Should I Stay or Should I Go? Quotes

“While the feelings and symptoms of depression and anxiety experienced may be due to the helplessness engendered by the relationship, these feelings can also be generated by the ongoing lack of emotional reciprocity and mirroring in the relationship. Depression is a complex disorder, but the hallmark symptoms of depression—sad mood, lack of pleasure in activities that are typically pleasurable, feelings of worthlessness and guilt, social withdrawal, poor concentration, changes in sleep and appetite.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“There is a difference between making excuses and “being understanding.” Your relationship is an investment—an investment of your time, your resources, and your emotions—and it may involve children, other family members, and finances. There is a lot to “protect,” so making excuses for your partner’s bad behavior becomes protective. Making excuses reflects a pattern over time, not just one bad day at the office. Making excuses involves taking similar facts and telling a story that denies your feelings while protecting your partner’s. And it is a pattern that happens repeatedly, to the point that you believe the excuses more than your own feelings. Understanding is a two-way street—a street made up of compromises shared and offered by both of you. Making excuses is a strategy for surviving a lack of empathy and a long drive down a one-way road.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“When the world is supporting them, their needs are getting met, they do not think there is anything wrong anyhow, and they are unable to see, hear, or feel the needs of others, the likelihood of change is close to zero. The primitive and emotional nature of a close personal relationship means that the lack of empathy, the rage, the distance, the control, and the inconsistency have tremendous power in shaping the life and the inner world of a person in a narcissistic relationship. Close relationships can activate the best and the worst in us, but the deep emotional demands of an intimate relationship are out of reach for a person with narcissistic personality disorder.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“We most acutely experience this phenomenon of emotional coldness when we are going through something difficult ourselves, and the other person offers nothing.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“Or as Anais Nin so beautifully notes,“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“A relationship with a narcissist is in essence being in a relationship with someone who will never listen to you or hear you. As a result, you can be as precise in your communication as a robot, and it will not be heard nor will it matter.”
― Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist