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J. W. Wells & Co. #1

The Portable Door

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Starting a new job is always stressful, but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J.W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organization that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. Tom Holt, Master of the Comic Fantasy Novel, cordially invites you to join him in his world of madness by reading his next hilarious masterpiece.

416 pages, Paperback

First published March 6, 2003

About the author

Tom Holt

97 books1,112 followers
Tom Holt (Thomas Charles Louis Holt) is a British novelist.
He was born in London, the son of novelist Hazel Holt, and was educated at Westminster School, Wadham College, Oxford, and The College of Law, London.
Holt's works include mythopoeic novels which parody or take as their theme various aspects of mythology, history or literature and develop them in new and often humorous ways. He has also produced a number of "straight" historical novels writing as Thomas Holt and fantasy novels writing as K.J. Parker.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 391 reviews
Profile Image for carol..
1,668 reviews9,175 followers
February 28, 2021
After thirty years in emergency response and nursing, and a lifetime of being associated with law enforcement people, I like to think I'm somewhat of an expert on snark. What I've learned is that snark has a time and a place, and that too much of it distances us from meaningful interaction, and the people we are trying to convince to care. Its value is in the remark waking others up to possibilities and interpretations: like deconstructionism, it should come with an entrée of a solution. Otherwise, it's just unrelenting peanut gallery commentary throwing up straw barriers to caring.

Tom Holt/K.J. Parker seems to be at the advanced level of snark. If you love his books, I'm happy for you. But you should move along. I'm not kidding.

"Furthermore, he suspected that if Mr. Wurmtoter knew a tenth as much about people as he presumably did about dragons, he'd have taken a look at the cold glare in her eye and jumped out of the window. Paul let her go first, and took care to stay several paces behind her all the way back to the office.

Paul had believed in the existence of six a.m. for many years, just as he'd always believed in the yeti and the Loch Ness monster; in the same way, he'd always devoutly hoped that he'd never have to confront any of them face to face. But, somehow or other, he made it to the office door on time, to find Sophie already waiting. She was wearing a suit that had probably belonged to her grandmother, who had kept it for funerals."

The fundamental problem with unrelenting snark is the distancing--verbal social-distancing, if you will. Sure, it's funny, but as a character quips and sarcastically notes his way through his life (and they are usually 'hims'), they are forgoing the possibility of real connection, both to the character and the setting. Used wisely, it can create the aura of world-weary disillusionment in the situation and institutions that surround him. Used poorly, it mostly just seems like an immature character who would rather be funny than thoughtful. It pokes fun rather than illuminates.

I tried The Portable Door because it was first in Holt's urban fantasy-type series, about an everyday man who discovers a talent for magic and gets co-opted into the office managing the surreal. It wasn't available at my library (always a sign), but I thought it a good idea to start the series at the beginning. And oh, what a beginning. So much exposition. Holt has certainly learned his lesson since, as Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City jumps right into the skirmishes. But reading Door made me feel like I was literally accompanying a young, disillusioned man on his introduction into the magical. Daily. Lots of repetition with very little curiosity, a critical impediment in an urban fantasy which should be introducing the reader to a magical world. "Poor me!" is the refrain through the book, an attitude I have little tolerance for. His rare moments of curiosity and interest are usually about women. It's honestly boring. It's male chick-lit, because I get very little about why I should care about him.

"Paul nodded. 'You bet. I don't like all this weird stuff. On the other hand, I need the job.' 

'Same here. If I went home and told them I'd jacked it in, they'd go mad. You know, scenes and melodrama. Give me the weirdness any day.'

Quietly, Paul blessed the thin girl's parents for their attitude; because if she threw in her job, that'd be that, he'd probably never see her again. Mysterious swords and things with claws didn't exactly appeal to him as integral parts of the working environment, but he was damned if he was going to let them come between him and a girl who'd actually smiled at him, twice."

I read in a couple of fits, and finally got solidly distracted at 88%, per my kindle. Had it been a paper book, I would have done a solid skim to the end, but I find that much harder to do with kindle. Yep, that's the kind of tension it had, that one could just be annoyed enough to walk away, even almost to the ending.

So: a main character that is both uninteresting and uninterested; a paucity of magical details and a plethora of needless inner monologue ones; and 'magic' that is basically about a sword in a stone and weirdness in the office means a solid 'meh' read. For those that read in the genre, it's kind of a junior, less well-written, less action-oriented Laundry Files. Good luck.
Profile Image for Bionic Jean.
1,341 reviews1,399 followers
January 24, 2024
So what is The Portable Door? Well, you'll have to read a fair bit of this novel before you discover that, encountering mishaps and madness, madcap mayhem and wonderful weirdness along the way. Expect the unexpected. Expect craziness and confusion. You can't be any more muddled than the hero of this book, Paul Carpenter.

