This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Big Top Flop" from season 13, which aired on October 31, 2023.

• [The episode opens with a shot of the Krusty Krab's sign, which some clams are resting on. One of them flies down to the ground to join some other clams. The scene fades into an empty Krusty Krab and into the office, where Mr. Krabs comes out of.]
• Mr. Krabs: Hello, me loving paying-- [notices the place is empty] customers? Where is everybody? [looks at watch] Hmm. Lunchtime. [closes office door, looks at calendar] "Work day." [uses stethoscope to listen to his heartbeat] Money, money, money. [takes off stethoscope] Still have a pulse. [hears calliope music, panics] Calliope music? I'm in a horror movie! Wait a minute. [opens front doors to see a giant circus placed next to him] What? Oh, no! The circus? No wonder there aren't any customers.
• Mudkrab: [appears behind Mr. Krabs in a hot air balloon] Boo.
• Mr. Krabs: [screams]
• Mudkrab: [pulls on mustache] Hello again, Krabs.
• Mr. Krabs: Ringmaster Mudkrab? This is outrageous. [points to Mudkrab] You can't park your flea circus on my property.
• Mudkrab: [exits hot air balloon, approaches] Since my cousin is the mayor, [holds out permit] this city permit says I can. [shoves permit to Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: [reading permit, muttering and growling angrily]
• Mudkrab: [takes back permit as Mr. Krabs burns to ashes] Since you [pats Mr. Krabs' remains] won't be busy, here's a [holds out ticket] free ticket to the circus [gives Mr. Krabs ticket] so you can see where all your money went. Don't forget to try our cotton candy. Your customers are gobbling it up like it was Krabby Patties. [laughs, walks off]
• Mr. Krabs: [grumbles]
• SpongeBob: [appears with Squidward] Oh, boy, it's the circus! Huh? [uses watering can to revive Mr. Krabs] Hmm.
• Mr. Krabs: Yes, every year that Ringmaster Mudkrab rolls into town and steals me customers. But this year he's parked his shabby tent show right on me property.
• Man: [drives by with girl] Hey, let's get a Krabby Patty.
• Woman: No, [points to circus] let's go to the circus instead. [they drive off]
• Mr. Krabs: [growling, on fire, slaps SpongeBob's watering can out of his hand]
• Squidward: Well, since there's no [points to the right] work, [begins to walk away] I'll be going.
• Mr. Krabs: To the circus. [sticks out tongue, takes ticket]
• Squidward: [stops walking] To the circus?
• SpongeBob: To the circus!
• Mr. Krabs: To destroy it. [laughs evilly]
• Squidward: To destroy it?
• SpongeBob: To destroy it! [record scratches, confused] To destroy it?
• Mr. Krabs: No, no, [pats SpongeBob's head] boy-o, not destroy. I said "enjoy." We're going to enjoy the circus.
• SpongeBob: Oh. [Patrick falls from the sky]
• Patrick: [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Yay! We're going to the circus!
• Mr. Krabs: And it'll be fun [face contorts] for all ages. [laughs wickedly]
• [Bubble transition to Mr. Krabs peeking from behind a circus train. He then peeks from under the sand. Inside the train, Ringmaster Mudkrab is speaking to several circus actors.]
• Mudkrab: We've got another sold-out show today, troupe. So let's give them a spectacle they'll never forget.
• Mr. Krabs: [traps circus train with wooden board] Yeah, they'll never forget it, all right.
• Mudkrab: [inside train] Krabs, is that you?
• Mr. Krabs: That's right. It's Krabs. And me own crew of incompetent misfits will make such a mockery of [points] your circus that you'll be drummed out of Bikini Bottom forever.
• Mudkrab: [shaking train as Mr. Krabs walks off] Open up! Open up, I say!
• SpongeBob: [emerging in flashy pink outfit from dressing room, as well as Patrick as a sea bear] Hey, Mr. Krabs, I don't get it. Why are we dressed like this?
• Mr. Krabs: Uh, because everyone in the circus is sick today, and my friend the ring master asked us to take over the show. So I'll be... [puts on ringmaster outfit] the new ringmaster!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay!
• Mr. Krabs: Where's Squidward?
• Squidward: [appears with raggedy clown outfit] Do I have to do this?
• Mr. Krabs: You look great. The pathos is already moving me to tears.
• Squidward: [groans]
• Mr. Krabs: [hears crowd, takes SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward away] Oh, show's starting. Places, everyone.
• [Cut to the inside of the circus.]
• Crowd: [cheers and applause]
• [The lights turn off as two spotlights circle around. A spotlight shines on Mr. Krabs, and the lights come back on as he scratches his butt.]
