Summary: We present a framework for embedding scalar-tensor models of screened modified gravity such as chameleons, symmetrons and environmental dilatons into global supersymmetry. This is achieved by secluding the dark sector from both the observable and supersymmetry breaking sectors. We examine the resulting supersymmetric features in a model-independent manner and find that, when the theory follows from an underlying supergravity, the mediation of supersymmetry breaking to the dark sector induces a soft mass for the scalar of order the gravitino mass. This is enough to forbid the construction of supersymmetric symmetrons and ensures that when other screening mechanisms operate, no object in the Universe is unscreened thereby precluding any observable signatures. In view of a possible origin of modified gravity within fundamental physics, we find that only no-scale models can circumvent these features. We also present a novel mechanism where the coupling of the scalar to two other scalars charged under \(\operatorname{U}(1)\) can dynamically generate a small cosmological constant at late times in the form of a Fayet-Iliopoulos term.