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Dolors's Reviews > Our Souls at Night
Our Souls at Night
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I devoured this short novella in one sitting and my feelings made an acute arch from start to end. The excitement of meeting again the familiar, direct but warm style of Haruf’s unpretentious writing sent me soaring cloud high at first, but as the story of Addie and Louis evolved and those closer to them, those who should have shown more empathy and understanding for their situation, betrayed them for incomprehensible reasons, I became impatient and somewhat infuriated by the sheer levity with which Haruf treated these wrongdoings.
This book lacks the inner light that shines in the Plainsong trilogy that is imbedded in the essential goodness of people who suspend judgment in order to help each other. This work is more skeptical of that community sentiment and it highlights the selfishness of adult sons and daughters towards their elderly parents.
Two widowed neighbors decide to act against their prolonged loneliness and start a relationship that has all the village gossiping about them. Addie and Louis have lived too much to care about the opinion of others, but when Addie’s son Gene interferes in his mother’s life, first by demanding her to take care of his son while he tries to sort out his ruined marriage, and later, by forbidding her to carry on with her affair with Louis, my indignation almost made me stop reading.
Begrudgingly, I read until the last page and a huge sadness invaded me.
And many questions.
What if there is a huge lesson to learn from this story?
Could I act like Gene one day?
Am I really free of the kind of prejudice that urges Gene to act so unfairly with his elderly mother?
Haruf writes about a sorrowful reality that is too common without taboos. He unflinchingly addresses the loneliness of elderly people and their lack of freedom to do what they want with what is left of their lives.
Used as their children see fit while it’s convenient for them, and then discarded and treated like toddlers, they are deprived of their last shred of dignity and denied their wishes “for their own good”.
Such condescendence, such injustice shouldn’t be overlooked. Read this book and resolve to write a different ending if one of your parents ever becomes the protagonist of this story. That’s what I aim to do.
This book lacks the inner light that shines in the Plainsong trilogy that is imbedded in the essential goodness of people who suspend judgment in order to help each other. This work is more skeptical of that community sentiment and it highlights the selfishness of adult sons and daughters towards their elderly parents.
Two widowed neighbors decide to act against their prolonged loneliness and start a relationship that has all the village gossiping about them. Addie and Louis have lived too much to care about the opinion of others, but when Addie’s son Gene interferes in his mother’s life, first by demanding her to take care of his son while he tries to sort out his ruined marriage, and later, by forbidding her to carry on with her affair with Louis, my indignation almost made me stop reading.
Begrudgingly, I read until the last page and a huge sadness invaded me.
And many questions.
What if there is a huge lesson to learn from this story?
Could I act like Gene one day?
Am I really free of the kind of prejudice that urges Gene to act so unfairly with his elderly mother?
Haruf writes about a sorrowful reality that is too common without taboos. He unflinchingly addresses the loneliness of elderly people and their lack of freedom to do what they want with what is left of their lives.
Used as their children see fit while it’s convenient for them, and then discarded and treated like toddlers, they are deprived of their last shred of dignity and denied their wishes “for their own good”.
Such condescendence, such injustice shouldn’t be overlooked. Read this book and resolve to write a different ending if one of your parents ever becomes the protagonist of this story. That’s what I aim to do.
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Reading Progress
Finished Reading
January 25, 2018
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January 25, 2018
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January 25, 2018
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Comments Showing 1-50 of 52 (52 new)
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Mar 05, 2018 10:26AM
Interesting review. I've never heard about this one but I have always liked serene, retrospective novel about elderly people.
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Heartfelt review, Dolors! Stuck as I am between being a mother of teenagers and a daughter of baby boomers, I think I would benefit from seeing the opposite perspective of what I feel sometimes - torn apart between different needs :-)
I am in admiration for how passionately you get involved in a book you read. Which must invade you with strong emotions and feelings.
