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Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 (2024)
Can we finally admit Costner has no talent?
As an actor, Kevin Costner has the range of a trip from the living room to the bathroom. Predictable and boring.
As a director, his movies are akin to what's produced when one finishes up in the bathroom.
Dances With Wolves was leffty revisionism before it was cool. He played some morally conscious civil war clown. But it was a hit and made him a player.
After bankrupting a couple of studios with dreck like Waterwold and The Postman, Costner scuffled along for decades on his nice-guy image.
Then he hits big with Yellowstone, which is a western soap opera that I only ever hear childless cat ladies talk about. No guy friends of mine have ever referred to it.
Costner, being not too bright and still retaining his massive ego, chose to sink the profits into a wanna-be epic western. Predictably, it's as unwatchable as Liz Ch3ney's face. Just more gratuitous Hollywood gore. No story. No redeeming value.
It's time he retired. Just like his old pal, Liz.
Barry: wow (2023)
Should have ended it after Season 3
Barry gripped me from the opening scene. I binge-watched two episodes per night over 2-3 weeks. It was at times funny, sad, dramatic, insightful and always entertaining.
Unfortunately, like a lot of shows that start out well, become a hit, and get renewed amidst much accalim, Barry got way up it own zzz in Season 4.
There was little to no humor in the final season. It got mystical. It flash-forwarded (a hackneyed device when writers paint themselves into corners in the present). And - if I dare say it - the wrong characters die.
The most effective scene in the bleak finale was the faceoff between Hank and Fuches. I knew Stephen Root can act; he's great in everything he's ever been in. But Anthony Carrigan created one of the most indelible supporting characters in recent TV memory and he gets an absolutely Shakespearean exit here.
The final nod between Fuches and Barry, from a distance, was nicely underplayed and expertly directed.
Henry Winkler came a long way from The Fonz to nail his role as Gene Cousineau. He exacts rough justice for his girlfriend's murder. And gets infamy rather than fame for the rest of his life. That is the very definition of tragedy.
My major quibble - as it was from the beginning of Season 3 onward - is that Sally was an itchy scab on the show. She whined and moped and cried and yelled until her career was wrecked. And ultimately she faced no consequences for her actions. I think Barry's writers too the coward's way out in not putting her in the gutter like the rest of the characters. She deserved it as much as the rest of them.
One day I'll go back and re-watch Seasons 1 and 2. I doubt I'll ever watch Seasons 3 and 4 again.
Barry: the wizard (2023)
NoHo and Fuches are all that's left of the fun
NoHo wasn't in the previous episode. Fuches wasn't, either. That's why it was Barry's Worst Episode Ever.
Luckily for viewers, they're both back for this episode. Both as funny and murderous as ever. So far so good.
Gene Cousineou also figures prominently, as full of self-centered schemes as ever. Also good.
Problem is Barry is still wandering around like he's on Xanax.
But worse. Way, way worse, is that the writers haven't figured out how to put a b4llet in Sally's head. Bargain Bin Meryl Streep is still pulling faces, desperately lunging for that Emmy, and boring the shytt ouf of us while doing do. Now she's got the boring kid in tow.
This show nosedived from about 10,000 feet and it looks like there will be no survivors.
Barry: tricky legacies (2023)
Worst. Episode. Ever.
Barry started off as such a great mix of comedy and drama. Characters with weaknesses we could relate to: anger, petty jealousy, ambition, need for friendship, etc.
Halfway through Season 4 it's barely recognizable as the same show. The fun is gone. The darkness has no payoff.
Barry and Discount Meryl Streep are in a flash-forward, living in Bumblfk, Oklahoma. Presumably hiding out.
First of all, what a hackneyed cliche. Nobody can hide from anybody or anything in a small town. Every body is up every other person's sss all the time. If you want to be anonymous, move to Manhattan. You're surrounded by 9 million other people. But a wig and a hat, if necessar. Worked for Garbo and she was the most famous face in the world at one time.
