I've read a few books about Emotional Labor (Fair Play, Burnout, etc.) and mental load, so some of this felt like 101, but I thought it was really welI've read a few books about Emotional Labor (Fair Play, Burnout, etc.) and mental load, so some of this felt like 101, but I thought it was really well researched and had great stories in it. I found the chapter on violence, "The Constant Threat of Violence" to be the most meaningful to me in thinking differently about emotional labor as survival for some women. The ending was positive, which was great, but I was hungering for more specific tactics to offload emotional labor without seeing negative repercussions (at work, home, etc.) or things falling apart. Some women do emotional labor (planning a family trip, for example) because they like it and wouldn't want to suffer the consequences of someone else doing it, so it would be nice to have tools to let go of things like that. Overall, it gave me a richer texture to think about this issue with. ...more
This book had a lot of good insights! I especially liked the examples, like from Netflix and "The Big Bang Theory". There were some dry/repetitive parThis book had a lot of good insights! I especially liked the examples, like from Netflix and "The Big Bang Theory". There were some dry/repetitive parts that made me want to listen on fast-time, but overall I can see myself using this with my teenagers and students. ...more
This book, while short, definitely could have been an article. Let me save you a little time: listen to this episode of "How to be fine" when they triThis book, while short, definitely could have been an article. Let me save you a little time: listen to this episode of "How to be fine" when they tried Pantsdrunk: https://www.stitcher.com/show/by-the-... . When I first heard it I thought they weren't giving the book enough credit since I liked the Danish book about hygge, but now I realize that they were spot-on. What I liked: the Finns' acknowledgment that there's a psychological release in staying home and kicking back with a few beverages by yourself. I also thought the book was a little cheeky at times, and I enjoyed that! What I didn't love: I'm not sure this concept translates to the American context, where we do everything in excess. Do people really need instructions for how to drink alone and disrobe? On the one hand they say continually to practice restraint (especially on social media), but on every other page they suggest some pretty wild prescriptions for "how to" Pantsdrunk properly, and they encourage you to do it pretty often. Overall, an amusing couple of hours and some padding for my reading challenge!...more
I stayed away from this book for a long time because I thought it was too woo, and that would annoy me. But actually, I enjoyed most of it. The thing I stayed away from this book for a long time because I thought it was too woo, and that would annoy me. But actually, I enjoyed most of it. The thing that will stick with me most is the story she tells about the idea that came to her, that she couldn't pursue, that left her and went to Ann Patchett. I think the concept that you need to take an idea seriously and work on it or it could disappear and reappear in some other form is really fascinating. I also liked her chapter about treating the work lightly, not getting so inside your head or taking it too seriously before it's done. I appreciated the length of this, and enjoyed the ideas Gilbert puts out there....more
2.75 stars. The title of this book is misleading - it should be called "mindful parenting" because it's primarily about meditation and regulating your2.75 stars. The title of this book is misleading - it should be called "mindful parenting" because it's primarily about meditation and regulating your own thoughts/actions as a parent. I wish she had stated up front that the book is mainly for parents of younger children, because a lot of it was not helpful for the stages we are at. I did like the parts about managing anger and yelling; those were useful. The second half had much more usable tips, but I almost didn't get there because the meditation stuff was painful....more
This book was like a comforting pair of sweatpants at the end of a long day. KC Davis has such a kind, gentle approach to managing "care tasks" that aThis book was like a comforting pair of sweatpants at the end of a long day. KC Davis has such a kind, gentle approach to managing "care tasks" that anyone can follow, no matter how much you are drowning. I avoided reading this book for a bit because I thought it was all about cleaning (kind of ironic given that the philosophy of the book is about gently dealing with resistance to care tasks), but it's about way more than just cleaning. Davis balances both practicality (for example, telling you the exact kind of cleaning products to get if you are experiencing physical difficulties) and philosophy (tidy/messy is morally neutral). My favorite parts of the book were where she addressed groups with different levels of privilege (how she acknowledged that if you hustle for work 20 hours a day you might not be able to rest the way she suggests, or how your family background might influence your feelings about cleaning), deeply explored gender and division-of-labor inequities (in more than one chapter), and consulted with POC and disability advocates about how they experience these issues (she has a writer jump in to talk about caring for Black hair, for example). While some aspects of this weren't exactly my personal taste (she has a higher threshold for food waste than I do and says "laziness isn't real"), I really think this book is valuable for me and especially for those who are struggling for any reason....more
