Mrs. Favell Lee Bevan Mortimer was a bitterly unhappy, possibly suicidal Victorian matron who never traveled anywhere--not even to Wales, although theMrs. Favell Lee Bevan Mortimer was a bitterly unhappy, possibly suicidal Victorian matron who never traveled anywhere--not even to Wales, although the Welsh border was nine miles from her front door. It is not certain whether by the end of her life she was insane or merely very eccentric. (Such a shame about the drowned parrot.) Naturally, she was a prolific author of history and geography textbooks for young people.
Todd Pruzan was poking around a used-book sale when he found one of Mrs. Mortimer's texts, which is full of sweeping generalizations, racism, anti-Semitism, anti-Catholicism, and (interestingly) abolitionist rantings. Fascinated, he researched her life and condensed her writings for a 21st-century audience. Here's a sample:
"The Prussians are not fond of eating, like the Austrians."
About the French: "Not very clean."
Iceland: "It is a pity the churches are not kept cleaner and neater."
"The Sicilians are fierce, violent, and cruel."
About North and South America: "America is never spoken of in the Bible."
"The Pyramids are great piles of stones."
On the Bechuanas of Africa: "They always laugh when they hear of customs not their own; for they think that they do everything in the best way, and all other ways are foolish." (This is rather like Mrs. Mortimer herself.)
"The most beautiful city in the world" is . . . Edinburgh. Hmmm.
About German women: "They are not fond of reading useful books. When they read, it is novels about people who never lived. It would be better to read nothing than such books."
When Mrs. Mortimer isn't insulting pretty much everyone on the planet, she is telling her young and impressionable audience horrifying tales of avalanches, earthquakes, and children being maimed as punishment for stealing.
Mortimer's most famous book may have been Reading Without Tears, which Winston Churchill said did not live up to its title.
Mortimer's books had wide audiences for decades, which makes me realize how far we have come with textbooks--and, thank goodness, the Internet, which contains no mistakes....more
Absolutely delightful. Thanks, Jen, for recommending this! I never would have picked it up otherwise.
Of course the story is arch and exaggerated, but Absolutely delightful. Thanks, Jen, for recommending this! I never would have picked it up otherwise.
Of course the story is arch and exaggerated, but it's incredibly entertaining, and much of the dialogue is realistic and natural-sounding without that horrible Harold Pinter quality.
I haven't read much Wodehouse, so I didn't realize how old the book is. Then I noticed that everyone takes trains everywhere, except for the trip from the train station to the castle, which takes place in an open cart . . . so I looked at the copyright page . . . 1915!! (I would have figured it out eventually when I got to the comments about suffragettes.)
In a time of economic uncertainty, it's a relief to read about fictional buffoons from another era. So there I was, standing at the bus stop, reading this and laughing like a loon.
Not the most perfect novel ever written, but it does perfectly what it sets out to do....more
Nonfiction that reads like a thriller. Carefully researched and well paced. People insult each other in various languages by saying things like, "The Nonfiction that reads like a thriller. Carefully researched and well paced. People insult each other in various languages by saying things like, "The oak tree is not concerned with the pig that is scratching its back against the roots."...more
Because Mary Roach is the person she is, this book is scrupulously researched and shows a thoughtful, freewheeling intelligence. Because I am the persBecause Mary Roach is the person she is, this book is scrupulously researched and shows a thoughtful, freewheeling intelligence. Because I am the person I am, I spent much of the time I was reading it alternating between giggling and saying "Eew, gross."
I am deeply grateful that I do not need money badly enough to earn twenty-five bucks by masturbating in front of a lab tech while sporting a speculum in my vag. *giggle* Eew, gross.
Roach deserves special thanks for reporting on the number of nicknames for male and female parts, including "veiny bang-stick" and "the little man in the boat."...more
"Every generation loses the messiah it failed to deserve."
Imaginative and risky. I enjoyed the hard-boiled prose style; one of the characters has an o"Every generation loses the messiah it failed to deserve."
Imaginative and risky. I enjoyed the hard-boiled prose style; one of the characters has an office that is "as pretty as the underside of a bus." Setting was great, characters were good, actual mystery was just OK.
Also, I had never before encountered the expression to bang a kettle about, as in "She's always banging him a kettle about reading that book, but he never will."...more
Well! I wish I had read this anti-suffragist manifesto before I cast my vote this month!
Molly Elliot Seawell was a novelist whose writing was so succeWell! I wish I had read this anti-suffragist manifesto before I cast my vote this month!
Molly Elliot Seawell was a novelist whose writing was so successful that she bought property, supported her entire family, and employed five people. However, she thought that women should not be allowed to vote. (Maybe she was the Phyllis Schlafly of her day?) Here's why:
* Suffragists are sometimes socialists.
