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278 pages, Hardcover
First published August 18, 2009
"Can I speak freely with you Angel?"
"Of course you can," she assured him. "You are my customer. I'll never repeat what you say to me because I know how a professional somebody is supposed to behave."
Forgive me, Angel, we do not talk of Tutsis and Hutus anymore; we are all Banyarwanda now. But I must use those words to talk about the past because in the past we were not yet Banyarwanda.
Do you think I feel blessed to live in this house with the ghosts of everyone who was killed here? Do you think I feel blessed to go in and out through the gate where my husband and my child were killed? Do you think I feel blessed to see what I saw that night every time I close my eyes and try to sleep? Do you think I feel blessed not knowing where the bodies of my husband and my first born lie? Do you think I feel blessed in any way at all, Angel?...There are many survivors who feel like I feel. There are many who regret surviving, who would like to make the other choice now…As Catholics we know that we will go to Hell if we suicide ourselves…And what's the point of going to Hell after we die? Because we already live there now.
I think that Vinas chose to do what she did in order to save others, Auntie. When she suicided herself, did she not save her parents the pain of watching her suffer? Did she not save her children from the pain of watching her die? I think that when a person dies to save others, Hell is not the place for her soul. I think the Bible tells us that such a soul belongs in Heaven.