I really liked this book, even though I wished at times that the advice was more specific ("tell me exactly what to do next!"). I think de Leon does aI really liked this book, even though I wished at times that the advice was more specific ("tell me exactly what to do next!"). I think de Leon does a great job of breaking down complex ideas like compounding interest, and the empathy in the book was what kept me reading. I had never known how credit scores became so important, and I liked the concept of "fuck-you money". This is a perfect book for someone at a really early stage of their financial journey....more
I can see this book really useful and groundbreaking for some women. If you are a hetero middle class (white) Christian woman in a nuclear family withI can see this book really useful and groundbreaking for some women. If you are a hetero middle class (white) Christian woman in a nuclear family with a traditional breakdown of household labor, there are a lot of things here for you. I am most of these things, and so there were things here for me. The parts of this I liked were the principles of: Decide First!, the magic question, and batching/zones. These were useful! I also like how Adachi does own her privilege at times and how she says people are free to take or leave anything that works for them or doesn't. However, if you do not fit a couple of the categories above, you may feel excluded from or resentful about this book. For example, Adachi very cheerfully expects that most of the household labor is hers to do, and the last third of the book gets pretty religious. Your mileage may vary - I'm going to take the few things I liked and run with them....more
I was a little skeptical of this book, because nothing fails to calm me down like being told to calm down with an aphorism, but when all of my friendsI was a little skeptical of this book, because nothing fails to calm me down like being told to calm down with an aphorism, but when all of my friends loved this book I had to try it. I am pleased to report that this book actually IS very comforting! I appreciated the stories and the lists the most - two examples are the story about Ferris Beuller's Day off and the Playlist for comfort songs. I think this would have been a little better as a physical book than an audiobook for screenshotting and capturing bits I'd want to remember, like the lists....more
First, I will make the same criticism others have made about this book - Duckworth obviously understands racism but still believes that anyone can becFirst, I will make the same criticism others have made about this book - Duckworth obviously understands racism but still believes that anyone can become "gritty". I don't think she probes deeply enough into reasons why some people might not able to develop the same resilience, due to structural forms of injustice. I could see her implementing this into her next book. She does talk about poverty and how it affects the extracurriculars children are able to practice, though.
That being said, I really got a lot out of this book. The chapter on deliberate practice vs. flow is one I will endeavor to remember and implement, and I also really found the chapter on parenting very useful. Her examples and case studies were very engaging. I recommend this book to anyone who is trying to do something hard over a long period of time, like earn a PhD. ...more
The trauma, stress, and disruption of Covid-19 led to some anxious behavior in my kid (which feels pretty common from what I'm hearing), mostly avoidaThe trauma, stress, and disruption of Covid-19 led to some anxious behavior in my kid (which feels pretty common from what I'm hearing), mostly avoidance of doing things I know she loves to do. Enter this book, which convinces the parent reader that everything that comes natural (reassuring your child, avoiding things that will cause them anxiety) is not helpful, but following this system will help. The pros of this book: *Real, actionable things to do in the moment of an anxious response and to work on anxiety-ladders through exposures. Good examples. *I liked the metaphors: the fear thermometer, the candy jar, the worry hill, etc. There's a LOT to remember here and I think the metaphors will actually stick with me. *She explains well why you would do this practice (without getting overly clinical) and provides scripts of parent-child conversations. The cons of this book: *This is a big one--the entire book presumes you have a really open kid who is willing to talk to you about their anxieties and the behaviors they do around them, name the anxiety with a nickname, fill out worksheets with you and go over the fear thermometer numbers...my kids and I are pretty good communicators but that has not been my experience. The kids she profiles here are completely aware and reflective about their avoidance and safety behaviors. *The book might be geared towards a slightly younger audience - I don't know if my 10 year old would be into me calling out her "worry monster" and sitting down with worksheets to graph it all out. Some of the role-playing felt like younger ages. *So.Many.Worksheets! And since I used an audiobook I am not confident that I will download any of them. ...more
