"If Jane Austen came back to life and read this book, she would kill herself." - Dave Barry
This was unlike anything I've ever read, but in the worst p"If Jane Austen came back to life and read this book, she would kill herself." - Dave Barry
This was unlike anything I've ever read, but in the worst possible ways. To be honest and fair, I only managed to get through the first thirty pages of this novel before I found myself unable to continue. What I did manage to read was some of the poorest traditionally published writing I've ever come across in my life. It is almost as if the book was written by a thirteen year old and no editorial staff were involved. To say the novel is an insult to your intelligence would be a gross understatement.
E.L. James to books is what William Hung was to music. It's both alarming and disheartening when you fully realize just how well utter stupidity sells in today's market.
Dave Barry pretty much sums up my feelings on this book in Time Magazine, and does it in hilarious fashion...
Don't let curiosity get the better of you. Trust me, you should be more curious about what it feels like to hit yourself in the face with a hammer. This book is so full of shit it's got at least 50 Shades Of Brown going on.
(Update: I was going to leave it at the two lines above since I'm not paI keep practically every book I ever read...
...I didn't keep this one though.
(Update: I was going to leave it at the two lines above since I'm not particularly fond of a giving a book a bad review, but I just can't let this one get away without giving it a damn good spanking. And so...)
I've read a lot of bad books in my time. And I've probably read worse than this one. But whenever someone asks me what the most terrible book I ever read was, 'House' inevitably springs to mind. To this day I still can't get over what a steaming pile of shit this novel was, written by TWO acclaimed authors no less. How something like this goes on to sell thousands and thousands of copies is beyond me.... but we do live in the age where '50 Shades Of Grey' is the top-selling book of all time... so maybe I shouldn't be all that surprised.
I find it hard to describe this book without vulgarity, probably because it was an utter waste of my fucking time and extraocular muscles. I won't bore you with the details (and trust me, you'd be sleep-drooling on your keyboard in no time), but the plot walks face-first into walls, the characters make cardboard look like personality plus, the writing is such drivel that it would embarrass most authors, and the ending of the story is the kind that should surely end a writer's career on the same note.
Oh, 'House' is a horror novel all right; I was truly horrified that something like this got published and popularized. When I was done with it I thought about giving the book away to a thrift store, but then felt so bad about passing this waste of wood along and subjecting anyone else to the torment, like it was the videotape in 'The Ring' or something.
The only time I ever think it would have been wise to keep this book around is on the odd occasion I unexpectedly run out of toilet paper....more
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