A nerdy-sounding name like Paul Carpenter? In a fantasy novel? Well ... yes. This is fantasy, but it is not just comic fantasy; it is also rather oddball. Don't expect Terry Pratchett's variety of humorous fantasy, despite the fact that Tom Holt's name often seems to be coupled with his. Tom Holt's writing has its own separate and unique weirdness. There are no mythic lands peopled with magical creatures here. This novel is firmly rooted in the drudgery of ordinary life on planet Earth. There is magic, yes - and fairies - and goblins - but they are all to be found in a rather boring, mundane office environment, popping up disguised as ... well that would be telling, wouldn't it?

Suffice it to say that this is a lively and humorous romp, with mysteries, complexities, love interest, menace, and of course a good dollop of magic and the the supernatural. In creating Paul Carpenter, Tom Holt has invented a hero who might seem strangely familiar; a hero with whom - let's face it - many will identify. Young, shy, gauche, passive, inept, desperate for contact with the opposite sex, but at a complete loss as to how to achieve anything but tongue-tied bumblings ... all in all a bit of a loser. This apology for a smart, ambitious successful young man has only one way to go in a comic novel, and we are rooting for him from the start.

We meet Paul at the beginning of the novel, living in a dismal, shabby English bedsit, having dropped out of university and been told in no nonsense terms by his parents to sort himself out. He is thus fairly desperate for a job - any job - and goes to an interview for a position as a filing clerk at the mysterious firm of J.W. Wells & Co. Mysterious? Well, yes. After a disastrous interview, (Paul's response to the question, "What do you most admire about the works of Chekhov?" being "The way he says 'Course laid in, keptin' is pretty cool"), nobody in this or any other world would expect him to be accepted. We enjoy his blunderings; they are fine entertainment, and when Paul is accepted for the position, we realise that it's clearly going to be a very tall tale indeed. Forget the real world here. Mundane and ordinary it may be, but realistic? No way!

So Paul finds bemusedly that he has landed a job with J.W. Wells & Co, but is at a loss to know what it is, or what the firm actually does. He forgets names - his colleagues' names, his boss's name and even his own name. Highlights of his day include breaking the photocopier and hiding in the toilet whilst weeping hysterically. Paul becomes increasingly (and hilariously) traumatised, not even completely sure to whom he is responsible, or what his next work will be. He has a colleague, Sophie, who is also new. She is a skinny, morose, prickly girl, who seems completely immune to his "charms". We strongly suspect that she too is lonely and unattractive, like Paul, and through Paul's eyes is described as having the "sexual appeal of a hole-punch". Nevertheless Paul falls instantly in love with her, as he doubtless would have with any young available female within range. Occasionally they seem united in their confusion, and increasingly weird things happen, but basically she is just Not Interested. She has a boyfriend already, thank you very much. A rather self-centred, pseudy type, it has to be said, but she professes to be enamoured of him, He is a heavily politicised conceptual ceramic artist, or "performance potter" as Paul terms him, called Shaz. (We instantly hate this Shaz and are rooting for our hero.)

The story becomes odder and odder, with magical devices appearing at unusual times. Expect time travel, the sword in the stone, photocopiers and of the course "The Portable Door" to all play key roles. The office walls have scratch marks in them which keep disappearing, the vault is full of unusual antiquities such as series of incredibly ugly portraits of Hollywood stars, Scarlett O'Hara's birth certificate and a Norwich Union life policy in the name of Vlad Dracul. But do not expect to guess the ending. (Except for one aspect, of course. We'd all feel very cheated if THAT didn't happen.)

Bizarre? Yes. Crazy? Yes. Predictable? No. Its similarity to Terry Pratchett could be in its upbeat and lighthearted readability. It sets a fair pace, and the episodes crash one after another without particularly bothering about where they are going. There are quite a lot of hooks to make you curious, but in a way, the story is not what this is novel about. It is just a series of gags. There is one theme, sure, but ... it's not that important really. And we do find out the business of J.W. Wells & Co, which I will not divulge here. Suffice it to say, that this book kickstarted a whole series of books, seven so far, called "The J.W. Wells & Co series".

Tom Holt is a prolific author. The Portable Door, published in 2003, was about his 35th novel. By his third novel "Expecting Someone Taller", Tom Holt had already established his trademark style of comic fantasy - juxtaposing the mundane with the fantastic - and his novels became increasingly popular. He has also written a few serious historical novels under the name "Thomas Holt".

If you enjoy humour and fantasy, then give this a try. It's quirky, though I wouldn't call it "twisted" as some would have it. Tom Holt's early working background was as a solicitor specialising in death and taxes. Once you know this, it's obvious why the description of mundane office life, the mind-numbing humdrum paper-shuffling, is so well-observed, and his eye for the absurd sends it all up a treat. Sometimes you will smile wryly, sometimes giggle or chuckle, you may even laugh out loud if that is your wont. The Portable Door is fast, well-written, imaginative, colloquial, and absurdly amusing. And needless to say, if you have a sense of fun, it's wickedly funny. Great feel-good, light-hearted entertainment.

