Carolyn Walsh 's Reviews > In My Dreams I Hold a Knife

** spoiler alert ** Well, that was intense and frenzied. I did admire the writer's skill in attributing backstories and motivations to its flawed characters and laying out the various twists and revelations. However, I failed to find this an enjoyable read.

My University days were prior to this story in a different time and place with very strict rules. I was unable to relate to this University and the events that occurred there. Reading this book was like wandering solo in some remote, little-known country, not knowing its culture, expectations, or language. I do believe many readers will find his a tense, compelling thriller, and I am probably in the minority.

The protagonist and narrator, Jessica Miller, came across as narcissistic, ruthless in her ambitions, unstable, and always striving to be 'the best'. During her time at University, she always felt she did not stand out enough among her peers. There was always someone more favored, more beautiful, more academically gifted, more popular, more financially secure, better dressed, and luckier. Second place would never do. She quietly seethed with jealousy. When one of the girls in her tight group of 7 friends was brutally murdered, the blame was immediately placed on her boyfriend. Jessica stood by him after graduation, never believing he was guilty. Because she seemed unlikeable to me, I failed to understand why two of the men in her group loved her, and her inability to choose between them. What would she risk to ensure a prominent and financially secure future? There is much over-the-top drama in the actions and reactions described.

Ten years after graduation, Jessica plans to return in triumph for a class reunion. She has a secure job, but not the one she craved. She has had a beauty makeover, dresses better, and presents herself as more self-assured. She is determined to stand out and make people notice and envy her as never before.

What she does not anticipate, is that her former friends have lived with their own insecurities and dark secrets. Most now hold successful positions. The younger brother of the murdered girl has remained at the University for the past ten years and now works on campus. He has been obsessed with investigating his sister's murder and also the secrets of the past group of friends and their contacts. He has plans to expose them all. The focus is not completely on the 'new Jessica' as she had hoped. All sorts of past secrets and unsavory behavior are revealed. Suspicions grow, romantic unions are shattered, and friendships fall apart. Bedlam ensues.

Will the murderer of the girl 10 years before be revealed? Were there any accomplices and people involved in a coverup? Will justice be served? How will the fallout alter their lives? Despite my lack of enthusiasm for the plot and characters, I felt that the author, Ashley Winstead, displayed a lot of talent. I would read her next psychological thriller.