The Contest

"The Contest" is the eleventh episode of the fourth season of the American television sitcom Seinfeld, and the 51st episode overall. Written by Larry David and directed by Tom Cherones, the episode originally aired on NBC on November 18, 1992.^[1][2] In the episode, Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer hold a contest to determine who can go for the longest time without masturbating.

As NBC executives felt that masturbation was not a topic suitable for prime time television, the word "masturbation" is never used in the episode, instead replaced by a number of comic euphemisms.^[3] The term "master of my domain", describing someone who has resisted the urge to masturbate, has since become a popular catchphrase.^[4][5]

David won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series for the episode. In 2009, "The Contest" was ranked number 1 on TV Guide's list of the "100 Greatest Episodes of All-Time".

At Monk's Café, George tells Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer that his mother caught him masturbating while reading a Glamour magazine, resulting in her falling over in shock and going to the hospital. George claims that he is "never doing that again." When the others express skepticism over his ability to follow through, the four make a bet over who can go the longest without masturbating. The men put up $100 each but insist that Elaine put up $150, as they insist that masturbation is not part of a woman's "lifestyle".

Kramer fails almost immediately after seeing a naked woman in an apartment across the street from Jerry's; after returning to his apartment to masturbate, he walks back into Jerry's apartment and slams $100 on the kitchen counter, saying "I'm out!". The others meet various temptations of their own; George is distracted while visiting his mother in the hospital by an attractive nurse giving another woman a sponge bath behind a curtain, Elaine's fitness club is patronized by John F. Kennedy Jr., and Jerry is frustrated because his girlfriend Marla, a virgin, is hesitant to have sex with him. Jerry tries to quell his urges by watching Tiny Toon Adventures.

The remaining contestants become irascible and suffer insomnia. Kennedy asks Elaine to share a cab ride uptown, and she agrees even though she is going downtown. He arranges to see her again, and she gives in to the anticipation and drops out of the contest. While making out on the couch, Marla asks Jerry if they can have sex, claiming that she is ready. When Jerry mentions the contest in passing, Marla leaves in disgust; Jerry then resorts to looking at the naked woman. Elaine believes that Kennedy has stood her up, but George reveals that Kennedy missed her and went with Marla. The three then see Kramer with the naked woman across the street and wave awkwardly to them.

That night, everyone sleeps well, but it is not revealed whether Jerry or George won. Marla is in bed with Kennedy, having finally lost her virginity to him; enraptured, she tells him that it was "wonderful".

"The Contest" was written by Seinfeld co-creator Larry David. Kenny Kramer claimed that there actually was a contest which David and some friends of his held, although Kramer did not take part because he thought he could not win. David won the contest, which lasted three weeks.^[6] When David considered using the idea for an episode of Seinfeld, he did not talk about it with Jerry Seinfeld for a considerable time, because he thought the episode was impossible for him to pitch.^[6] However, Seinfeld thought it was not offensive.^[7]

The original script was not revealed until the night before the cast read-through.^[8] The first version written by David was not as clean as the one later broadcast.^[6] The note from the censor claimed that David should not use the word "masturbate".^[9] Seinfeld decided it would be better to remove any references to what George actually did.^[6] Seinfeld claimed that what was noteworthy about "The Contest" was the "dovetailing" of the stories.^[6] He claimed that it probably would have been possible to have used the word "masturbation" in the episode (in "The Ticket"—an earlier episode in the same season—George says "you must have a good story; otherwise, it's just masturbation") but that this would not have been as humorous.^[7] Part of the opening scene was originally written for "The Seinfeld Chronicles", the series' pilot episode.^[8]

"The Contest" is the first episode to feature Estelle Costanza, George's mother, as an on-screen character. Estelle Harris, who played the character, had not seen Seinfeld before she auditioned; her son told her about the audition. The cast and crew commented positively on the similarity in appearance between Harris and Jason Alexander, as it made it more believable that their characters could be related.^[6] Rachel Sweet has a cameo role in this episode as George's cousin Shelly.