(I quite liked Mr Tanner's mum, myself ...)

"There's this to be said for being hungover; if you've got a job to do that involves substantial levels of ambient weirdness, it helps, because you can't be bothered to notice stuff that under other circumstances would come close to frying your synapses. Treasure maps; Czarist bonds; a case of stuffed dodos; Scarlett O'Hara's birth certificate; two flattened and deformed silver bullet heads in an old matchbox; Baedeker's guide to Atlantis (seventeenth edition, 1902); the autograph score of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony with Das Ende written neatly at the foot of the last page; three boxes of moon rocks ..."
Profile Image for Paul.
2,236 reviews20 followers
November 10, 2020
It's been years since I've read a Tom Holt book and, yet again, I find myself wondering why. It was like slipping into a warm bath (sorry for the mental image). I can see why some people don't like his stuff but his sense of humour gels quite nicely with mine and I spent most of the book chuckling like a contented hen. (Hens chuckle, right? OK, I'm not sure where I got that simile from.) I mean, we’ve all had jobs like this one... right? Maybe it’s just me...

I nearly gave this one 5 stars but I couldn't quite bring myself to, as it is a bit rough around the edges in places. Call it 4.5 and let’s move on to the next one...
Profile Image for Bradley.
Author 5 books4,535 followers
February 13, 2022
So yeah, I've read this author's other books, more recent ones, and I thought it would be a lark to go back in time and check out some of his early stuff.

I'm so happy I did.

Why? Because we've got this whole hate-work vibe going on and absolutely no clue what's happening but what's happening is a groan-worthy office romance, goblins, magic, goblins, love philters, goblins, and a little hole in space-time to keep us hopping.

And it's funny. Oh, how I needed this little dab of quirk in my life. It's filling that little humorous hole that I've been missing.

To tell you where I'm coming from with this, I'm reminded a lot of Jodi Taylor and Terry Pratchett. Take of this what you will. For some of us, that's more than enough. :)
Profile Image for Erick.
558 reviews3 followers
October 26, 2015
I hated this book not because Holt is a bad writer, but because his protagonist is a complete and utter, impossible to relate to idiot. He wastes the whole book think up excuses not to get with the girl of his dreams when everyone else is giving him fireworks in the sky, slap you in the face type clues that she loves him too! It's just infuriating, and not funny as it's attempting to be. It takes the idea of Schaudenfraude past it's logical end into that territory where it's just too painful to listen to or watch anymore.

The side characters are okay, but even most of them are rather shallow. The only one who I empathized with is Paul's boss who flat out tell him, 'Hello! I thought you'd be happy knowing that you are about to become a magician. Everyone else in the world would sacrifice a limb to be a magic user!' Which is exactly how I feel whenever an idiot in books or film says, I never wanted to be a magician, it scares me. Well boo hoo hoo. I don't wanna read a story about you you miserable welp.

Huff...you can see how angry I am with this book. There's more I could rant about, but I'll leave it there.
Profile Image for Melissa McShane.
Author 72 books828 followers
December 28, 2022
I don't actually find Tom Holt funny. He has some humorous moments, but for the most part his sense of humor doesn't mesh with mine. So the books of his I enjoy tend to be the ones with strong world-building and an interesting plot, which is the case with the J.W. Wells books. I felt like re-reading this one recently, just for fun, and enjoyed it just as much...I think this is the third time around. Paul is gormless in an entertaining, sympathetic way, and Sophie is fascinating as a counter-romantic heroine. I like the concept of a business catering to those who need magic, particularly how pragmatic they are. Holt comes up with some clever magical inventions, particularly the titular portable door (though you could technically call it an improvement on the portable hole) and the rules governing the use of love potions. Overall, an enjoyable read, something to while away an evening, and I may re-read the next ones soon as well.
Profile Image for Amanda.
707 reviews99 followers
July 16, 2010
I've come late to the Tom Holt party, but I'm glad I finally made it. This is the first book of his that I have read and I definitely intend to try more.

It is the story of Paul Carpenter, and how he takes a mysterious job in a mysterious firm where mysterious goings-on occur. I found it always interesting, a nice quick read and lightly humourous. I wouldn't say there were many laugh out loud moments, but I chuckled more than once or twice!

I think one of my favourite passages can best sum up the wit and wryly weird writing that Tom Holt employs: "There's this to be said for being hungover; if you've got a job to do that involves substantial levels of ambient weirdness, it helps, because you can't be bothered to notice stuff that under other circumstances would come close to frying your synapses. Treasure maps; Czarist bonds; a case of stuffed dodos; Scarlett O'Hara's birth certificate; two flattened and deformed silver bullet heads in an old matchbox; Baedeker's guide to Atlantis (seventeenth edition, 1902); the autograph score of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony with Das Ende written neatly at the foot of the last page; three boxes of moon rocks...." and so it continues in this vein.

