This book wasn't bad, exactly, it was just not the sort of thing I tend to enjoy. The Casual Vacancy is more of a character study than anything else. This book wasn't bad, exactly, it was just not the sort of thing I tend to enjoy. The Casual Vacancy is more of a character study than anything else. Is it worthy? I guess, if character studies are your bag, which I've already mentioned I'm not a fan. I mean, this story meandered all over the place, plots developed that weren't particularly interesting or important to the overall storyline. As far as I'm concerned, if it has nothing to do with the story, edit that crap out. But J.K. Rowling wanted to look all smart so she left the pointless stuff in. It didn't work.
Also? It kills me to say this but this book, the story it told, the way in which it was delivered tells me Rowling probably shouldn't write Adult Fiction. Ever again. I love her Potter series, I love how meticulously planned out the whole thing is. She's brilliant at writing YA Fiction, clearly, and perhaps she should stick to it. That said, I will read everything this woman writes. No matter what.
*sigh* Who is this book written for? It can't be for the female population, at least, not the vast majority of females. I mean, sure, I like violence *sigh* Who is this book written for? It can't be for the female population, at least, not the vast majority of females. I mean, sure, I like violence and gore but I'm an exception. Most women will cringe away from the blood and guts violence-pa-looza within the pages of this book. And because the first book in this series does pander to the female population, albeit in a bloody valentine type way, it is clearly more for teh ladies. This second book? I can't say. And honestly I don't want to know. 2 stars. ...more
Before I actually review this book, I need to say one thing: frakking love triangles! Bah! I'm so over them. Love triangles are the laziest form of coBefore I actually review this book, I need to say one thing: frakking love triangles! Bah! I'm so over them. Love triangles are the laziest form of conflict in a relationshippy storyline. The main character can either love one guy or love the other. It really is that simple, none of this confusion crap. Unless the main character is not self-aware I'd say it's impossible for them to NOT know which love interest is preferred.
Moving on...
The main character, Celaena, is a trained assassin. That's the cool part. The part that gets to me is we're never really told how she feels about that. We get a brief--very, very brief--description about how she felt after killing her first victim, way back when she was a kid, but never do we get more than that. It's irritating to say he least. I want to know what goes through this girl's head before she murders someone. Does she feel remorse? Anxiety? Sadness? Does she feel anything at all?
I mean, we get way more descriptions of Celaena's stupid gowns than anything she's actually feeling. Though the few times she does go there, actually trying to describe her feelings, all we get is a bunch of similes and metaphors that do not make any sense. Like this: "Celaena's blood turned into shooting stars"
What does that even mean?
Because of this and other ridiculous/nonsensical descriptions of the MC's feelings I can't even begin to relate to her. Let's not even get started on the fact that she comes across as a sociopath, which I'm pretty sure was not the author's intent.
That said, I did like this book well enough to give this book 3 stars out of 5, which means I liked it.
***An e-galley of this book was provided by Netgalley. My views are my own.***
In all honesty, this book deserves 1.5 stars. Barely. But I'm felling generous today so 2 stars it is.
Where to start? It feels like Ms Jay wasn't eveIn all honesty, this book deserves 1.5 stars. Barely. But I'm felling generous today so 2 stars it is.
Where to start? It feels like Ms Jay wasn't even trying, like she didn't care about the characters and the series anymore. Almost like she phoned it in, drunk. There are so many typos it got my eye twitching right off. There's even a 'your're' where a 'your' should be, I kid you not. And our little MC, Anna-Belle Lee, is so inconsistent, so bi-polar, she's not even recognizable. One minute she loves this guy then she hates him then she loves two other guys and hates another. Then she's making out with the guy she really hates because he's so totally hot and she thinks he's the one she really likes, until five minutes later she doesn't. Then she knows she loves her not-quite-boyfriend and wants to commit to him always and forever. Until suddenly she doesn't and she's lusting after the guy she loathes, and wishing for her ex-boyfriend too. By the way, if you didn't notice there are three love interests in this book. Really.
Don't even get me started on the fairy lore. It's a disaster. Which is odd because I felt as though I had a fairly decent grasp on all that when reading the last novel. And it's impossible to descern who the bad guy is because everything we're told is a lie. Everything. Even at the end of the book I have no idea why any of what happened had to happen. There was no point, seriously. When all was said and done I had nothing left to do but count all the gigantic plot holes.
Lots more I want to say on this, and I may do so later, but I'm going to have to wrap this up since it's not so much fun typing this whole thing up while peddling away on a stationary bike.