Elie wrote: "Interesting review. I've never heard about this one but I have always liked serene, retrospective novel about elderly people."Then you might appreciate this novel, Elie. I had previously read Haruf's Plainsong trilogy, and I somehow expected a different ending, but he chose gray reality this time...
Lisa wrote: "Heartfelt review, Dolors! Stuck as I am between being a mother of teenagers and a daughter of baby boomers, I think I would benefit from seeing the opposite perspective of what I feel sometimes - t..."Heh, funnily enough, I just read another novel that focuses on a mother-daughter relationship (My Name Is Lucy Barton), and at some point the protagonist of the story affirms that when her parents passed away, she started looking at the world through different lenses. I wonder whether she is right.
Markus wrote: "I am in admiration for how passionately you get involved in a book you read. Which must invade you with strong emotions and feelings."I was truly infuriated with certain characters in this book, they acted so selfishly towards those who had sacrificed most of their lives for their welfare... I guess that is one of the burdens of parenthood.... Thanks so much for your steadfast encouragement, Markus!
It's passionate,it's glimmering with beautiful phrases you craft...how come I never got a chance with Haruf ,Dolors :(where should I be starting hon!
Such a beautiful, thoughtful review, Dolors. You brought back the same intense feelings of disappointment, sorrow and anger that I had when reading the ending to this, my first Haruf novel -- yes, there was something very disappointing to me about Haruf's "levity." It also seemed out of character to me that Addie, who was so audacious and independent, would just cave in to Gene the way she did. Sadly, someone like Gene probably wouldn't read this or take a lesson from it if he did. I can't picture you being anything like Gene! I did think that Haruf did a great job with showing how many years and generations of woundedness went into creating someone like Gene, who seemed to be taking revenge on his mother for his own unhappy childhood and subsequent unhappy marriage.
Have you read his other books? He passed away a few years ago. We lost a fantastic writer.
Samra wrote: "It's passionate,it's glimmering with beautiful phrases you craft...how come I never got a chance with Haruf ,Dolors :(where should I be starting hon!"Oh Samra...I would recommend the Plainsong trilogy, any of the three books. Haruf has a simple but profound voice that I am sure would resonate with you. Thanks for your kind, enthusiastic words, my friend! :)
Caterina wrote: "Such a beautiful, thoughtful review, Dolors. You brought back the same intense feelings of disappointment, sorrow and anger that I had when reading the ending to this, my first Haruf novel -- yes, ..."That is a fine analyisis, Caterina. I also felt frustrated with Addie's lack of resolution to stick with Louis, particularly after seeing her firm attitude when the neighbours were concerned. But then, a son is another matter... A son, and a grandson, who are her only family. It seemed to me that Gene somehow threatened her to forbid to see her grandson if she kept on with her relationship with Louis.
The novel, much to my deepest regret, portrayed a sad reality, that of patriachal societies where men, either husbands or sons, take decisions on behalf of the females in their families. Louis had a similar problem with her daughter, but he stopped it immediately and the daughter never dared to contradict his decision.
As much as I disliked the ending of the book and the apparent "casualness" with which Haruf treated the subject, I am afraid he painted a very accurate portrait of a reality very present in too many places around the world...
Sunny wrote: "Have you read his other books? He passed away a few years ago. We lost a fantastic writer."Yes, Sunny, I have read the Plainsong trilogy and gave them all 5 stars. I totally agree, he was a fine, fine writer.
Dolors wrote: "The novel, much to my deepest regret, portrayed a sad reality, that of patriachal societies where men, either husbands or sons, take decisions on behalf of the females in her family. ...As much as I disliked the ending of the book and the apparent "casualness" with which Haruf treated the subject, I am afraid he painted a very accurate portrait of a reality very present in too many places around the world... ."
Yes, I agree with you on all counts -- and Addie seemed to have spoiled her son and taken on a submissive role to him early on, before the events of the novel, and there was also the issue that in the United States, what she was doing could be considered improper in many communities and be judged against her right to see her grandchild. But even for a woman who is not particularly submissive it's easy for it to happen in the frailty of old age and with access to grandchildren being used for manipulation. I do think the ending was realistic, alas. Still a wonderfully perceptive book.