There are two deleted scenes in "The Contest". One features Joyce—the teacher of Elaine's fitness class—in the opening scene talking to Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer. The second features George and Estelle Costanza in the hospital, where the female patient has been moved to the room next door after Estelle complained about her nakedness.^[10]

"The Contest" is considered one of the best Seinfeld episodes, winning several awards and positive reviews from critics. David won a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series for the episode.^[11] He also won a Writers Guild of America Award for his work on the episode.^[8] Director Tom Cherones won a Directors Guild of America Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Comedy Series for this episode.^[12] He was also nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series.^[13] TV Guide ranked the episode #1 on its list of "TV's Top 100 Episodes of All Time".^[14]

"The Contest" received a Nielsen rating of 13/19, meaning that the episode was watched by an average of 13% of households and 19% of all televisions were tuned to the episode when it was broadcast. Approximately 18.5 million people watched the episode then. The first repeat of the episode gave Seinfeld its highest ratings up until that point, with a 20.1/30 Nielsen Rating. It also received only 31 complaints from viewers, despite the subject matter.^[8] There were worries from sponsors who did not want to advertise during the episode due to the topics that were being discussed. Most regular advertisers did not broadcast during the show, because the series did not have good ratings at the time.^[15]

The episode is considered by most reviewers as a success for being able to cover a controversial subject in an inoffensive manner. Jonathan Boudreaux for tvdvdreviews.com said: "The Emmy-winning script by Larry David introduced the brilliant euphemism 'master of my domain' to our lexicon and helped the series to truly become must-see TV. We know what the episode is about, but the script never explicitly says it. "The Contest" effortlessly takes a potentially incendiary subject and renders it utterly inoffensive yet hilarious."^[16] He also said that "The Contest" was "one of the series' most infamous" episodes.^[17] Donna Dorsett from audaud.com commented on the refusal to use the word "masturbation," saying: "If the word had been used, even once, the show would not have been nearly as hilarious. The episode was totally inoffensive."^[18]

James Plath from DVD Town said: "Estelle Harris, as George's mother, is hilarious."^[19]

This is the second Seinfeld episode to feature Elaine's fondness for the Kennedy family, the first being "The Baby Shower".^[8]

The original script featured Jerry watching the TV series Flipper. It was changed to Tiny Toon Adventures due to concerns over music rights. The episode of Tiny Toons that Jerry was watching included the song "The Wheels on the Bus". However, Tiny Toons never featured that song in any actual episode of the series. The joke was under the assumption that the show was aimed at preschoolers, but in reality it is not.^[8] Seinfeld himself claimed that he had never heard of the song "The Wheels on the Bus" before recording the episode.^{[citation needed]}

"The Contest" is referenced in other Seinfeld episodes, the first being "The Outing", in which Jerry and George are mistakenly outed as gay. During the episode, when George visits his mother, there is a male patient in the hospital, who receives daily sponge baths from a male nurse. Although the winner of the contest is not mentioned, it is implied in "The Puffy Shirt" that George was the winner. However, as the plane is going down in "The Finale", George says he cheated, and Jerry declares himself the true winner. When Jerry asks why he cheated, George simply replies, "Because I'm a cheater!"^[8]

In the "Shaq" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm (S02E08), Larry David and Shaquille O'Neal watch "The Contest" together.^[20] O'Neal referred to this episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm as his favorite.^{[citation needed]}

"The Contest" is referenced in the Beavis and Butt-Head book "This Book Sucks" as an excuse to get out of finishing a homework assignment.

In the Family Guy episode "Jungle Love", Peter pays the people of a South American village to re-enact "The Contest" as one of them hums the Seinfeld scene-changing music. A shaman plays Elaine, but she says "You can't spare one square?", in reference to "The Stall".

In the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode "The Gang Does a Clip Show," the gang misremembers this episode as one of their schemes with Dennis and Mac both playing Jerry, Frank playing George, Charlie playing Kramer and Dee playing Elaine, in the scene where Kramer announces he's out.

In the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode riffing on The Beast of Hollow Mountain, Crow delivers a short summary of the episode. The following episode would feature a cameo appearance by Seinfeld.

"The Contest" was the main source of inspiration for Netflix's 2020 reality television dating show Too Hot to Handle, in which formerly promiscuous contestants are forced to abstain from sexual practices including masturbation as they try to form meaningful relationships with each other.^[21]

The Season 5 premiere of Big Mouth, titled "No Nut November", directly parodies the episode. The main characters agree to abstain from masturbation in an animated version of Monk's Café.

• "The Contest" at IMDb