I enjoyed the fact that Tom Holt is clever in his writing and assumes that you, too, must be clever because the vocabulary used is superb and had me scratching my head a few times.

The characterisation is brief but effective - through simple repetition we know that Paul is a bit of a loser, but with a good heart, while Sophie is a prickly but ultimately likeable character. The various partners of the firm they join are wildly entertaining.

My main criticism is with the pacing of the book. The first half of it went fairly slowly, as befits the unfolding of a mystery, but the last third was breathlessly fast and tied up very neatly.

Other than that, this was a fine book and I look forward to more of Holt's work.
Profile Image for Mark Foster.
2 reviews1 follower
January 29, 2011
This is a brilliant book from a writer I enjoy but find rather hit and miss. Like others have mentioned, this is Tom Holt very much 'on form', with a well-written story full of wonderful wit and likeable characters. Paul Carpenter is the typical Holt pathetic main character, who starts a very strange office job with a sour-faced girl, who he happens to falls for and refrains from quitting his insane job to stay with. Together they tackle the insanely boring tasks they're set and eventually become friends as they try to discover the true meaning behind the company. Their relationship is enjoyable to watch as it unfolds, beginning, as always, with what seems to be mutual contempt. The characters are well designed and the tension between them creates a lot of touching 'moments', all of which are amusingly noted by Paul himself.

I found the story came together very well, with lots of very strange things happening near the beginning all being explained at the end. More than one of the revelations that occurred made me smile and say out loud 'Of course!', which I'd say was the mark of a good book.

Topped with some insane characters (just wait 'til Mr Tanner's mum appears) and Holt's token observational wit, this is a madcap read that I highly enjoyed. Good stuff.
Profile Image for Ben.
969 reviews113 followers
July 16, 2019
Extremely slow-paced urban fantasy. I barely got through it. Some humor, and there is a plot in the second half, but it never becomes special.
Profile Image for Carlie.
5 reviews
February 11, 2008
halfway through this book, i was ready to give it 5 stars. tom holt could be the writer-offspring of Christopher Moore and JK Rowling. the main character is a dynamic loser stuck in his own head. the premise had promise of being a really fun mystery to solve (what kind of company was he working for???) and the clues are whimsical and spirited (items in the basement storage ranging from pop-culture surprises to literary-references-turned-real-life-objects), promising to reveal a delightful adventure.

but the big reveal was a little less surprising than i would have liked, less whimsical, less spirited. all the wonderful lead-up clues in storage went untouched. the main character's emergent magical powers seemed overdone and yet anti-climatic. the title object seemed contradictory in terms of space-time continuum usage. the plot seemed plotless, in that the characters (nor the reader) didn't really even know they were in the middle of a plot until the end, at which time most of the odd occurrences were connected and explained. but in the midst of them, i just felt bumped around but not a way that made me more sympathetic for the main characters.

so it was 5-stars until page 183. maybe someone else can pick up from there and use some of the great stuff in the beginning to build an entirely new plot.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Ella.
40 reviews26 followers
January 17, 2012
Oh man, what fun! A very British fantastical comedy. The fantasy part is woven in very slowly and very carefully, so you almost don't notice it's happening until you look around and everything is swords and sorcerers and epic duels instead of your dull office and the missing stapler and the photocopier that never seems to work. The brilliance of this book is how those things tie together. And god, so funny! I was laughing out loud all the way through. Well written, great characters, and a unique and interesting plot, full of surprises. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Chris.
843 reviews108 followers
November 10, 2012
Tom Holt is a respected comic fantasy writer, whose only other work I was previously aware of was Who's Afraid of Beowulf? So I was pleased to have this novel recommended to me, if only to see if Holt's inventiveness extends just to witty parodic titles like Faust Among Equals, Paint Your Dragon and Grailblazers.

The answer is, it doesn't. This is a rich smorgasboard of a book, amusing and thoughtful at the same time. The hero, Paul Carpenter, goes for interview at a distinctly dodgy firm where he meets the apparently mind-reading Sophie, and their world is turned on its head by what they uncover there. You know that something is not quite right when Paul goes home one night and can't help noticing "the very large block of stone resting halfway between the washbasin and the bed, and the very large, shiny double-handed sword that was stuck in it". There are other Arthurian echoes too in the very Tristan-and-Isolde love philtre (even if you find the Brangwain character a little outré) though Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, rather than Wagnerian music-drama, is the relevant influence here.