* Voting is a privilege, not a right. Citizens of the District of Columbia can't vote, and you don't hear them complaining about it. (Actually, that got changed later.)
* If voting is a right, then children and foreigners will be allowed to vote, too. A right is from birth to death.
* Women can't fight their way to the polls if there's a disturbance.
* Women can't be soldiers.
* Women don't know anything about shipping, mining, or many other important jobs that are the subject of legislation.
* If women become voters, they will lose all the protections of the state, and their husbands will be able to sue them for support.
* Joan of Arc, Queen Isabella, Queen Victoria, and George Washington's mother never got to vote, and you never heard them complaining about it. Do suffragists really think they will achieve more?
The author was also a successful fundraiser for medical charities--she invented Christmas seals--but it's this book that has won her a special place in my heart.
The entire text of this book is available through Google Book Search, and it's probably on Project Gutenberg, too. ...more
Memoir of estrangement from a dysfunctional family + history of sugar and sugar substitutes + history of New York corruption = surprisingly compellingMemoir of estrangement from a dysfunctional family + history of sugar and sugar substitutes + history of New York corruption = surprisingly compelling read. I actually laughed out loud a couple of times.
"There was an ancient form of primogeniture at play in the family; as the son of the oldest son, Cousin Jeffrey was golden. One week, Grandma Betty decided that a grandchild would, for no particular reason, have a party thrown in his or her honor, complete with cake and gifts. While standing in my aunt's room, Betty wrote the names on a slip of paper and dropped the slips in a hat. A winner was drawn: Jeffrey. Since Jeffrey seemed to win many such contests, my brother grew suspicious. When he picked up the hat, Betty said, 'Don't look!' Unfolding the slips, he had the great shock of his early life. Every ballot was marked 'Jeffrey.'"
About Grandma Esther, from the non-disinheriting side of the family: "She took an afternoon to tell a story that could be told in five minutes, then wound it up by saying, 'That's it in a nutshell.' . . . I once heard her ask a woman in her condo complex, 'Why do you hate me, fatso?' I once heard her say to a Holocaust survivor, 'You are one that Hitler should not have let get away.' When she took me and my sister to see Yentl, she asked for three tickets, one senior, two children. My sister was thirty, I was twenty-two. The three of us saw Yentl for four dollars."
"'It wasn't enough for them to leave her nothing,' my sister explained. 'They also wanted her to say that it was okay that they had left her nothing.'"
"We are what we eat, and we don't know what that is."
"To be disinherited is to be set free."
I did not realize that we have canned food and condensed milk because Gail Borden was so horrified to read accounts of the cannibalistic Donner Party.
One thing the author does not make clear is why, if his grandfather was such a clever lawyer, he did not apply for a patent for the sugar-packet machine.
The author is the son of the Herb Cohen, author of the excellent nonfiction book "Negotiate This!" I wonder if he would agree that some things are not negotiable....more
The blurb on the front describes this as "twentieth-century Jane Austen," but JA is funnier and more romantic. Also, this was slower to start than anyThe blurb on the front describes this as "twentieth-century Jane Austen," but JA is funnier and more romantic. Also, this was slower to start than any Austen novel. This book has some beautiful turns of phrase, though, and I enjoyed the characters' interactions. The second half is funnier and more engaging than the first half--sort of a comedy of manners.
What's interesting to me is that, in London in the early 1950s, if you were an unmarried woman in your late 20s or early 30s or older, you were DONE. People married younger then, and the war meant fewer eligible bachelors. So, no marriage, no sex, and not much of a career for you--just modest good works and genteel poverty and DECADES OF VIRGINITY. Ick.
This and an early Margaret Atwood novel are the only books I know of in which the question of who does the washing-up takes on tremendous political, social, and symbolic significance.
Some passages I enjoyed:
"It was one of those sad late September evenings when by switching on a bar of the electric fire one realises at last that summer is over."
"'This may sound a cynical thing to say, but don't you think men sometimes leave difficulties to be solved by other people or to solve themselves?'"
"There are some things too dreadful to be revealed, and it is even more dreadful how, in spite of our better instincts, we long to know about them."
"I did not think it worth pointing out that there were perhaps more subtle differences between clergymen and others than the wearing of the collar back to front."
"Winifred had gone back to the vicarage and was comforting Julian. I felt a little sorry for him, surrounded as he would be by excellent women." ...more
"Who are these people who hate Hollywood? Perhaps a bunch of communists?"
The well-known "worst director ever" (Plan 9 from Outer Space) writes a memoi"Who are these people who hate Hollywood? Perhaps a bunch of communists?"
