I'm no expert on legends. I've never read the famous Greek Epics, everything I know about Arthurian legends comes from silly movies, and I haven't stuI'm no expert on legends. I've never read the famous Greek Epics, everything I know about Arthurian legends comes from silly movies, and I haven't studied much of history outside of high school and college (though that's slowly changing). But if this isn't the best hero's tale of the 20th century then I don't know what is.
I came to this the wrong way- I saw the tv series first. I didn't have HBO at the time it originally aired so it wasn't until my boyfriend suggested we sit down and watch his dvds only a few years ago that I learned about this epic tale for the first time. Like most folks who have seen it, I loved it. I saw the words "Based on the New York Times Bestseller" and thought I'd like to read it some day. Fast forward to last year when I decided to sit down and watch the series again, wondering if it was as good as I remembered. It was better. So I finally bought myself the book as a Christmas present.
I know the words "based on a true story" are thrown around all the time, and usually meant in the loosest way possible. This is the opposite. I didn't realize while watching the series that the large majority of the story- not just the characters, settings, and events- came directly from the book. Actual word-for-word dialogue came straight from the book (which, in turn, came straight from the people who said them). Maps and pictures recreated with the actors came straight from the book. I suspect the series is as close to an exact representation of the source material as you can get. And it is therefore incredible.
The fact that it's true absolutely blows my mind. To have that many huge historic events tied to one troop seems statistically impossible. To have that much detail seems even more improbable. But I guess that's why it's such an amazing story. The guys who lived through it were able to tell the tale themselves because they were that good- they survived that much.
It was a lot of fun for me to read descriptions of events and remember what they looked like playing out on the screen. It was even more fun to read the dialogue and hearing the actors voices in my head. I wonder if folks who read the book first had even more fun seeing a favorite account brought to life with all the production power (and tons of money) HBO can muster. I certainly hope so.
I'm not a fan of propaganda and I feel like a lot of WWII stuff falls into that category- brave heroes fighting for their country with the backing of the greatest civilization in the world. That is NOT what WWII was. What it was was the deadliest conflict in military history that a ton of American soldiers were thrown into without really knowing why. And I think this account honors that. Included in the heroic acts are accounts of widespread looting, in-fighting, and contempt for command who seemed too disconnected from the realities of battle to understand what the next order would actually mean. Again, all true.
And while the men of Easy company are incredibly proud of their unit, none of them speak with pride about the deaths they were responsible for. If anything, they all carry the scars of having been thrown into a situation beyond their control where they were forced to do things they would never, ever do. I think it's telling that the large majority of the veterans from E company went on to become teachers, general contractors, carpenters, and farmers. After all that destruction they all spent the rest of their lives busy with the details of creation- because that was their true nature.
I could go on and on about this book and everything that I loved about it but for the sake of this review I will leave at this: this is an amazing book. I will read it again (and will definitely watch the series again, most likely many times). It's just that good....more
I get bored with the narratives I've heard too many times. I find myself gravitating more and more towards different stories told in different ways. EI get bored with the narratives I've heard too many times. I find myself gravitating more and more towards different stories told in different ways. Especially stories I think I know- like the hero vanquishing the enemy. The blossoming love of individuals experiencing it for the first time. The construction of found family. The sense of belonging. Give me these stories in ways I've never heard before and I will be a fan forever.
Well, I've been a fan of John's since the beginning and seeing him hone his craft over the years has proven more and more rewarding. He has a voice unlike anyone else I've ever read. He sees humor in the darkest of topics, roots for villains when protagonists are boring, and turns so many tropes on their heads in the most heart-warming ways. Reading his stories is cathartic on a level I haven't encountered anywhere else.
And this story- this wonderful, funny, endearing, scary, disturbing, weird, and familiar story- is my absolute favorite. Like a lot of his stories it carries themes of belonging, radical acceptance, trauma turned to healing, found family, and love. And that's just in the relationships.
Add in a plot that turns the story of hero and villain on its head, gives comeuppance to those who deserve it, and rescues those who deserve to be embraced. Add in a setting that feels very at-home to anyone who's ever read a fantasy story, played a game of D&D, or explored the landscape of an online RPG. Add in language that is so funny and characteristic of this brilliant author. Bring all that together into one story and this is what you get. Talk about cathartic.
I lost count very early on of the number of lines of dialogue and descriptions that used language I adore. And though I don't yet have the printed copy (because it hasn't been released yet) I can promise you that as soon as I get it it will be filled with highlighted passages, like I do to all texts I love. John's view of things- all things- is so unique I can't compare it to anything or anyone else. And I love it so much I can't put it into words. He is just brilliant and I am so grateful that he's finally getting the arena to be heard by an audience he deserves.
Needless to say, I can't recommend this book highly enough. I anticipate that a flood of folks are going to find it speaking directly to them- especially individuals who identify as neurodivergent, disabled, trans, non-binary, queer, or just different. Those who are outside of the “norm”- whatever the hell that means. And lords knows these are the people who need to be directly spoken to with stories that fit them. I'm so grateful that voices like this get to finally be heard. Thank you John. I love you....more
I was assigned this book as part of a leadership training course I took at work and I understand why. While you don't have to be in a leadership positI was assigned this book as part of a leadership training course I took at work and I understand why. While you don't have to be in a leadership position to appreciate the stories and research contained within most of the anecdotes are about leaders who either avoided or encountered catastrophe due to their thinking. From the very first story of a smokejumper who was able to save his own life by- you guessed it- rethinking everything he'd ever learned about fire fighting to the woman who helped prevent more loss of life at NASA after yet another ship exploded killing all 7 astronauts onboard, this book is chock full of stories of individuals who learned vitally important skills by unlearning many of the things that formed their basic understanding of everything.