The door of the title is a neat conceit (as well as linguistic pun) though on occasion it seems to lead to logical non-sequiturs, even for a comic fantasy novel. Still, both plotting and characterisation are lively; though I'm less certain now whether I'd still be tempted by the sequel In Your Dreams and yet more sustained whimsy.
Profile Image for Tom Quinn.
603 reviews209 followers
January 28, 2016
Holt sure loves his similes. You'll run into as many as three a page. Everything, everyone, and everyplace is as like as something else. It makes the book read like a work of middle school fan fiction. But it's fun and charming in its levity. It's almost Harry Potter-ish, whimsical but a bit more grown-up. It's Harry Potter meets The Office.

The cover summary sounds very promising, but the book doesn't deliver. It's just a little too long, the romantic comedy subplot gets a bit labored, and the proper story doesn't really get rolling until just before the halfway point. Plus there's a lot of contrived action that's hard to believe, even in a fantasy setting with disbelief suspended enough to allow for goblins and magic. Still, it's light entertainment good for whiling away drizzly gray afternoons.

2.5 stars out of 5, and I'll round it down to 2 since it's not something I'd re-read.
Profile Image for Traummachine.
417 reviews9 followers
December 7, 2012
3.5 stars:
This is the tale of an unemployed British guy who keeps getting turned down for jobs, and is surprised when he's called back after horribly botching the interview. Turns out he's just what they're looking for. But figuring out what the company does, how the nonsense they ask him to do is of any use, and whether or not the sullen girl who started on the same day really fancies him are not easy jobs, and only lead to more questions.

It turns out that, as in Gilbert & Sullivan's The Sorcerer, at J.W. Wells & Co. their business is magic. I'll leave it at that, don't wanna spoil anything. But the book was cute, I loved all the unlovable characters, and I'm very happy that I've got 5 more books in this series to look forward to. :)
Profile Image for Julie.
892 reviews19 followers
September 22, 2020
This was a fun read. I actually expected it to be a bit sillier! Some of the stuff about starting a job and not understanding what the hell is going on reminded me of some jobs I had in my early 20s.
Profile Image for Lucy Cummin.
Author 1 book11 followers
February 12, 2021
Paul, a twenty-something with very little confidence, needs a job. Paul goes to an interview. There he meets, in the waiting room, Sophie. Neither of them expects to get a job, at J.W. Wells and co. Indeed, neither of them really have any office skills or experience and neither of them have any idea what J.W. Wells does. To Paul's astonishment he gets the job and when he comes in to work, there is Sophie who will share an office with him. The book moves slowly at first because the author, instead of following the current trend of throwing the reader into the middle of the churning action without a clue, chooses to keep up the suspense slowly while Paul and Sophie are given boring and seemingly pointless tasks and wonder a) what does this company do? b) Why did they hire me -- or Sophie? c) What is happening with that long-handled stapler? d) I'd quit only I really need to have a job and I'll never get another one. e) Oh dear, I'm in love, help! f) Who made those scratch marks on the back of our office door? until, somewhere in the middle the situation comes into focus and the pace picks up. I'd say, enjoy the novelty of a gradual beginning. Paul is not quick to act, he thinks, and his process is enjoyable. ****
Profile Image for John Wiswell.
Author 46 books635 followers
April 20, 2014
My second Tom Holt novel, and he's quickly becoming a go-to humorist to read when I'm in rough spots. In The Portable Door we meet Paul, a perennial loser who lands a job at a highly eccentric law firm. He works in the basement cataloging estate effects, like a novel that Proust never finished writing, some powder belonging to a "Dr. Jekyll," and other curiosities. After a couple days a sword lodged in a stone appears in his living room, and he thinks he's followed home by goblins. Even temp work is risky at J.W. Wells & Co.

The Portable Door has fewer gem lines than Blonde Bombshell, but those it delivers are still winners. The funniest thing about the entire book is that, as many oddities as show up, most of the humor is in capturing basic elements of modern life and psychology that we don't typically talk about. Consider:

"That explained about Professor Van Spee; and if the big weirdness could be got rid of so easily, it followed that all the little weirdnesses, such as the behavior of Messrs Wurmtoter and Tanner, the vanishing stapler and items nineteen to thirty-one inclusive, had to be explainable too; and if he knew they were explainable, then why should he waste his ingenuity and free time figuring out what the explanations actually were? Just knowing they were there was good enough."
I'm awfully guilty of that foible, and Holt has a knack for catching such thought processes. The oddities also allow some fascinating thought experiments, including once Paul starts misusing the eponymous "portable door," a rubber door that lets you go wherever you want. He accidentally steps back into the previous day and has to relive it, but isn't ready, can't remember half of what he said at the time, and winds up changing his own fate by trying to stay true to it. It leads to one of the best takes on "a second chance with the girl you liked" I've ever read, because it's utterly unsentimental, and any empathy he shows her upon realizing she's in a bad space is by sputtering accident.

