i just- *camera pans to me audibly yelling alone in my room*
“gatsby and i may have been nothing to men like tom buchanan, but men like that did not
i just- *camera pans to me audibly yelling alone in my room*
“gatsby and i may have been nothing to men like tom buchanan, but men like that did not know we were as divine as the heavens. we were boys who had created ourselves. we had formed our own bodies, our own lives, from the ribs of girls we were once assumed to be.”
urged by his cousin daisy, nicolás caraveo, a young trans man, moves to new york to jumpstart his life. upon arrival at west egg, he learns two things: first, that daisy has erased all signs of of her latina heritage, going by a new last name & passing as white; second, his neighbour, the enigmatic jay gatsby, is in love with daisy. nick commits to helping the two lovers reconnect. it goes well—until nick falls for gatsby himself.
so like. we all know the great gatsby. even writing this is taking me back to lit class, back to assignments left unfinished in favor of thinking about queer subtext. how do you make your own mark on an icon? how do you put your own flair on it?
anna-marie mclemore makes it queer as fuck, in ways i’ve always dreamed of. take nick & jay & make them trans, make them self-made boys in the most literal sense, surrounded by communities so integral to who they are.
in the author’s note, mclemore talks about how they wanted to use terms about race & queerness in a way that falls between historical realism & contemporary consciousnesss. here there’s a reclamation of words, even though historical, into something softer, something fit for the space inside a heart. something that shines a soft light to how queer love has quietly flourished across history.
take a story that we know well, but couldn’t necessarily see ourselves in. take a dream, a hope that we hold but feel like isn’t ours to have & spin it into something more relatable—how we’re all just looking for ways to make or be a bright light & not the other things we don’t want to remember.
i knew the great gatsby much better in high school than i do now, but i feel like this breathed fresh life into old friends. & absolutely more so than years ago, this time i gasped & audibly yelled so many times over lines & Choices that were made. i’ve been waiting my whole life for a story like this....more
i've said this before and i'll say it again - FRIENDS TO LOVERS NEVER HAD A BAD TRACK!!i've said this before and i'll say it again - FRIENDS TO LOVERS NEVER HAD A BAD TRACK!!...more
☼ thank you to netgalley and carina press for an arc of season's change in exchange for an honest review.
my favorite types of books are those that you☼ thank you to netgalley and carina press for an arc of season's change in exchange for an honest review.
my favorite types of books are those that you go in thinking "oh is going to be a fun read" and then by the end it absolutely knocks it out of the park and you go "oh, i don't just like this, i love it. this is everything."
season's change is one of those books, chock full of surprises.
i went in knowing this was a sports romance, but how was i supposed to know that there would be miles and miles of yearning? a slow burn in every sense. a slow burn friendship, a slow burn romance - each so lovingly crafted that it hurt me and made me want to pull my hair out. a slow burn that eventually grew into a full on blaze, so worth it every step of the way.
how was i supposed to know that a sports romance would have some of the best mental health rep I've ever seen? with some of the best and more accurate portrayals of therapy and how helpful and important it is. olly and benji's story really drives home the point that love doesn't magically fix things, but that unwavering support and understanding makes a person feel seen, heard, and valid which is so much more powerful. through the course of the story, olly (a new fave character! ready to protect him with my life!) works through so much trauma and its written in such a wonderfully human way - flawed, but trying.
season's change was a delight and a shocker, and i say this very affectionately. i'll be thinking of this one for a long time....more
THERE WERE NO UNNECESSARY MISUNDERSTANDINGS! OH JOY!
to be honest i just randomly picked this as another 2amjuly 2022 reread: new comfort smut methinks
THERE WERE NO UNNECESSARY MISUNDERSTANDINGS! OH JOY!
to be honest i just randomly picked this as another 2am-chronically-sleep-deprived read but i loved it? peak enemies to lovers. the sports gays have never let me down....more
october 2023 reread: FUCK TAAM ALL MY HOMIES HATE TAAM
“i have nothing to be ashamed of. i might be easy to manipulate. but i am very difficult to b
october 2023 reread: FUCK TAAM ALL MY HOMIES HATE TAAM
“i have nothing to be ashamed of. i might be easy to manipulate. but i am very difficult to break.”