But let's talk about the reading itself. Adam Grant is very funny. And while this book is clearly extremely well-researched and cites hundreds of studies from psychology and other social sciences there is nothing remotely academic (read: dry) about it. He has a great way of offering his own experience as examples of either learning from unlearning or making serious mistakes because he failed to. And he relates them all with a tone I found very endearing. Not to mention that he is clearly a fan of most of the individuals he interviewed about their critical thinking and that increased my enthusiasm for their stories.
I found the information contained in this book fascinating and I imagine myself coming back to reference it many times in the future. From pointers on what to do and what not do in order to try to change someone's mind to the necessity of learning from process rather than outcome to how to avoid getting stranded on Mount Stupid. It's the kind of book I want to have on standby so I can quickly grab it to point to some important fact during everyday conversation. Especially since my job is literally trying to help people change the way they think.
All of us have habits, assumptions, and instincts that can trip us up if we're not aware of them leading our thinking. And having someone consistently pointing out the value of making mistakes or stumbling across some vitally important piece of information we don't know is extremely helpful. Because it's not about being a genius or amassing a huge memory full of data you can use to make well-informed decisions. It's about the ability to stay a perpetual student and keep learning across the lifespan. And while that's a mindset that can be particularly helpful for people in leadership positions it's a skill that, if universally developed, could change the world. And Adam Grant clearly believes that because this book is written with everyone in mind.
We live in a very sick world with some really big problems to solve. And we need people who are willing to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from those experiences in order to help us solve these issues. Which is why I would recommend this book to absolutely everyone who wants help with problem solving, shifting norms, changing minds, dismantling the status quo, and otherwise doing something different than what they normally do. I find myself feeling truly hopeful about a lot of things my cynical mind normally thinks of as impossible to change. And if that isn't something we all need right now I don't know what is....more
I loved this book. Of course I did. The cover quote says it all: "like being wrapped up in a big gay blanket". How could I do anything other than loveI loved this book. Of course I did. The cover quote says it all: "like being wrapped up in a big gay blanket". How could I do anything other than love it? And it's about found family (probably my single most favorite topic). And it's about fantastical creatures (what's not to love?) And it's about recovery from trauma (be still my heart). And it's about all of the quiet moments of color in an otherwise gray world that make life worth living. I mean, it's pretty much checking every single box my overly sentimental heart has. It's literally impossible for me to not love this book.
The premise is simple: a very by-the-book middle-aged man working for a bureaucratic agency in charge of monitoring magical youth (think Ministry of Magic when Dolores Umbridge was a high officer) is assigned to inspect an orphanage and make sure everything is on the up and up. He travels from the dull, gray city to (you guessed it) the house in the cerulean sea. And in the process of his investigation he comes alive, falling in love with all the inhabitants of the island. And as he does, we do too.
I think the thing that hooked me more than anything else was the simple question the book poses over and over again: "Don't you wish you were here?" Yes isn't nearly a strong enough word. Do I wish I was on a magical island controlled by a beneficent sprite with constant sunshine, salty breezes, lush forests, and white sand beaches? Yes. Do I wish I was in an old house so filled with love and laughter and singing that just to be in it lifts your spirits? Yes. Do I wish I was in a world where broken bureaucratic systems actually CAN be fixed by the smallest of whispers building up to a roar? Yes, what a nice change that would be! Do I wish my days were occupied with adventures exploring dangerous locales filled with cannibals, man-eating snakes, and bugs that burrow their way under your skin and eat your eyes from the inside out? Well, maybe not. But with Lucy as my guide, I'll go anywhere. Yes, T.J. Klune. I very much wish I were there. And I will undoubtedly be re-reading this in the future in order to travel back.
As with all the things my aforementioned overly-sentimental heart loves, the characters were the best part. Talia and Zoe and Sal and Chauncey and Theodore and Phee and Lucy and Arthur and Linus and even Calliope are all wonderfully lovable and now deeply loved. I will remember them long after I put this back on the shelf. Along with every time Zoe reprimanded Lucy for threatening to melt people's organs. And every squeeze of Arthur's hand on Linus'. And every one of Theodore's chirps, Chauncey's requests for tips, Talia's threats to brain you with a shovel, Phee's blossoming trees, Calliope's meows, and Sal's poems. Definitely one of my favorite found families.
What pure, unadulterated joy it was to read this book. It's been my first exposure to T.J. Klune but it will certainly not be my last. I've already added Under the Whispering Door to my to-read list....more
What a fantastic work of fiction. And, if you're like me, what a fantastic reminder of the wild magic that lives in all of us.
A close friend of mine,What a fantastic work of fiction. And, if you're like me, what a fantastic reminder of the wild magic that lives in all of us.
