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HolokaiZero
Reviews
Southland Tales (2006)
No art, sense or anything enjoyable
I'd like to see the script and hear the pitch that got actors to sign on to this. It's not even absurd it's just stupid and drab. Not even an artistic approach to a lack of storyline. Everything is flat and filmed and acted like a cut away from a commercial. It speaks of nothing for nothing with no Rhyme or Reason. Again, without seeing the original script, the pitch that was going to the actors and what was left on The Cutting Room floor, you have no idea of story, intent for purpose. Unless of course it's purpose is to demonstrate lack of purpose or meaning and even in that case it doesn't do that well either. A dumpster fire would be more enjoyable. As would the smell of burnt hair for at least you'd have a discernible memory. Laugh the foul stench of this film is not even as pungent as burnt hair. It's not even nonsense, it's just nothingness. A complete waste of time and energy for anybody involved in this film in any way. It simply doesn't matter.
Edison (2005)
Stupidity of opening scene set the tone
Even with all the big names they have in this, Morgan freeman, Kevin spacey, Cary Elwes, Dylan McDermott, John Hurt, Piper Perabo, Justin Timberlake, Jim Byrnes and LL Cant'Act, this movie is still awful from start to finish. I don't know how all these big names signed off on something that is just so incredibly predictable and ridiculously stupid at the same time. Now granted, the script concept could be something, but the script itself is just garbage. Occasional good scraps of acting from many of these names, but overall it would appear that they realize this is a throwaway movie and treat it as such. And the homo erotic flashback scenes while LL Cant'Act is working out are laugh out loud funny. And the stress they try and bring into an undeveloped relationship right off the bat in the beginning of the movie is so sophomoric it makes me question who oversaw the whole production.
Inventing Anna (2022)
Had potential, dragged way too long
Much of the script was interesting, then there were just too many instances where certain aspects or details were left out unnecessarily. The downfall of the script is too many unnecessary tertiary stories and how long it took to tell and between those stories. This could have easily fit into six episodes or even just four. Much of the acting was very good, and there were unlimited amount of places with clunky dialogue however there were too many opportunities for it by the length of the script. They put too much stock in development into tertiary characters that get thrown by the wayside in short order. And the fact that everybody proclaims she's so intelligent or so incredible and that nobody ever wants to believe that she's actually a scam artist is absurd. That is probably the one aspect that is so stupid that you want to yell at the screen. And they just keep jamming it at you like everyone's a fool and it's acceptable and there's redeemable qualities about this woman. There there aren't and the only one in this movie that figured it out quick was the photographer from vanity fair. This would likely get another star or more added shorter. As for social commentary, in the end, they tried to put a kind of good spin on Anna, but in reality there's nothing good about her. She's a user and a thief and has no remorse and never will. She is only out for herself and a complete psychopath and there's almost 100% chance she will be involved in and/or culpable of Murder in the near future. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the exposure she gets from this series will influence others to use it as a stepping stone to create their own megalomaniacal idealization of themselves at whatever cost. The title should have been "No Remorse".
Obliterated (2023)
Really, don't waste your time.
I started watching it and thought it was awful and then read some of the reviews that said "it's stupid but fun". Well, it's not, it's just stupid. Nowhere does it get good or make sense. The acting is pretty bad, the script is absolutely awful. I mean hideously awful. The action aspect of it is pathetic in the comedy aspect isn't funny. It's astounding that they spent as much money as they did on this. I wish there was something that I could say good about it, but there really isn't. Well, it might not be the worst thing ever, I have seen worse, but this is a laughable joke they even ruined most of the nudity. There's one scene with one of the main actors just decides to stop and take a selfie of herself topless in a bar. I couldn't watch it anymore after the first two episodes. My review here has been generous. If you have any self-respect, you won't bother watching this series.
The Grey (2011)
From start to finish, just a steady stream of lame.
This movie is weak all the way through. Character development, plot, cinematography, set design and overall production value are, at very best, just phoned in. If you're watching it and waiting for it to get better, it doesn't. Script technicalities or lack of them is even a larger mess and/or just plain stupid. The effects they used for the wolves in almost every case is absolutely ridiculous and amateurish and in certain cases even cartoon-like. Whoever handled that part in particular should be absolutely ashamed of themselves and laughed out of the industry. Oh, I think the word I was looking for is "pathetic". I simply don't understand how this film could have the 6 + star rating that it does. If it weren't for the laughably sophomoric special effects for the wolves, I might have given us another star to put it in the four plus range.
The Fall Guy (2024)
Not that good but it has its moments and is watchable
Ryan Gosling, he always makes it fun and aside from being a wet blanket in the original Sicario, Emily Blunt typically adds to whatever she's in. But this is just kind of poorly done. Poorly conceived, poorly scripted, with definite moments of "why am I still watching this movie". From my recollection there were two points in the film that I gave serious consideration to walking out because it was a go nowhere film. But Ryan Gosling's presence was just enough to tie reasonably fun scenes together to keep me there till the end. This movie is a Solid 5 plus stars, but it's definitely not a 6. The entire scene of where she's getting back at him and announcing it out to the crew and they go back and forth on it, it's just so hackish but I can't believe it's in the movie and really soured any and all of the romcom aspect to it. The stunts are okay but wholly unimaginative and relatively unimpressive for a movie about a stuntman called the fall guy.