This was a very informative book; it just wasn’t the best time for me to read a book that tells you how your teen’s brain is changing from the screensThis was a very informative book; it just wasn’t the best time for me to read a book that tells you how your teen’s brain is changing from the screens and blue lights we are all using constantly. I liked the chapters about sleep, alcohol, and stress/anxiety. The latter part of the book, about her research on juvenile delinquency, seemed less relevant for most parents. I could have used more actionable tips and scripts of how to handle different issues and guide your teen better. There was almost zero discussion of race or gender identity....more
3.4 stars. I have very mixed feelings about this book and Newport's suggestions for living a digital minimalist life. First of all, the author is a li3.4 stars. I have very mixed feelings about this book and Newport's suggestions for living a digital minimalist life. First of all, the author is a little off-putting - he's like that dude at work who swears by the Keto diet and every time someone mentions food he launches into how they should go on the Keto diet. He himself doesn't use any social media, and uses his phone sparingly, which makes me think that since they have kids his wife Julie is the one who manages play dates, the school sending messages midway through the day about a school lockdown, the different apps extracurricular activities use to contact you (Remind, Band, etc.), sending photos to relatives, etc. He used a LOT of examples from early American writers, especially Thoreau, and I would have liked to see more examples of women or minorities (there was one from MLK and another from a person named Jennifer, but overall it was very white-male-dominated). Only once at the end did he briefly check his privilege, but I can imagine that being able to simply opt out of using a smartphone or checking texts, etc. is something that you have to have a certain type of job and lifestyle to be able to do.
Now that I've tackled my misgivings, there were some really smart and thought-provoking takeaways here. The basic premise is that we are letting technology seep into every crevice of our lives, and we need to strategically deploy the aspects of technology that serve us and dip out before we become the product. I really enjoyed the cognitive science parts, and I liked all of the different practical suggestions for ways to limit your time and focus being fractured by the digital world. There are definitely a few I will be adopting - I removed the Facebook app from my phone and I'll be using bookmarks to strategically gather content from websites I enjoy rather than surfing the whole site, as well as setting rules for under what circumstances I will use the most time-sucking media and technology tools. I already have quality leisure activities, so I definitely rolled my eyes about the chapter suggesting that I get out there and learn to make things (carpentry! welding! clearing brush!) as an adequate substitute for Netflix. This book provided excellent food for thought and some practical tips, but I think you could get the gist from a summary of it rather than enduring the author's smugness....more
This is the feminist book on stress I never knew I needed! I would never have picked up this book if I were judging its cover, first for the "breast cThis is the feminist book on stress I never knew I needed! I would never have picked up this book if I were judging its cover, first for the "breast cancer ribbon pink" of the cover and then for the title. I blame the publishers rather than the authors for this, though, because once inside the book is searingly feminist and offers excellent examples and tips for how to "complete the stress cycle" so that you live to smash the patriarchy another day. I don't think of myself as someone who is "burnt out," and yet I found myself relating to so much of the book. I loved the explanation of the stress cycle, human giver syndrome, and the science the book offers on these things, as well as the summaries and worksheets. I even made a copy of the chapter titled "The Game is Rigged" to pass out to friends! The book got a little corny sometimes though - it didn't need the gimmicky internet speak it lapsed into (TL;DR). Overall, I really appreciated it and I think it should be sold as an antidote to _Girl, Wash your Face_, in a two-pack with Rebecca Traister's _Rage_. ...more
This book is right up my alley - I love actionable, clear productivity hacks. All of the advice is simultaneously common sense *and* something that feThis book is right up my alley - I love actionable, clear productivity hacks. All of the advice is simultaneously common sense *and* something that feels like a fresh take on what I know. The examples from real life are great, and it wasn't boring. The biggest takeaway is that you need to set yourself up so that the habits you want to do are frictionless, and the habits you want to break are harder to do. I would NOT read this book if you have any OCD or eating disorder tendencies, as I think it would feed into that (and he talks about workout habits a LOT). I think I'll reread this right before my next sabbatical....more
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