This was a timely read, given that I started it the day before the end of daylight savings time. I found it useful and impactful. I am traditionally aThis was a timely read, given that I started it the day before the end of daylight savings time. I found it useful and impactful. I am traditionally a winter-hater, despite living in Montreal: I hate the short days and the cold weather. But this book has made me reconsider, or at least commit to making an effort to actively notice things that I like about the season. As she says, winter will be here whether we like it or not, so we might as well try to change our mindset to one of appreciation and wonder, as opposed to depression and hatred. The two biggest mindset shifts I’m taking away from the book, even before doing most of the exercises, are: 1. Recognizing that being tired and low-energy in the winter isn’t a sign of some personal failing, it’s a reflection of the fact that I’m an animal on planet Earth, and this is a useful adaptive strategy for cold winter months. (If anything, I should be blaming society for not recognizing this obvious fact and expecting me to do the same amount of activity despite my natural inclinations!) 2. Looking at “winter” as several smaller sub-seasons, as opposed to one long 4-6 month season. November, January, and March all feel very different here in Montreal, despite all being called “winter.” So, for myself, I’ve put together a little chart of five mini-seasons and some ideas for rituals I can do in each one to keep me feeling positive and excited about them. All told, I’m really glad I read this book, and I look forward to trying to put some of the exercise into practice....more
I’ve had a rocky relationship with Abdaal’s YouTube content for a while – some I like a lot, some I deeply dislike. But I wanted to check out his bookI’ve had a rocky relationship with Abdaal’s YouTube content for a while – some I like a lot, some I deeply dislike. But I wanted to check out his book, Feel-Good Productivity, and see how he distills down his philosophy. The good first: it’s a quick, accessible read. I like how actionable it is, even if sometimes it feels a little shoehorned to fit his structure (3 sections with 3 chapters each, and each of those chapters is broken down into 3 sections with 2 “experiments” each). I also like how he explicitly tells the reader to try things out, keep what they want, and throw out the rest. And, finally, I like how the focus is on being in alignment and feeling good, as opposed to squeezing every drop of productivity out of a day, without regard for whether it’s actually helping you or not.
That said, the experiments themselves were a mixed bag for me. Some of them were genuinely interesting and things I’ll probably try for myself (like the “wheel of life” alignment exercise from chapter 9 or the “five whys” clarity-seeking exercise from chapter 4). Many of them are things I already do (like teaching others the things I’m trying to learn, embracing a collaborative mindset, and asking myself “what’s the next action step I could take toward this goal”). Some of them I know from experience won’t work for me (future-casting, time blocking / scheduling breaks, and accountability buddies, just to name a few). But what really bothers me is that certain experiments almost certainly won’t work for people who are neurotypical and/or have chronic health conditions – things like “stop spotlighting” from chapter 5 (i.e. remember that most people are not, in fact, thinking about you all that much) doesn’t work when you’ve been labelled as “weird” all your life. “Overcommunicating” from chapter 3 doesn’t work if you have a tendency to info-dump or talk too much already.
Still, as I said, Abdaal suggests you treat the experiments as, well, experiments. He’s casting a broad net, and not everything he suggests will work for everyone. I choose to appreciate the book for the suggestions that DO work for me, as opposed to the ones that won’t....more
My third book on autism in a month — there might be a theme here. This one was recommended recently by the YouTube channel “I’m Autistic, Now What?” (My third book on autism in a month — there might be a theme here. This one was recommended recently by the YouTube channel “I’m Autistic, Now What?” (Which is excellent, and I recommend it.) This book is part memoir, part intro to autism and how the neurotypical, capitalist world is not designed for it. I will say this: Hayden sounds like she had a really rough childhood and adolescence — I felt SO BAD for her while reading through parts of this book, and just wanted to give young Chloé a hug and tell her I’m sorry so many people were mean to her. That it wasn’t her fault her brain is different. While I certainly didn’t have a FUN adolescence, I was never physically assaulted. My bullying was more subtle. So I am incredibly glad that Hayden has now found a life where she can thrive, in all her autistic glory. I raise my hat to her. (Though I still wish I could give her a hug.)
