Anne's Reviews > The Art of War

Hey! Look at me stepping outside my comfort zone!



I saw this audiobook in the library, and I thought it looked interesting.
Hell, I've got 4 kids. This could come in handy.
Next year I'll have not one, but two teenage boys. I need to prepare myself to defend my babies home from the invading whores hoards. I figured this book would help me gird my loins (or whatever it is you do) when you head into battle.
Back off, Skanks! You're not getting past the front door!



Still, even teenage boys pale in comparison to the sheer terror that comes with sharing a home with pre-pubescent girls...
Retreat! Retreat! We've misjudged the enemy's abilities!



I can definitely use the help of a master strategist. Although, in retrospect, I actually have one of those living with me. She's 10, and she's been fully in charge of my home since she clawed her way out of my womb. My husband says I was hallucinating (bless whoever came up with drugs in the delivery room!), but I swear I saw her gnaw off her own umbilical cord.
She's ruthless, clever, and has the smile of an angel.
Lucifer was an angel, too...
Anyway, I could have skipped this and simply begged for the honor to sit at her feet and learn.
Teach me your ways, Mighty Warrior!



But the cover said this was only a 4 1/2 hour book.
What? She probably wouldn't have shared her secrets anyway...
Confession time: I did not make it all the way through the audiobook.
I did, however, make it all the way through The Art of War. That part of it was short. I don't know what the actual length of time was, but I listened to it while I was making dinner, and then took it with me on a short jaunt to Wal-mart.
Boom! Done! Thank you, Sun Tzu!



The rest of this particular audio is supposedly speculation about Sun Tzu's life, and a history lesson on the politics of the time he lived in.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah...
All the names bled together in my head, and the words just sort of sloshed around inside my brain till I finally gave up on it.



I'm not saying it was badly done or boring, but my tiny dinosaur brain isn't built to process books without pictures. So listening to someone with a smooth jazzy voice read from a history book is just like asking for some sort of an internal meltdown to happen up there.



So. The Art of War.
I actually don't feel like Mr. Tzu had much to say that would help me out.
I mean, a there were a few things translated into real life...
Be consistent in rewards and punishments. Duh.
Employ spies. Double duh. I've got every one of my kids on the payroll, and they each think they're the only mole I've got. Suckers!
Make sure the enemy is tired before attacking. Hello? Why do you think I'm out at the pool all day long with them? It's not like I enjoy basking in the glow of my cellulite, all while gaining a few more liver spots. If Sun Tzu had mentioned dosing the enemy with Benadryl before long trips, I would have been more impressed.
A lot of it, however, was about how to fight on different types of terrain. Swampy, mountainous, flat, etc..
That's no help to me, buddy!
I need some sort of inside scoop that's going to give me an edge over the full blown she-devil I live with, the smaller demon-in-training (currently under the tutelage of the aforementioned she-devil), and the two walking hormones that used to be my little boys!
I can't hold 'em off much longer! I'm going down! Going dow....



*pants frantically*

Anyhoo, I'm glad I read listened to it. It's one of those books you need to study...not read, though. So, I'm pretty sure I missed the vast majority of wisdom by doing it this way.
But so what? I can say I've read it!
I feel like a badass now, and that's all that's important.
Pbbbt!