The well-known "worst director ever" (Plan 9 from Outer Space) writes a memoir. Perfect irritainment. At one point he compares acting, cake-baking, and the atomic bomb. "Far-fetched? Think about it!"
Perhaps the most entertaining part of this book is the author's blatantly obvious angora-sweater fetish. I like 'em too . . . but not THAT way. :-)
Very enjoyable, though if you are not already a fan of Sedaris's, this one won't change your mind.Very enjoyable, though if you are not already a fan of Sedaris's, this one won't change your mind....more
The subtitle of this story is "The True Story of the Richest Man Ever Tried for Murder," and what a sad, debauched tale it is.
I don't know why the auThe subtitle of this story is "The True Story of the Richest Man Ever Tried for Murder," and what a sad, debauched tale it is.
I don't know why the authors stopped writing Pulitzer-winning art books and started writing gossipy true-crime books . . . but I am grateful for it....more
A very focused autobiography that explains how Steve Martin became a comedian, what he wanted to accomplish, and why he walked away at the height of pA very focused autobiography that explains how Steve Martin became a comedian, what he wanted to accomplish, and why he walked away at the height of popularity.
He also explores his relationships with his parents, his sister, and girlfriends from the distant past (he nailed renowned Christian author Stormie Omartian! In a car! OMG!!!), though he says almost nothing about recent girlfriends or his first wife.
Not belly-laugh-funny (it's not meant to be), but consistently interesting and sometimes droll.
I listened to this on a road trip to Minneapolis. It was an interesting experience to listen to an audiobook straight through instead of a half-hour or so at a time....more
Beautifully written, thought-provoking account of living as a man for close to two years. I was continually surprised to find out all the places "Ned"Beautifully written, thought-provoking account of living as a man for close to two years. I was continually surprised to find out all the places "Ned" went: a bowling alley, a strip club, a singles bar, a seminary, a job in sales, and many other places and situations. I was also surprised at how many people Ned/Norah "came out" to....more
* www.junkbusters.com: I have used tips from this site for a couple of years, and I have dramatically reduced the amount of junk mail I get. Less hassle for me, good for the planet. (I have nothing against junk mail, as I used to make a living writing it, but it's wasteful if I'm sure I will never buy the products.)
* Registered Call: Allows people to record copies of telemarketer and business calls and store those calls as computer files. The person who founded the company was the only one in the book whose story was a near-tragedy rather than a minor annoyance. His girlfriend broke her neck while vacationing in Namibia, and her health insurer kept him on the phone for an hour without coming close to resolving the billing issues. His calling card ran out of minutes, he called back, and they had no record of the call . . . so he had to start all over again.
* The idea of using the Spanish-language operator (who evidently always speaks English) when the wait for the English-speaking operator is too long. I haven't tried it, but it's an interesting idea. Apparently you just apologize and say, "I couldn't get through on the other line."
However, many of the tactics described seem ineffective, pointless, or even downright cruel. Why call up a volunteer during a public-TV pledge drive and harass that person? If you don't like pledge drives, then either donate so they don't have to do the beg-a-thon or STOP WATCHING PUBLIC TELEVISION. Sheesh.
I don't like dealing with thoughtless, rude, or incompetent people, of course, but some of the suggestions in this book could get me screamed at. Or worse. Listen, I live near Chicago, and we are apparently about to lose our handgun ban. I don't know about you, but I can't be too careful. ...more
This is one of my favorite books about the entertainment industry. Gossipy, intelligent, perceptive, quirky, arrogant, clueless . . . Shales and MilleThis is one of my favorite books about the entertainment industry. Gossipy, intelligent, perceptive, quirky, arrogant, clueless . . . Shales and Miller really capture the different personalities and moods of the people they interviewed.
Hmmmm. Wildly imaginative throughout, but quite predictable in parts. It reminded me of Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman.
I love that Chapter 5 is Hmmmm. Wildly imaginative throughout, but quite predictable in parts. It reminded me of Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman.
I love that Chapter 5 is called "The Feast of Fear."
Here are some of my favorite quotations from the book:
It is always the humble man who talks too much; the proud man watches himself too closely.
He defended respectability with violence and exaggeration. He grew passionate in his praise of tidiness and propriety.
"And now, in the name of Colney Hatch, what is it?" [I had to look this up--Colney Hatch was a mental institution.]
"I would break twenty oaths of secrecy for the pleasure of taking you down a peg."
"But whenever he gives advice it is always something as startling as an epigram, and yet as practical as the Bank of England."
"I preached blood and murder to those women day and night, and--by God!--they would let me wheel their perambulators."