My only quibble of the book is the occasional framing of life as a fairytale, and how all fairytales have “happily ever afters.” And that IS true… in fiction. Unfortunately, I have known plenty of people who came to “the end” before they reached the “happily every after” part. Or they had a "happily ever after" and then lost it through no fault of their own. I don’t want to detract from Hayden’s message of “you can live a beautiful life, not despite of but BECAUSE OF your neurodivergence!” That’s a beautiful message for people who have been beaten down. But insisting that a real person’s life will have a “happily ever after” because all the Disney movies do just seems… disingenuous, somehow. Anyway, good book, glad I read it. ...more
This book went for the jugular. It had been recommended to me by a few people because I’ve been going through a journey of possible self-diagnosis of This book went for the jugular. It had been recommended to me by a few people because I’ve been going through a journey of possible self-diagnosis of high-masking autism for the last year or so. While most of the book was stuff I already knew, three paragraphs in the middle of chapter 2 (under the section header “highly verbal and outgoing autistics”) was just… absolutely me to a T. Most descriptions of autistic people focus on introverts and people who don’t like socializing because it’s exhausting. I LOVE socializing, and I’ve always had a hard time squaring this with autism. And then I read those three paragraphs and was like, “…Oh.” I will carry this book with me for a long time for that tiny section alone. The rest of the book is good, don’t get me wrong – I especially liked some of the values-based exercises. I don’t know how much I need to unmask, necessarily – most of my adult life has been a slow journey into living my authentic self, and the last few years since the start of the pandemic have been a particular journey of “what would my life look like if I could control every aspect of it?” Living your authentic life is a never-ending journey, of course, and I still need to work on some people-pleasing tendences of mine that have persisted for most of my life. But still, an excellent book for people who fit the description, “I know / suspect I’m autistic… now what?”...more
I enjoyed this book. The author is both a therapist and a late-diagnosed autistic woman, and comes at the topic from that perspective. Jones discussesI enjoyed this book. The author is both a therapist and a late-diagnosed autistic woman, and comes at the topic from that perspective. Jones discusses how traditional therapeutic approaches are designed for neurotypical people and might not work – and indeed might be harmful or traumatic – for autistic people. Throughout the book there are also anecdotes and tips from her community and from other autistic mental health professionals. I think this is a really important read both for therapists generally and for autistic people who might be interested in therapy. That said, I also feel like the book is directed primarily at a particular type of autistic person: people with relatively low support needs, who are late-diagnosed or undiagnosed, or who may have been diagnosed with other conditions (anxiety, PTSD or C-PTSD, depression, BPD, etc.) but find treatments for those conditions aren’t working for them. This is a book for someone who might struggle to hold a job, maintain friendships, or wonder why they’re “weird,” not for a very high support needs person who’s been diagnosed since childhood. That said, if you ARE the particular type of autistic person the book is targeted at (or if you are a therapist who doesn’t know a lot about autism), this is a helpful guide, and I’d recommend it....more
Why are adult friendships so hard to make and maintain? And what can we do about it? Those are the questions Anna Goldfarb tries to answer in this quiWhy are adult friendships so hard to make and maintain? And what can we do about it? Those are the questions Anna Goldfarb tries to answer in this quick, easy-read book. It was validating to know that I’m not alone in the struggles I face in trying to hold onto friendships in this attention-scattered modern world. I especially liked Goldfarb’s exercises scattered throughout the book, and the 14-day “friendship cleanse” appendix that walks you day-by-day through two weeks of reigniting your friendships. I also liked the discussion of friendship “tiers”: bathtub friends (your 1-2 most intimate friends), jacuzzi friends (2-5 very close friends, your support network), swimming pool friends (10-15 shoulder-to-cry-on friends, the people you stay in regular contact with and have shared personal details with), bonfire friends (~50 people in your contact list from school, jobs, extended friends circle, etc.), and water park friends (~150 people who would attend your once-in-a-lifetime event like a wedding or funeral). The categories are fluid (pun intended), but Goldfarb suggests focusing on our bathtub, jacuzzi, and swimming pool friends – we all have limited time and energy, so focus on quality in-person time with fewer friends, rather than superficial online pings and “likes” with more. All told, I liked this book and will probably be doing a “friendship audit” of my own at some point in the near future. ...more