A close friend of mine, and the closest member of my coven (yes, we're a kind-of coven. We're a get together in the woods, call the four corners and the goddess, light a fire and pray to the universe for self improvement kind-of coven) said to me "I wish all of us would read this!" And I understand why.
Magic isn't flying on broomsticks, turning ugly men into toads, or cursing the wicked. But it is, as Alix points out over and over again, "a way to bend the rules, to make a way when there is none." This is a work of 'fiction' (and it bends the rules of fiction because there's so much home-grown wichiness in all of it) that reminds us of the lost ways of Avalon.
For what are the nursery rhymes, fairy tales, and proverbs for if not to remind us of the lost ways? Why do we keep repeating the same chants we learned in elementary school over and over again? Why do we still tell the tale of the maiden, mother, and crone? Why do we still remember the story of Hansel and Gretel or any of the other "black alchemy that transmutes hurt into hate"? It's because deep within most of us these tales remind us of our history.
The spells, the herbs, and the stories were all vaguely familiar and reminded me of things long since forgotten. It felt like it was reconnecting me with aspects of myself and deepened my personal connection to the book.
The characters are all well written, even the ones on the periphery. Each with their own little magic just different enough to make them feel real. And of course the Eastwood sisters all have their own very strong voices so the different POVs are extremely effecting, and endearing. Each one of them will live on in my heart long after I stick this back on the shelf.
My favorite part was the language and of course my paperback is now filled with highlighted passages too numerous to list here. This author's writing is lyrically dense and absolutely stunning at times. It makes me want to order etsy prints of some of them to hang on my wall and remind me of magic in my everyday life.
In short, I adore this book. And I am going to bring it to my sisters to suggest we have a witchy bookclub at our next ritual....more
Wow. What an amazing read. What a great story. What a simultaneously heartbreaking and love affirming look into the human psyche. What a gift from thiWow. What an amazing read. What a great story. What a simultaneously heartbreaking and love affirming look into the human psyche. What a gift from this author who clearly laid his soul bare in the telling. I am completely floored.
At its outset, this story is set up to be about a group of-you guessed it- anxious people who find themselves being inadvertently held hostage by a witless bank robber. The beginning is comical in tone and makes it seem as though we’ll be dealing with a Seinfeld-esque level of neurosis in these characters.
But then it pretty quickly dives into the minds of our characters and we learn that their anxieties, much like anxieties in real life, are grounded in grief, trauma, and how damned challenging everyday can be. First, the police officers investigating our crime: are they any of the stereotypes you might believe about police (especially here in America where our police often fit the terrible stereotypes we assign to them)? Nope, they’re human- just as damaged as everyone else in this story.
Now that that’s out of the way, what about our bank robber? Surely there’s no way you can relate to them, right? Wrong again! Every rationalization you could possibly think of to dismiss this human as too dumb to empathize with is immediately torn down before you see each and every hopeless step that led them to the beginning of this story.
And the people in the apartment? With all of their annoying attributes and terrible behavior in an interrogation room you still end up taking such a deep dive into every one of them that you can’t help but completely and utterly fall in love with them, which is of course the point. But I was NOT prepared for it given how playful the tone is in the beginning.
And at its heart, this story is not a funny one about a bank robbery and a hostage situation. It’s a story about life. And death. And the hopelessness that we all sometimes feel. The kind that leads some of us- the ones unlucky enough not to have someone pull us down from the ledge- to take the leap into oblivion rather than endure the pain of being alive.
No, I did not know that this was a book about suicide when I started reading it. And no, I definitely did not intend to read two books in a row with the same really heavy theme. (But I think it’s pretty telling that this and The Midnight Library both showed up towards the top of the list of best fiction of 2020. Makes you think we’re all- all of us humans-going through something lately.) But I am not at all remorseful for the fact that it is because what it has to say is breathtaking.
Who gets saved? Who doesn't? Who does the saving? Who is responsible for the loss? What makes a life worth living and what ruins one? Through the eyes of these characters with all of their nuanced experiences and perspectives the answers are never black and white. But, as always, love comes close to the truth.
The ways in which these characters love each other. The choices that they make, over and over again, to keep loving each other through all the twists and turns of life. To put up with the stupid bullshit that drives you crazy because of how much your soul lifts when they laugh. To truly see what the rest of the world glosses over. To open up despite the oceans of pain and allow someone in. To connect. That is salvation. Always, in every life. And we see that illustrated so spectacularly in these characters.
Without spoiling anything let me just say that the ending and resolution of all these characters' stories (roughly the last 20 pages) had me sobbing. Like, not tears in the corners of my eyes or even trailing down my cheeks but full-on ugly cry SOBBING. And just in case I had any illusions that the depth of pain and hope demonstrated in this story comes from anywhere other than personal experience? The first ”author's thanks” was more than enough to cure me of that (and make me start sobbing all over again).
I really am in awe of this book. It's a contender for my favorite of all time- no joke. I've never experienced Fredrik Backman before, never even heard of him before this book showed up on the Goodreads list. But now that I know he's out there my life is just a little bit better. And you best believe I'll be reading more from him....more
This was my first time reading Matt Haig but it will not be my last. There was so much beautiful prose in here to make me appreciate the author for hiThis was my first time reading Matt Haig but it will not be my last. There was so much beautiful prose in here to make me appreciate the author for his words and not just his plot construction or world building (which I also enjoyed very deeply).
