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The Darkness Outside Us #1
The Darkness Outside Us
Two boys, alone in space.
After the first settler on Titan trips her distress signal, neither remaining country on Earth can afford to scramble a rescue of its own, and so two sworn enemies are installed in the same spaceship.
Ambrose wakes up on the Coordinated Endeavor, with no memory of a launch. There’s more that doesn’t add up: Evidence indicates strangers have been on board, the ship’s operating system is voiced by his mother, and his handsome, brooding shipmate has barricaded himself away. But nothing will stop Ambrose from making his mission succeed—not when he’s rescuing his own sister.
In order to survive the ship’s secrets, Ambrose and Kodiak will need to work together and learn to trust one another… especially once they discover what they are truly up against. Love might be the only way to survive.
After the first settler on Titan trips her distress signal, neither remaining country on Earth can afford to scramble a rescue of its own, and so two sworn enemies are installed in the same spaceship.
Ambrose wakes up on the Coordinated Endeavor, with no memory of a launch. There’s more that doesn’t add up: Evidence indicates strangers have been on board, the ship’s operating system is voiced by his mother, and his handsome, brooding shipmate has barricaded himself away. But nothing will stop Ambrose from making his mission succeed—not when he’s rescuing his own sister.
In order to survive the ship’s secrets, Ambrose and Kodiak will need to work together and learn to trust one another… especially once they discover what they are truly up against. Love might be the only way to survive.
397 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2021
About the author
Eliot Schrefer
38 books1,337 followersELIOT SCHREFER is a New York Times-bestselling author, and has twice been a finalist for the National Book Award. In naming him an Editor’s Choice, the New York Times has called his work “dazzling… big-hearted.” He is also the author of two novels for adults and four other novels for children and young adults. His books have been named to the NPR “best of the year” list, the ALA best fiction list for young adults, and the Chicago Public Library’s “Best of the Best.” His work has also been selected to the Amelia Bloomer List, recognizing best feminist books for young readers, and he has been a finalist for the Walden Award and won the Green Earth Book Award and Sigurd Olson Nature Writing Award. He lives in New York City, where he reviews books for USAToday.
Also: I love marshmallows and early twentieth century fiction. And apes.
Also: I love marshmallows and early twentieth century fiction. And apes.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 5,557 reviews
March 23, 2021
Holy crap was this book mismarketed.
Based on the cover and the description, I assumed this was going to be some kind of YA finnpoe/stucky ripoff space romance. I'm not going to talk too much about the plot because it's worth reading with as little upfront info as possible, but believe me when I say the romance is basically the least important aspect of this book.
This is a twisty survival drama, a harrowing story about life and death and the meaning of humanity, and it is to its detriment that it was sold as YA. I could see this book getting traction among adult sci-fi audiences and I hope it finds those folks, but it has no relationship to YA except for the fact that the protagonists are, for no real reason, 17. We're past the historical moment (aka until like 2015) when all genre fiction had to be YA or face immediate oblivion. I wish Tor.com or literally anyone in the funky-yet-mainstream speculative fiction space had picked this up, because that would have been a better home for it. I was really affected by this book and I've been telling people to read it, but I'm absolutely mystified by the marketing and the choices made around it.
Based on the cover and the description, I assumed this was going to be some kind of YA finnpoe/stucky ripoff space romance. I'm not going to talk too much about the plot because it's worth reading with as little upfront info as possible, but believe me when I say the romance is basically the least important aspect of this book.
This is a twisty survival drama, a harrowing story about life and death and the meaning of humanity, and it is to its detriment that it was sold as YA. I could see this book getting traction among adult sci-fi audiences and I hope it finds those folks, but it has no relationship to YA except for the fact that the protagonists are, for no real reason, 17. We're past the historical moment (aka until like 2015) when all genre fiction had to be YA or face immediate oblivion. I wish Tor.com or literally anyone in the funky-yet-mainstream speculative fiction space had picked this up, because that would have been a better home for it. I was really affected by this book and I've been telling people to read it, but I'm absolutely mystified by the marketing and the choices made around it.