A caveat: The Portable Door takes its sweet time starting. We know the company our hero is interviewing at is going to be behind Fantasy shenanigans and are anxious for it; the hero doesn't, and buys a microwavable pizza, and has multiple awkward conversations with a girl he can't get to like him, and literally sits in a waiting room while we're waiting for the good part. This is a very tricky thing in writing clever Fantasy that few authors have nailed down yet, that waiting period behind what we know from the premise and the text getting around to it, where the book can't possibly outdo the marketing department that, naturally, beat the novel to us for us to have found out the book exists and is quite funny eventually. Easily a third of the novel's length passes before fun stuff begins happening at all, and it's only the halfway point when one of their bosses finally gives them the monologue about the actual parameters and risks of their job.

It's worth getting there, even if you have to skim, to reach the sweet absurdities and historical abominations waiting after the premise. It can simply be annoying to get there, especially when the early part of the novel leans too heavily on an office romance that is so by-the-numbers. Get through and you'll find an entirely different Math waiting.
1 review1 follower
June 23, 2013
"Starting a new job can be extremely stressful. You meet your colleagues and forget their name. You meet your boss and forget his name. Then after breaking the photocopier, you forget your own name.

And then the next day you do it all again.

But what is your employer is not the pen-pushing, paper-shuffling outfit you supposed it to be? What if it is an elaborate front for something far more sinister?’

Not that Paul Carpenter, a new recruit at J.W.Wells & Co., would even notice. He’s become obsessed with wooing the enigmatic Sophie, a bizarre angular woman with all the sexual appeal of a hole-punch."

As Paul Carpenter applies for a job at the for a job as junior clerk at J.W.Wells, he has no chance of getting the job, up against a man who looks like he could do quadratic equations in his head while playing Mahler piano concertos, or the Pre-Raphaelite girl, but there is a small consolation, the thin girl next to him probably didn’t have any more of a chance than him. It is only as it comes up to his interview that he realises he doesn’t actually know what the job will entail, but that doesn’t really worry him, quite apart from the fact that he won’t get the job, it complies with his job seeking needs: not involving getting shot, or needing an A-Level in Sanskrit.

When he walks into the interview, he’s besieged with the most bizarre of questions. What are the four principal exports of Zambia anyway? But it’s of no matter as soon he’ll be back to searching the backs of newspaper for someone willing to employ a university drop-out.

So it comes as rather of a shock when he discovers he’s actually got the job. When he turns up at 70 St Mary Axe, after traversing the maze of corridors, he discovers his job mainly consist of filing mountains of mysterious papers, sometimes interspersed with randomly circling obscure parts of Australia at random, in green pen, on aerial photos, and trying to look confident that they are actually areas of some kind of obscure mineral.

This isn’t too bad compared to having to live in a small flat, with a big ornate sword (thoroughly wedged into a rather large stone of course).

But none of this is anything compared to what Paul discovers in his desk drawer; the Acme Portable Door, what could be better than taking your lunch breaks in sunny Italy? And to top that you can get back in time to do the photocopying.

This book is written in a style quite similar to Douglas Adams’ Dirk Gently books, and also features similar themes, of what looks like a normal world, but with mythology and magic woven in.

This is the first in a series of seven, it is very entertaining, and although only a quick read, it leaves you feeling satisfied, as do the others in the series.

Although this book parodies many things, including, and most notably, Gilbert and Sullivan, you do not need much knowledge, if any of these things for it to still be a book that is enjoyable to read.

Overall I think this book is definitely worth the read, especially for those who have read and enjoyed Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett.
Profile Image for Wing Kee.
2,091 reviews32 followers
October 19, 2018
A bit janky but still kinda fun.

World: The world building comes in slow as this book tries to set up the mundane and the banality of working in a mindless job to set reader expectations and then twist it around. When the supernatural and odd stuff does come in it's well thought out, it's a absurd and it's fun. It reminded me of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and the many other great English writers and their sense of humor, the wry the wink and the nod.

Story: I've not read this book since probably 2008 so more than 10 years ago I imagine and during that time when I read it I found it surprising, I had not read a lot of British humor novels at that time and I found the juxtaposition of the mind numbing work environment, the bland office environment to the utter ridiculous and fantastical and this is what this story is about. It's about an average Joe being thrown into somthing utterly nuts and how bad he reacts to it. It's about the oddball getting the girl even when he's tried to hard and failed so hard. It's about the satire of liking office politics with magic and the supernatural. It's the Office with Goblins and wizards and the like. The pacing is a bit slow and the story does not really get into a groove until well past the halfway mark but when it does it's fun. There is a lot of character scenes stitched together and it's not always smooth, it's rather janky, it's clunky and as I said the pace is glacial at time. Add to that John is an interesting character but he's intentionally super boring and rather a sad sack of potatoes and this character is not always good to read or is it interesting. There are a lot of things that Holt is trying to make mundane and in doing so it does lose it's readers and the book does plod. But at the end of the day I found enough enjoyment in the absurdity and the humor that I think the book was worth a read.