I love the idea of the midnight library (or video store or art museum or restaurant, etc). I love the idea of infinite versions of oneself scattered through every permutation of existence. I love the librarian (or video store owner or docent or waiter, etc) guiding one through the exploration of countless ways of being. It’s a fantastic premise and while the ending may be obvious it’s still worthwhile.
As a person who struggles with depression and is no stranger to suicidal thoughts I related to the protagonist WAY too much in the beginning of this story (and yes, MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS in that regard). But that’s clearly necessary to make the transformation of her perspective so cathartic in the end. “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” Thank you Henry David Thoreau, and Matt Haig.
I found the ending to be truly life affirming in very non-spectacular ways and it made me feel good about my struggles and the perspective shift they can help to cultivate (and I really needed that). It's not an overly saccharine or simplified version of reality. It takes into account all of the struggles, mistakes, and deeply painful experiences of a life and re-frames them as the gifts of existence they can be if one chooses to look at them that way. And having seen everything the character went through on the way to that massive change of mind makes it feel real and hard-won.
I’ve read people’s reviews dismissing this as another “It’s a Wonderful Life” rip-off. Well I’ve got two things to say about that: first, it’s a truly great movie so stop hating on it! And more importantly, second, regret is as oft explored a concept as life itself so when a story explores that in depth it’s only because it’s such a universal part of the human experience.
So, while books remain primarily written for humans, that concept (like death, or love, or passion, or fear, or grief, or loneliness, or human nature) will continue to be explored in them. And I believe those stories are worth exploring in all those different ways, including this one....more
It's hard for me to put into words how much I loved this book. It's like someone took some of the most profoundly comforting ideas and characters, thrIt's hard for me to put into words how much I loved this book. It's like someone took some of the most profoundly comforting ideas and characters, threw them in a blender with the worst parts of the human psyche, spiced it up with childhood nostalgia, and hit frappe. The brew is both delightful and disturbing and sticks in your brain. Days after having finished it my mind will still comb back through details from it with love, humor, and sadness.
Let's start with the premise: some ideas are so powerful and significant that they stick around long after the brain(s) that thought of them stop(s) thinking. Some really big ones become cultural archetypes and make up the very fabric of imagination. Some just sort-of live in the ether- perhaps never well known but always in existence. And some, the ones that pop in suddenly after the people who had them suddenly stop believing in them, live in the Stillreal. A place for the misfits, the homeless, the lost, the traumatized. A living, breathing, evolving, and ever changing reality all its own.
I'm a therapist and the idea that trauma can lead not only the traumatized person but also their ideas and fantasies to be catapulted into some different way of being is absolutely brilliant. And that all of these Friends experience trauma triggers- sounds, sights, smells that trigger flashbacks- is also so spot on. I so appreciate this representation of psychology in fiction and am so grateful that trauma, as something that can help one evolve rather than just serve as a plot device, is being explored in deeper ways.
And how much did I love that the first thing our protagonist does when meeting someone is ask for their name and pronouns? Or how closely he watches body movements and facial expressions to know when he might be triggering someone? Or how he explicitly uses his five senses to both assess situations and ground himself? Or how gently and slowly he proceeds when in the presence of someone who's just been through the biggest loss of their existence and desperately needs time to acclimate. Tippy is a dinosaur after my own therapist heart.
As with all things I adore, what struck me (and will stick with me) the most about this is the characters. Each one specifically designed to fulfill some fundamental need of the individual who dreamt them up. From the detective created to make sense of a world that doesn't, to a creature used to cheer up a spouse who loves tea settings, to the quintessential hero/villain duo embodying protection/safety and ingenuity/control, to good cop/bad cop whose physical attributes match their personalities, all the way to the physical embodiment of big business complete with his own set of fact finders who only speaks in corporate jargon (and Tippy yelling business words like “overhead” and “synergy” at big business' secretary in an attempt to be heard is one of the funniest things I've ever read). Even the villain- something so scary only a serial killer cold dream him up- will stick with me forever.
I love this book. Love, love, love, love. And I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: the world is better because Tyler Hayes lives in it and is writing stuff like this. I hope he keeps doing so....more
This is my second book by Brené Brown. It has only strengthened my resolve to read all of her books (not to mention listen to her podcasts, watch all This is my second book by Brené Brown. It has only strengthened my resolve to read all of her books (not to mention listen to her podcasts, watch all of her interviews, and so on, and so on). I have so much hero worship for this woman I think I’d all but explode if I ever actually got to meet her. All of which is to say that I’m a bit biased, so fair warning.
Like the last book, my life is just a bit better because I read this. The concepts she discussed here were a bit more familiar and I was just a little bit braver in trying to practice them. Just about every time I finished reading I’d go bug my boyfriend with another vulnerability practice in which I’d let him know something else about how I was feeling, what I was afraid of, how I was struggling. It’s never fun, it’s always scary, and it’s always incredibly rewarding. I feel braver, we feel closer to each other, and things are always just a tiny bit better.