• Mr. Krabs: [spits, uses megaphone] Dummies and numbskulls, spoiled brats of all ages, welcome to the crummiest show on Earth.
• Mother: [with child and father] Dummies? Numbskulls? How rude!
• Father: Heh, [pointing] he must be one of those insult ringmasters.
• Mother: Well, in that case, he's funny. [laughter]
• Mr. Krabs: That's weird. They actually enjoyed that. Well, wait till they see this first act. They're gonna hate it. I call your attention to the [gestures upwards] high wire above me. [camera pans above, spotlight shines onto SpongeBob on a unicycle] Introducing Sponge-O the Incompetent.
• SpongeBob: [laughs]
• Incidental 152: [eats and spits popcorn at Incidental 151's face, then points] Hey, that's SpongeBob!
• Incidentals 151, 152, and 153: [waving] Hi, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: [waving back] Oh, hey, kids. [losing balance] Whoa! [does circles around tightrope, trying to regain balance]
• Mr. Krabs: Yes, folks, isn't he appalling? [points backwards] Leave now for a full refund.
• SpongeBob: [continues circling around tightrope] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
• Mr. Krabs: Fall into the net already. [holds bag of urchins] Urchins should do it. [throws urchins above, which land on SpongeBob's handlebar]
• SpongeBob: [urchins latch onto him] Huh? Oh, no. No, no, no. Ow, ow, ow, ow! [looks down] Ow, ow! I'm out. [falls down, screams, bounces on net below]
• Mr. Krabs: [rubbing hands together, chuckling evilly, then the unicycle falls on his head] Ow!
• Crowd: [cheering]
• SpongeBob: [lands onto empty seat in crowd] Whoo-hoo-hoo! [points to urchins] Yay!
• Crowd: [cheering]
• Urchins: [bowing]
• [Meanwhile, the circus actors in the train try to get out.]
• Circus actors: Let me out of here. What do you think you're doing?
• Magician: [uses magic wand on hat, pulls out saw] Ha ha! Ah!
• Mudkrab: [takes saw] I'll get us out of here. [begins slowly sawing circus train doors] Uh, eventually.
• [Cut back to the inside of the circus.]
• Crowd: [clamoring]
• Mr. Krabs: [takes off unicycle, then tosses it] All right, shut up, everybody. Shut it!
• Man: [stops chewing popcorn, gulps]
• Mr. Krabs: Allow me to point to the exits, because this next act is sure to disappoint you. [spotlight directs to Squidward, walking onstage with a suitcase] Don't put your hands together for Squid-O, the world's saddest clown.
• Squidward: [sets down suitcase, then opens it, being pelted with baseballs, then sighs with a sad expression]
• Crowd: Aw.
• Squidward: [sighs, closes suitcase, then hesitantly reopens it and smiles]
• [Squidward gets hit in the face with a pie, and he wipes himself off with a napkin.]
• Crowd: Aw.
• [A closeup of a painting of Squidward the clown shedding a tear is shown.]
• Crowd: Aw.
• Mr. Krabs: What? They're not supposed to sympathize with him. Don't aw him. Boo him!
• [Squidward closes the suitcase, then reopens it to grab a watering can. He waters the flower inside to make it grow to a gigantic size. It squirts water at Squidward with an elephant trumpet heard, and he embraces it as it hits him and makes him disoriented on the ground.]
• Crowd: Aw.
• [Squidward takes one of the flowers from his dizzy spell and smiles, then frowns again as it sags.]
• Crowd: Aw.
• Squidward: [puts tentacle on face, sadly looks at camera, shaking head]
• Crowd: Aw. [tearfully cheers and applauds]
• Squidward: [gets up, bows happily] Mwah, mwah. [poses] Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!
• Mr. Krabs: What the... this idiot crowd is too easily entertained. I've got one last act that'll make 'em hate this circus. [hops off pedestal]
• [Meanwhile, Mudkrab is still sawing his way out of the circus train.]
• Mudkrab: [off-screen] Almost there.
• [Back to inside the circus, Mr. Krabs lifts open a circus cage full of sea bears, which were playing cards.]
• Mr. Krabs: [points out] All right, you sea bears, out. [sea bears leave] Out, out, out, out, out. [shouting] Patrick!
• Patrick: [falls down, still in sea bear costume] What's up?
• Mr. Krabs: [points to cage] Get in.
• Patrick: [salutes, then gets in the cage]
• Mr. Krabs: [chuckles evilly, pulls cage along] For our next pitiful, second-rate form of entertainment, we have the mournful sight of a trained dancing sea bear [Patrick hops out] that's a total fraud!