DNF. I tried to read this one, truly I did. It was recommended to me by an author (K.M. Weiland) whose non-fiction books on storytelling craft I deeplDNF. I tried to read this one, truly I did. It was recommended to me by an author (K.M. Weiland) whose non-fiction books on storytelling craft I deeply respect and who has been incredibly helpful in my journey as an author. So when she suggested this book as part of her year-end wrap-up, I put it on my TBR. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t get past the first few chapters. It’s ostensibly a book about five personality types (hence the title), but it’s far more new-age-y and woo-woo than I like in my non-fiction books. The depictions of the types are decent enough, I suppose, but as soon as Kessler starts talking about how those types form and function, he completely lost me. (The first type supposedly forms because the new soul has trouble with embodiment as it enters the fetus, and the book doesn’t get any less “mystical-energy-themed” from there.) I got 13% of the way through – long enough to read the basics of each of the five types but not long enough to read the detailed chapters on each one. I wouldn’t recommend reading any further than that; in fact, I wouldn’t recommend reading it at all....more
This was, well, a weird one. It was on the “Next Big Ideas” book club list of past books, and I decided to check it out, mostly on the basis of the suThis was, well, a weird one. It was on the “Next Big Ideas” book club list of past books, and I decided to check it out, mostly on the basis of the subtitle: “The power of being an outsider in an insider world.” It should come as no surprise to my friends that I feel like a weirdo some of the time. (Okay, maybe all of the time.) So I was excited to see if this book could give me any useful tips on harnessing my outsider-ness to better effect. And, sure, there were a few useful pieces of advice: having a support structure is super-useful, think in terms of the bigger picture, reframe things so that you’re better because of your differences, work to change yourself if you want to. But most of the book was part autobiography (the author moved to Texas from Russia when she was a child, and always felt different in America), part narratives of many people who were also weirdos in their various milieus (a doctor with dwarfism, a trans woman in conservative Texas, a male preschool teacher, a female racecar driver, a conservative in California, etc.). I’m not saying that any of the mini-biographies were bad, per se – Khazan is a good and evocative writer – it’s just not what I expected from a book whose promise is to make me feel better about being weird. Instead, I feel more-or-less the same, just with a bunch of other people’s weirdness stories rattling around in my head now too. Altogether, I’m kinda meh on this one....more
I’ve liked Pink for a long time, ever since I saw his first TED talk. In this book, he attempts to show that while many of us try to either live with I’ve liked Pink for a long time, ever since I saw his first TED talk. In this book, he attempts to show that while many of us try to either live with “no regrets” or to push our regretful feelings aside, in fact regret is one of the things that makes us human and can also make us better people and help us make better choices. After conducting a huge research survey into peoples’ biggest regrets, he found that most fall into four main categories: foundation (“if only I’d done the work”), boldness (“if only I’d taken the risk”), moral (“if only I’d done the right thing”), and connection (“if only I’d reached out”). For each, the regret can fall into the category of action or inaction, closed (there’s no way to fix things now) or open (there might be a way to make things right). Pink’s ultimate conclusion is that for open regrets, we should try to fix things. For closed ones, we can tell ourselves “at least” stories to take away the sting. And when making a choice for the future, if it DOESN’T fall into one of the four big categories, we should make whatever choice is “good enough,” but if it DOES, then we might be better served taking some extra time to make sure we don’t do something we’ll regret later. ...more
I backed this project on Kickstarter late last year. I’ve been part of Becca Syme’s “Better-Faster Academy” since 2021, and I always like to support hI backed this project on Kickstarter late last year. I’ve been part of Becca Syme’s “Better-Faster Academy” since 2021, and I always like to support her and her projects. The Kickstarter rewards were released in two phases: the first was the “energy pennies” card game, which came out in February with a companion guide. The second phase was the Antidote to Overwhelm book. The first half of the book was new content about the causes of overwhelm, and the second half of the book was a lightly edited and updated re-release of the energy pennies companion guide. So in a sense, this book was a half-reread for me, and I knew that going into it. That said, I found the energy pennies guide very helpful, so I didn’t mind reading through it again. While I’m not currently in overwhelm, I like the idea of having simple actions that I can choose to do that can help me generate “energy pennies” of various sorts (action, rest, thought, spirit, courage, and joy). And, in fact, back in February I customized the deck and put together a spreadsheet of activities I’d like to try doing on a daily, weekly, and monthly frequency. I really should refocus on doing them more intentionally. As Becca will be the first to say: learning is not doing, and reading is not practicing. I really should be practicing more and reading less. (Also, I know Becca went through burnout while writing this book, and I hope she’s feeling better now.)...more