This time around she goes into specifics about the scarcity culture and the myths it leads us to buy into as a way to break down the initial barriers to practicing vulnerability. Then she looks at the primary shame triggers we face and the things the "gremlins" use to get us- in less details than in "I Thought it Was Me" but with more specifics for men. Then she looks at the "armor" we use to shield ourselves from shame that has to be taken off so that we can live in vulnerability. And finally she breaks down putting vulnerability into action at work, in school, in one's community, and finally at home in parenting and cultivating a wholehearted family.
As always, there's more of my copy that is highlighted than is not so it's all but impossible for me to pick out the core passages that resonated. Everything did. Most from my own experience but anything I haven't directly encountered myself I've seen and been effected by. But if I had to pick one core take away I think it would be this: don't hide your humanity.
The lesson she illustrates over and over again is that to be alive is to make mistakes and that you cannot ever achieve anything worthwhile without doing so. So it's less about doing the right thing and more about owning up to doing the wrong thing with grace and using that to lead by example- certainly a very different message than what I grew up believing about self improvement and what it means to be a good person. She says it's not about what you know and even less about what you say but all about what you do and therefore if you want to live wholeheartedly at home, at work, in whatever leadership role you may find yourself in the challenge is not to hide your mistakes from those who follow you but rather to purposefully draw attention to them as the lessons they are.
And she gives some good, important pointers as to how to do this in a world that still uses- in larger and larger ways I would argue, shame to keep people in line and shut up those who dare to speak out against the systems that require their silence. It's an incredibly important message for this time when a lot of us are waking up to the dangers of our own inaction and trying to stand up for what we believe in. Our world is full of individuals who have been disenfranchised by shame and the only way to change that is for each and every one of us to cultivate shame resilience and start fighting back against those who would use shame to control us. It's a daily battle and it's hard. But, as she concludes: "nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen."...more
I loved this book. I loved it even more than the last book my mind-reading friend gifted me. (I say mind reading because he keeps getting me books I lI loved this book. I loved it even more than the last book my mind-reading friend gifted me. (I say mind reading because he keeps getting me books I love- like he knows me or something... ;) The characters- all of them, even the bad guys- are delightful. They have their own voices, quirks, desires, and fears and every time you switch POV you know who's talking because of this. And their struggles are profound- it really drives home the message that these powers are, for the most part, more of a curse than a blessing. But at the same time, it makes for a hell of a life for them. And this author- Daryl Gregory- he's got a great voice, too. The similes he uses and the descriptors of the Chicagoland area are often hysterical but always unmistakably real and you can tell that he knows and loves these places he's writing about. It's the kind-of writing that really lets you immerse yourself in the world of these characters. But it's not just funny- what this book has more of than anything else is heart. A big, often breaking, but always, always loving heart. Some of the things the characters think and feel are beyond profoundly sad and demonstrate the reality that people die but love never does. And Buddy, who is by far the most tortured of them all, is so innocent and fiercely loyal that you end up jumping for joy when he's finally able to look over a menu with ecstatic panic at the options. Denny's is, indeed, "a hellscape of unfettered free will" and I've never been so happy for someone to feel that way as I am for Buddy. And Teddy, and Irene, and Frankie, and Mattie, and Graciella- even agent Smalls and Nick Pusateri himself- will always be remembered fondly....more
If The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is harsh then this book is downright brutal. There's no more Disappointment Panda to soften the blow, no more fIf The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is harsh then this book is downright brutal. There's no more Disappointment Panda to soften the blow, no more funny stories of famous folks doing crazy shit, and a lot less focus on his own issues with all these perspectives. Instead now we have Nietzsche and Kant philosophizing on the nature of humanity (those Germans did not think very highly of our race). We have Newton and Einstein's theories used as analogies for emotion and relative pain (which is brilliant, I admit- but still brutal.) We have countless psychological studies and historical antidotes illustrating how fucked we humans are. And yes, it's all true, but... damn. And hearing that hope is actually a really destructive idea ain't easy to swallow either. He states that hope, simply by virtue of having us look to better things in the future, leads us to reject things as they are now. He states that hope is what drives a lot of the really destructive actions of humans- including war, genocide, nuclear arms and everything else. And yes, again, technically true, but once again- damn. And that's all before he goes into part 2: everything is fucked. He argues that the reason everything is so fucked, in a nutshell, is because modern technology is both a blessing and a curse. Thanks to industry, advances in medical science and now the internet we have so much damned free time on our hands that we simply don't know what to do with ourselves and as a result we become depressed, anxious, and overcome with malaise and seek out distractions to avoid the pain of all that. And because of technology those distractions are so abundantly available and easily accessible that most of the time we're nowhere near conscious of our emotional state or reasons for our behaviors. It's a sound argument. And the last part of the book where he imagines the world in the future where technology has overtaken humans and ultimately does a better job running the show than we do is both terrifying and oddly hopeful. Seriously- it's a fascinating argument and one I like. The part of the book I found most helpful, on the whole, was the distinction he makes between the feeling brain and the thinking brain. The clown car analogy he uses is utterly perfect to describe why we're all so messed up. And in the end, like most of his writing, it's strangely reassuring. I sum up the main take away by quoting him: "This is our challenge, our calling: To act without hope. To not hope for better. To BE better. In this moment and the next." Damn, Mark Manson. Damn....more
I’ve read a lot of self help books (and plan to read a lot more). Not all of them, but many of them, use a gentle hand to confront things. There’s a wI’ve read a lot of self help books (and plan to read a lot more). Not all of them, but many of them, use a gentle hand to confront things. There’s a way used to describe things in deference to trauma, depression, self doubt that a lot of these books use. It’s not bad, and I often times find it comforting. This is, needless to say, NOT that kind of book.
