Open All Hours (1976–1985)
Ronnie Barker: Albert Arkwright
Photos
Quotes
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[repeated line]
Arkwright : Granville, fetch your cloth!
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Arkwright : I want a w-w-word with you.
Granville : That's three words.
Arkwright : That girl of Grimshaw's.
Granville : Big Edna?
Arkwright : Have you been kn-kn-knocking
Granville : I have only admired her from a distance.
Arkwright : Let me finish. Have you been kn-kn-knocking coppers off her weekly order?
Granville : You do the same for Mrs Featherstone.
Arkwright : Not without putting them back somewhere else.
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Granville : You won't let me buy firelighters. You say they're too expensive.
Arkwright : They are in this damn shop. I'm not paying these prices! Get round the Co-op and buy some.
[pause]
Arkwright : Go and open a packet.
Granville : [leaves the room, to return a few seconds later] Not if they're going to count as my birthday present.
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Arkwright : G-Granville? How do you spell p-p-p-p-pepper? Is it six p's or seven?
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Nurse Gladys Emmanuel : What are your meringues like?
Arkwright : I'm not telling you till after we're married.
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Mrs Blewitt : So. You're going to Parslow's funeral.
Arkwright : Yes. Even though it's very unlikely that he'll ever come to mine.
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Arkwright : Don't just crit there siticizing!
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Nurse Gladys Emmanuel : She has a face like a fit.
Arkwright : Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".
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Arkwright : D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel : Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
Arkwright : I? I? I am.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel : Oh, three of you.
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Arkwright : Oh, so we're giving flowers to the milkwoman's boyfriend now?
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Mrs Featherstone : [Granville has just walked into Mrs. Featherstone] Not even my husband used to get that close.
Arkwright : [to Granville] Dear God! Where did you catch her?
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Arkwright : I hate that scrunching sound errand boys make when you have to stand on them.
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Mrs. Parslow : I'll have a large washing-up liquid.
Arkwright : I think I'll join you.
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Arkwright : Well done! And you certainly have been.
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Arkwright : You've got the evenings free, haven't you?
Granville : Yeah, knowing you, they'd HAVE to be free. Anyway, WHAT evenings? We don't close here 'till nine o'clock at night.
Arkwright : One day, Granville, all this will be y-yours. Lock-lock-lock-lock-lock-lock, stock and barrel. I'm always t-telling you this.
Granville : Yes I know, every time I ask for a rise.
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Arkwright : [Repeated line] Why don't you j-j-jiggle it a bit?