After a slightly rocky start, I found myself quite enjoying this book. It’s a nonfiction book about how people incorporate idiosyncratic, individualizAfter a slightly rocky start, I found myself quite enjoying this book. It’s a nonfiction book about how people incorporate idiosyncratic, individualized, secular rituals into their lives, everything from the special way they brew their morning coffee, to families’ unique holiday dinner traditions, to marking new lifestyle milestones like a gender transition. Norton and his colleagues (academic researchers) have been exploring how and why people enact rituals, and how secular and individualized rituals are supplanting many of the “legacy rituals” inherited from organized religion. My one quibble with Norton is that I think he’s too cut-and-dried in his distinction between “routine” and “ritual.” In his schema, routines are the “how”: things that are done because they need to be done. Whereas rituals are the “why” or the “something more”: things that are done to impart meaning, evoke emotions, promote bonding, etc. Norton readily accepts that the same action, done by different people, can either be a routine or a ritual, depending on why they’re being done. (You might have a whole ritual surrounding your end-of-day shower, whereas your friend might just consider it a way to wash off the grime.) I think that activities can contain elements of both – they don’t have to be one or the other. But I do appreciate the discussion of how to “ritualize” more activities: to deliberately turn mundane activities into rituals to evoke those emotions or promote bonding with your partner, family, or team. It’s admittedly a pretty niche book, but I’m glad I had the chance to read it. ...more
Yet another self-help book that could have been half the length. This one is about “emotional brain training,” i.e. how to train your emotional brain Yet another self-help book that could have been half the length. This one is about “emotional brain training,” i.e. how to train your emotional brain to be more consistently in a “joy” state. A lot of the book feels like pure hype and upselling (“join our online community! buy these tools!”), and I really didn’t like the framing device of the pharmaceutical CEO learning the method. (He was put out of work because no one needs pharmaceuticals anymore now that they’re all doing EBT, you see. Eyeroll.) I also didn’t like that while there’s a bibliography, there weren’t any footnotes for some of the grander claims, like that 80% of the world’s health problems are caused by chronic stress. I’m not saying that stress doesn’t have negative effects – obviously it does – but 80%? Source, please? In any case, the crux of the book is that the brain has five “states,” from feeling great (1) to fight-or-flight (5). The core of EBT is to identify which state you’re in at any given moment and then use one of the five associated tools (one for each state) to help flip you to 1, with a goal of eventually moving your set point to a less-stressed position. Really, the only part of the book you need to read are the descriptions of the five types and the five tools. Once you know them, the pocket guide fits on an index card. I plan to test the tools a bit to see if they’re helpful, but I’m not joining the online community. There’s only so much “scientifically backed” woo-woo I can take in a day....more
This book has been recommended numerous times by one of the coaches I follow, so I decided to finally take a look. LePera is a proponent of “holistic This book has been recommended numerous times by one of the coaches I follow, so I decided to finally take a look. LePera is a proponent of “holistic psychology.” The short version is that many of us act or react in ways that we don’t like – whether that’s emotional outbursts, substance abuse, endlessly doomscrolling, getting caught up in relationships we know are bad for us, etc. – but we don’t know how to escape those patterns. Information is not enough. Getting out of these patterns involves “doing the work” (“the work” is always in italics in the book) or “SelfHealing.” It involves listening to our body, mind, and soul, and doing small but important everyday tasks to heal our inner wounds. She talks about everything from deep breathing to witnessing our own emotional reactions as they occur in our body to establishing boundaries. It is, as she says, holistic. My main critique regards the earlier sections, where she’s talking about how chronic stress and unhealed trauma manifest as illnesses in the body. I’m not saying that they DON’T, but LePera veers dangerously close to the “maybe it’s just stress” brand of wellness. (She never actually advocates abandoning professional medical care, but she definitely implies that most of our physical problems can be healed by “doing the work.” I would like state for the record that deep breathing isn’t a replacement for chemotherapy, and that if you can’t create your own neurochemicals, store-bought is fine.) On the whole, though, I liked this book and it gave me a lot to chew on....more
