Funny Stuff Quotes

“Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.”
― Lili St. Crow

“Last semester was intense,” I said to Dad.

“Intense?” he echoed, picking up my file. “Let’s see. On your first day at Hecate, you were attacked by a werewolf. You insulted a teacher, which resulted in semester-long cellar duty with one Archer Cross. According to the notes, the two of you became ‘close.’ Apparently close enough for you to see the mark of L’Occhio di Dio on his chest.

I flushed at that, and felt Mom’s arm tighten around me. Over the past six months, I’d filled her in on a lot of the story with Archer, but not all of it.

Specifically, the whole me-making-out-in-the-cellar-with-a-murderous-warlock-working-with-the-Eye-part.”
― Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass

“No they called it the Codex Merlini because it was written by a guy named Ralph.”
― Karen Chance, Embrace the Night

“Eric: But you already know...

Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.

Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?

Greta: Ye-es.

Eric: It's like that.

Greta: No it isn't.

Eric: No. It absolutely is...

Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.

Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.

Eric: No?

Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too.”
― J.F. Lewis

“You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me?”
― Obert Skye, Leven Thumps and the Ruins of Alder

“Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.”
― Matthew D. Heines

“Writing was what saved the stutterer. It saved him the trouble of speaking.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Stamerenophobia