Talk:Toyah Battersby/GA1

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Reviewer: Lemonade51 (talk · contribs) 13:47, 21 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Yay, a Corrie article.

Lead

• Would cite the direct quote in the lead, even if it is done so in the body of the article.
• "since the character was said to born during the height of her career", insert 'be' between 'to' and 'born'
• "The following year, the character was the focus of one of Coronation Streets", apostrophe after s in Coronation Street.
• "Taylor decided to leave the show in July 2002; her character left Weatherfield for London.", would be nice to clarify that Toyah left in a year after Taylor announced her departure.
• The British Soap Awards is italicised.

Storylines

• "Toyah and her step-sister Leanne (Jane Danson)", and in development "Graham explained that both Toyah and her step-sister" → stepsister without the hyphen.
• "Toyah gets a job at the local cafe", would be nice to name the cafe (Roy's Rolls I'd imagine?)
• "Toyah has a romance with Sam and moves into a flat with Fiz Brown (Jennie McAlpine) and Maria Sutherland (Samia Ghadie).", what is the relationship between these two facts? If they don't have a bearing on one another (which I imagine), they should be split into two seperate sentences.
• "Toyah starts dating her collage tutor John Arnley", college?

Creation and casting, development

• Taylor was studying for her A-levels", would wikilink A-Level for those unfamiliar.
• "She was not successful, but she then auditioned for Toyah and won the role", rephrase to "She was unsuccessful, so she then auditioned..."
• Eyeliner is traditionally one word (under, "a lot of black eye liner and no foundation"), despite of the Wikipedia article saying otherwise.
• "Taylor said the storyline was one of the hardest she had to film and explained" insert colon after film.

Metro, Daily Mirror and Daily Record need location parameters (all of which London). Shall pass once comments have been addressed; on hold until then. Lemonade51 (talk) 13:47, 21 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for the (quick) review, I believe I've addressed everything. - JuneGloom Talk 00:07, 22 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to pass now. Lemonade51 (talk) 13:58, 22 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! - JuneGloom Talk 18:10, 22 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]