so i guess winter’s orbit has officially converted me into a sci-fi person huh.
after prince taam dies, his widow, count jainan, is forced into an arranged marriage with prince kiem to maintain a delicate inter-galaxy alliance. circumstances aren’t ideal for both men, but when jainan is implicated in prince taam's death, they begin to work together, learn to heal and trust each other, solve the mystery, and prevent interplanetary war.
world building in sci-fi can be tremendous and when its combined with politics, my two brain cells quake. this one was manageable though and the political intrigue was enough to keep me hooked. if you asked, i could probably vaguely explain the world building to you, just not verbally simply because i cannot pronounce most names (e.g. hren halesar. me: hen racecar). it’s a soft space opera but beyond that, it shines as a character study and i am but a hoe for characters.
my love for kiem was immediate. the wayward, scandal-magnet prince. an absolute himbo, a golden retriever, gently optimistic as he tries to be good to jainan, to make up for past mistakes. so genuine and eager to right the wrongs of those before him.
the most painful sections of the story belong to jainan. he appears detached and austere, but from the start your heart aches for him. and as you discover more about the secrets that plague him, that ache grows and so does the desire to create a gofundme so you can pay ms everina maxwell to write you into the book to give jainan a hug.
and then the yearning! pining in the arranged marriage trope just hits different! the navigation between “oh heck i’ve truly fallen for him” vs. “oh no surely he feels bound by duty and doesn’t reciprocate my feelings” vs. “nah that act of tenderness doesn’t mean anything” but then the pov switches and the mutual yearning is so strong that it rattles your bones. its good stuff.
like yes! huddle together for warmth! offer to catch him but its an excuse to hold him close to your chest! touch your cheek in tender amazement and wonder after he gives you a peck on the cheek! you fools, now kiss!
kiem and jainan have jagged edges that fit together perfectly. how kiem fell in love with jainan and was always kind and gentle, never overstepping and respecting his past bruises, the way they grew to see the good in each other that they were blind to seeing in themselves.
one might even say this story was…out of this world.
whenever I think I'm a dumbass, I remind myself that Cooper "he buys vitamins and is constantly concerned for my well-being and would do anything and whenever I think I'm a dumbass, I remind myself that Cooper "he buys vitamins and is constantly concerned for my well-being and would do anything and everything for me but hmm i'm not sure if he loves me" Dayton exists and I feel significantly better....more
friends to lovers never had a bad track. “practice kissing” SLAPS. “friendship cuddles while secretly dying inside” BANGER. “teasing each other and hofriends to lovers never had a bad track. “practice kissing” SLAPS. “friendship cuddles while secretly dying inside” BANGER. “teasing each other and holding eye contact for a little too long” KILLS ME. and don’t even get me STARTED on “why can’t i stop thinking of you when i’m with someone else.”
“he’s more than my best friend - he’s my compass on this journey toward being the version of myself i want to be. all of this is less terrifying when he’s by my side.”
isaac and diego have been best friends since forever. fresh off graduation, isaac grapples with going to college soon, a future where diego won’t be by his side. knowing their time together is limited, he concocts a plan for their summer - tickets to a comic convention. however, an unexpected run-in with his old crush davi leaves him two tickets short of a perfect summer. as isaac and davi grow closer, diego grows distant.
there’s something about books set around graduation that just hit differently. there’s the bittersweetness, the nostalgia, the feeling of teetering on the cusp of something new - exciting and yet terrifying. the realisation that time is not endless. the uncertainty of heading down a new path - at times alone - only to turn back and realise that you’ll still have each other’s backs even if from a distance.
it’s also just. so refreshing seeing fandoms being portrayed so joyously !! i grew up in many fandoms, incorporated them into my personality, found myself in those communities, but also sometimes felt really weird about it - what’s it like to consume a piece of media normally & not hyperfixate? what’s it like to be chill about your interests?