There were times, I admit, when I found it difficult to take. My delicate sensibilities were a bit pummeled. And that’s obviously his point. That���s what he’s built his career on. And ultimately, it works. But only because- and this is important- he is just as merciless towards himself as he is towards the reader.
It’s not just “You’re entitled. You’re victimizing yourself. You’re wrong about everything. You’re full of shit.” It’s also “So am I, so am I, so am I- and here’s an example of how.” (And, also, by the way: so are ALL humans.) All of which makes the harsh truths he’s relaying easier to swallow.
He intersperses his personal stories of, as he calls it, “some real traumatic shit” with anecdotes of famous individuals and THEIR real traumatic shit as well as psychological studies and scientific observations. It breaks up the harsh truth reveals nicely. And his own personal superhero, Disappointment Panda? Let me just say that I want that plushie! (I’m entitled that way^_^)
The advice itself is pretty obvious and profound (like most profound things are). Choose your values carefully. Check yourself. Accept that pain is a normal part of life. Work hard. Take risks. Don’t be a shithead. We know these things on some level. But we don’t do them. Thus the problem. And thus this book.
And while the information in this book may not necessarily be new, the method of communication certainly is. And because of that I’ve already started reading the sequel and will be keeping a close eye on his blog....more
I’d be lying if I said I read this because I wanted to be better equipped as a therapist. I do, but that’s really not why I read it (and want to read I’d be lying if I said I read this because I wanted to be better equipped as a therapist. I do, but that’s really not why I read it (and want to read literally everything else she’s ever written or will ever write). The fact of the matter is that I have struggled with shame for longer than I can remember. Even as a child my memories are riddled with an endless parade of shame moments that stick out like so many sore thumbs. I would go as far as saying that my default emotion is shame. In other words, it’s a problem. The information I’ve learned from this book can, I think, help me. From understanding my shame triggers to learning about my faulty defense mechanisms to learning what to do when it hits I have a depth of understanding that I simply did not have before. I recognize it very quickly now. I have the language to speak about it now. I am significantly more able to pull myself out of the shame spirals now. Don’t get me wrong- I’m by no means cured- that’s not a thing. But I am equipped tools that I can practice using everyday now and that is life changing. And for anyone who hasn’t seen one of her TED talks or Oprah appearances or her Netflix special and subsequently doesn’t know how insanely funny, charismatic and entertaining she is let me assure you that she is and that makes this a very engaging and easy read. Like any scholar she’s got years and years of research to explain where and how she came up with the theory of shame resilience. Unlike many scholars she conveys the information through endless personal stories that illustrate her points in ways that hit home more than statistics ever could. My only note, and it is a note rather than a criticism, is that it is specifically written for women. All of the study participants at the time of this writing were women and all of the info relates to those particular experiences of shame. Since the time of this book she’s done a ton of research on men as well and (I believe) is as well versed in applying shame resilience to their experiences so I would start with a later title if I were a man. If you’re trans/queer/non-binary and want specific information about the particular shame experiences of those communities I can say that she’s aware of them at this point (and differently abled, and other specific communities) but I don’t know if her more recent work directly addresses them. Given that I do identify as female this book and the specific experiences relayed in it hit home in the biggest way possible and I would recommend it to any and all women for that reason. And honestly, I’d still recommend it to pretty much everyone else anyway, but I appreciate that it would be a very different experience. I plan on reading every other book she’s got because I think I need to. But in the meantime I’m incredibly grateful for the new vocabulary I have to address it both with myself and with my clients. And that’s huge....more
I picked up this book because it seemed like a more mindful exploration of Self Compassion, and the prologue certainly leads one to believe that this I picked up this book because it seemed like a more mindful exploration of Self Compassion, and the prologue certainly leads one to believe that this is the case. She speaks of her own struggles with the behaviors that keep us all trapped in an endless loop of trying to prove ourselves good enough to a critic (ourselves) that will never approve. And she offers meditation- true Buddhist meditation practices akin to what I imagine are used in ashrams and monasteries across the world- as the path to freedom. And that's where I was most surprised with this book. I was familiar with the case studies- I'm a therapist by trade so examples of people struggling with addictions, traumatic backgrounds, and deep emotional battles were very comfortable territory for me. I connected easily with their struggles, the thoughts and feelings that cause them, and the difficulty they face in changing them. But the practices of dzogchen awareness and tonglen compassion were new to me and her descriptions of how these practices have changed the way she relates to her own life have awakened a new passion to explore this world of traditions that I've only scratched the surface of before. I suppose the title give is away- the heart of a Buddha is written right there on the cover. But I honestly wasn't expecting to be as absorbed and turned on as I was. I now recognize that basic mindfulness in the service of self compassion isn't enough. It's a good start, certainly, and I think Kristin Neff was a good introduction before diving deeper with this book. But now I'm hooked. I intend to explore every damn one of Tara Brach's meditations on Insight Timer (which thankfully there are A LOT of and she seems to upload a new one around once a month) and to find myself a more formal practice group. Because the very experience of reading this book was rewarding enough that the real thing- the year-in, year-out practice- must be completely transformative....more