• Crowd: [cheers and applause]
• Incidental 152: [eats and spits popcorn at Incidental 153's face, then points] Hey, that's Patrick!
• Incidentals 151, 152, and 153: [waving] Hi, Patrick!
• Patrick: [waving] Hello, Bikini Bottom!
• Mr. Krabs: [blows whistle]
• Patrick: [yelps]
• Mr. Krabs: Get on the [points to giant ball next to Patrick] ball, fake bear, and dance.
• [Patrick struggles to get on the ball, and Mr. Krabs shoves him, making him fall to the ground.]
• Crowd: [booing]
• Patrick: [rubs back]
• Crowd member: Hey, he's being mean to the fake bear.
• Mr. Krabs: [rubs hands together] It's finally working. Yes, I agree. This show is the worst. If I were you, I'd storm out and demand my money back and then go spend it at the Krusty Krab. [Patrick blows the whistle] Hmm?
• Patrick: Your turn! On the ball, Ringmaster, [kicks ball to Mr. Krabs] and dance!
• Crowd: [chanting, cracking whips] On the ball! On the ball! On the ball!
• Crowd member: [sweating, holding whips] Yeah, yeah. Yeah! [cackling]
• Crowd: [chanting] On the ball! On the ball!
• Mr. Krabs: [sweating, Patrick blows whistle, then gets on ball] Okay, okay. I'll get on. [starts dancing on ball] There, see? Whoa, whoa. Whoa! [Patrick chases after Mr. Krabs, blowing the whistle] Oh, boy, I'm dragging. [gasps]
• Crowd: [cheering, including sea bears]
• [Meanwhile, Mudkrab finishes sawing an opening to the circus train. The circus performers all fall on the ground as Mudkrab stands on them.]
• Mudkrab: I'll take care of Krabs myself. [jumps off]
• [Cut back to the inside of the circus. Mr. Krabs is still on the ball.]
• Patrick: [blowing whistle]
• Mudkrab: [opens doors] Krabs! [points at Mr. Krabs] How dare you turn my circus into a--well, a circus?
• Mr. Krabs: [pointing at Mudkrab] Well, how dare you turn me restaurant into, uh, an empty restaurant?
• [Mudkrab starts chasing after Mr. Krabs.]
• Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. [bounces upwards onto swing] Alley-oop!
• Mudkrab: [growls, climbs up ladder]
• Mr. Krabs: [jumps onto other platform]
• Mudkrab: [gets on other swing] You can swing, but you can't hide. [jumps onto Krabs' platform, and Krabs swings off] Huh?
• Mr. Krabs: [ends up on opposite platform, winks]
• Crowd: [cheers]
• [Mr. Krabs starts climbing down the ladder, and Mudkrab swings into him, and they do acrobatics before Mr. Krabs grabs onto a tightrope and Mudkrab lands on it.]
• Mudkrab: Ha! Looks like you're hung out to dry. [Mr. Krabs throws urchins at him] Aah! Urchins! Get 'em off me! [falls down]
• Mr. Krabs: [laughs, then some urchins get on the tightrope] What? Huh? You'd be nothing [falls down] without me! [lands on net below, where Mudkrab is standing]
• Mudkrab: Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: [hops onto unicycle below, begins pedaling]
• Mudkrab: [riding on motorcycle with joust, chasing after Mr. Krabs]
• Mr. Krabs: [screams]
• [Mr. Krabs runs away on his unicycle while Mudkrab chases him on his motorcycle. Mr. Krabs gets inside a cannon.]
• Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna blast a hole right through your carapace, you corny carny.
• Mudkrab: [in cannon's vision, flicks motorcycle away and gets his own cannon to get inside] I'm gonna pound out all of your teeth, you ridiculous restauranteur.
• [Both cannons fire at each other, and the two crabs crash into each other off-screen as the crowd winces.]
• Crowd: [cheering]
• French Narrator: [narrating time card] One week later...
• [At the Krusty Krab, Squidward reads a book at the register while SpongeBob stands, holding a spatula.]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, do you think Mr. Krabs will ever come back to the Krusty Krab?
• Squidward: [flips page] I doubt it. He's making more money now than he ever did.
• [Zoom out to the circus next door.]
• Announcer: [off-screen] Ladies and gentlemen, behold the most incredible sight you'll ever see. [fade to inside circus, where a crowd is gathered around] It's amazing, and it's alive.
• Mr. Krabs: [grotesquely merged with Mudkrab on pedestal] Step right up, folks. If I knew I'd make this much money, I'd have cannonballed into you a long time ago. Oh, I love the circus.
• Mudkrab: It's the greatest dough on earth. [both laughing, camera irises out onto them as episode ends]