Since I am binge-watching Barry I will carry on through the final 3 episodes of the series. But if I were watching in real time this is the point where I would have bailed.
Tulsa King: Tilting at Windmills (2024)
They finally got the balance right
At some point between Season 1 and Season 2 the producers of Tulsa King figured out one key element that needed changing: Sly Stallone's love interest.
The series pilot involved Stacey Beale cozying up to new-man-in-Tulsa Dwight Manfredi, having a fling, and then regretting it. Pretty ordinary stuff. But the plot twist is that she's an ATF agent and she soon discovers Manfredi is a mobster exiled to Tulsa from New York. OK, not ground-breaking, either.
The problem is that having set up this dynamic, they were stuck with Bargain Basement Jane Lynch playing the Agent Beale character. She had all the hetero charisma of a visit to Aunt Maude's house for afternoon tea.
Thank the lord they introduced Dana Delaney as the owner of a local riding stable. They dribbed her in at first. But now, halfway through Season 2, Delaney and Stallone are sharing some excellent chemistry. It feels natural. Both are very charming. Things are clicking.
On the business side of things, Manfredi has plenty of irons in the fire. There's an excellent fight scene that brings to mind kung-fu movies. And the car dealer/fake cowboy gets some screen time as Tulsa King's Saul Goodman-type comic relief.
Tulsa King won't make you ponder the big questions in life. But it's a rollicking good time.
Barry: bestest place on the earth (2023)
this is more like it
Credit where it's due: the writers remembered to bring the comedy in episode 2 of this fourth season.
Cristobal and NoHo are recruiting their new gang like it's a multi-level marketing seminar. Fuches tries to recruit a new prison gang during TV time by laying it on thick about being The Raven. And Gene Cousineautells his story to Vanity Fair in a way that only he can. Winkler is so good in this role that the average GenZer would hardly believe the saame man was previously most famous as pop culture phenomenon The Fonz.
Barry is still in prison, day-dreaming of the way he wishes his life had gone. By the end we get the idea he's had a moment of clarity and is prepared to manipulate the system to his advantage.
The sole drawback of this episode is that Sally is still crying and throwing fits. My nerves are shot watching Discount Bin Meryl Streep pull faces. This character should have been written about at the end of Season 2. The show doesn't need Sally to get Barry to wherever he's going. Fuches is a much more interesting "love interest" for Barry than Sally could ever be.
Barry: yikes (2023)
What happened to the comedy part?
Barry returns for Season 4.
Barry's in jail. Fuches is in jail. Gene is the prosecution's star witness. Cristobal and NoHo are living blissfully in Santa Fe.
So far, so good.
Problem is Sally is still a character. I was kinda hoping that her flight out of L. A. at the end of Season 3 meant the end of her in the show. Alas, Season 4 has her returning home to her parents. And right on queue she's throwing a fit in her mom's car as mom is trying to order fries and a Coke at a drive-through.
Does Sarah Goldberg's contract include a bonus for winning an Emmy? All she does is scream and cry.
Indeed, Sally's dad - in dialogue that is more on-the-nose than viewers probably realize - tries to comfort Sally by saying to her, "How's our little Meryl Streep doing?"
Bingo.
The whole episode was so dark I was tempted to stop it halfway through and go back Season 1, Episode 1 when the show took itself less seriously.
Barry: candy asses (2022)
Awright, I've had more than enough of Sally's whining
For two full seasons I was fully on board with Sally's struggle to get her career launched. Juxtaposed against Barry's murderous rampages, her character drew me in. And Sarah Goldberg's stellar acting really sold it.
But from the start of Season 3 it seems like her story is played out. OK, she gets her story - or the 4th or 5th version of it - developed into a pilot. She's a bigshot now. She starts acting obnoxiously toward everyone.
That's fine. For one episode played for laughs.
But they keep grinding on this as the B plot. And by the time we get to Ep 7 where she's screaming psychotically at Darcy Carden's Natalie character I'm tired of her raging, never mind her Meryl Streep level of crying.
She's played out. Write her out before she wrecks the show.