I want to give Girl in the Arena four--possibly even five--stars, because it has something few other books I've had the pleasure of reading has. SometI want to give Girl in the Arena four--possibly even five--stars, because it has something few other books I've had the pleasure of reading has. Something I've been looking for, desperately, within YA fiction. Something that just...I don't know... Just speaks to me, I guess; feels true. I can relate to it, to the protagonist, how she feels. I understand her because, in a way, I was her. Maybe, from time to time, I still am her.
To help you understand where I'm coming from I need to go back. Way back. Back to August 3, 2008, when I finished reading the flaming garbage pile that is called Breaking Dawn. As I closed the book, I sat back and contemplated what I'd just read. I was speechless at first, trying to pinpoint why Bella's picture perfect Happily Ever After made me angry beyond all reason.
The next morning I called my friends, asked them what they thought of the book. And you know what? I was shocked--shocked!--to discover none of my friends were dissatisfied. So I ran to the internet--to GoodReads, as it turns out--and sought out others who felt the way I did. I discovered a little group of disillusioned Twilight fans and together we ripped Breaking Dawn to shreds. Upon doing so, I saw what it was that bugged me so much: EVERYTHING. The entire book.
I especially hated how everyone was eating that piece of creeptastic wish-fulfillment up and begging for more. Listening to people refer to it as 'beautiful literature' was enough to stoke my fiery rage. I was embarrassed for every grown woman who referred to stalkerific Edward as the perfect man. I felt bad for the teens who thought Edward and Bella were the epitome of twu wuv--The ideal.
So stupid, the lot of them, I thought to myself. I'm glad my girls are too young to read the Twilight series. It was then a bunch of horrible and very-much insane thoughts popped into my head.
Oh, holy crap! My girls--my babies!--will grow up and they might read this garbage and think it's romantic. What if they start wishing to be just like Bella? What if they allow their lives to revolve around "beautiful" and mysterious boys? What if they lose the best parts of themselves in pursuit of an unrealistic, bastardized version of romantic love? They'll become pathetic losers. Weaklings with no identities, no goals to call their own. No one will respect them! They'll die alone! In vomit-filled gutters! Oh, the humanity!
Clearly I was being crazy, but can you blame me? Twilight mania had just set in--worldwide might I add. It was an ugly time in history.
I was upset Twilight was this Really Big Deal, had such a massive following. I hated that no one could shut up about it--not even me! I kept wondering what I could do to insure my girls wouldn't grow up to be useless human beings like Bella Swan. And then it came to me: keep teaching them. Encourage them to be themselves, to be proud of who they are. Teach about setting goals and what steps to take in order to accomplish them. Encourage them to think for themselves, teach them self-reliance.
There was a bunch of other things I resolved to do, but I couldn't figure out how to solve the pesky problem of the Twilight series and books that were similar. I was never going to forbid my girls from reading them, but I wanted them to be smart enough to see past all the glitter and not get too caught up in the fantasy.
I came up with the idea of building a little library, a collection made up of the best books. I wanted it to be something my girls could enjoy, so of course it needed a killer YA selection. But what books would I put there? It would have to contain more than just the classics, that I was sure, but was there any contemporary YA literature that was worthwhile? At that time I just didn't know.
And that, my fellow GoodReaders, is when I started reading everything YA in pursuit of awesome books with really great protagonists. Over the years I've read some heinous stuff, but I've also had the opportunity to read some truly beautiful literature. This book, Girl in the Arena, is, in some ways, among the best of the best. It contains a pretty solid message without being preachy. It brings up some legitimate questions, questions teenage girls should be asking themselves if they aren't already doing so. Questions I once asked myself, about who I was, what I stood for, how strongly I stood for it, what lengths I'd go in order to be true to my identity, and whether or not I cared how my actions might affect family members and other loved ones. This book? Asks all those questions and more. It introduces some interesting ideas, too. Honestly, I got lost within the pages of Girl in the Arena. In some ways it was a really great, near ideal, reading experience.
All of that said, this book is riddled with flaws. Errors of every sort, big and little. Glaring ones that made me want to give up on this book early on. The world-building is pretty weak in some places, non-existent in others. This book assumes I know exactly what's going on in the protagonists world. But see, I don't. I don't even know what year it's su L pposed to be. I was never sold on the Gladiator culture, why they all did what they did. I didn't understand why anyone would adhere to such stringent rules, rules that interfered/controlled their personal lives so thoroughly. Especially when religion was in no way part of the equation. Was the government involved? What happened to the government, exactly? Where were the protestors, the people who opposed gladiatorial battles to the death? Where was PITA? Why weren't they throwing buckets of red paint at the gladiators who fought and killed animals in the arena?
