Spider-Man (2002 Video Game)

Bruce Campbell: Tour Guide

Quotes 

• Spider-Man : [during basic training]  Wow! I can't believe how much stronger I've become!

  Tour Guide : Good for you. Listen, if you want to beat up some more bad guys, simply knock on the door by pressing the "punch" button. When you're done, web swing over to your next objective. I'm going to go get a ham sandwich.

• [Army of Darkness at the start of basic training] 

  Tour Guide : Get the gum out of your ears and listen good.

• [on inter-com in the bowling alley] 

  Tour Guide : Attention bowlers! Attention bowlers! Tuesday night is Evil Robot Night!

• [on inter-com in the bowling alley] 

  Tour Guide : On Saturdays, super villains bowl free with proper I.D.

• [on inter-com in the bowling alley] 

  Tour Guide : Will the owner of the white Dante van, license number "SHOCK ME", please remove your car from the handicapped spot? Loser.

• [on inter-com in the bowling alley] 

  Tour Guide : We have a special on chili fries. Tonight - with chili!

• Spider-Man : [during basic training]  This is incredible! Am I really doing this?

  Tour Guide : Well YOU'RE easily impressed, aren't you? You haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet!

• Tour Guide : Okay, if you want to go over this again, or if you just plain missed me which, Hah! Who could blame you? You can access basic training from the menue anytime you want. Now follow your compass to the exit. Good luck! I said... good luck. Good luck means 'Good bye'. See, there's nothing more to see here... you're done, that's a wrap, it's over, got it? I want you to understand, accept, move on with your life! For crying out loud, these people!

• Tour Guide : [after you jump off a building in basic training and hit the ground and then get transported to where you jumped off]  Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Careful there, Captain Jumpy. Now since you're starting here we're going to let you get away with moves like that. But once you're out in the big bad city, passing below a certain height means "Sayonara Spidey." Try not to let yourself get too low.

• [on inter-com in the bowling alley] 

  Tour Guide : Ball return on lane three is out of order. Pin setter on lane four is out of order. This whole *bowling alley* is out of order! *YOU'RE out of order!*

• Tour Guide : [during basic training]  Web swing over to your next objective. If you can't find your next objective, I can't help you. Turn off the machine and walk away.

• Tour Guide : Uh-huh, you just couldn't resist jumping down here huh! well, I guess I should tell you something then um hmm... Oh, how about this. You can jump higher than normal by quickly tapping the A button twice. Tap, tap. See, a double button can sometime get you out of difficult spots.

• Tour Guide : [during basic tutorial]  Ooh, that's some view, huh? Okay, well look it's just training right? Now, to rotate the camera... Push left or right on the "Right Thumbstick". You can recenter the camera behind you by pushing down on the "Right Thumbstick".

• Tour Guide : [during basic training]  Okay the topic at hand is web-swinging. But let's get one thing straight first. Do not try this at home, your house isn't nearly tall enough. Got it? Okay! Now the public service message is out of the way, press the Right Trigger button to start web-swinging. If you need to floor it, hold down the Right Trigger button while you swing. You'll go faster sure but won't be able to turn worth beans, so watch it. Web swing over to your next objective. Use your compass and height meter to find it.

• Tour Guide : Now this doohickey is the height meter, not to be confused with the width meter. It let's you know how much higher or lower you are from the next objective! Now, you are the little red dot, and your target is blue so now's your chance to self test for colorblindness! Anyway using the compass and height meter together, you should be able to find your next objective no matter where it is! Go ahead, give it a shot, I'll wait. But not for long.

• Tour Guide : All right kiddo let's see what you got.

• Tour Guide : Alright now you're almost done so let's get a little fancy. If you hold the Triangle button and quickly press the R1 button, you can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a very sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas.

• Tour Guide : That was a good sandwich. Okay so here you are on the side of the building. Your next marker is up so you could crawl, but I know you, you want fast you want it now. Well i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. If you press the left trigger while crawling on a wall, your web zip in the direction you're crawling. Huh, who's your Daddy!

• Tour Guide : Well, good to see that you can follow basic instructions. Now, these question marks will teach you how to use your powers. Check out the compass. Your compass will point straight towards your next objective. Up on the compass means forward to you, you follow me? Well, stop following me or I'll have you arrested.

• Tour Guide : But wait, LET's MORE. If you press the Black button while you're running, you'll web zip in the direction you're moving. Pretty clever, huh!

• Tour Guide : But wait, let's more. If you press the Left Trigger while you're running, you'll web zip in the direction you're moving. WOWZER.

• Tour Guide : Good job kid, you might just make something of yourself after all. Good luck, you're gonna need it.