I spent about half this book hate-reading it. It was recommended on a recent Ali Abdaal video about financial freedom, and I figured I might as well cI spent about half this book hate-reading it. It was recommended on a recent Ali Abdaal video about financial freedom, and I figured I might as well commit a few hours to reading it and forming my own opinions. And my own opinions are… mostly but not entirely negative. A solid half this book is just about mindset: DeMarco tries to convince the reader that traditional financial advice (which he calls the Slowlane) is just not gonna cut it if you want to be wealthy. Going to college, getting a good job, investing in your retirement plan – all the hallmarks of traditional financial planning – might make you a modest income in 40 years, but if you want to have lots of money and you want it young enough to enjoy it, you need to take a different path: the Fastlane. To DeMarco, the Fastlane essentially involves starting a business that fulfills 5 criteria: 1. it meets a need, 2. there’s a barrier to entry (so that not everyone can do it), 3. you can control all aspects of the business, 4. it’s scalable, 5. it does not rely on your time. Making wealth is simple, he says: serve millions of people, and you’ll make millions of dollars. (Of course! It’s so easy! Why didn’t I think of that?) It irks me that DeMarco doesn’t really give examples of these sorts of businesses beyond his own much-touted website (a marketplace where people can book limousine services). He claims that ideas are cheap and execution is hard, but honestly for me even the ideas are hard. Maybe this is why I’m not cut out to be an entrepreneur. I didn’t like DeMarco’s “my way or the highway” writing style, I didn’t like how much he touted his online forum, and I didn’t like how much of this book seemed just like a flex for how much money DeMarco makes and what flashy toys he owns. It’s interesting as an alternative viewpoint, I suppose, but not one I think will be particularly actionable for me. Probably won’t read any of the other books recommended by Ali Abdaal, if they’re all gonna be like this....more
I admit I skimmed this one. I’d heard a lot about The Miracle Morning and wanted to check it out for myself. More specifically, I wanted to see if it I admit I skimmed this one. I’d heard a lot about The Miracle Morning and wanted to check it out for myself. More specifically, I wanted to see if it gave any tips for waking up before sunrise, which is my bane. (Answer: no, it did not, though some of the online commentary discussed things I’m already doing, like a smart bulb on a timer.) The book is very salesly and self-helpy. I read somewhere that Elrod worked in multilevel marketing for a while, and it shows. This would have been a perfectly acceptable blog post or article. As a book, it leaves much to be desired. Here’s the short version so you don’t have to read it yourself: wake up an hour earlier than normal. Drink a glass of water, and then do your morning “S.A.V.E.R.S.”: silence, affirmations, visualization, exercise, reading, and scribing (journaling), each for 10 minutes. There, that’s the miracle morning in a nutshell and now you don’t have to read the book. The rest of the book just feels like hype to try to get you to actually do it, promises that it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE (tm), pitches to buy his other products, and testimonials from other self-help gurus who promise that it will CHANGE YOUR LIFE (tm). I know a lot of people have been helped by the miracle morning framework, so if it works for you, then great! But honestly, if you’re interested, just read a blog post about the method – you don’t need to read the full book unless you REALLY like salesly self-help language....more
This is exactly my sort of book. It fits in nicely with other books I’ve read about forming connections, expressing myself better, and having more meaThis is exactly my sort of book. It fits in nicely with other books I’ve read about forming connections, expressing myself better, and having more meaningful conversations. So, while not all of the information in this book is new, I do like the way it’s presented and how it’s laid out. The capsule summary is that in any conversation, you should first figure out what KIND of a conversation it is: 1. “what’s this really about?” (making choices or analyzing plans), 2. “how do we feel?” (conversations involving emotions), 3. “who are we?” (conversations involving our social identities). Any given conversation can, of course, shift between all three. Good, productive, meaningful conversations rely on matching the other person and using techniques best suited for that type of conversation. Those techniques are laid out in the book, and there are different ones for each