Tulsa King: Happy Trails (2023)
Just when I thought I couldn't hate Agent Beale enough
Tulsa King is a fun show. Lots of manly men doing manly things: Fighting, shooting, cussing.
All led by all-time stud Sylvester Stallone as mobster fish-out-of-water Dwight Manfredi.
His supporting cast of males are a really great blend of tough guys and misfits.
Alas, this series has been poisoned since the beginning with one terrible flaw: ATF Agent Stacey Beale, played by a woman who is basicallly Bargain Bin Jane Lynch.
Blandly forgettable actress playing a character that had no business existing beyond the pilot episode.
But here she is at the end of Series 1 playing a pivotal role. I gather than means she'll be around to wreck Season 2.
Depressing.
Also: Phil Collins sux donkey b3llz. Including that st--pid song In The Air Tonight was 40 years ago on Miami Vice was fresh and groundbreaking. At this point it's stale and obnoxious.
Tulsa King: Adobe Walls (2023)
Stop. Showing. The. ATF. Agent.
Tulsa King is absolutely jam-packed with great characters. Great male characters, anyway.
Recently they expanded the role of the super-cute waitress, putting her in charge of a maverick horse. The dinner scene with plastic-faced Dana Delaney was bearable. Stallone's daughter is limited to a phone call. And the emo girl from the dope shop has a certain snarky appeal.
But you know what we don't need? Jane Lynch's doppleganger, the pinch-faced ginger ATF agent. Mediocre actress. Cringey character. Just fade her out, already. Nobody wants to see a childless cat lady playing cop versus some biker dooshbag with a fake Irish accent.
Stallone is such a stud. He doesn't need a bunch of scenes with sub-par actresses. The way he stands off with the r3trrded local cops is an all-time classic.
Barry: berkman > block (2019)
Have the writers lost the plot?
If Barry has a redemption arc, this episode is a major regression.
Sure, he's got every right to be angry at Fuches. Barry's love for Mr. Cousineau sets in motion a violent chain of events.
But somehow it feels as though the writers could have made their point with several dozen fewer bodies piled up.
As usual, acting wise, Sarah Goldberg steals the show. Just as she did with her one-scene presentation of domestic abuse in Ep 6, Goldberg leaves her audience speechless. I think I count three different versions of the story now, each one as powerful as the last.
And then there is Henry Winkler. I don't know which episode won him the Emmy, but it probably should have been this one. He only has one line and it comes right at tht end, the season cliff-hanger. But his word-less acting in the scenes that precede that one line are so raw, so real, so devastating, he could have also taken home a lifetime achievement award.
This show has really got me in its grasp.
Tulsa King: Warr Acres (2022)
Writers room fails to pay attention to my advice
Nobody.
And I mean NO. BODY. Is watching Tulsa King to see some square-headed ginger crying to Jane Lynch's daughter/sister in the ATF.
We watch it to see Sylvester Stallone's mobster character navigate the fish-out-of-water scenario he gets dropped into by his New York mob family.
We want to see Stallone crack heads and crack wise. Preferably with the help of a colorful cast of characters.
Max Casella should be in every other scene. And every scene he's not in should have Jay Will in it.
That's your show. Drop the gingers. Drop the daughter because nobody cares about her either. And frankly, nobody cares about Dana Delaney pretending to run a ranch.
It's not that difficult, Hollywood.
Tulsa King: Stable (2022)
Female characters are wrecking the show
Are all the writers on Tulsa King women?
This is supposed to be a man show. The man is Sylverster Stallone. He's a mobster in a fish-out-of-water scenario. He has a supporting cast of characters. Some a comic relief. Some are bad zzzes. Some are psychos. All are entertaining.
Except two: The ATF agent who looks like Jane Lynch's daughter. And the square-headed ginger on the ranch. They are super dull when they aren't completely obnoxious. Are the writers hoping to make us forget how Carmella sandbagged The Sopranos. Or how Skyler nearly wrecked Breaking Bad. Or how the Irish ginger entirely drove Ray Donovan off a cliff?