I drew exactly the same inference that you did, D; just that, I couldn't put them so poignantly as you. The book really does shove the mirror to our faces and compels us to look at our prejudice-filled reflections. Who are we to judge others when we can't be absolved of our own impiety? Your concluding para spoke volumes to me, and I secured them in a deep vault inside me should I need them some day, Thank you, as always, for warming my soul with your wise nurturing thoughts, dearie.
Its about elderly people, written by Haruf, loved by Dolors - enough said!
Such a moving colloquy in your final paragraph Dolors, anyone with a heart, felt the impact...Very impressive writing my friend.
Excellent review Dolors- unpretentious is exactly how I would describe Kent Haruf's writing.I also share your frustration at the ending. It felt so unfair to me, but I guess that's just how life turns out sometimes?
Caterina wrote: "Dolors wrote: "The novel, much to my deepest regret, portrayed a sad reality, that of patriachal societies where men, either husbands or sons, take decisions on behalf of the females in her family...."Good point, Caterina. Louis' quiet acceptance of the whole situation broke my heart. I guess he saw it coming from the start. I also ached for the grandson, such a nice boy who thrived under the care of Louis and Addie, only to be reclaimed by his broken family. This book made me ponder about how different the end of one's life can be, particularly when others decide for us and cut what's left of too frail wings to fly on their own. The novel is simple, and it lacks the inner glow of the Plainsong trilogy, but it made me reflect on aspects I had never fully considered. A sad, but compulsory read.
Seemita wrote: "I drew exactly the same inference that you did, D; just that, I couldn't put them so poignantly as you. The book really does shove the mirror to our faces and compels us to look at our prejudice-fi..."I hadn't realized you had read this one, Simi! So glad our thoughts run in parallel on this sad story. It had been a while since I had stopped in the middle of a book to profess some expletives towards a character, hah, Gene really touched my nerve. And the fact that this was Haruf's last book spoke volumes to me as well, what a sensitive, compassionate writer! Thanks for your affirming comment, my dear! :)
Jo wrote: "Its about elderly people, written by Haruf, loved by Dolors - enough said!"Heh Jo...get ready for a truly sad story, but one that needs to be read, in my opinion. Thanks a bunch for you kindness, as always!
Henry wrote: "Such a moving colloquy in your final paragraph Dolors, anyone with a heart, felt the impact...Very impressive writing my friend."Thanks a lot Henry, the book moved but also infuriated me, it touched a nerve. Glad it all came out in my hasty writing!
Peter wrote: "Excellent review Dolors- unpretentious is exactly how I would describe Kent Haruf's writing.I also share your frustration at the ending. It felt so unfair to me, but I guess that's just how life t..."
Glad our thoughts coincide about this one, Peter. I just re-read your fine review and it struck me how gentle Haruf's simple writing can be. He wrote with his heart, without fearing to be scorned or labelled as a sentimentalist. I do think he wrote very fairly about the sad realities of daily life, and as much as the end of this particular story infuriated me, it also made me ponder about issues I had never fully considered before. And that, I call good literature.
Excellent review. I also loved this book and will miss Haruf's writing.
Am I really free of the kind of prejudice that urges Gene to act so unfairly with his elderly mother?This sounds like a very moving story with much food for thought. It made me instantly think of one of the issues that explains my struggle with authors like Mishima, whose prose often shows a complete disdain for the normal aging process and to some extent, for the elderly, which I find appalling. In his case, it's mostly a matter of a sense of 'beauty'. There are other reasons in this book and as you say (with your gorgeous and judicious words I quoted above), are we really free?
Thank you for this absolutely wonderful review.
In case you were not aware this was made into a movie available on NetFlix late last year. Stars Jane Fonda and Robert Redford as Addie and Louis.,
Stephen wrote: "Excellent review. I also loved this book and will miss Haruf's writing."Thanks a bunch for reading and for your kind words, Stephen. Same here, Haruf's gentle voice will be sorely missed. I was aware of the film, but I still haven't watched it, which I intend to do, thanks for the reminder!
