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The Bethlehem Tapes

by Avi C. Engel

/
1.
you said that I would be accompanied by dreams that would make this place less sinister to me but you lied I'm terrified you said that we would reap a brilliant harvest from this grief you said that life is just one long unburdening but it never rained it's autumn in our veins you said that you would leave a small, bloodied offering that would make this night less ravenous for me but if I breathe the night will swallow me you said that you would bend the bars and let me rest a while in your arms when the next war comes and they bomb the last eden of stars if I lie would you let me inside or should I wait for another lifetime if I lie would you let me inside or should I wait for another lifetime
2.
trembling dust rising into clouds shudder of ghostship wrecks coming down i'm smashing the gavel that gravity pounds lash me, darling if i've gotten too proud but i believe i'm finally found i believe i'm finally found in the kingdom of the worm you can eat the dream from my eye eat the kisses from a mouth ravaged by bitterness and lying when i get tired of breathing, love and spitting this fire won't you roll me, roll me into ashes on the ground i believe i'm finally found i believe i'm finally found
3.
I only bet on the rain who wins? I win again! I spit a joyful curse into the sky we can't all be winners, and mother, I try Digging through these wastes of flesh I found a rose Born of sweat and fever's afterglow Plant me like a seed within a stone I'll wait another lifetime To be born I only bet on the rain... Digging through the mud I found a bell It summoned all the butterflies In hell Blackened wings indifferent to all pain Begging Singe me Burn me Engulf me again I only bet on the rain... Play my songs on spoons and rusty cans On a deserted beach Come hold my hand Lose my soul, my spleen for you On the burning sand Mold me, mark me, bruise me I'm clay in your hands
4.
blast to dust the pale wings of prayer lay this body down limbs bound eyes sealed tight lay this body down little bird little bird where have you gone? i flew home through a hole in the sun play my vertebrae like a lyre notes are going to rise like stars through the concrete and smoke and barbed wire notes are going to rise like stars little bird little bird where have you gone? i flew home through a hole in the sun dream the last beast you'll dream of and fly through her eyes lay this body down hold me tight as i let go of my eyes lay this body down little bird little bird where have you gone? i flew home through a hole in the sun
5.
comb the night with an eye you stole from me scrape the light from a river bed that bleeds starlight claws a caress down a wounded tree dressed in a flesh so soft and shivering i stand inside your world and learn to see it's a golden night that has forsaken me
6.
Light Years 06:09
Light's tooth edge cuts a ribbon of red in the flesh of the dawn. Cold earth cracks, ditches make beds. There was a war. Which side was I on? In a few light years we'll come home. Digging through mortar and dust of bricks, we found our mother buried in coal. We found our father buried in snow. They kissed our eyes, gave back our names, and told what was left to keep warm. And in a few light years we'll come home. You're the cold wind rushing through the holes in my eyes. You're the rifle and the rose in my bones. Limbs fly like flowers in a storm. In a few light years we'll turn the coal. In a few light years we'll come home.
7.
I'd like to leave here tonight Kick the star spurs in my sides I'm your shadow beast I will ride I will ride Blossoms that burst into fire Open a wound in the sky Starlings, jackdaws, vultures and kites Have found a trap door in the night All birds will leave earth tonight Kick the star spurs in my sides A dizzying flash Bluebells hammering wide Your nails, your teeth in my side Archways dilate Gusts of light in my eyes Rows of parched houses Catching on fire I'd like to leave here tonight Kick the star spurs in my side I'm your shadow beast I will ride I will ride I will ride

about

I was traveling without a guitar. I was in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I got to play a beautiful old guitar that Sarah Shown let me use. I only like old acoustic guitars, the warm gold weathered sound.
These 7 songs were not meant to make an album. Some I'd been carrying with me for a few years. Some of them weren't finished. They all came together in one afternoon of just playing, no pre-meditations. All I had for Heaven of Leaves was a poem, no music. It was born spontaneously as I played around on a very out of tune banjitar.

So this is me singing and playing, accompanied by Taylor Galassi, one afternoon in late September 2009.
-Clara

credits

released April 24, 2010

All songs written by Clara Engel

Clara Engel: Voice, Guitar, Banjitar, Percussion
Taylor Galassi: Cello, Accordion.

Engineered and mixed by Taylor Galassi.

Cover Image by: Tochter von Peter

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Avi C. Engel Toronto, Ontario

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song sculptures & ink beasts

I'm not writing the same song over and over so much as writing one long continuous song that will end when I die.

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