This was a story about werewolves. But it could have just as easily been a story about vampires. Or gypsies. Or witches. Or anyone else on the outsideThis was a story about werewolves. But it could have just as easily been a story about vampires. Or gypsies. Or witches. Or anyone else on the outside of the “real world” looking in. Because they’re all cast aside, trying to figure out how to live when the rulebook’s been thrown out and all you can do is guess. Which isn’t to say that this book doesn’t do a whole heck of a lot for the werewolf myth- because it certainly does. I admit I’m not terribly well versed in werewolf mythology but this was far more rich than anything else I’ve seen. Who would ever think of the danger of French fries and full trash cans? In some ways it felt like a “thousand ways to die” marathon, but not funny. And Stephen Graham Jones- damn. This is the first book of his I’ve read but boy, has it whet my appetite! The way he switches the voice of the narrator when the whole story’s told by one person is so intriguing. And endearing. But above all else, what I’ll remember most about this story is the love. The essence of family that doesn’t change no matter how you define it. The choices that look absolutely crazy on the outside that only the other misfits of your clan (or pack) will ever understand. And the permanent marks a family legacy leaves on the hearts of all those who come after. I loved this book....more
I've honestly never read an anthology like this before and I have to say that after this experience I definitely want to check out others like it. It I've honestly never read an anthology like this before and I have to say that after this experience I definitely want to check out others like it. It covered the gamut of interpretations of vampires- from the tortured, sexy souls (which I totally admit I'm a massive fan of) to the hard-core monsters so frightening they couldn't be further from human and examined all of the interactions, concepts and societal roots of all these different interpretations. I can't say that ever author's voice was equally strong but I can say that even the ones that didn't engage me were at the very least interesting for their different take on the genre. Some of the strongest stories, not surprisingly, are by well known and well-loved authors- Neil Gaiman who took us on a very perverted trip through the Snow White legend, Anne Rice who provides a classic gothic love story and Stephen King's "One For the Road" which I found to be the scariest of the whole collection and makes me seriously want to finally read Salem's Lot. Other notable stories also seem to be very well-known authors, though none I can claim to know prior to this collection. Carrie Vaughn's "Life Is the Teacher" satisfied my desire for the classic sexy vampire who's tortured by the loss of her old human life and still carries normal human emotions. Kristine Kathryn Rusch's "The Beautiful, the Damned" was an utterly fantastic retelling of "The Great Gatsby". Michael Marshall Smith's "This is Now" perfectly captured the shared fear that unites a group of friends and creates a bond that draws them through their lives despite whatever changes come (totally had an "It" vibe which I loved). Nancy Holder's "Blood Gothic" was a great examination of how a love for the vampire myth can go way to far, and makes the reader feel at the very least a bit sheepish for being so into the volume in hand. Lilith Standcrow's "A Standup Dame" is a delightful look at the classic noir archetypes and may be my favorite story of the whole volume. Kelly Armstrong's “Twilight” makes you seriously question how great the whole immortality thing is, anyway. And Catherynne M. Valente's “Exsanguinations” is delightfully funny handbook for the educated vampire entertaining enough to make me wish there was a full-length version. On the whole this was a great read, thoroughly recommended to all vampire lovers....more
Holy shit. Wow. And many other exclamations. Seriously, I had no idea what I was in for when I got this book. I bought it a few years ago in a used boHoly shit. Wow. And many other exclamations. Seriously, I had no idea what I was in for when I got this book. I bought it a few years ago in a used book store primarily because Neil Gaiman is quoted on the back as saying that this author is magic and, in general, if the king of magic tells you that someone "has the magic", you listen. Well Neil, all I can say is: thank you!
Jonathan Carroll IS magic. His words, his ability to take you inside a character's mind, and most of all the world he puts you in, which is simultaneously new and foreign in its surrealism and extremely familiar in its reality. This version of real life in its many facets is SO familiar- the traffic, the people, the mannerisms, the noise, the news, the wars, the celebrity- this is very much the same earth that we are living on with all the places and things we know (or at least have heard of).
But it is also full of magic- actual, literal magic. Magic that doesn't establish firm rules and then follow them to the letter but rather shows up in strange and unexpected ways where even the people and animals who wield it don't know the rules. And that is, strangely, also very real. It feels like if magic did show up in your life it would be in strange, unexpected ways that you could never fully explain without sounding like a lunatic.
In this case, our lunatic is Harry Radcliffe- brilliant/famous architect, serial two-timer, self-involved asshole turned quietly good guy. He starts out not quite as an anti hero but rather an annoyingly endearing self-proclaimed asshole and turns into a human working hard to be- well, not an asshole. It's not a villain to hero transition because that would feel trite and the world in which his transformation takes place is far too rich and deep for anything trite. But being inside his head is a trip- one I was incredibly happy to take.
