This post is dedicated to my non-Israeli friends.
But everyone’s welcome to read it :)
I’m sitting down to write this post about 10 minutes before the Israeli Memorial Day transitions to our Independence Day. Every year this is a nearly unbearable transition, from deep sadness to pride and joy. We are taught, from a very young age (as early as 6 years old, as I learned this year through my son), that these two dates were set intentionally, so that us Israelis will always remember that our independence came, and keeps coming, at great cost.
This year, I feel it’s even worse than unbearable. It’s simply impossible. I find myself uncapable of celebrating Independence Day. As a nation and a country, we’re still at war. As an individual (and far from being the only one feeling like this), I’m still mourning.
I truly believe we should still find ways to be happy and participate in or even initiate whatever activities that serve that purpose. But highlighting the achievement of becoming an independent country, of forming a safe country for Jewish people.. Right now it just doesn’t feel like the right time to do that.
And here’s why I’m writing to you, non-Israelis. I want to tell you more about what I’m mourning. I hope this will help those of you who see Israel at a mostly negative light, better understand the complexity of our reality.
Personally, I fully acknowledge Israel shares the responsibility over the truly shitty life of the people of Gaza.
Along with that, I’m mourning what Israelis must live through right now: The tragic loss of so many loved ones, so many of them in terrible ways that I don’t think I’ll ever dare expose myself to. The need to leave their homes, and uproot their families, their whole lives. The fear that we’ll never feel safe again, not in Israel, and not anywhere else. The feeling I often struggle with, that I might never fully recover from my personal Oct 7 experience. That I will never be my best self again because of it – not the best mother I want to be, not the best partner, not the best friend, not the best employee.
So back to the complexity – you see, almost all Israelis are like me. People who just want to feel safe, just want to provide their kids with everything they need, just want to be able to celebrate without thinking about all that is wrong in the world.
I’m proud to be Israeli, although I’ve never felt more challenged to say it out loud.