Characters: John is not a really appeal character and that's the biggest flaw of the book. In making John as boring and sad and pathetic as possible Holt has achieve it but he's not an interesting character because of that. It's intentional and if you get it and you feel the boring nature of John paired with the fantastical things then you may enjoy it. The rest of the cast is also just like John, where they are designed for a specific thing and serve a specific purpose. Other than John there is no huge character arcs found for the other characters and they merely serve as the backdrop and characters for John to bounce off of. Not to say there are not interesting characters as a lot of the J.W. Wells & Co. staff and bosses are interesting.

It was an okay book, the really dry humor is good and the satire is well done.

Onward to the next book!
Profile Image for Sławomir Molenda.
29 reviews2 followers
April 16, 2012
Sięgając po Toma Holta spodziewałem się dobrej rozrywki i lekkiej historii. Oczywiście pełnej fantastycznych wątków i groteskowej fabuły, która da mi sporo wytchnienia od cięższych tematów. I tak faktycznie się stało (częściowo).

Od pierwszych stron poznajemy perypetie nieudacznika życiowego, Paula Carpentera, który wybrał się na rozmowę o pracę. Wypadł podczas niej fatalnie, ale paradoksalnie otrzymał posadę i został urzędnikiem w firmie zajmującej się nie wiadomo czym. Żeby nie było nudno, będzie siedział w pokoju kobietą, w której zdążył się zakochać podczas czekania na rozmowę kwalifikacyjną.
Także mamy trochę romansu, potem rozwija się wątek fantastyczny, kryminalny, a w międzyczasie piętrzą się inne absurdalne historie. Do tego barwny język i ciągłe nawiązywanie do naszej popkultury sprawia, że książkę czyta się przyjemnie. Jest śmiesznie, kolorowo i bawią nas zawijasy słowne.

Jednak dosyć szybko ten humor sytuacyjny, a właściwie absurdalne metafory, stają się do bólu sztampowe. Fabuła nabiera rozpędu i jednocześnie zaczyna nudzić. Obserwowanie kolejnych rozterek Paula można porównać do oglądania przez parę godzin ruchów leniwca. Jego postać w ogóle jest tak miałka i nijaka, że w pewnym momencie miałem go serdecznie dość. Lektura zaczęła przypominać mezalians obyczajowego romansu z fantasy, ni to pies ni wydra...

Także nie dotarłem nawet do połowy książki. Nie wątpię, że ominąłem ciekawe rozwinięcia i mnóstwo humoru. Ale to, co kiedyś podobało mi się w krótszych opowiadaniach Toma Holta, przy dłuższym tekście całkowicie mnie nie przekonało. Dla osób szukających wyłącznie rozrywki dla zabicia czasu będzie to dobra książka. Jeżeli ktoś oczekuje po lekturze trochę więcej, to się wyłącznie rozczaruje.
Profile Image for Harry Rutherford.
376 reviews90 followers
December 30, 2011
Getting a Kindle for Christmas seems to have provoked a bit of a spurt of light reading. This may be something to to do with the Kindle — the instant downloads probably lend themselves to impulse buying — but I think it's also to do with Christmas. I'm not in the mood for anything too demanding.

This book is quite good fun, fun enough that I read the next one in the series as well, but I think with these books where the everyday world collides with the strange have a bit of a diminishing return. Initially there's an interesting tension between the mundane and the weird and unexplained, but the more it becomes dominated by ever more explicitly supernatural stuff, the less interesting it gets. It's a bit like watching True Blood, which was set up as an intriguing conflict between humans and vampires in a version of modern America; but as it piles on the maenads and werewolves and fairies, that basic connection to a recognisable everyday reality gets lost, and with it much of the dramatic tension.

An enjoyable enough way to relax for a few hours over Christmas, but I don't think I'll read the third one.
Profile Image for Mary-ellen.
344 reviews37 followers
February 20, 2023
This is a fun premise for a story with some great plotting, but I found it excruciating to read. I think the film might be better for this one.

In a nutshell, Paul and Sophie take internships at J. W. Wells & Co. with no idea what the firm does. They soon discover the firm is anything but ordinary.

The main issue for me is that the author is too clever with their narration and it repeatedly pulled me out of the story. The writing was so overworked it kept drawing attention to itself. It felt like the author kept saying, ‘Look at me! Aren’t I clever?’ I’m sure a lot of people will be fine with that, but I struggled to feel immersed in the story world.
Profile Image for Izzie.
203 reviews1 follower
June 10, 2023
This was an amazing adventure with superb narration (listened via audiobook). Every character had a unique voice and as an Aussie I loved hearing the authentic Australian accent for Mr Tanner. Not for the faint hearted, this is a wild ride and if you don't like tongue in cheek, nerd humour, it's probably not for you.
Profile Image for liam.
42 reviews
August 31, 2018
Hello Goodreads. Hi.

