Lmfao Quotes

“Sorry. Sorry. Don't hit. Bitches be scary when they hit.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Wait for You

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital M tattooed on each cheek of your ass in pink and brown ink. Then when you bend over, it says "Mom." Also, later on if you're havin' sex with your girlfriend, and her parents are in the next room, when you finish up you can just lie on your back, draw your legs up to your chest and silently say, 'Wow!”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

“Holy flippindip! It's colder than a frog's ass in January!”
― Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Oblivion

“My clutch and wrap had fallen to the floor
because both my arms were around his neck, my body was plastered to
his, one of his arms was tight around my back, the other hand had
slid in my dress and down and was cupping the cheek of my ass, skin
to skin (I was wearing a thong, which was a smart move on my part
not only to avoid panty lines but because his warm, strong hand
cupping my ass felt freaking great)
when I heard my father clear his throat.”
― Kristen Ashley

“Jack rolled onto his stomach and clutched a pillow over his head. Sure, no problem. Testify against some drug lords. All in a day's work. Get a new name and get yourself relocated thousands of miles away. No sweat. Assassins coming after you? Check. Conscience-ridden hit men spiriting you away? Check. Hiding out in a remote cabin? Oh, got that one covered. Develop unseemly crush on ruthless hired killer?
Jack sighed. I am one incurable illness away from a Lifetime Movie of the Week.”
― Jane Seville, Zero at the Bone

“She held up three hangers inside a vinyl garment bag and hooked them sideways on the coatrack to unzip. "Raw silk. Vintage. Sort of a purple-black."

"Aubergine," he declared and cracked the opening wider.

"I love a man who can make colors sound dirty." She grinned.

"Cross-dyed." He wondered if Trip had helped pick this out, if he'd seen her model it and convinced her to splurge. "Great suit."

"I gotta stand next to J.R. Ward. Feel me?" She fluttered her short nails at him. "Baby, I went and bought a pair of Givenchy boots I cannot even afford because the Warden is gonna be there in full effect, and you know what that means!"

He didn't really, but he got the gist. "So you want nighttime for daytime."

"Extra vampy, hold the trampy. Like, more Lust For Dracula than Breaking Dawn." Rina squeezed her shoulders together to amp her cleavage. "If I'm hauling the girls out, no way can I do sparkly anorexia.”
― Damon Suede, Bad Idea

“Sionnach smiled in the way of the falsely modest and added, "Forgive me for not standing, but I can't find the energy just yet."
the answering heat flare was enough to raise the temperature in the cave, enough to explain the fine sheen of sweat on Sionnach's body. It wasn't comfortable, but it was useful at hiding the truth. He waited as Keenan's gaze took in the candles, the glasses beside the bed, and the fact that Sionnach was seemingly naked. There were moments in every faery's life that were too perfect to have been planned, and Sionnach was having just such a moment as he reclined in Rika's bed grinning while the faery who had caused such upheaval in Rika's life—and in their desert—very obviously misinterpreted the clues.”
― Melissa Marr, Desert Tales

“What the fuck is that?" Rafe recoiled at the wrinkled green ball sac of a squash in Quinn's hand. "Dude, put that down before it releases its tentacles and sucks the salt out of your body."

Rafe's aversion to all things vegetable was well known in the family, but Quinn liked poking at him for it all the same. "It's bitter melon. Supposed to be good for you."

"So's shoving coffee up your colon, but I don't do that either." Rafe bared his teeth and took a step back.”
― Rhys Ford

“You and your stupid spotted dick can just go to hell.”

He froze. “My spotted...what? Shit.” He glanced wildly around the room before hissing, “I’m going to kill her.”

When his face drained of color, I frowned. “Huh?”

He didn’t even hear my question as he ranted on to himself. “I cannot believe Blondie told you about that.” His gaze seared into mine, suddenly intense and desperate. “And it’s not spotted like there’s a bunch of dots. It’s one fucking birthmark. That’s it.”
― Linda Kage, A Perfect Ten