i asked for recommendations for "depressing books with gay protagonists" because i needed a good cry (and it's very hard for a book to make me cry, mii asked for recommendations for "depressing books with gay protagonists" because i needed a good cry (and it's very hard for a book to make me cry, mind you) and someone online mentioned this and i thought, oh okay, a book about a lesbian atheist dealing with existential dread and horrible anxiety; this is just what i need! and immediately picked it up.
and the book did accomplish the thing i needed it to do (make me cry) even if it was kind of slow in the beginning. there isn't much of a plot, and i predicted the ending halfway through, but the main highlight of the book is it got me thinking: are we really just a product of our experiences? every time i'd see gilda interact with her family or have some thought i could relate to, i'd think, "hey, wait, i do that, too and i also grew up in a similar environment" which got me thinking, would we be entirely different people if our parents didn't treat us like they did, if we were born to someone else, if we were born in another country, if we didn't have siblings to care for, etc. etc. and i kept thinking about it and i kept mourning about the loss of all the potential people i could be, had the circumstances in my life been a little different. and i do realize that there's no set definition, you CAN be anything you want as long as you put some effort into it. but the point still remains that our most superficial attributes are influenced (in some capacity at the very least) by our life experiences, and that's not something you can will away.
tldr: do not read this book if you're in a dark place. ...more
i loved how the story was told with the use of dual narration of split timelines. it's even more interesting considering both of these timelines are fi loved how the story was told with the use of dual narration of split timelines. it's even more interesting considering both of these timelines are flashbacks; add this with the use of footnotes from an outside observer, and you get a very immersive story with impressive world-building, especially considering the sheer amount of elements jenn lyons works with and somehow makes them all work.
my problem with this book is how i couldn't bring myself to actually care about the characters. there's talk about prophecies and dire consequences, but emotional stakes are just non-existent. the characters feel like paper, there's almost no development. even the protagonist doesn't go through any changes, considering either timelines; there is just no growth. my impression of kihrin at the end of the book was the same as when i first started it: snarky adolescent who seems like an expy straight out of a marvel movie (and while we're on this topic, using modern english colloquialisms in a quasi-roman setting? really?)
i also could not shake off the feeling that kihrin was sexualized very much like female characters tend to be in high fantasy. i don't understand why the author thought it'd be okay to do this or maybe she thought it was actually subversive to write him like this considering he's a boy. but that's exactly the problem, he is a sixteen y/o BOY. yeah, he's twenty at the end of the book, sure, but it still starts off with every female character somehow wanting to sleep with him; hell, there's a fucking dragon who randomly gets obsessed with him.
ignoring all this, i think the book sets up well for future plotlines (which is a good thing since there are four more books after this). it doesn't really stand well on its own, however. it's unlikely i pick up the next book, but i hope it focuses more on the characters currently present in the story rather than another history lesson of people who are no longer relevant....more
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