SIMONE ELKELES: Hola, Elle!
ELLE: Oh. Hi Simone Elkeles.
SIMONE ELKELES: WTF, Elle? You gave my first book in the series, Perfect Chemistry, only two stars? Explain yourself, Senorita.
ELLE: Well, Simone Elkeles, I just thought it was a bit...
SIMONE ELKELES: I know, I know. I hear you, cariño. It was too intensely POWERFUL a novel for your mind. I accept.
ELLE: um, actually, no... it was more that I...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si, chica. I feel you. I suspect the hot-teen-sex-on-filthy-garage-floor scene was far too EXTREME for you.
ELLE: Well no, not really. In fact I kinda’ thought it was a bit lame and...
SIMONE ELKELES: And were you not AROUSED by the Adonis I created in Alex? Did he not get your sangre going?
ELLE: Well, y’know Simone, it takes a bit more than a 17 year old boy to...
SIMONE ELKELES: And then there’s my EPIC CLEVERNESS. Because they meet in Chemistry class and I titled the book: Perfect Chemistry! DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ELLE: Yes. Bravo Simone.
SIMONE ELKELES: And then you must have been completely PERPLEXED by all the twists and turns and UNEXPECTED occurrences throughout the journey?
ELLE: Yes well... all that nonsense aside. Can we talk about Rules of Attraction now? Because this one was so much better and I really enjoyed...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si! Indeed, my talent has no end. I will continue on until I have achieved complete Young Adult Romance world domination!
ELLE: ...right. But as I was saying, I was quite impressed with...
SIMONE ELKELES: And they will name an entire genre after my gift! It shall be called: Young Adult SIMANCE!
ELLE: ...
SIMONE ELKELES: Did you notice how I gave the heroine a stutter so that I would have a tool with which to demonstrate the IMMENSE HEART ACHE from within our little chica? Again, my cleverness is beyond all proportion. Is it not?
ELLE: ...
SIMONE ELKELES: Your silence is praise to my humble ears, Senorita. Now, I must warn you. You simply MUST prepare yourself for the third instalment of my grand trilogy of greatness. Behold: Chain Reaction
ELLE: There’s another brother?
SIMONE ELKELES: Si!
ELLE: Is it going to be the same f’king story with the same f’king characters and the same f’king outcome?
SIMONE ELKELES: ... Si!
ELLE: Balls.
SIMONE ELKELES: Are you telling me that you will no longer succumb to my magnetic pull?
ELLE: I haven’t really decided. I think I might just wait and see what other...
SIMONE ELKELES: Nonsense! I insist that you YEILD to my supremacy. I will be keeping my obscenely talented EYE on you, my little villano. Hasta luego!
ELLE: ... balls.
*******
Dear Goodreaders,
I wish to make it perfectly clear that I have not nor have I ever claimed that I have interviewed Simone Elkeles. The above dialogue is intended as humorous fiction.
Simone Elkeles did not actually say any of the above (to my knowledge, o_O).
Although... I bet she wishes she had thought up YOUNG ADULT SIMANCE herself, ay?
Regards, Elle
*** EDIT ***
The lunacy: http://coffee2words.wordpress.com/201...