I signed up for this because I feel like I need a better idea of what to read next and use recommendations to figure it out. I don't think it's really managed to do that for me, but this book is certainly one attempt at it.

I believe this book was a genre-based Goodreads recommendation, and I'm fairly certain it was based on a Douglas Adams/Terry Pratchett algorithm that put it on my list. For some reason I thought it was supposed to be some sort of steampunk tale with humor, and it's not steampunk. But having read it, it is very Douglas Adams. It's Very British to start, taking place in London, and doesn't shy away from using local references and customs or food particular to the UK. There was this absurd back and forth about not liking rissoles, of which I had never heard, and was compelled to be taken out of the book and look up. It sounds like it's some sort of cooked meat pie, which, in my meat eating days, I thought was just great. So what are they complaining about? The main character was being envied by the rissole-eater for his purchase of a frozen pizza. Seriously, England. I work on not being totally dependent on stereotypes, but this was a non-comedic element of the story. Is the food so bad there that frozen pizza is considered...I don't know...good? I say this as someone with a 20 lb weight gain primarily due to frozen pizza once we realized no one could cook with both of us working.

The other thing that was Very Hitchhiker's Guide to me was the hapless protagonist. There's a bizarre world, long unknown to the protagonist, and we see him explore it in the context of this new job in a seemingly dull office job for a firm no one has the nerve to try to understand or ask is the nature of its services.

The world building was the best part. It's a great blend of a lot of ideas, and placing it within dull office culture is novel, charming and funny. I did laugh at loud a couple times in the course of reading it. The author did a good job of keeping the reader sufficiently in the dark so as to keep following this journey, shining just enough light to keep it interesting, and revealing just enough to inspire the reader to continue to see what the full display will be. There is a good use of menace in the background, it's hard to know who has what kind of intention in the story, and it fits the setting.

This brings me to some of my problems with it. I found the characters fairly universally unlikable, really the vessels travelling through the plot, which really outshone them. They were unsympathetic, generally just not offering any trait TO like them. There's a romance woven through the story, which was troubling at best, and not at all compelling. It definitely didn't make me want to stick around.

More on the troubling romance. I could see my teenage self getting into the whole story, it was the same time I read all of the Douglas Adams I could find. The main character, who is male, comes off like a real creep, and it's hard to feel like I'm rooting for him. Arthur Dent seems like Prince in comparison. Thankfully he encounters some growth, but he initially practically seems like he's about to become an incel. I understand that he can be redeemed by learning not to objectify women, or show some kind of weird entitlement around sex, it's a gross place to start and doesn't endear the audience to want him to become a better person.

There was also some hetero-normative element that took me out of the story. It went out of its way to indicate romance happens only between the "opposite sex", and I'm wondering why go through all the trouble? Why limit the world to only having the possibility of straight relationships? I wasn't demanding gay erotica in the middle of my Apparently Not Steampunk magic romp (not today anyway), but let's loosen up and allow for there to be all kinds of people in our stories.

I found a lot of the humor felt forced, a couple times thinking (and I'm not that bright) "Oh, they want me to laugh here," and not just feeling it. As I said previously, a couple of good laughs, but certainly not one of the funnier novels I've read.

My recommendation is that those who enjoy Adams or Pratchett and fantasy/magic might like to give it a try, but I think readers outside the niche would be fine to skip it. I may tread another one in the series, as I did find the setting and bits of the plot I was reading compelling, but I'm not in a rush.
229 reviews
February 21, 2021
A funny fantasy story which rarely veers away from being very very silly, in the vein of Terry Pratchett. Paul Carpenter is the unlikely hero of the book, a nerdy young man who gets his first job in a seemingly boring office which is hiding a whole fantastical world behind it, including goblins, otherworldly objects such as love philtres, which make you fall irrevocably in love with the first person you see after drinking it, and a portable door which can transport you to other times and places, but which rather strangely doesn't feature all that much in the story, despite being the titular feature. Maybe doesn't quite hit the heights of Pratchett, but a funny and entertaining story.
Profile Image for Alanna Fenn .
Author 2 books9 followers
January 26, 2021
Actual rating is 3,5*. This was entertaining enough, although I don't find Tom Holt especially funny, to be honest. I couldn't rate the book higher because of the protagonist's really overdone inability to act on his feelings and how drawn out the whole romantic arc becomes. The magical part was entertaining, although it felt like there were glimpses of opportunities which unfortunately didn't get developed. Still, a fun read, which doesn't require much thinking at all. Sometimes that's just what one needs.
Profile Image for Hallie.
258 reviews12 followers
January 22, 2011
It started out promising, then got really bizarre, and not in a good way. I was mostly just confused, and didn't care what happened next because the main character is actually kind of irritating.
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