The writing style was enough to make me want to poke my eyes out (until I got used to it). Instead of using quotation marks to indicate dialogue, the author used em dashes. At first I wasn't always sure who was saying what. It looks like this:
—Maybe we should stop eating meat.
—You better talk with Allison, I said. —The freezer is half cow.
—We could give it away.
—Before she gets home? I joked.
He got another knife out of the drawer and began to cut up the tomatoes.
—Sure, why not? he said earnestly.
See what I mean? Really annoying. And really, who writes like that?
There are other things that bothered me, but I don't care to go into all that, especially since I pretty much love this book despite all the flaws. I know it doesn't quite make sense considering how picky I can be. I can't say I completely understand why I feel the overwhelming need to overlook the glaring technical imperfections and give this book three stars, but I do.
This book just speaks to me on multiple levels. And no, it's not because of some convoluted love story (although, yeah, there is the beginnings of a love story but that isn't a major element of the book). It's just about a girl trying to do the "right" thing, whatever that may be, and not lose herself in the process. She wants more than what her upbringing says she's allowed to have. She wants to be more. In the end she is and I can't imagine a more beautiful Happily Ever After than that. After all, that's what I want for myself and it's what I want for my girls.
Not long ago I went back and looked over the first book in this series in an attempt to understand what made me want to pick up World After. After an Not long ago I went back and looked over the first book in this series in an attempt to understand what made me want to pick up World After. After an almost entire re-read of Angelfall I am flabbergasted. I mean, sure, Angelfall is okay-ish. And when I originally picked it up it was a self-published kindle book that only cost 99 cents. Now it's in paper and audiobook form and there's all this buzz and more books are being published and Susan Ee is laughing all the way to the bank.
Don't get me wrong, I think Susan Ee is a genius. She wrote and self-published an ebook that didn't suck nearly as bad as the vast majority of self-published ebooks and struck gold. Good for her. I wish I could do that. Really. But still, that doesn't mean she's a talented writer or that her work necessarily deserves to be published. This book, World After, is irrefutable proof.
To be completely honest, I couldn't read more than one-quarter of this book and I ended up returning it. I never return books, but I made an exception.
Penryn was always sort of pining for the angel Raffe so I expected the pining and/or fascination to continue in this book. What I did not expect is for Penryn to be reduced to a boring girl who does little else but wax poetic about Raffe's beautiful face and body during the first quarter of the book. After the first chapter I struggled with not letting my eyes roll out of my head. I felt as though I was reading Twilight. Again.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Look, Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight and got away with it. That happened. I've made peace with that time in human history because we were younger then. We didn't know any better.
But now? Now we know better. We're smarter. We don't want our protagonists to be simpering morons who do little more than think about the perfection of a certain young man's body and/or face. We want our post-apocalyptic MCs to kick ass and lead a revolution, and if they happen to find love along the way that's okay. But first and foremost? Ass-kicking. That's what we want and that's what I thought I was signing up for when I purchased World After.
What I got was loveloveloveloveloveloveOBSESSIONlovelovelove laced with a (possible?) love triangle and a side order of monster (zombie?) children and maybe evil angels.
Susan! What happened? The truly enjoyable elements you gave us in Angelfall were missing in World After. It feels as though you gave up. It feels as though you sold out.
I am disappoint.
P.S. I wasn't going to say it, but, Dee-Dum? Totally a rip-off of Fred and George Weasley. A crappy, pathetic rip off. ...more
I started reading this book in June. JUNE! I finally finished reading it last night. Admittedly I liked Imaginary Girls at first--like the first couplI started reading this book in June. JUNE! I finally finished reading it last night. Admittedly I liked Imaginary Girls at first--like the first couple of chapters--then almost immediately it was all I could do to finish one page every time I picked this book up. The story is not that interesting. The writing-style is irritating and pretentious. It feels as though author goes out of her way to say things in the most roundabout way, in a way that's meant to be artsy and poetic. I wouldn't go so far as say the prose are purple-ish...but...yeah...almost.
Plus, I didn't like the older sister, Ruby, which is sort of a huge problem because a lot of the story has to do with the MC's (Chloe) hero-worship of said older sister. Hate is a strong word, but I'm willing to go so far as say I HATE Ruby. She sucks. And while I can understand Chloe's allegiance to Ruby, I still think she gives her sister way too much control over every aspect in her life. And the worst part is she does so gladly. That wouldn't be so bad if at the end of the novel things had been different. But, no, I didn't get the sense that Chloe was a better person by the end of the novel, if she'd learned some sort of a lesson. If anything, she's regressed. And that's really sad.
So, while I do think the cover is STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL, and like the fact that this is a standalone with an original premise, I still do not like this book. I don't know who I'd recommend it to. No one, probably. But if you're wanting to read this, don't let my review stop you. Read Imaginary Girls if you feel compelled to do so. Who knows? It might be just up your alley. 1.5 stars. ...more
***Warning: this review contains spoilers for Feed***
I really don't know what I can say about this book besides how disappointed and frustrated it le***Warning: this review contains spoilers for Feed***
I really don't know what I can say about this book besides how disappointed and frustrated it left me. Not that I was expecting something incredible mind you. I mean, it's not like Feed left me begging for more so I have no idea why I gave Deadline the time of day.
Actually I do know. I'm not too bright. I was going to purchase The Demon's Surrender on Tuesday June 14th, because that's when it was released, but for whatever reason the audiobook was not available for sale at audible. So I wasted a precious audible credit on this ridiculously long piece of trash. How long is this audiobook you ask? 15+ hours.
Yes, more than 15 hours of what amounts to a really long episode of The Incredible Hulk, featuring zombies and the magical world of news blogging. Except to make things extra fun The HulkBruce Banner Shaun, our main character, has his dead sister's voice stuck in his head running commentary on everything he does. And he talks back to that voice. Vocally. Like, all the time no matter who is around.
When people encounter Shaun's strange behavior and make the mistake of asking if he's feeling okay, Bruce Shaun looses his crap and 'splodes out of his clothes in a fit of rage, turns green and goes on a punching spree. And he's all 'HULK MAD! HULK SMASH! HULK KILL!' starts acting like a massive douche-canoe--like, way more douche-y than he usually acts--and threatens to punch the crap out of whoever has the nerve to ask him about the state of his mental health.
That wouldn't be such worrisome behavior if he were some crazy urine-soaked hobo who lives out of a refrigerator box. But see, Shaun is the head blogger at popular news blog he and his (dead) sister started a few years before. He has a ton of employees all over the world.
Mr Crazy Pants is in charge. Really. And that's where my first issue with Deadline springs up.
Who in their right mind would put up with that crap? The answer is no one. Not even people who are supposedly friends with said crazy person. Especially when that person has not contributed ANYTHING worthwhile to the blog in over a year. A person who doesn't even make any real decisions anymore. A person who does little more than show up and carry on conversations with the dead sister living in his head himself and threaten to punch people, occasionally carrying out those threats, breaking noses in the process.
We're supposed to believe that his employees are that loyal and/or so stupid they'd be willing to stick around and take that sort of abuse. Bloggers who are at the top of their fields and could go to a number of other news blogs or easily start their own.
One could argue that he just lost his sister and his friends/employees are just really patient and understanding, but here's the deal: his sister died a year prior to the events in Deadline. Plus, they live in a world where zombies run free. Every last one of them have lost close friends and loved ones yet none of them act like Shaun.
So...what makes Shaun so special?
Nothing. He's not special. Which is why I grew weary of this book almost from the get go. But I kept reading because I thought Shaun was going to calm down and pull his act together. Don't want to be all spoiler-y but it needs to be said: that never happens. In fact his behavior worsens yet NO ONE takes a cattle prod to his crazy ass; no one throws him to the zombies just so they can get rid of their little "Debbie Downer".
There is a whole lot of other stuff that happens which, I'm sorry, doesn't really matter because (view spoiler)[Grant decides to pretty much undo something HUGE that goes down in the first book. (view spoiler)[ George is magically alive at the end of the book. That happens. Really. (view spoiler)[The author pulls the cloning card, and a piss-poor job she does with the whole cloning thing if you ask me. Why? (view spoiler)[Because everyone knows cloning doesn't work that way. (view spoiler)[ Clones don't retain the original's memories. Sometimes they don't even look exactly like the original (hide spoiler)] And no, I don't think it's cool to just pretend it does for the sake of the story. Grant went out of her way to create the whole back story to Kellis-Amberlee, correct? So why is it so difficult for her to think up a semi-feasible reason as to why George is magically alive? The whole thing comes off a little too Resident Evil if you ask me, and no, that isn't a compliment (hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)]. To be honest, I feel there is little of importance that goes down in this book. It's all a bunch of happenings that don't amount to anything in the end. If you've read Deadline and you don't agree with me, that's cool. Just do me a favor and ask yourself this: what, if anything, happened in this book that wasn't made so completely pointless by the way the book ended? I bet your answer is along the lines of 'nothing'.
