This book changed my life for the better. It did so in a surprisingly simple way: it translated one word, metta, in a way I've never seen before. MettThis book changed my life for the better. It did so in a surprisingly simple way: it translated one word, metta, in a way I've never seen before. Metta is normally translated as 'loving-kindness'. I have never liked this phrase because, to me, kindness is passive and solitary. Kindness opens doors, utters compliments, refrains from gossip, etc., but a society of people who do those things can still be very cold. Think of Japan. The stereotypical Japanese is respectful, accommodating, nonconfrontational--and profoundly lonely. This is what loving-kindness felt like to me. Metta meditations made me feel warm, fuzzy, and alone.
Until I read this book.
Apparently, the root of the word metta is mitta, which means friend. So Gunaratana translates metta as 'loving-friendliness'. This translation changed everything; my metta meditations immediately transformed!
Loving-friendliness meditation has already helped me make new friends. I've started approaching colleagues, sitting down and talking with them, sharing stories, and building genuine rapport, when previously I'd smile and say something superficially nice and kind as I passed by on my way to somewhere else. I've started thinking about how I can make more friends, and how I can be a better friend to the friends I already have. I've become more proactively social.
This book doesn't explicitly encourage this kind of prosocial reaching out. Most of its examples are about monks being incredibly patient, longsuffering, and forbearing more than anything else. And there's some weak evidence that ordinary loving-kindness makes people more prosocial anyways. Aaaaand loving-kindness trains us to widen our circles of moral concern to encompass not just our friends and people we're well-disposed towards, but people we dislike, and animals, and the human species itself, as well. This is all well and good.
But still!
Understanding metta as becoming friends-with instead of nice-to the world seems to me like a radical change of intention. No longer are we expected to stand on the sidelines and wave politely at life's chaotic procession. Mitta meditation, much like engaged Buddhism, pushes us to engage with the world, to stand up from our meditation cushions and go out into the world, hugging people, bringing people together, actually enacting goodwill and benevolence.
Don't just love the world. Frankly, that's as useless as saying, Thoughts and prayers! Even if you mean it, really, what good does it do? Instead, love the world and make friends with it. Do with the world what Buddha did with Mara, the god of all antagonisms: invite it in for tea.
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