Magic Bleeds Quotes

“You slept with Curran and you didn’t tell me? I’m your best friend.”
“It didn’t come up.”
“How disappointing for you.”
Ha-ha. “That’s not what I meant.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.”
― Ilona Andrews

“I'll call you," he repeated.
"If you call me, I won't pick up the phone."
"You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I've read your summary."
"And?"
"It's not incompetent."
Be still, my heart, so I don't faint from such faint phrase. "Did you expect it to be written in crayon?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I'm counting to ten in my head."
"Is it helping?"
"No."
"It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way?"
"I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Kate Daniels, deadly swordmaster. Fear my twitching pinkie.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“ Hi, Your Majesty, we drugged your love muffin and then let her walk out into the dark, in the snow. Her apartment is destroyed and we're not sure where she is...”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Tiny gold sparks flared in his irises. "You're in my rooms in my bathtub naked and you're still mouthing off."
Did he expect anything different? "Hey, I didn't kick or punch you in the throat. I consider this progress. And you haven't choked me again, which is some sort of record for you...”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“The phone rang. I picked it up. "Kate Daniels"

"It's me," Curran said. "I—"

I hung up.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it to the attack poodle in my office. He made a great production of it. First, he growled at the doughnut, just to show it who was boss. Then he nudged it with his nose. Then he licked it, until finally he snagged it into his mouth and chomped it with great pleasure, dropping crumbs all over the carpet.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?"
"He became engulfed in fire."
"Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'?”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Science is all about proving theories and understanding the universe. Science folds everything into neat logical well-explained packages. The fey are magical capricious illogical and unexplainable. Science cannot prove the existence of faeries so naturally we do not exist. That type of nonbelief is fatal to faries.”
― Julie Kagawa, The Iron King

“Getting a lecture on restraint from the woman who threw a hissy fit and blew up Babylon.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I know you'll tell me to fuck off, but I think Curran loves you. Truly loves you. And I think you love him, Kate. That's rare. Think about it--if he really stood you up, why would he be so pissed off about the whole thing? You both can be assholes of the first order, so don't let the two of you throw it away. If you're going to walk away from it, at least walk away knowing the whole picture."

"You're right. Fuck off. I don't need him," I told her.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“And you expect me to commute two hours each way from the Keep to the Order." I kept my voice mild. "I suppose I won't be needing my job, my house, or my clothes anymore."
"I didn't say that. Although let me get back to you on the clothes. It's still under consideration.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I looked at the canine companion. “Me cookies. You stay.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Next to me, Saiman smiled.
"We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“You'll lose."
"What makes you so sure?"
"You have no discipline. All you do is tear down shit down. My father is a bastard, but at least he builds things. You turn cities into smoking ruins and blunder about like some hyper child, smashing anything you see. And then you sit here and wonder, 'Why did all of my children turn out to be violet idiots? It's a mystery of nature,'.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“He glued the chair to my ass."
Silence.
"Is it still...attached?"
"I can't get it off.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Any messages for me?" Usually I got one or two, but mostly people who wanted my help preferred to talk in person.
"Yes. Hold on." She pulled out a handful of pink tickets and recited from memory, without checking the paper. "Seven forty-two a.m., Mr. Gasparian: I curse you. I curse your arms so they wither and die and fall off your body. I curse your eyeballs to explode. I curse your feet to swell until blue. I curse your spine to crack. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“ Dear rabbis, I'm so sorry, I nuked your circle dude. Here is his head as a souvenir. Yeah, that would fly.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“I know it may come as a shock, but it's sort of considered polite to wait for the consent of the woman. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you don't wait, you may have to deal with pesky criminal charges like kidnapping and rape.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“On your best day, you're only as good as I am on my worst with one arm tied behind my back.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Hold your horses. I'm coming."...
"From where I'm standing you're just breathing laboriously."
The snow swam out of focus. "Breathing hard. Are you coming or just breathing hard. You've got to get your one-liners straight.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“He'd laugh in my face, then I'd slice him to ribbons and then he'd break my neck”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds

“When you want to take over a city, you have to destroy the illusion of safety it provides. You have to hit the large well-protected establishments, find the powerful people who run them and are viewed as invincible, and kill them. You want to destroy the morale first. Once the people's resolve is gone and everyone is scared for their own skin, the city is yours.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds