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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mall Girl Pearl" from season 9, which aired on March 12, 2016.

• [The episode starts in Mr. Krabs and Pearl's house. Cut to inside Pearl's room, as she is kissing a magazine with Coral Cuties.]
• Pearl: Ooh! Mwah, mwah, mwah! [cries] Aaahhh! [back to kissing] Num-num-num-mmm... Mwah! [her heart lip manages to cover two pages that show Boys Who Cry, and then she decides to call a friend of hers. Cut to Bikini Bottom Mall, inside there is a store called Hot-Dog on a String. Marina, not too happy, works there]
• Marina: [cell phone rings and she picks up] Hi, Pearl.
• Pearl: [cue split screen] Hey, girl! Let's hang out!
• Marina: Uh, I can't, I have to work at Hot-Dog on a String today. Brad called in sick, [holds four wieners tied to a string] so I'm in charge of stringing the dogs. Totally lame.
• Pearl: I guess I'll see you later then. [hangs up. The split screen ends as it goes to Marina's side. A boy customer comes in to order while in the background, Squidward is walking with two bags, but SpongeBob is following him. He hides behind a pole as Squidward looks behind and then they keep walking normally, but Squidward still doesn't see SpongeBob]
• Martin: Uh... Can I get one with extra string?
• Marina: Ugh.
• [Marina holds a hot-dog with extra string as we shift to the right to see another store: Scorched Coral. The place looks like a bomb and the word 'scorched' has fire letters. Nocturna, not too happy as well, works there. Her phone rings with a blood-curdling scream and she picks up.]
• Nocturna: [phone rings] What?
• Pearl: [the split screen returns] Hey, girl! Want to come over and make fun of boys or something?
• Nocturna: Uh, sorry, girl, I can't. I'm working at Scorched Coral all day. [holds a sea urchin] It's heinous.
• Pearl: [laughs] Oh! So heinous. See ya later.
• Nocturna: See ya later, Pearl. [hangs up. The split screen ends as a girl customer comes in to order.]
• Girl Customer: How much is this choker?
• Nocturna: Um, it's a wrist band.
• Girl Customer: [gasping and choking]
• Nocturna: Awesome.
• [The last store is Bangles and Dangles. A lot of jewellery is seen in the store. Another one of Pearl's friends, Nixie, works there. Her phone rings and she answers.]
• Nixie: Nixie speaking.
• Pearl: [the split screen returns] Nixie! My bestest friend in the whole wide world. You should come over. We can watch TV, and eat cheese!
• Nixie: I wish I could, Pearl, but I have to work at Dangles and Bangles. All dangles are half off with the purchase of any bangle. Dangle must be off equal or lesser value than bangle. Some restrictions may apply. [Pearl hangs up on her side, and Nixie is stuck to an anchor on her side. Cut back to Pearl]
• Pearl: [holds her Boys Who Cry magazine again] Oh, you don't work at the mall, do you, Derek?
• Derek: No, but all my girlfriends do. [winks at her, which leaves Pearl surprised. The scene goes to the living room where Mr. Krabs is on a rocking chair reading a magazine]
• Pearl: [off-screen; gets her dad's attention] Daddy! [appears stomping on her way in] Guess what?
• Mr. Krabs: [gasps, as if Pearl wants to ask him for her allowance. He locks his wallet full of cash and two credit cards then swallows it, now chuckles] I have no idea, Pearly.
• Pearl: Dad, I'm getting a job today.
• Mr. Krabs: [shouts as he bunces all over the living room roof and ground] Yahoo! Oh, this is great news, Pearl, me dear! Now, instead of wasting my precious money on your "clothes" and your "school supplies"... [chuckles] You can waste your own.
• Pearl: I'll be an independent working woman, blazing my own trail and standing on my own two fins.
• Mr. Krabs: That's the spirit.
• Pearl: Oh, can I borrow $10?
• Mr. Krabs: [gets his wallet out of his stomach and takes out a dollar] I'll miss you around the house.
• Pearl: [takes the dollar] Oh, Daddy, you'll see me after work.
• Mr. Krabs: [angry at Pearl] I was talkin' to the money.
• [Pearl stares at him annoyingly. At the mall, Pearl is there, looking for a job with one of her three friends and she's in Hot-Dog on a String with Marina.]
• Pearl: Hey, Marina! I'm here to apply for a job.
• Marina: You should meet the manager, I guess. He's in his office. Mr. Pepalino, there's someone here for a job.
• Pearl: [bounces her way into inside, but gets stuck in the manager's office door] Ah!
• [Marina grunts to try and help Pearl inside the office. However she turns around sadly, as a chair stuck to her comes off of her back. Pearl then gets unstuck]
• Pearl: I-I don't think he's in there.

{{L|[Because Mr. Pepalino is not in his office, the reason why is because he's so tiny. He is stuck to Pearl's back. He then lands on the wiener maker, joining the wieners tied on a string. Mr. Pepalino then appears all broken due to the string taking him to the fried grease]

• Mr. Pepalino: We're not hiring.
• [Now at Scorched Coral with Nocturna...]
• Nocturna: [cleaning a skeleton's head] Welcome to Scorched Coral, please go away. [sees Pearl] Oh, hey, Pearl. What are you doing here?
• Pearl: I would like to apply for a job, please.
• Nocturna: Yeah, sorry. You're a little late. [Pearl's smile turns into a frown] We were hiring, but we actually just hired someone today.

{{L|[The camera pans right to see a customer that looks like Pearl, but she has completely different style. Her hair is the same color, but it has spikes, and the lipstick is changed. Her irises now have the pupils colored in, she has a choking collar, has drool over her mouth, and much more. The Pearl lookalike hisses at the real deal.]