• Tour Guide : Well, you're almost done, I'm getting all weepy I just thinking about it. So let's get a little fancy, shall we. If you hold down the Y button and quickly press the Left Trigger, you can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas.

• Tour Guide : Okay, now if you're standing still, and you press the Left Trigger, you'll web zip straight up as long as there's something to stick to above you. Otherwise, you'll just look like a jerk.

• Tour Guide : Just for giggles, press the punch button near an object to try picking it up. Press punch again, to throw it. Don't have time to pick it up, too lazy, no problem. The Kick button will launch an item without picking it up. There, was that simple enough for you. Or should I play the whole game for you?

• Tour Guide : Hey, king of the world, don't let it go to your head, okay. Array for you you're swinging. But sooner or later, you're probably gonna want to drop. You cant break your web line by pressing the A button.

• Tour Guide : Ready to dish out some old-fashioned justice. Throw a punch with the X button, and Kick with the B button. You can also do more powerful combo attacks by quickly pressing different buttons. You can also confuse your friends by pressing every button at the same time.

• Tour Guide : Here's a tip for when you're on the side of a building. If you press the zipline button you'll zip in the direction you're crawling. Of course you'd know this if you played the Basic Tutorial, but I guess you're just cooler than the rest of us.

• Tour Guide : If you hold down the Y button, you can web up an enemy stopping him in his tracks. But he'll break out sooner or later though so don't get too comfy

• Tour Guide : Here's a little party favor for you, a combo power up. Try to locate as many of these babies as you can. Each time you get one you'll unlock a new web power or combo to add to your list of attacks. For those of you playing along at home, that's a good thing. Oh and for those of you with short-term memory issues which would be, most of you. You can check out a list of the combos you've unlocked in the pause menu.

• Tour Guide : Greetings, welcome to the tutorial. yeah, I know you want to get on with things beat up the bad guys do the whole superhero thing. Blah blah blah, well, everyone's got to start somewhere. Trust me, when you're hip-deep in trouble later on you'll be glad you went through this.

• Tour Guide : Well you're almost done. So let's get a little fancy, shall we. Okay, if you hold the Left Trigger and press the Black button, you can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a very sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas.

• Tour Guide : Okay you're standing still, and you press the Black button, you'll web zip straight up, as long as there's something to stick to above you.

• Tour Guide : [eating]  Okay, so here you are on the side of the building. Your next marker is up, so you could crawl, but I know you though you want fast you want it now. So I'll tell you a little secret. If you press the Black button while crawling on a wall, you'll web zip in the direction you're crawling, huh! Who's your buddy?

• Tour Guide : Okay. Well you just got pounded by the weakest enemy in the entire game, that's not something you're gonna want to brag about all right. Now luckily for you, you can practice here until guys like this, are just speed bumps on the way to bigger bad guys. Of course if you suck, you'll just stay here forever.

• Tour Guide : Okay, so here you are on the side of the building. Your next marker is up so you could crawl, but I know you though you want fast you want it now. So I'm going to let you in on something. If you press the "R1" button while climbing on the wall, you'll web zip in the direction you're crawling, hmm. And don't stay I never did any for you. Oh too much much.

• Tour Guide : But wait, there's more. If you press the "R1" button while you're running. You'll web zip in the direction you're moving!

• Tour Guide : Uh hey, king of the world, don't let it go to your head, okay. Look you're swinging, but sooner or later, you're going to want to drop. You cant break your web line by pressing the "X" button

• Tour Guide : Okay the topic at hand is web-swinging. But let's get one thing straight first. Do not try this at home your house isn't nearly tall enough okay, good. Now that the public service message is out of the way, press the "R2" button to start web-swinging. If you need to floor it, hold down the R2 button while you swing. You'll go faster sure but you won't be able to turn with beams so watch it. Web swing over to your next objective. Use your compass and height meter to find it. If you can't find it, I can help you. Unplug the machine, and walk away.

• Tour Guide : Ooh, that's some view, huh? Okay, well look it's just training right? Now, to rotate the camera... Push left or right on the C-Stick. You can recenter the camera behind you by pushing down on the C-Stick.

• Tour Guide : Are you ready to dish out some old-fashioned justice. Throw a "Punch" with the "Square" button. Oooh. And kick with the Circle button, ya-ha. It may not pretty, but it gets the job done.

• Tour Guide : Alright now you're almost done so let's get a little fancy. If you hold the Triangle button and quickly press the "R1" button, you can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a very sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas.

• Tour Guide : Okay now, if you're standing still and you press the "R1" button, you'll web zip straight up, as long as there's something to stick to above you. Otherwise you'll just look like a jerk.