this book shows you how delightful fandoms can be; how the friends you first know through shared passions help you grow into who you are, how these can be the friends who let you in, let you just /be/, and love you for that. and that is good. that fandoms are built on such creative minds, fanartists and fanfic writers. how so much of that shared passion overlaps with how life changing it is to finally see yourself in media.
and when the world says no, you say “then i'll do it”. ...more
(written for my top 10 books of 2021 countdown on bookstagram where it's ranked at #4)
series closers always frighten me. thinking back to when the rav(written for my top 10 books of 2021 countdown on bookstagram where it's ranked at #4)
series closers always frighten me. thinking back to when the raven cycle ended and i cried on and off for a week (still do now), and how i’m still actively procrastinating reading bronzed beasts and cry wolf. stepping into the unknown is scary. its tough to say goodbye to a place where you’ve built a home for your heart, isn’t it?
i expected the same from the closing of the simon snow series and of course it hurt. not to be Dramatic but snowbaz is my life source, the chicken soup for my soul. but beyond that, i was left with an overwhelming sense of love and warmth.
we started with an ending and now we end with a beginning. of new hopes and possibilities. more adventures, more tears, more banter, more communication (finally some good! fuckin! food!). we started with a book about magic and ended with a book about people. so to sum up awtwb with one word - perfect.
the series might be over, but we carry simon, baz, and the watford gang with us, in part because of how well so many of us /know/ them. we saw them through their journey, we know that they’ll be alright after waving goodbye. and so will we.
hey simon, hey baz, i had the time of my life falling in love with you.
also there's a line i removed from my original review because i exceeded the word limit by leaps and bounds, so i will say this now: awtwb is basically a book about kink negotiation in this essay i–
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dec 2021 reread: yes this is my third time rereading don't worry about it
“is this what people do? get as close as they can and then push closer? burn each other’s faces into their eyelids? let each other into every gap? and then what? then just tomorrow, and more?”
its been over a month since i read any way the wind blows and i still don’t quite know where to begin. but let’s try with 2015.
in 2015, i first read carry on and fell in love with simon and baz. young cel built a home in those pages. a constant reread with my comfort characters living within, i loved them so much i would have hung the moon and stars for them.
and then wayward son came along. a book that i didn’t expect would happen. didn’t quite dare to dream of. but it did and i ended up having a weird relationship with it. i loved it and its exploration of trauma, it made me feel seen and i cried reading parts of it. but god i have wayward son ptsd and never reread it since because of how much it felt like a knife to the heart. too beautiful, too real.
(mild awtwb spoilers from here on but mostly feelings!!)
any way the wind blows feels like an ending because technically, it is. i, like many of us, am usually weary of change, of what comes next, of leaving a place or a book that i’ve grown to be comfortable with and stepping into the unknown.
there were chapters that broke me, and then held me and put me back together. i cried very hard through most of it. its very character driven, so there was lots of talking about their feelings. like actual talking which is one of my favorite things. the love. the longing. the aching. how it starts at the ending but they’ve been there all along.
so many lines live rent free in my head now. *chefs kiss* delicious. so many lines that I just had to pause to process, to sit with my feelings for a while. how real they sounded, how tender it was.
all the little callbacks to the previous books, i think they hit the hardest for me. so did the revisiting of watford - a place that very much belongs to simon and baz, where their story first began. in some ways, awtwb felt like a love story to carry on.
circling back, i was scared to say goodbye to the watford gang. but what i now know is it it also feels like a beginning with new hopes and possibilities. more adventures, more tears, more joy, and i think we’re going to be alright.
6 years later, as any way the wind blows closes out the simon snow trilogy, i feel like simon and baz hung the moon and stars for me. and i thank them for it.
"this is what people do. they get close and try to stay there. they stay."
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rtc if i ever stop crying over this which is probably never
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*pre-read thoughts*
this book isn't even out yet and its already emotionally damaging me...more
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