Florencia wrote: "Am I really free of the kind of prejudice that urges Gene to act so unfairly with his elderly mother?This sounds like a very moving story with much food for thought. It made me instantly think of..."
Great comparison with Mishima, Flo! Haruf might be at the other end of the expectrum, as he seeks beauty in mundane, common aspects of daily life, the process of ageing among them. But make no mistake, he doesn't glorify any stage in life and takes its harsh realities as they are. That is precisely what most attracts me of this humble writer. Thanks for the gift of your comments, my friend, always a pleasure to exchange thoughts with you! :)
A poignant, and passionate write-up in which I feel many issues to ponder on, from different perspectives, Dolors. You make me wonder if the relationship son-mother, maybe more than the one mother-daughter, might suffer more unbalance when the father figure disappears, leaving the son in an more central or dominating role impeding the mother's chances on happiness. I feel equally attracted as afraid to read this book, but I know I will read it, with your words and thoughts in mind. And I fully join in your aim if we ever get in such a situation with regard to our parents, my friend.
Great Review Dolors! Its tragic how our life's experiences overshadow the very people who made those moments possible with their love in the first place.
Ilse wrote: "A poignant, and passionate write-up in which I feel many issues to ponder on, from different perspectives, Dolors. You make me wonder if the relationship son-mother, maybe more than the one mother-..."I think you are right, Ilse, at least this is Haruf's perspective in this novel, and it's painful to see how submissive the mother is to his son's wishes, even when they are selfish and uncalled for.
The style of this novel is simple and straight-forward, unadorned, and I have the feeling that Haruf wanted his message to be delivered without any flourish, and I think he made his point.
Thanks for taking the time to read and for you kind feedback, as always!
Ayush wrote: "Great Review Dolors! Its tragic how our life's experiences overshadow the very people who made those moments possible with their love in the first place."Such a fine reflection, and so perfectly put, Ayush... this book is exactly about that idea, you've summoned it precisely and in a sentence. Thanks!
Aha, I think you've pertinently highlighted one of the reasons I didn't warm to this as much:"This book lacks the inner light that shines in the Plainsong trilogy that is imbedded in the essential goodness of people who suspend judgment in order to help each other."
Wonderful review.
I have no connotation on Haruf writing yet, only some reviews that I had read here and there. Sorry, it didn't entirely worked for you, I can see it had its ups and downs that you expressed so clearly in the review. Hope one day to meet Haruf by myself.
Cecily wrote: "Aha, I think you've pertinently highlighted one of the reasons I didn't warm to this as much:"This book lacks the inner light that shines in the Plainsong trilogy that is imbedded in the essential..."
Glad that my thoughts resonated with you, Cecily. Still, it was with some regret that I turned the last page of this novel. I am going to miss Haruf's gentle voice.
Agnieszka wrote: "I have no connotation on Haruf writing yet, only some reviews that I had read here and there. Sorry, it didn't entirely worked for you, I can see it had its ups and downs that you expressed so clea..."I hope you do, Agna! His style is very simple and direct, not "literary" at all, but I think his writing has some soul in it. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings; this novel spoke to me in ways I didn't expect.
Oh this is lovely, Dolors. More close to the raw heartfelt emotions than to the structure and I love that. Also, I am super glad that you gave this book those 4 stars despite your regrets and sourness for some characters and their decisions, because many choose to discard books which do not resonate their morals yet show some harsh realities. (Example: Lolita) Not rejecting the argument of a lacking prose or strong plot, but pointing at those personal prejudices hampering the reading impressions. (Do feel free to discard my argument here, though :) )
Himanshu wrote: "Oh this is lovely, Dolors. More close to the raw heartfelt emotions than to the structure and I love that. Also, I am super glad that you gave this book those 4 stars despite your regrets and sourn..."Oh no Himanshu, you're spot on, so no need to add any remarks on your perceptive comment. I was furious with some characters, and at first also with the author for treating the protagonists so unfairly, but I realized he was delivering a message and that he was somehow exposing a situation that has become accepted by the standard social norms. As much as I "disliked" the ending, it made me reflect on the issues treated here, and so I concluded that the book deserved all my respect, even if I wasn't as charmed as I was with the Plainsong trilogy. Thanks for reading, my friend!