• Pearl: Ah! [backs away. Now at Bangles and Dangles with Nixie] Oh, Nixie, I need to work at Dangles and Bangles! This is my last chance, you gotta help me out here! Oh, please, please, please, please, please!
• Nixie: Come on, let me introduce you to the manager. This is--
• Bangles and Dangles manager: Nope, not hiring.
• Pearl: You don't understand, I have to work here!
• Bangles and Dangles manager: Sorry, missy, the only thing we don't dangle here... is hope.
• Pearl: Oh, bangles. Ah... [belches] Oh, this is the worst. If I don't get a job at the mall, I'm gonna have to hang out with my dad! [sighs]
• Beatrice: You looking for a job, deary?
• Pearl: Yeah! I need one as soon as possible. It's a life or death situation, actually.
• Beatrice: Oh, my goodness. Are you in danger?
• Pearl: In danger of never seeing my friends, 'cause I don't have a job.
• Beatrice: Come with me.
• Pearl: [gasps as she follows] Weird. I've never been in this part of the mall before. [gasps] Ugh! What's that smell?
• Beatrice: Oh, probably one of the many perfumes that we sell here at Grandma's Apron! Congratulations! You're hired.
• Pearl: [gasps] Oh, this is the best day of my life!
• Beatrice: [groaning] Ah! [back pops] Well, I can't quite afford to be picky these days. The only other employee besides me was Myrtle, and she's... no longer with us.
• Both: [shriek because they were proven wrong. Myrtle zooms her scooter past the two]
• Myrtle: Almost forget my shades! See ya later, suckers! [laughing; now Pearl is having lunch with her friends]
• Marina: Hey, Pearl. Over here.
• Nocturna: Did you find a job?
• Pearl: Yeah, I got a job at Grandma's Apron. [in the background, Squidward has found SpongeBob offscreen and is running away from him screaming. SpongeBob follows him while laughing]
• Marina: [laughing] Pearl, you cannot be serious.
• Nocturna: Ew, that store is for old people.
• Nixie: [laughing] Old people are so... old.
• Pearl: Old people aren't that bad. Are they?
• All: [laughter]
• [Bubble transition.]
• Marina: Hey, girls. I smell moth balls.
• Pearl: Well, we are having a sale on them. They're 25% off today.
• Nocturna: Um, isn't it your nap time, Pearl?
• Nixie: Where's your muumuu, granny?
• All: [laughter]
• Beatrice: Oh, don't let those bubble-headed nincompoops get to you, Pearly.
• Pearl: But it's not fair.
• Beatrice: Life's not fair, my dear. We all go through hard times at some point. Here, look. See? I was different from the other girls, and they teased me for it. They called me "Boring Beatrice." Not very creative, those girls. [chuckles while showing a picture]
• Pearl: Who would even take a picture of that?
• Beatrice: Oh, good ol' Jonesy from the AV Club took that one!
• Pearl: Wait, but who took that picture--
• Beatrice: All that matters, Pearly, my dear, is that things will soon change. But in the meantime, you should be having as much fun as possible. Let me show you how grandmas do it.
• [Bubble transition.]
• Both: [laughter]
• Pearl: Whoa, come back here, yarn! [panting]
• All: [gasp, when Pearl walks over]
• Marina: [laughing] Love the shoes, Pearl.
• Pearl: You guys just don't get it. Being a grandma is fun. I get to sit in a rocking chair, dust tchotchkes, bake cookies, knit mittens, hats, and scarves.
• All: [laughter]
• Nocturna: Scarves.
• Pearl: It's actually, like, the most coral store in the whole mall, so you can all just... just... eat barnacles!
• All: [laughter]
• Beatrice: Now, now, girls. Let's be polite.
• Marina: What are you gonna do about it, granny? [grunting menacingly]
• Beatrice: Granny power! Power! Power! [echoing]
• Marina: [screams]
• All: [screaming]
• Beatrice: Pearl, toss me the Autumn Years perfume.
• Pearl: Hi-ya!
• All: [screaming]
• Marina: It smells like pills and bed pans. Whoa!
• Beatrice: [laughing]
• All: [whimpering]
• Beatrice: Well, now that you're all sitting down, let me tell you about the first time I ever saw a talking picture show. Oh, boy, did they know how to talk.
• Nixie: No, please! I can't take anymore!
• Marina: It's... so... boring!
• Nocturna: No, I hate the past!
• French Narrator: [reading time card] One hour later...
• Beatrice: And that's why today, we all wear shoes.
• Marina: Okay, okay, we get it, we will stop being mean, I promise, just let us go!
• All: Whoa! [groaning]
• Marina: Listen, Pearl. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. We just, like, think it's weird that you're, like, a grandma now, or whatever. We don't really get it.
• Pearl: Well, I don't care what you think anymore anyway. I'm being true to myself, and--and that's all that matters!
• All: Eh. [they all leave as Pearl talks to Beatrice]
• Pearl: I'm a grandma now. Right, Beatrice?
• Beatrice: Oh, Pearl, I'm so glad you enjoy being a grandma, but your friends make a good point. You're only young once, you see. You don't want to grow up too fast or you'll miss out on all the fun.
• Pearl: I guess you're right. Being a grandma is nice and all, but I do miss being a super hip young person.
• Beatrice: Go have yourself some fun, my dear. Ah, ah, ah, ah. How 'about a nice, gentle handshake instead? [groans]
• Pearl: Hey, wait up, guys! I want to be friends while I'm still young!
• Beatrice: I'll see you tomorrow. [her hand drops to the floor as SpongeBob appears out of nowhere holding her arm]
• SpongeBob: [appears holding Beatrice's hand] You dropped this. [puts the hand back where it was and leaves while Beatrice looks at it for a while. The episode ends]