• Tour Guide : Oooh that's some view huh? Okay not really but hey this it's training right it's training right. Now to rotate the camera. Push left or right on the "Right Analog" stick. You can recenter the camera behind you by pushing down on the "Right Analog" stick.

• Tour Guide : Uh-huh... You just couldn't resist jumping down here could you? Well I guess I should tell you something then... uhmm... Okay, how about this? You can jump higher than normal by quickly tapping the "X" button twice. See, a double jump can sometimes get you out of difficult spots. Duh.

• Tour Guide : Uh-huh... You just couldn't resist jumping down here could you? Well I guess I should tell you something then... uhmm... Okay, how about this? You can jump higher than normal by quickly tapping the "Jump Key" twice. See, a double jump can sometimes get you out of difficult spots. Duh.

• Tour Guide : Ooh, that's some view, huh? Okay, not really, but, hey this it's just training right? Now, to rotate the camera... Push the "Mouse" left or right. ... Or... Press the target camera left or right direction keys. You can recenter the camera behind you by pressing the target camera down key.

• Tour Guide : Okay, the topic at hand is web-swinging! But let's get one thing straight first. Do not try this at home. Your house isn't nearly tall enough. Okay? Good. Now that the public service message is out of the way... Press the "Web-swing" key to start web-swinging. If you need to floor-it... Hold down the "web-swing" key while you swing. You'll go faster, sure but you won't be able to turn worth beams So... watch it! Web-swing over to your next objective. Use your compass and height meter to find it. If you can't find it... I can help you. Unplug the machine and walk away.

• Peter Parker : YAHOO!

  Tour Guide : Uh, hey, king-of-the-world? Don't let it go to your head, okay? Look you're swinging... but sooner or later, you're gonna wanna drop. You cant break your web line by pressing the "Jump" key.

• Tour Guide : Are you ready to dish out some old-fashioned justice? Throw a punch with the "Punch" key. Ooh!. And kick with the "Kick" key. Nya-ha! It may not be pretty... but it get's the job done. Alright, kiddo, let's see whatcha got.

• Tour Guide : [Eating]  Okay... So here you are on the side of the building. Your next marker is up so you could crawl. But I know you, though. You want fast. You want it now. So, I'm gonna let you in on something. If you press the "Zip-line" key while crawling on the wall... You'll web-zip in the direction you're crawling. Hm? Now, don't stay I never did anything for ya. Oh. Too much mustard.

• Tour Guide : But wait! There's more! If you press the "Zip-line" key while you're running... you'll web-zip in the direction you're moving.

• Tour Guide : If you press the "Web-Combo" key and then press "Zip-line"... You can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a very good way to look around an unfamiliar area.

• Tour Guide : Okay, now... If you're standing still and you press the "zip-line' key... You'll web-zip straight up. As long as there's something to stick to above you. Otherwise, you'll just look like a jerk.

• Tour Guide : [during basic tutorial]  Okay, the topic at hand is web-swinging! But let's get one thing straight first. Do not try this at home, okay, your house isn't nearly tall enough. Now that the public service message is out of the way... Press the "R" button to start web-swinging. Now if you need to floor-it... Hold down the "R" button while you swing. You'll go faster, but you won't turn worth beams! Web-swing over to your next objective. Use your compass and height meter to find it.

• Tour Guide : [during basin tutorial]  Are you ready to dish out some old-fashioned justice? Throw a punch with the "B" button. Ooh!. And kick with the "X" button. Wa-ha! You can also do more powerful combo attacks, by quickly pressing different buttons. Alright, kiddo, let's see whatcha got.

• Tour Guide : [Eating]  Okay... So here you are on the side of the building. Your next marker is up so you could crawl. But I know you. No, you want to go fast. You want it now. Well, I'll tell you a secret. If you press the "L" button while crawling on the wall... You'll web-zip in the direction you're crawling. Huh? Who's you buddy?

• Tour Guide : But wait, there's more! If you press the "L" button while you're running... you'll web-zip in the direction you're moving.

• Tour Guide : [during basic training]  Now if you're standing still and you press the "L' button... You'll web-zip straight up, as long as there's something to stick to above you. Otherwise you'll just fly out into space forever.

• Tour Guide : Alrighty, you're almost done. so why don't we end with something a little fancy. If you hold the "Y" button and quickly press the "L" button... You can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas.

• Tour Guide : [during basic tutorial]  Okay, you're almost done, so let's do something a little fancy. If you hold the "L2" button and press the "R1" button... You can suspend yourself from a web line and slowly raise or lower yourself. This is a very sneaky way to check out unfamiliar areas. But beware. If you hold the "L1" button and press the "R2" button... You will explode.