Given that Haruf wrote this right before he died, I wonder how much of the content was his hopes and fears for his wife after he was gone.
I loved your comment "write a,different ending". I am a devoted fan of the Karuf's writing and his portrayal of loneliness was hauntingly real. He was personally living it.
Sent before finished or corrected...I agree with you about selfish children. That really sparked you. I should reread. Reminded me of an old Jane Wyman movie I saw as a child and never forgot. Selfish children step in when widowed mothers fell in love with younger man and set out to control her life. They bought her a television. Powerful metaphor. I do agree with your review. I also scored this a 4.
What's sad about this is that not only our parents can become protagonists of this story, but also us when/if we get to their age and find ourselves in this situation. But I guess that we can only understand loneliness if we experience it and the child of the protagonist of this story may not have. This might be why prejudices get the best of him... or, I wonder, is this human nature?
Stephen wrote: "Given that Haruf wrote this right before he died, I wonder how much of the content was his hopes and fears for his wife after he was gone."I bet you are right, Stephen. It seems he wrote this novel in a few months, so he must have known what he wanted to convey pretty accurately...
Deyanne wrote: "I loved your comment "write a,different ending". I am a devoted fan of the Karuf's writing and his portrayal of loneliness was hauntingly real. He was personally living it."As I replied to Stephen above, I am sure you are right, Deyanne. This book made me reflect on issues I had never dwelled on, and Haruf brought them with clarity, compassion and a huge dose of reality. A great read, indeed.
Deyanne wrote: "Sent before finished or corrected...I agree with you about selfish children. That really sparked you. I should reread. Reminded me of an old Jane Wyman movie I saw as a child and never forgot. Self..."Totally agree with you here as well, Deyanne. The novel was sad, but so realistic! I am glad my musings resonated with yours. Thanks for taking the time to read and for your encouragement, which is never taken for granted.
Ted wrote: "Thoughtful review, Dolors."Many thanks, Ted!
Deea wrote: "What's sad about this is that not only our parents can become protagonists of this story, but also us when/if we get to their age and find ourselves in this situation. But I guess that we can only ..."That is a fair questions, Deea. What is most annoying is that the son in this case is going through marital problems, so he is on the verge of being lonely as well. But still, his will to control his mother's relationships wins over the option of allowing his mother to do what she pleases with her life.
As I said somewhere above, this was a very real example of the way patriarchy takes the reins in modern families, as it did centuries ago. It may be less overt, but it's still very present...
Dolors wrote: "Deea wrote: "What's sad about this is that not only our parents can become protagonists of this story, but also us when/if we get to their age and find ourselves in this situation. But I guess that..."Well, just a thought: when we are happy, we are also very generous. When we are unhappy, we are critical with everything around... so the fact that he was going through marital problems might have been a reason too...
Deea wrote: "Dolors wrote: "Deea wrote: "What's sad about this is that not only our parents can become protagonists of this story, but also us when/if we get to their age and find ourselves in this situation. B..."Maybe...although I didn't have a high opinion of the son. He appeared mainly selfish and incapable of putting himself in another's skin. He acted this way with his mother and his own son, why would he act differently with his wife? So his problems might have been his own doing...
I immediately added this book to my readlist after reading your review, Dolors. What a beautiful and poignant review! It sounds like a saddening, a depressing read, but also a book which is worthy of spending time with. I actually didn't even know the movie (which had caught my attention at some point of last year, but which I haven't seen yet) was based on a novel, but now I'll make sure to read the book before watching that movie.