Don't shoe-horn terrible female characters into man shows unless they are smoking hot. Which these two are not.
Barry: Chapter Eight: Know Your Truth (2018)
Even better episode than the much-lauded Chapter 7
I realize that many Barry fans went goo-goo over Chapter 7, where Barry delivers his single line as Seyton in "Macbeth" with such emotion that Gene and Emily think he's made a breakthrough as an actor.
Bill Hader won an Emmy for that episode, in fact. However, not to take anything away from Hader's performance in that episode, which was fine, but a lot of the impact in Chapter 7 was due to the editing, inter-mingled with Hader's acting. And overall, it was all-drama and no comedy.
Now we come to the Chapter 8 finale of Season 1. The first half is almost all comedy. Very funny lines but frankly the writers made the right decision with Goran. A little shtick goes a long way.
Then fade-to-black for a few seconds. And a FFW to an idyllic day at Gene's cottage. Is this a dream sequence? I dunno, since I haven't watched Season 2 yet. But the fact Barry goes from lying on his back in bed next to Emily, and the final scene has Barry in exactly the same position makes me believe that may be the case.
Nevertheless, there is heart-stopping drama in those final few minutes of the episode. If that scene is on the level, kudos to the writers for making such a bold choice.
Which brings me to Paula Newsome. Is this woman magical, or what? I am in love with her as Henry Winkler's character.
I can hardly wait to start binge-watching Season 2.
Tulsa King: Visitation Place (2022)
Female ATF agent is wrecking a good show
You have a show featuring the ultra manly Sylvester Stalllone. He's a mobster fresh off a 25-year stint. Banished to Tulsa, he's putting together his gang of local misfits and exploiting every financial opportunity he comes across.
So many standouts: Max Casella as a former mob associate; Jay Will as Tyson; Michael Beach as Tyson's dad.
When he's not punching out the lights, Stallone is delivering the TV performance of a lifetime. His farewell phone call to his dying brother is Emmy material.
The problem is that the show's creator - or its writing room or whomever - insists on shoe-horning in a female ATF agent. Marginally attractive depending on her get-up that episode. Not a very compelling actress. And stuck with a ded-end storyline. More of Agent Beale's scenes are cringey, to be charitable.
They should have faded her after the pilot episode.
Tulsa King: Caprice (2022)
ATF bullzhyyt
ATF Stacy Beale, played by an actress who strikes me as Jane Lynch's daughter, has an opening scene "saving America from people with b0mbs" or some kind of nonsense. What she and her fellow stormstroopers were doing was SWAT teaming some Okie in his rural home. He had a surprise for them. The only drawback was that they all walked away.
Anyway, if this obnoxious character is gonna be recurring it's gonna wreck the show.
Because the main character, played by Sly Stalone, is a guy who is mystified by fragile, purple-haired, nose-ringed millennials and their confusion about pronouns. He listens to dive-bar blues. And he's an old-school gentleman who regrets a life that led him to be separated from his family.
Don't wreck a good thing by making heroes out of dooshbehg cops wqho think they're ''saving America" by chasing down rinky dynk bikers with gun fetishes.
Tulsa King: Go West, Old Man (2022)
Tulsa Gets Shorty
If you're old enough to remember the previous century you'll remember Get Shorty starring John Travolta. Wise guy leaves South Jersey/Philly for the wide-open West. In Travolta's case it was Hollywood.
In Sylvester Stallone's case, he gets out of prison after doing 25 years, having taken the rap for his mob boss's murderous mayhem. Instead of a payoff, he's exiled to Tulsa.
He's unhappy, but resigned to make it work. He is very soon a player in Oklahoma, making connections and runnning roughshod over naive locals. That brings to mind another excellent series called Lilyhammer, starring Soprano's capo Steven Van Zandt, who took his Jersey mobster act to Norway.
So it's got the tough-but-charismatic mobster. The cornball locals. The fish-out-of-water shtick. The dark comedy. The charming sidekick, here played by. Jay Will. Nothing new, in other words. Buut still highly entertainingi.