And then there's the plot holes. So many plot holes. Gigantic ones. One in particular that is so infeasible, so massive you sort of want to write Mira Grant hate mail while reading it. Or maybe that's just me.
Speaking of holes, am I the only one that thinks the answer to the zombie problem, should a zombie apocalypse ever occur, is the Grand Canyon? I mean, it's a massive hole in the ground, right? All we'd have to do is round up and herd all the zombies to the Grand Canyon. We could walk them in at ground level and then brick them in, or just let them walk over the cliffs (this option is rather inhumane but, hey, it's flesh-eating, disease-carrying zombies we're talking about not adorable puppies and kitties). I'm also willing to consider using Carlsbad Caverns, as it is also a massive hole in the ground and I'm not a huge fan of New Mexico.
Don't even get me started about Shaun's (not at all thought out) motorcycle ride of karma from zombie hell. I'm sorry but who is that stupid? Why would anyone let anyone else ride a motorcycle into a place so insanely infested with zombies? I kept wondering why they couldn't strap that thing to the back of the van, or, I don't know, LEAVE IT BEHIND. Hell, even if there really wasn't room left inside the van, Shaun could have easily strapped himself to the roof, or (call me crazy) strap some of their equipment to the roof of the van in order to make room for him. Either way, he would have been safer.
One last thing: (view spoiler)[I was so totally right about the incest thing. I knew George and Shaun were too close to not be sleeping together. And no, I don't think that Grant is so edgy by going that route. If anything Grant is all about cop-outs. The incest was a cop-out and so was the cloning of a dead character. (hide spoiler)]
I will not be reading the third book in this series. One-and-a-half stars.
I happen to like books which feature kick-ass feminist heroines and are light on the romance so I should like this book, right?
YeahUpdated 04/01/14:
I happen to like books which feature kick-ass feminist heroines and are light on the romance so I should like this book, right?
Yeah, but I don't.
First of all, Katsa acts like a petulant little girl throughout the entire book, not some strong feminist poster woman. Katsa shows very little, if any, personal growth over the course of this novel. Also, I felt like the author spent too much time trying to sell us on the following ideas: femininity is an idea forced upon women by the patriarchy, men don't respect women, commitment ruins relationships, marriage is a tool of the devil, and so on.
Look, I understand that some women feel that way, and I'm completely cool with it. I'd be lying if I claimed that I've never thought some of the same things during my lifetime. That said, I hate how the author seems to be shoving very specific views down my throat instead of telling me a story that challenges me to think for myself.
This book is written in such a way that it makes me think Cashore, the author, is using her character, her story as a vehicle to voice her very strong opinions. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily have a problem with that sort of thing, it's just that this book is being touted as 'feminist' but I fail to see true feminism within the pages of this book. I mean, I guess you could consider it a version of feminism, but it's not very inclusionary. In fact, it's a very bigoted version of feminism.
Other than Katsa every other woman in this book is portrayed as weak and dumb. So basically unless you're an angry, dress-hating, man-hating woman with an aversion to commitment there is something wrong with you.
News Flash: femininity isn't anti-feminist. I'm sorry but it is possible for independent, intelligent and stable women to embrace femininity without losing credibility. And anyway, isn't that the point of the feminist movement? Gaining equality without having to act like 'one of the guys'? I mean, sure, you can reject femininity if you want, but don't go around assuming that those who are feminine are pathetic weakling losers who do nothing to help the cause.
It just so turns out that line of thought is backward and does nothing to advance the cause.
Also, Katsa's view of other women in the realm is quite condescending in that she never seems to consider how privileged she is compared to some of these other women. Katsa's lucky in that she has the ability to kill pretty much anyone she wants so it's not like she has to do a damn thing anyone tells her to do. Despite all the crap she supposedly has to put up with, Katsa has benefitted from an education and she's also afforded more freedoms than most women because someone else pays her bills. She doesn't have to milk the cows or churn butter or become a serving wench. She doesn't have to prostitute herself out in order to make ends meet.
Girlfriend needs to shut the hell up about all that because it's not like she's doing anything other than making a-hole observations. Katsa's not doing anything to change the way all women in the realm are treated, which is fine, it's her life, whatever. She just needs to quit it with the judgmental attitude toward others who can't afford to live or think the way she does.