type of conversation. (For example, a “how do we feel” conversation might rely more on “looping for understanding,” whereas a “who are we” conversation might rely more on finding and emphasizing shared identities.) However, for all hard conversations, there are techniques that might help. Things like planning for the conversation beforehand, asking lots of questions (especially ones that allow people to talk about their beliefs, values, emotions, and experiences), sharing our own experiences in return, and aiming to understand rather than “win” – all of those go a long way toward creating meaningful connection. As with so many of my favourite nonfiction books, though, I really wish there were a handy cheat-sheet summary at the end. Maybe I’ll create one myself. A recommended read, in any case....more
I do love a good science-backed personal development book, and this one delivered. Edmondson provides a framework for how we can discuss (and even celI do love a good science-backed personal development book, and this one delivered. Edmondson provides a framework for how we can discuss (and even celebrate!) failure in our personal and professional lives. The first half of the book is dedicated to describing the three types of failures: basic failures (caused by a single error, often in familiar contexts), complex failures (caused by multiple interdependent errors, often in variable contexts), and intelligent failures (caused by experimenting in novel contexts). Edmondson argues that we should do our best to minimize and prevent basic errors, develop systems to acknowledge and catch complex errors before they become costly, and embrace intelligent failures because they are the only way we grow and learn. In all cases, we should try to learn from our failures, which often requires taking a step back and reflecting on personal, context, and systems levels about what happened. Throughout, Edmondson emphasizes the value of psychological safety: developing a culture where it feels safe to admit that you were wrong or made a mistake. Without psychological safety, the same number of mistakes *happen*, they just don’t get *reported*. This book gave me a lot to think about – not just in my personal life, but also as a manager – and I’ll definitely be returning to its lessons. I just wish there were a handy “summary appendix” at the end, as some of my favourite non-fiction books have. But still, an excellent read for a mindset shift. Recommended....more
I really enjoyed this one! It’s a non-fiction book about how to get “unstuck” when you’re feeling stuck in your life, especially with regards to big dI really enjoyed this one! It’s a non-fiction book about how to get “unstuck” when you’re feeling stuck in your life, especially with regards to big decisions or creative pursuits. Alter gives practical tips backed up by research – things like breaking down tasks into smaller chunks (to avoid getting stuck in the middle), alternating between exploring and exploiting (explore widely, then exploit the best ideas you encounter while exploring), asking advice from lots of other people to take advantage of diversity (when dealing with complex problems, often even an incompetent outsider is better than an in-house expert, because they bring a diversity of opinions), being constantly curious and experimenting, etc. There’s a handy 100-item “cheat sheet” as the closing chapter, so all the takeaways are in one handy place – I really love it when authors do this. The best part, for me, is that the book made me feel motivated while I was reading it – there are steps I decided to take in my own life just because I felt excited while reading about them. Perhaps that’s the highest praise I can give a non-fiction book: it moved me to action. If you’re a person in a creative field who often finds yourself getting stuck, I definitely recommend this one. ...more
This book is… not great. It’s essentially a self-help book based around four “agreements” (hence the title). The base advice is reasonable enough: 1. This book is… not great. It’s essentially a self-help book based around four “agreements” (hence the title). The base advice is reasonable enough: 1. Be impeccable with your word (i.e. don’t speak ill of people, including yourself, either out loud or in your head), 2. Don’t take anything personally, 3. Don’t make assumptions, 4. Always do your best. So far, so good. But from there, it all goes new age. It’s not enough to say “don’t speak ill of other people.” No, it’s “your bad words put a spell of black magic on other people,” and the state of the world is “a collective nightmare dream” and “literal hell.” Everything is energy, spells, magic, dreams, and a series of disconnected metaphors. Moreover, the book doesn’t tell you how to implement any of the agreements, which IMO would have been much more useful. (It’s well and good to say not to make assumptions, but often assumptions are unconscious and we don’t realize we’ve made them until after the fact.) Short version, this book reads very much like The Secret – if you liked that, you might like this. I did not like The Secret at all, and The Four Agreements is a few hours of my life I will never get back....more
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