The plot, likewise, is unexpected and bizarre- but not off-puttingly weird. This craziness is both alien and accessible all at the same time. Like clearly this is not happening because it's not possible but if you stop questioning it and just accept it for what it is it makes perfect sense. That's one of the things that brings him out of his madness- don't assume you're mad and you won't be, even though what's happening couldn't possibly be happening. Sort-of akin to the distress tolerance I teach my clients- don't fight it and it won't be so painful.
As with so many authors I love, the pages of my copy are now spotted with highlighted sentences, passages, and paragraphs. Descriptions that capture so much so perfectly. Profound truths about us, our lives, our existence. Quiet moments that pack such a huge emotional punch in the memories of your own experience that they evoke... his writing is truly astounding.
I had absolutely no idea when I picked this up that it is apparently the 4th in a series of 6. I have literally no clue what the other books are about but I have a guess as to what they might have in common and now, because of this book, I am determined to read them. Having never heard of this author before this book I now say this to his adoring fans: I get it. I'm totally one of you now....more
I am a therapist by profession but it would be a disservice to this book (and more importantly, this practice) to say that it has just changed how I cI am a therapist by profession but it would be a disservice to this book (and more importantly, this practice) to say that it has just changed how I counsel. It has changed how I live.
I practice these techniques as much as I preach them, perhaps more, and it is completely altering how I feel, think and function. When I get hurt, mess up, fall into bad habits my first impulse (because old habits die so hard) is still that self criticism that is so deeply ingrained. BUT there’s a second wave that washes in very shortly afterwards nowadays that brings with it all the components of this practice: mindful awareness of the pain, accepting that it is simply a part of life, and love and compassion for myself for experiencing it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a zen monk who has transcended the negative thinking endemic in our culture. But I am a hell of a lot more forgiving for my own perpetually flawed human experience than I ever was before. And the practices that support that- my daily metta practice, my positive journaling, my loving and forgiving self talk- have become the most important aspects of my experience. They’ve become foundational the same way sleep and human contact are.
And the way that I teach my clients, the practices I emphasize and the core truths I try to help them see are all based in this. Being compassionate- rather than the best problem-solver or coach- has become the single most important thing I try to cultivate in my counseling and it has drastically altered the I way I relate.
I’ve been recommending this book in larger and larger circles to the point where I now see it as more of an owner’s manual for the human life than a self-help book. I don’t know anyone- ANYONE- who wouldn’t greatly benefit from this practice. But most importantly, I have and do and will....more
To call this book life changing would be a massive understatement. I am a therapist by trade and this in combination with my yoga training has completTo call this book life changing would be a massive understatement. I am a therapist by trade and this in combination with my yoga training has completely and fundamentally altered the way I do counseling, the way I evaluate myself and the way I respond to other people. I've got a long way to go in gaining a full understanding of the subtle body but this book provided the best introduction possible.
She seamlessly intertwines my previous knowledge about the developmental theories from Erikson, Piaget and other grad-school required readings into a body of literature that explains the phenomena these theorists described in a more comprehensive way. I had a million moments of "that makes so much more sense now!" as I read and I was genuinely excited to gain a more well-rounded understanding of psychology from work that integrates the body into the realm of the mind.
This is a must read for anyone interested in psychology, yoga, reiki, energetic healing, subtle body work, etc....more
This is the 6th book in the life-changing series written by Neil Gaiman and illustrated by some of the most brilliant artists on the planet. If you'reThis is the 6th book in the life-changing series written by Neil Gaiman and illustrated by some of the most brilliant artists on the planet. If you're unfamiliar with the series but even remotely into... well, pretty much anything creative then you owe it yourself to check it out. Start at the beginning, knowing that it warms up pretty quick, and let your imagination revel in this alternate reality that Gaiman has crafted.
By now, this series has firmly inserted itself into my psyche and with this volume Gaiman succeeds in sneaking it into memories where it previously wasn't. The more I read, the more indistinguishable these characters and stories become from what I understand of history (which is the point, of course). This dream king has now made his way into the old Greek Myths, added a taboo factoid to Roman history, inspired the endlessly popular Emperor of the United States (who I know from Christopher Moore's works even though he's found just about everywhere), jump-started Mark Twain's career, slightly altered the French Revolution, inserted a chapter into Slavic folklore, created a catalyst in Marco Polo's career, added to the pantheon of biblical characters and forever immortalized the golden age of Baghdad. And all in one volume.
Each of the stories is steeped in the setting they invade with appropriate alterations not only in artwork but also language, theme, and character. It's not just that Gaiman is a chameleon; he's the king of chameleons. And all of it maintains the same dream-like quality he's weaved so subtly into the stories since volume 1. It's very easy to drift off while reading a chapter, lose touch with reality. Even while siting in a quiet, well-lit room on a weekday with all of its tasks and chores it's easy to look up at the end of a chapter and wonder if you've been dreaming. It all has that same not-quite-real feel to it and it seriously screws with your senses. (Which, again, is totally the point.)
The further I get into this series the more I wonder how I ever lived with out it. It's so ingrained in my imagination now I consider it a part of me. It's changing the way I imagine, allowing me to believe that all these stories were always in there, I just forgot them. Just like a dream: you realize you've seen it, heard it, felt it before. But you forgot, because you woke up. ...more
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