I could have handled Katsa's aversion to having a relationship with Poe if she hadn't had any feelings for him, or if she knew she wasn't emotionally ready to make any sort of commitment. But no, Katsa's aversion to commitment was built up do be some great personal strength of hers.
In the end it just felt like she ('she' being Katsa. Or Cashore. Kat-Shore?) was trying to prove a point or something, like "look at how independent I am. I'm not a barnacle. I don't need a man...except for when I needs teh sex. So Poe, my lover, sorry you lost your sight and all but I'll prolly be drunk-dialing you in the future, cause I am comfortable with my sexuality. kthanxbai." *sob* "Walking away is waaaaay hard, which is why I am so strong." *sob* "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrl Powerrrrrr!"
Yeah, because being in a loving, trusting, equal and committed relationship isn't a sign of strength. Strength can only be had by loners who don't like to commit because doing so will supposedly lower their self-worth ...ummm....I mean..."independent" people.
Also, it has to be said: The love scene grosses me out as much or more than the sex scene(s) in Titanic and/or Avatar. Some people just don't know how to write a love scene. James Cameron and Kristin Cashore are among that group.
One last thing: why is it that no one seems to have an issue with Katsa hitting Po, literally knocking him to the ground so hard that he bruises? All he did was voice his opinion, that's it. Had the tables been turned, had Po hit Katsa for voicing her opinion, you people would be unbelievably angry. I'm sure some of you would be burning Cashore in effigy.
Let's do a little more of this whole turning tables thing. Pretend that Katsa is actually a male character and Po is female. Okay, how much do you love this new topsy-turvy version of Graceling? Not very much, you say? Yeah, I thought so.
If you ask me Katsa is one of the least deserving protagonists. She's a violent, judgmental a-hole who shows little to no personal growth over the course of this entire book. I don't care if she had a difficult childhood, having a difficult childhood doesn't mean you have to go around inflicting the worst parts of yourself on others. Having a difficult childhood doesn't give you license to be an awful person.
Two stars because the concept was cool. Too bad it was poorly executed. ...more
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, mix the plots from Drop Dead Gorgeous, Austin Powers, Mean Girls, Lost, and Lord of the Flies. Whip untiPreheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, mix the plots from Drop Dead Gorgeous, Austin Powers, Mean Girls, Lost, and Lord of the Flies. Whip until nice and fluffy. Stir in equal parts Bollywood, Boy Bands, Pirates, An Evil Corporation, Crappy Parenting, Reality TV, Miss Teen USA pageants, and commercials aimed at teens. Next add 4 cups Teenage Sexuality (all types), 2 cups Feminism, 1/2 cup Identity Issues, 1/2 cup Self-Esteem Issues, 16-Teenage Beauty Queens (all types. Just make sure one is much more intelligent then the others), a handful of henchmen, a handful of open-minded hot guys with British accents, one hot eco-"terrorist", one crazy-go-nuts dictator, copious amounts of satire, and 1-20 oz. bag of Sarah Palin. Stir until well blended. Batter will be slightly lumpy. Pour into cupcake pans (cuz cupcakes are all the rage, yo!) Bake for: 35 minutes. Let cool.
Frosting: Mix equal parts Sunshine, Love, World Peace, Sparkle Ponies, Sequined Dresses, Cute Shoes, Makeup, GRRRRRRRRRL POWER! a handful of sand, one Lesbian makeout session, and one Sex Tape. Whip until creamy.
Frost cupcakes then sprinkle with way too many unnecessary footnotes. Top each cupcake with a maraschino cherry that has been laced with an organic hallucinogen.
Take those cupcakes and dumb them down.
Dumb them down again.
A little more...
One more time...
STOP!
Okay, there you have it: the recipe for Libba Bray's Beauty Queens (in cupcake form). Enjoy!
2.5 stars. Real review to be posted after the weekend.
---
I spent the weekend thinking about what I would say in this review, how I would explain my beef with this book. I want to make it clear, I don't hate Beauty Queens, nor do I like it.
It was okay, overall. I mean, sure, it did have it's moments. Not that Beauty Queens caused me to laugh out loud--because it didn't, especially not after the novelty of the "helpful" footnotes and commercial parodies wore off. They were fun for the first few chapters, then they became an irritation.
Also, I don't particularly care for Libba Bray's brand of satire. At times it was so overdone it only inspired sighs of frustration, eye-rolling and thoughts of, "that would have been funny if" or "that could have been more powerful if" from me. I felt as though I was watching one of those really bad (read: not funny) movie parodies, like Dance Flick, or Epic Movie.
