Talk:Walter Braithwaite (engineer)

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Your article is very informative. I like that you included details about Braithwaite's upbringing and his importance to Boeing and to aspiring black engineers. One of the glaring issues with your article, which should be easy to fix, is your use of bold text instead of true headings. I would open with a short paragraph about who Braithwaite is (e. g. Walter Braithwaite, born [insert DOB here] is a Jamaican engineer and executive at Boeing), and then break all of your sections divided by bold text into sections of your page. Since basic information seems to cover a lot of Braithwaite's personal information, I would merge it with adolescence to create a "personal life" section.

Your article in its current form seems a bit too praiseworthy of Braithwaite, and feels at times more like a story than an encyclopedia article. I would establish a more neutral tone by deleting sentences such as "This is an amazing accomplishment" and speak less about peripheral topics like Boeing's executive council. Above all, you do not need to go into detail about Braithwaite's awards and memberships; I would instead try to link to other pages on Wikipedia that might already exist. This could make your section about Sigma Pi Phi in particular much more concise. Ebago3 (talk) 14:12, 25 October 2021 (UTC)Ebago3[reply]

-The article has clear and descriptive headers, good structure with bullet points/paragraphs, and good organization of info in chronological order : article starts with his family -> childhood -> education -> career -> awards/recognition -> legacy.

-Some changes that could be made are:

• Add citations showing where factual info are from to increase credibility of content.
• Edit/remove information in the article that are opinions/commentary and hard to back up with outside sources.

Examples:

1. "Considering he would take apart his toys and repurpose them, this job seemed enjoyable and was a perfect segway to professional training while maintaining the tasks he would do for fun previously." The adjectives in the sentence "seemed enjoyable" and "a perfect segway" seem opinionated.
2. "These connections were made with people in his business and people who wanted to support him because they respected what he did. Some other connections would be with people in supporting businesses who he may have had to make plans for specific airplanes with or with whom he discussed interdisciplinary measures to produce the best product." "respected what he did" and "best product" are vague descriptors of his connections and work. Maybe add quotes from people he has connections with to show their feelings towards him and info about specific projects that he collaborated with these people on.

-The most important change that could be made to improve the article is to increase neutrality of the piece. Most of the information in the piece portray Braithwaite in a favorable light: his successes and impact on airplane industry, youth, and people of color. To increase neutrality, maybe add information about specific challenges that he faced, failures and how they impacted him, and his shortcomings.

Vgao1 (talk) 14:22, 25 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]