a crucial conversation when opinions vary, when emotions run high and when the stakes are high.

It is in our best interests to we carry on with a crucial conversation using our best capabilities since the stakes are high but unfortunately we behave our worst and ruin the outcome.

We behave our worst when the conversations turn crucial - we turn violent and attack people or grow silent and sulk.

So, how to take control of a crucial conversation?

Read the book "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson, et al.
http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Convers...
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Crucial conversations happen everywhere - at work, in our personal lives, at our community meetings, etc., etc. The outcomes from these conversations impact our lives - more or less. So, we should be ready.

It is one of the best self-help books I have ever read. It is simply an eye-opener! You should/must/have to read it! :-)

Let me know if you liked the book!