There are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one. That is why, in spite of a hundred disadvantages, the world will always return to monogamy.
"After all," he said to himself, "I am more than a devil; I am a man. I can do the one thing which Satan himself cannot do—I can die."
"We are not buffoons, but very desperate men at war with a vast conspiracy."
"You've got that eternal idiotic idea that if anarchy came it would come from the poor. Why should it? The poor have been rebels, but they have never been anarchists; they have more interest than anyone else in there being some decent government. The poor man really has a stake in the country. The rich man hasn't; he can go away to New Guinea in a yacht. The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all."
"I had no idea that the anarchists had so much discipline."
"Four out of the five rich men in this town," he said, "are common swindlers. I suppose the proportion is pretty equal all over the world."
"My God!" said the Colonel, "someone has shot at us."
"It need not interrupt conversation," said the gloomy Ratcliffe. "Pray resume your remarks, Colonel."
"I can only wallow in the exquisite comfort of my own exactitude."
"I don't think, and I never shall think, that the mass of ordinary men are a pack of dirty modern thinkers."
"When duty and religion are really destroyed, it will be by the rich."
"What are we going to do?" asked the Professor.
"At this moment," said Syme, with a scientific detachment, "I think we are going to smash into a lamppost."
"Moderate strength is shown in violence, supreme strength is shown in levity."
"Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world. We see everything from behind, and it looks brutal. That is not a tree, but the back of a tree. That is not a cloud, but the back of a cloud. Cannot you see that everything is stooping and hiding a face? If we could only get round in front--"
"The only crime of the Government is that it governs."
A wonderful, big, sprawly novel. To me, it was not as immediately enthralling as The Way We Live Now, but onOh, that Alice Vavasor. What. A. Ditherer.
A wonderful, big, sprawly novel. To me, it was not as immediately enthralling as The Way We Live Now, but once the Pallisers finally arrived, I was hooked.
Here are some of my favorite lines from the book--most from the first half of the book, though I found the second half a better read overall.
"People always do seem to think it so terrible that a girl should have her own way in anything. I haven't much of my own way at present; but you see, when I'm married I shan't have it at all. You can't wonder that I shouldn't be in a hurry."
"I'm not particular; and if you are ready for a little good, wholesome, useful hypocrisy, I won't balk you."
In this world things are beautiful only because they are not quite seen, or not perfectly understood.
But men and women, when they show themselves at their best, seldom do so without an effort.
"Does anybody ever drop their rich relatives?"
"I can hold my own; and as long as I can do that the world won't hurt me. No, Kate, if I think a thing's right I shall do it."
"Money's never dirty," she said, "nor yet what makes money."
"I have an old-fashioned idea that when a man has got a wife he ought to be allowed to keep her. Public opinion, I know, is against me."
Every man to himself is the centre of the whole world;--the axle on which it all turns.
"It can hardly be your desire to go through life unmarried."
It is a comfortless unsatisfying trade, that of living upon other people's money.
"Indeed! I wouldn't pick her out of a gutter with a pair of tongs."
There are many rocks which a young speaker in Parliament should avoid, but no rock which requires such careful avoiding as the rock of eloquence.
CHAPTER LI: Bold Speculations on Murder
Vavasor, though he did not love much himself, was willing enough to be the object of love....more
"Nothing works more in a thief's favor than people feeling secure. That's why places that are heavily alarmed and guarded can sometimes be the easiest"Nothing works more in a thief's favor than people feeling secure. That's why places that are heavily alarmed and guarded can sometimes be the easiest targets. The single most important factor in security--more than locks, alarms, sensors or armed guards--is attitude. A building protected by nothing more than a cheap combination lock but inhabited by people who are alert and risk-aware is much safer than one with the world's most sophisticated alarm system whose tenants assume they're living in an impregnable fortress."
Dedication: "For those who loved me anyway."
Very entertaining autobio by a (mostly) reformed jewel thief. I have this book to thank (?) for introducing the term "absolutely the cat's nuts" into my vocabulary....more
Charming young-adult novel about love and nonconformity.
Here's a description of a minor character:
"To the student body at large, Raymond Studemacher Charming young-adult novel about love and nonconformity.
Here's a description of a minor character:
"To the student body at large, Raymond Studemacher did not have enough substance to trigger the opening of a supermarket door. He belonged to no team or organization. He took part in no school activities. His grades were ordinary. His clothing was ordinary. His face was ordinary. Thin as a minute, he appeared to lack the heft to carry his own name. . . . And yet . . ."
I picked this up because Freaks & Geeks co-creator Paul Feig is directing (or has directed) a movie version.
While registering this, I just noticed that there's a sequel! ...more
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