Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/List of Buso Renkin episodes/archive1

• I think Xebec (studio) is what you mean to link to (refs, etc.) not the Mediterranean sailing ship.

• Fixed.

• Per MOS:NUMBERSIGN you can't use "#" in "EP#"

• Replaced with Ep No.

• Where are the references for Title, Director, Writer, Animation Director?

• They're the same references used for the dates, I didn't want to spam the same reference onto the three directors since its messy.

• Can I suggest adding a "Ref" column then, and put the references in Aux4= (use aux4 not aux3 so it goes to the end). Rambo's Revenge (talk) 10:48, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• I went with that so I think its fixed.

• Basically, these don't reference the Director/Writer/Anim. Dir. or if they do it is in Japanese. You are giving English names so the cite should be of English names. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 00:37, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• I got the English names through the English episode's credits, I could source them directly to the episode or to their DVDs, which would be a better choice? DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 00:51, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• Is the information on DVD notes or the back cover?If so use {{Cite DVD-notes}}. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 01:05, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• It is only found on the episode credits. I could add a Template:Cite episode to every episode later. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 01:13, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• Okay. Seems a bit strange, but I guess primary source is better than no source. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 01:16, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• I went with sourcing the episodes to their DVD sets since they would be too empty with the cite episode template as the episodes were not aired. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 08:26, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• This has come up before but I can't remember the outcome. The majority of this is WP:NONENG which states that they should include "both the original-language text and an English translation in the text or a footnote". So there may be concerns about the abundance of Japenese sources here.

• I added the Viz Anime website to the episodes so their contents can be verified for non-Japanese speaking people.

• I was thinking more for director/writer/an. director which Viz doesn't seem to cover. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 10:48, 14 October 2010 (UTC

• Yeah, the only English translation I've seen for them is from the English DVDs, I could source them with that if needed. No English sources of equal quality and relevance are available for the information otherwise.

• Per above, whatever is needed. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 00:37, 17 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• Done this.

• Not sure what the precedence for this is, but I notice this is effectively the main article Buso Renkin (anime) as it is the only article predominently about the show (Buso Renkin#Anime is the only brief mention elsewhere). As such should there be a history of how the series was proposed, who voice actors are that kind of thing. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 12:32, 3 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  Typically the episode list is a sub-topic of the article and there is only certain information that goes into the list article, the primary coverage is in the main article. Although the Buso Renkin animated adaptation is only specifically mentioned in that one paragraph, the article in its entirety is about both the manga and the anime. We can only really include production information if its available. --Kraftlos (Talk

• Link Buso Renkin in the opening sentence (but don't bold it)

Done

• Should you be consistent with italicising Buso Renkin?

I think I got it all

• Consider linking "Alchemic" to something relevant.

Linked to Alchemy

• In prose I consider leading zeros to be pointless, so avoid "04 October" for instance.

I think I got it all

• "were later collected by Geneon Universal Entertainment" what do you mean by "collected by"?

Reworded to "The episodes were later released in nine DVD compilations between January 25, 2007 and September 21, 2007 by Geneon Universal Entertainment."

• "The episodes use three pieces of theme music: " perhaps add "each" after "episodes" here.

Reworded to "The series use three pieces of theme music"

• Is "Animation Director" really capitalised that way?

Replaced Director with director

• Refs in episode titles should be outside the quotation marks.

Couldn't be done since its a template so I took the refs out and placed them in the reference section under the general heading.

• "uses a Kakugane to " does that need to be a capital K?

Replaced all Kakugane's with lowercase k.

• L.X.E. or L.X.E - be consistent.

Replaced with LXE as dubbed by Viz.

• You link " in his great-great grandfather's" and " Dr. Butterfly," to the same thing, it's confusing to non-experts.

Fixed.

The Rambling Man (talk) 19:17, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've done what I can, I think I got most of it. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 23:49, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The list looks to be in good shape. Here are the issues that stood out to me.

• Grammar issues
  • Not necessary, but I'd switch "which" → "that". "That" is a stronger word that is more appropriate than "which" for definite statements.
    • In the lead: "...Viz Media announced the release of the English dub which would be released in two DVD sets..."
    • In EP 4: "Koushaku explains he intends to turn himself into a Homunculus with a specially made Homunculus matter which will turn him into a Human-type Homunculus;"
  • Switch "that" → "the" in EP 4: "...to be that the monster from his dream..."
  • Excess words (struck out)
    • In EP 1: The second part of the sentence after "and" sounds like it is being quoted, while the first part is not.
      "These monsters are created from alchemy and that they can only be destroyed by specialized weapons..."
    • In Ep 8: "While" in this case suggests that the two verbs should match in tense"...while Tokiko is given the task of protectings the kakugane..."
  • Missing commas:
    • Commas are necessary for introductory phrases and words (underlined).
      • EP 3: "After learning that the Homunculus creator is a student at Kazuki's school Kazuki and Tokiko attempt..."
      • EP 9: "However the twins are actually humans..."
    • Commas are necessary when connecting two independent clauses (underlined) with a conjuction.
      • EP 3: "Kazuki and Tokiko attempt to search for him on the school grounds but they fail to find him."
      • EP 3: "A Plant Homunculus appears and prepares to finish off Kazuki but Tokiko intercepts its attack and kills the Homunculus."
  • Missing "that" (underlined): I'm not sure on the grammar rule, but I believe that "that" is necessary after certain words depending on the usage, like describing dialog rather than quoting it. I'm not certain on this, so please double check me on it.
    • EP 3: "...promises to Tokiko that he will work harder..."
    • EP 4: "...Koushaku explains that he intends to turn himself into a Homunculus..."
    • EP 8: "...declares that he will defeat Kazuki and then leaves the scene."
    • EP 16: "...tells her that Kazuki will be killed."
  • Pronoun order: I would consider moving Kazuki's name earlier in the sentence and them reference with a pronoun at the end:
    EP 17: "Tokiko manages to find his Kazuki's body in the ocean and is able to revive Kazuki him."
• Structure
  • The "Production team" section seems more appropriate for an article rather than a list, but I don't see any problem with it being here.
• Images
  • An image expert may need to be consulted on this, but File:Buso Renkin Staff.png is a non-free image of living people. Since they are not actors portraying a character, I believe this fails WP:NFCC number 1: "No free equivalent". As such, it should be replaced with a free image of the people or removed.

