"When people ask me, 'Am I normal?' they're asking, 'Do I belong?' The answer is Yes, you belong in your body. You belong in the world. You've belonge"When people ask me, 'Am I normal?' they're asking, 'Do I belong?' The answer is Yes, you belong in your body. You belong in the world. You've belonged since the day you were born. This is your home. You don't have to earn it by conforming to some externally imposed sexual standard."
This book is so good. I cannot recommend it enough. I may not be the intended audience for whom sex educator Emily Nagoski writes (I am a heterosexual male), but my partners have been women, I have women in my family, as well as many female friends, and this book deepens my understanding of what cisgendered women have been subjected to, as well as what their biological experience is like. Plus, the sexual experience is a human experience, and I found myself not only learning from, but identifying with many of the key takeaways:
* Arousal non-concordance, the mismatch that happens between the biological self (genitals) and the subjective self (thoughts/desires). "I am totally turned on, but my equipment isn't quite in alignment," and vice versa. Non-concordance is normal and experienced by all genders, but women have a MUCH greater degree of non-concordance, and this is incredibly helpful to know when with partners. Non-concordance is also exacerbated in those who have experienced sexual trauma/abuse, such as I did as a really young boy. This helped crystallize so much of what I have experienced.
* Learning to let go of shame and self-judgment around sexual preferences, desires, as well as letting go of the "I should be..." thoughts. As long as you are not hurting yourself or others, your fantasies and cravings are NORMAL. All of them. Enjoy.
* We're all made of the same parts, just organized in different ways, and all unique to the individual. Everyone's body is equally lovable.
* Orgasms. They can happen or not. And it's all normal. Change the goal from Must Orgasm, to Experience Pleasure.
* The female experience. This, of course, is THE reason why Emily wrote this book. The messaging women have received since time immemorial regarding not only sex, but their biological bodies, is deplorable, even dangerous (the history and science of the Hymen is particularly eye-opening and disturbing).
I can't say the messaging has been great to any gender, but it's clear women have not been allowed to be sexual beings, but rather sexual objects. I don't know if I'm guilty of contributing to this (I suppose I'm more Woke than Bro), but I now cannot un-see it and thus will always make better choices about my actions and words.
There is so much more packed into this easily accessible book, that I'll leave the rest for you to discover. Emily's writing is clear, articulate, humorous, poignant, and above all, compassionate. She truly cares about this information reaching those it needs to reach -- which, IMO, is everyone.
Learn about your partner. Learn about yourself. Learn about your kids. Learn about the world. Read this book and start positively changing the messaging we spread about sex. I mean, we wouldn't be here without it....more
Far more clinical than I anticipated, but extremely insightful and thorough presentation of psychopathy. Not recommended as a fun read, probably more Far more clinical than I anticipated, but extremely insightful and thorough presentation of psychopathy. Not recommended as a fun read, probably more geared towards psych students and professionals....more
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