The Batman (2022)
Wow, 3hrs of Just Awful : (
READ THIS FIRST: although Robert Pattinson has done some very good movies, his brooding along with everything else they asked of him in this film is absolutely dreadful. It's made even worse by Jeffrey Wright's astonishing ass kissing portrayal of Commissioner Gordon. Alfred does a good job and Colin Farrell's penguin is quite impressive but it's so poorly written and fit into the script that it's a completely wasted device and pointless avenue of the story. Scenery and set design although extremely dystopian and bleak is also somehow a little warm and very lavish. It's for the few upsides to this absolute dumpster fire. At 2 hours into the movie you know your life would have been better had you stopped watching an hour ago and then you realize you have one more hour to go still. At this point, the best ending to the movie might be a warm bath and a toaster. Skip this film, or maybe watch the first half hour if you want a clear understanding of what wasting a half hour is.
Family Guy (1999)
Watch This for Fun, from Childish to Hi-Brow
You have to be able to quickly switch gears between story line, gags and cut-away but its all fun. Quality and content has swayed to and fro from season to season but it continues to put out fun goofy and offbeat humor that can at times be very poignant. There are those that don't care for its type of humor but an interesting coincidence that I have found is that many of those people are watchers of like the the voice and or the walking dead. I find the walking dead aspect to be intriguing because to follow that show you have to be able to suspend belief in reality to accept the pretense of a Zombie apocalypse but then also find comedic gags to be too far out there. Character alliances come and go with episodes and seasons but my favorite is the Stewie and Brian duo. Perhaps the single best aspect of the show are some of the otherwise unrelated cut away gags that poke fun at random aspects or instances in life.
Rapture (2019)
This Could Have Been Good : (
This actually could have been good with a couple neat ideas but from the opening seconds you could tell this was soo poorly done and feels soo cheap. Its like all production aspects are there but that they hired the assistants to do it instead of the pros. Its also like watching a very dated local tv commercial. I watched the first 30 mins simply BECAUSE OF how bad it was. And it goes biblical, after poisoning all the food and water because we all know only sinners get hungry or thirsty so why not subject anyone who eats or drinks to a terribly painful death of suffering... This move is garbage and its stupid, why do people waste money like this? Just give the money to a charity and do some good. Oh, that's right , you don't get a cut of the money if it goes to a charity. Well good thing you tried (laughably) to make a film with christian undertones to waste time and money and embarrass yourself so you could get your cut.
The Bear (2022)
Disappointing Food, Drama Scripting
Its poorly scripted, edited and quite disjoined. Technically it's scripted OK but contentually it's just garbage. I have spent plenty of time in restaurant industry and done my share of yelling and getting yelled at in both good and crappy kitchens but the constant bickering here and the one dude, "Richie", that just screams about every single thing, simply ruins the show. Its like watching "Real Housewives of Who Cares". It really goes to the scripting or lack of it. Almost every interaction is just bickering, complaining or bad news. They try and put in common restaurant problems and issues along with some technical aspects of food in the show. Instead in most every food or restaurant related scene it demonstrates the extreme lack of familiarity, depth and knowledge of technical insight. I get it, it's a show, they are not going to get all or even most of it right, but it's a show about a restaurant and food and the industry, at least try to get some of it right. Just a little side point. Its a Chicago Beef Sandwich joint that's open from 11-9 yet at one point the whole staff is sitting down for a staff/family meal. Does that happen before 11 or in the middle of service or after the lunch rush or what? The fact is hey just wanted to put a staff meal scene in, which would have been good to explore character development, but they didn't even do that, it just looked like a commercial for new pharma drug with shots of them breaking bread and smiling and nodding heads in meaningless mumbled conversations. Come on! At least show us what they were having for staff meal... albeit at a sandwich shop... But I digress, I'll get to my point without me complaining anymore about them complaining, the show just sucks. I'm disappointed about that.
Death on the Nile (2022)
POORLY DONE and VERY POORLY SCRIPTED.
Wow, how IMBD uses this weighted rating is comical or just bad, perhaps as bad as this film they spent $90million making. Too long over all, too long to start the story, poor character development, AWFUL script, a lot of bad acting and even worse direction. So many holes in the premise that there is no sense in going into any of them. Oh wait, I have to mention this one because I fount it too funny. They are on a boat traveling the Nile and as stated in the movie "all the staff leaves the boat at midnight", where do they go? Do they sleep in the river? I really like much of the set and costume design but the cinemaphotography is weak. Russel Brandt plays his part quite well. In short, this movie is bad enough to the point I had to write a review if it.