Yes, at times Beauty Queens is that much of a punishment, and then some.
But that's not the worst part. My major problem has to do with the fact that Bray's story had a great foundation. I mean, just read this:
“I’ve been thinking about that book about the boys who crash on an island,” Mary Lou said to Adina one afternoon as they rested on their elbows taking bites from the same papaya.
“Lord of the Flies. What about it?”
You know how you said it wasn’t a true measure of humanity because there were no girls and you wondered how it would be different if there had been girls?”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe girls need an island to find themselves. Maybe they need a place where no one’s watching them so they can be who they really are.”
There was something about the island that made the girls forget who they had been. All those rules and shalt nots. They were no longer waiting for some arbitrary grade. They were no longer performing. Waiting. Hoping.
They were becoming.
They were.
Sure, it's all a little contrived, but still it's a great jumping off point. Instead of doing anything worthwhile with it, Bray took that idea and made it into a Very Special Episode of The Facts of Life, except way more condescending and a ba-zillion times more preachier--it's not like the main message Bray is pummeling her audience with is new. Girlfriend is preaching to the choir the entire time. And at no point does this book challenge one to think. Beauty Queens thinks for you, because thinking is hard, y'all.
You wanna sell me on something? Give me a chance to think for myself. Show me both sides of the argument. Present me with questions that don't necessarily have an easy answer. Let me draw my own conclusions. Don't incessantly beat me upside my head with your answers, your way of thinking. See, when that happens I tend to lose interest in what you have to say--even if I happen to agree with you--because you clearly think you're superior, that I'm not intelligent enough to come to the right (read: your) conclusion. Do. Not. Like.
And don't even think of telling me that some teenage girls need a book to do their thinking for them, that they need to be force fed the messages contained within Beauty Queens because their parents, their peers, the media has damaged them, tricked them into thinking otherwise. Even if that is the case with some teenage girls, I fail to see how shoving a message down their collective throats--be it negative or positive--is the way to go about building up self esteem, or fixing identity issues.
Moving on...
I don't fault Libba Bray for wanting to make this book funny, because Beauty Queens would have bombed royally had it taken itself too seriously. But like I said earlier, she took the satire, the tongue-in-cheekiness, way too far. Beauty Queens is obnoxious. Beauty Queens is that know-it-all girl that you sort of want to punch in the face because she isn't as clever as she thinks she is; someone ought to bring her down a few notches.
Anyway, because of Bray's lack of control every character has been reduced to a cardboard cut-out of a stereotype. Beauty Queens has two really stupid blondes from the south, a really slutty girl from the midwest, a super sexually repressed girl from the upper-midwest, two minorities, a crazy pageant-head from Texas, A stereotypical lesbian, and a girl who is hearing impaired. Even Ms New Hampshire--whom, might I add, is this story's Marysue--is feminist to a fault, goes around feeling superior to the other girls on the island because she's "enlightened" and they're just a bunch of "stupid fools".
There were a few others who had even less going for them. Ms New Mexico, for example, had a tray table embedded in her skull. That was her only defining quality throughout the entire book. I kid you not. *headdesk*
The only character that I found interesting, that had any sort of depth, was Ms Rhode Island. (view spoiler)[ Ms Rhode Island was born a boy; transgendered (hide spoiler)] She's the only character I truly liked; seemed to have her crap together. She's probably the only reason anyone should read this book. Really. The rest of the ladies? Were really irritating and irrational and totally rubbed me the wrong way--go figure.
You know how every chick flick has at least one painfully ridiculous cringe-worthy scene? The sort of scene that makes you wonder how stupid Hollywood thinks women are. The sort of scene that makes you vow to never see another chick flick again, like that random musical number with synchronized dance moves in My Best Friend's Wedding. Or the 'Bend and Snap' scene from Legally Blonde. Or the entire length of the movie Mama Mia? Yeah, this book has that. It ENDS with one of those scenes.
Read this book or not. It's totally up to you. I didn't like it, clearly, but I'm not pleased with a lot of books these days.
P.S. Why is it books meant to inspire and empower women to be proud of who we are, to stop aiming for an an unattainable level of perfection in the looks/weight/personality department, always have MCs that fall in love with men who are perfect in every way? Like, especially their bodies are super beautiful, and the MC can't shut up about how physically beautiful her love interest is. How come female MCs don't fall in love with guys who have great personalities but are lacking in the looks department? Why can't it just be about a meeting of minds? Why do looks ALWAYS play a part in books written for a female audience? Especially when we go around telling ourselves that looks shouldn't matter, to anyone (especially men). Isn't that more than a little hypocritical?