Once the items above have been addressed, I'll be happy to support. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 18:07, 5 November 2010 (UTC))[reply]

• As for the production team, it was suggested to be added to the list, but if there's a general consensus to move it to the article, I wouldn't mind. And for the image, I'm having it checked out right now, if it is suggested to be removed, I'll remove it. Thanks for the review. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 02:50, 6 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• "Kouhei Tanaka directed the opening and ending themes while Gyo Yamatoya composed the music used in the episodes." - a comma would be nice to break up this sentence

• Done

• "... he is killed by a monster after trying saving a mysterious girl" - trying saving?

• Done

• "After a long enduring battle" - wording seems strange, with 'enduring' describing the battle. Should it be "After enduring a long battle"? (I'm open to comments).

• Took your suggestion, I thought it sounded okay to begin with.

• "The Butterfly of Black Death" summary. Ambiguous use of "he" and "him" etc. Who turns into a Homunculus?

• I think its fixed.

• "having been resurrected by the LXE's leader whom is also his great-great grandfather" should be who

• Done, thanks

• "to return Kazuki back into a human being" - how about turn him back?

• Done

• "Tokiko and Gouta are able to defeat the enemy, Shinobu Negoro and proceed to search and regroup with Kazuki" - probably needs another comma before 'and'.

• Done

• I noticed some of the titles do not include Japanese counterparts. Any reason?

• The titles were presented in English even in the Japanese version. I could add a note if needed.

• I believe a note would be beneficial. Jujutacular ^talk 04:02, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• I added a note beside the titles. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 04:50, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Jujutacular ^talk 00:15, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for catching the missed grammar mistakes. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 03:26, 16 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• Episode 2: "that someone was using the lab to create Homunculus matter." From later description, it sounds like this should either be "Homunculus matters" (if more than more were being created) or "a Homunculus matter" if only one was created. Of course, you'd need to have seen the show to know for sure, and I haven't.

• Done

• Episode 10: "while at the same time, receives Shusui's wound on her own body." For a little better flow, try "while at the same time receiving Shusui's wound on her own body."

• Done

• Episode 26: "Papillion, uses his white kakugane restore Victor's humanity and the two begin their long awaited duel." The comma would be better placed after "kakugane", though this is a minor point.

• Done

• Decapitalize Human later in this summary, unless the capitalization is intended. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 19:42, 21 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• Done, thanks for the review. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 02:02, 22 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• "announced by the release of..." what form did that take? Was it cinematic/internet/something else?

• Added internet before trailer.

• Second para is a little clunky to read. Lots of single-fact, stubby sentences. Consider merging a couple to make it flow better.

• Just tried my best to fix it, it should be a little better.

• "In December 20, 2009," should be "On".

• Got it.

• "uploaded weekly henceforth" not keen on henceforth, and since it was historical, shouldn't it really be thereafter?

• Replaced with thereafter.

• "for the rest of the episodes is" perhaps "for the remaining episodes"?
• Thanks.
• "coordinated the colors" I'm by no means an anime expert. Is this phrase commonplace?

• I was unsure how label someone who chooses what colour this and that object should be.

• Would be good to say where Salami studios is (I assumed Japan, but it turned out to be Hollywood).

• Added "located in Hollywood" at the end.

• Picky - table headings - Ep. No. should be Ep. no. (no need to overcapitalise that No) and Ref. should really be Refs.

• Fixed.

• "the leader Homunculus" would make more sense to me if was "the Homunculus leader".

• Fixed

• "using the lab to" ->laboratory. (and other instances of this)

• Fixed.

• "parasitic embryos that turn its host into" shouldn't that be "turn their host" since embryos is plural?

• Fixed

• "but they fail to find him" no need for "they".

• Fixed

• "intercepts its attack and kills the Homunculus" "and kills it" is fine, no doubt in the subject here.

• Fixed

• "turn himself into a Homunculus with a specially made Homunculus matter that will turn him into a Human-type Homunculus; a humanoid Homunculus" reads poorly to me, Homunculus is noted four times in this sentence, "turn ... into" twice. And no need to capitalise H of Human, is there?

• Rewritten

• "and declares that he will defeat Kazuki and then " replace first and with a comma.

• Fixed

• A number of uses of "proceed to" which usually seems quite redundant to me, e.g. "Tokiko proceed to defend the..." could be "Tokiko defends the..."?

• Fixed some, should be less now.

• "and is soon overwhelmed" perhaps "but" instead of "and".

• Fixed

• "is able to pierce through Bravo's buso" why not just "pierces Bravo's buso"?

• Fixed

• "accepts the fact Kazuki has become" just "accepts that Kazuki has become" would be tighter.

• Fixed

• Episode 21, "battle" is repeated three times in a single sentence, not great.

• Rewritten, should be better now.

• Note A should go outside the quotation marks.

• I don't know how to get it outside the quotation marks since its a template.

Again, apologies for popping by so late in the day, but I think these are mainly trivial so shouldn't be too difficult to resolve. The Rambling Man (talk) 11:08, 24 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 12:27, 24 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]