So far, anyway.
Let's see whether they can keep it going. Most shows can't sustain the momentum of their pilot episode.
Sons of Anarchy: Red Rose (2014)
Greatest female character in TV history
I don't care what the soft heads say, Gemma Teller Morrow is the greatest female character in TV history. And Katey Sagal absolutely, 100 percent nailed the role from beginning to end.
OK, I get it. Glenn Close on the first season of Damages was an epic performance by an epic actress. But at some point in the subequent seasons of SOA I cannot believe Sagal was not awarded an Emmy.
For my money, Gemma WAS the show. Yes, the show had a memorable cast of characters and some really fine actors. But nobody held a candle, ultimately, to Queen Gertrude.
As a bonus we even got Hal Holbrook to reprise his role from Season 2 as Gemma's dad. That scene where she begs his forgiveness was heartbreaking.
And the garden scene? Forget it. That might be the single greatest exit in TV history.
Frankly, they could have ended the series right then and there and it would have been perfect.
Sons of Anarchy: The Revelator (2008)
Going out on a Woah K note
Jax's revenge tour comes to a merciful close, SOA having long ago lost the plot. It's a minor miracle Discount Hamlet hasn't died of lung cancer by now, with the amount of coffin nails he's beeen banging back in Season 7.
Nobody could possibly care anymore what gang is double and triple-crossing some other gang. About the only mystery left in this episode is which regulars live to see the end credits. I'm pretty sure I don't care about that, either, since my favorite TV character of all time took a slug in the previous episode. RIP Queen Gertrude.
Credit to Kurrt Sutter for giving us a pretty good car chase involving the Irish guy driving a 1970s Pontiac GTO. I was hoping that was the last I'd see of the Irish, who easily represented by least-favorite gang on SOA.
But Sutter just couldn't help himself. He had to woah k fy the club at the last moment, with SAMCRO patching in the head of the Rat B3st3rds or whatever they were called. Puh-leaze.
Sutter also brought in other terrible characters for one last hurrah: CCH Pounder as DA Patterson, arguably the most boring character in the entire SOA run. And Lieutenant Whatshername, whose only achievement that I can recall was sleeping with Chibs.
The ending, as a few million fans have pointed out, is a total copout. Hamlet wasn't a moper at the end. He took up arms against his oppressors and went out like a champ. Jax is a whiner right to the end. What a putz.
Sons of Anarchy: Suits of Woe (2014)
The episode we've all been waiting for
After forcing Sons of Anarchy fans to sit through 10 excruciating episodes in Season 7, each one more ridiculous than the last, we finally get some genuine plot development.
Helmed by series veteran director Peter Welller, Suits of Woe is darn near cinema quality. The quality of the dialogue. The quality of the acting in closeups. The car chase. Even the jazz musical bed to the car chase. Perfect.
So many heart-breaking reveals. It would be impressive for an entire season, never mind one episode.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Gemma Teller-Morrow is the greatest female character in TV drama history. (OK, Patti Hewes (Glenn Close) in Damages was right up there, too. At least the first season before it descended into camp.)
From beginning to end, Katey Sagal brought her A- game to Sons of Anarchy. She deserves the utmost respect for her body of work in this series.
The only scene missing was one where Gemma puts a bullet in Courtney Love's brain box.
As a bonus, we get Dollarama Brad Pitt admitting he's a hothead dypshyt whose rash actions destroyed his family and brought SAMCRO to the edge of ruin.
Sons of Anarchy: Smoke 'em If You Got 'em (2014)
How much smoking can Jax do, anyway?
Kurt Sutter is so desperate at this point that he's got Discount Brad Pitt proposing a patch-over with the Rat B4st4rds. Despite the fact the SofA club charter forbids non-whyte members. Heck, it was practically the entire sub-plot of Season 4 when DA Lincoln Trotter had Juice's nutz in a vice for having a non-whyte dad.