Oh, yeah, I forgot. No one wants to read about ugly people falling in love. At least one of them (*cough* the guy *cough*) has to be super hot.
P.P.S. I'll have you know, starting when I was 12 years old my parents sent me to a girls camp in Colorado--five summers in a row. No electricity. No cabins. No toilets or showers or mirrors. No boys. Just a bunch of girls forced to sleep in tents with a bunch of other girls their same age. Wanna guess what THAT was like? Hell on earth. Friggin' WWIII broke out every single year! I hated it. Adolescent girls are mean. Like, ridiculously mean, especially when civilization isn't present. You think Lord of the Flies is insane? Take those boys and replace them with teen girls and you'll have a massacre on your hands. At the very least there would be a few violent cat fights. I'm just sayin'....more
Okay, I'm completely in the minority with this one. Pretty much everyone and their family loves this book. I, unfortunately, do not. And at this time Okay, I'm completely in the minority with this one. Pretty much everyone and their family loves this book. I, unfortunately, do not. And at this time I'm not capable of writing a fair and thorough review about Hallowed because just thinking about it still makes me ill, as if I'm recovering from food poisoning after eating at my absolute favorite restaurant. The whole thing just makes me so sad and disgusted. That said, I do feel, for the most part, Cynthia Hand ended this book the way it needed to end. Anything else, given the circumstances, would have been completely wrong.
And I need to give Hand credit for writing something that made me, the reader, feel like I was going through the worst break up ever. Like my soul was ripped to shreds in the slowest, most torturous way possible--look, I felt like I had a car resting on my chest when (view spoiler)[Clara drives away from her last date with Tucker, wanting to turn back but not doing it because that would have been wrong. By the way, how great is Tucker? He loved her so much he let her go. In his situation that was so much more difficult than fighting for her. (hide spoiler)]. I had difficulty breathing and I wanted to cry but couldn't. I mean, (view spoiler)[ 'Tucker & Clara' is only YA PNR pairing I've ever believed in. Cynthia Hand wrote their relationship so well in Unearthly I would have been fine if they eventually got married. They just seemed so right for one another, so solid, so genuinely in love. So...yeah...I'm ridiculously angry over how things ended between them, but I'm also glad because, all things considered, it had to happen.
Having said all that, I hope Christian dies like a stupidly long, drawn out, merciless, torturous death. I really mean that, and it's okay because he's a fictional character. A fictional character whose entire existence ruined the only good thing YA PNR had going for it. (hide spoiler)]
Someday I will write an in-depth review of Hallowed in which I will go into Cynthia Hand's brand of angel lore and what not. But today is not that day. Today I'm still feeling a whole lot of Hatred with an extra serving of Bitter on the side. 2.7 stars*.
* Star-rating subject to change at reviewer's whim.
----
The 'day after' reaction to this book: I'm going to have to think about this one for a while. Hallowed is well written, that's undeniable, but it makes me really uncomfortable in the sense that had it really been playing out in front of my eyes I'd have to stop watching. I had to put this down several times. At one point I started skimming (something I never do) just to get the whole nightmare over with.
Hallowed is such a depressing follow up to Unearthly. ...more
Freaking retarded ending. Dru is a moron. Not sure if I care to finish the series anymore. I might, if I find out it all ends badly. For Dru. Like, SeFreaking retarded ending. Dru is a moron. Not sure if I care to finish the series anymore. I might, if I find out it all ends badly. For Dru. Like, Sergei would have to drink every drop of Dru's precious svetocha blood then toss her corpse into the Hudson.
I'd totally read that.
Because that would be infinitely more interesting than where this story is obviously headed.
P.S. (view spoiler)[ I thought it was super neat that Dru started crying when she discovered she's finally pretty. Because that's what really matters: Physical beauty. None of that other stuff that comes with svetocha blooming is cool, especially not all that useless super strength or speed. Not to mention the ability to kill vampires by just by breathing on them. All that butch, action-packed adventure-y, lifesaving stuff is laaaaaaame. I mean, what girl wants the ability to protect herself when a guy could do the job? And when you're pretty, and have large breasts, every guy wants to protect you. YAY for PHYSICAL BEAUTY! (hide spoiler)]
P.P.S. Just because I don't like this book doesn't mean you won't. You'll probably love it. So read it or whatever, I don't care. ...more
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