- Rory McHoan: [Wondering about Stone Circles] They'll make a leap of imagination, and stumble on the truth.
- Prentice: [the Doctor has had a heart attack having failed to prevent the cremation] Is there anything we can do for you, Doctor?
- Hamish McHoan: [Praying] Ah yes, please withhold your divine blessings from Mr. Ayatollah Khomeni for persecuting the author Salman Rushdie. Heathen and Smart Alec though he may be...
- Cousin: You need a woman!
- Cousin: That's your New Year's Kiss six months early, so don't go askin' for another one.
- Housekeeper: They said they were going to do a couple of Gs. Is that a kind of drink?
- Prentice: You could say it's a mild intoxicant, yes.
- Cousin: I was too busy staring at a Systems Analyst with shoulders as wide as the Arizona Skies.
- Prentice: Is that all it takes to get lumbered these days?
- Rory's Ex: You don't have to call me Auntie, I'm not related to you at all.
- Prentice: You're the best Auntie I've ever had.
- [She thumps him]