This is on top of Tig making out with Walt Goggins dressed up as one of Eddie Murphy's dates. Sure, his first appearance in the extortion scheme was funny. But they keep bringing him back as a serious character. There's no way real life bikers are salivating over a Walt Goggins in drag.
Gemma talking to herself is the SofA Jump The Shark moment, by the way. And I think this episode marks the fourth time already she's done so.
Sons of Anarchy: Faith and Despondency (2014)
Sick torture p4rn
Courtney Love, the heroin addict mostly famous for suiciding Kurt Cobain, was brought on board a few episodes ago as the principal at little Abel's school.
She spots some injuries on the kid's head and starts the ball rolling with Child Protective Services. Her feeding nonsense to the kid makes it worse.
It also sets in motion a lot of boring family drama around the kitchen table involvingi Gemma. I don't know how Kurt Sutter did it, but he managed to turn the most dynamic female character in TV drama history and turned her into a simpering fool. It doesn't help that her sidekick is now reformed crackhead Wendy, just about the dullest character in TV drama history.
There's a B plot involving the pastor's family that, frankly, I haven't cared about from the beginning. But it's another excuse for Sutter to film more degrading violence. On the other hand, it's satisfying to see SAMCRO team up with some good ol' boys to deal with some 13 percenters.
This show is really crawling to the finish.
Sons of Anarchy: The Separation of Crows (2014)
The separation of entertainment
Season 7 of Sons of Anarchy is so pointlessly stoopid at this point that I'm starting to regret telling friends how much I enjoyed previous seasons. It's making me feel like a fool.
I long ago stopped following who was crossing whom. All I know is that Discount Brad Pitt is a foolish hothead whose main skill appears to be getting friends, family and colleagues put six feet under.
For a show that has repeatedly made wyte supr3macists the ultimate half-wit bad guys, while making Bee Ell Emm g2ng b3ngers look like Dee Eee Eye CEOs, it's funny how Jax can't get over on the sk1nheads unless he's mowing them down Al Capone style.
I am pretty much h3te-watching the show at this point, simply so that I can have some small-talk material next time I see my buddy, who loved the show.
Sons of Anarchy: Greensleeves (2014)
Tupperware is the special guest star
Sons of Anarchy are completely out of ideas at this point.
I am a half-hour into this episode and every scene has involved someone crying. Over what, I don't care anymore. If there is a plot, I can't find it.
Jax is smoking more cigarettes in Season 7 than Joe Camel. His scheming has become dull. His smirking wore out my last nerve several episodes ago. And now I think he's in the h--ker recruitment business.
The show killed off the wrong characters in previous seasons and now is left with simps like Juice. That guy couldn't survive a street basketball game, never mind the travails of a bike gang.
On the other hand, there is nothing more satisfying than seeing some h1ppy dypshyt getting fed glass.
Is it an Easter Egg or a callback when Discount Brad Pitt gets his "What's in the box?" moment?
Magnum, P.I.: Photo Play (1986)
Funny irony
The Childless Cat Ladies of Honolulu honor Magnum at their monthly meeting for saving some tubby tabby from certain demise in a tidal pool.
That sets up an amusing scene with Higgins, who couldn't give two meows about the cat fanciers because he's engrossed in watching the Snooker Championships of 1986 on ESPN. Unfortunately that meant he didn't get a chance to tell Magnum that his speech detailing his cruelty toward cats as a kid was gonna cause the cat club to drop kittens.
The A plot involves Cassie Yates as the attractive damsel in distress. While the bad guys were chasing her Pontiac Fiero they clip the red Ferrari. Chaos ensues.
In an odd bit of casting for an episode involving childless cat ladies, noted l3ftyst g3sb3g James Cromwell plays a gendarme at the airport in Nice, France.
Anyway, too much of the episode involves characters yelling at each other. Were they riffing on the scr3wball antics of Moonlighting's Cybil Shepherd and Bruce Willis, the breakout hit show of 1986? Because it didn't work here. Like almost all scr3wball "comedies" it wasn't funny, just irritating.