September 30, 2024
4.5
there is so much to unpack here.... truly a crime that this book seems to be marketed as cutesy space romcom with gays bc this was bonkers. it made me paranoid at 3 in the morning!!!
there is so much to unpack here.... truly a crime that this book seems to be marketed as cutesy space romcom with gays bc this was bonkers. it made me paranoid at 3 in the morning!!!
June 14, 2021
The Darkness Outside Us was the most breathtaking sci-fi I’ve read all year. An unexpectedly introspective tale balancing humour and unimaginable grief—pain with great payoff. The protagonists—Ambrose and Kodiak—stole my heart from the get-go with their affable banter; this was an experience beyond words (and one I’d kill to see adapted into a movie!)
~★~ What is this book about? ~★~
Minerva Cusk was the first human sent out to colonize Saturn’s moon, Titan. When she sends out a distress signal, her brother Ambrose is the astronaut chosen to rescue her.
Soon after, Ambrose wakes from a coma on a sentient ship, with no memory of the launch. He thought he was alone on this mission, but AI tells him there is another person onboard—a man by the name of Kodiak, who is strangely opposed to unlocking his half of the ship for company. It soon becomes clear that if either astronaut hopes to survive, they must put their differences aside and work together to uncover the dark secrets behind their mission.
────── {⋆★⋆} ──────
Two men from warring countries isolated together in space... that sounded like an incredible premise—one I was beyond eager to read about. Ambrose was the perfect protagonist to narrate this book, with a wonderful sense of humour that cushioned the severity the plot. I loved experiencing his massive heart slowly chipping away at Kodiak’s closed-off demeanor. Their romance sprinkled throughout the story made my heart melt; Ambrose and Kodiak’s circumstances of true loneliness only served to amplify how much they cared for each other. I wanted to give them both a big hug.
The Darkness Outside Us is comprised of numerous awe-inducing moments. Testament to the great writing, I could picture almost everything in vivid detail; several action sequences took my breath away due to the characters’ raw emotions, as well as the shocking plot twists. I cried on several occasions because of how much Ambrose and Kodiak went through; their journey will have readers pondering important questions drawn back to our reality. The impact this story had on me is immeasurable!
Science fiction has always been my favourite genre (space operas in particular). That being said, there was something about the way Eliot Schrefer established the sense of complete isolation in space that I kept marvelling at. It was so easy to resonate with Ambrose’s feelings of loneliness, fear, and awe while he gazed at the vast nothingness beyond his spacecraft’s windows. There were times I paused in astonishment as I imagined being with the characters, in the centre of endless stars and galaxies.
This is (somehow?) marketed as a YA romance. In my opinion, it is not YA, nor is it centrally a romance. I know The Darkness Outside Us would be tremendously well-received in the adult sci-fi community, so I pray it finds the right readers! This is a fairly new book, and one I hope becomes popular. If the synopsis sounds even remotely interesting to you, I implore you to give this a chance; my review doesn’t do it justice, but I’m almost certain you’ll enjoy it!
~★~ What is this book about? ~★~
Minerva Cusk was the first human sent out to colonize Saturn’s moon, Titan. When she sends out a distress signal, her brother Ambrose is the astronaut chosen to rescue her.
Soon after, Ambrose wakes from a coma on a sentient ship, with no memory of the launch. He thought he was alone on this mission, but AI tells him there is another person onboard—a man by the name of Kodiak, who is strangely opposed to unlocking his half of the ship for company. It soon becomes clear that if either astronaut hopes to survive, they must put their differences aside and work together to uncover the dark secrets behind their mission.
────── {⋆★⋆} ──────
Two men from warring countries isolated together in space... that sounded like an incredible premise—one I was beyond eager to read about. Ambrose was the perfect protagonist to narrate this book, with a wonderful sense of humour that cushioned the severity the plot. I loved experiencing his massive heart slowly chipping away at Kodiak’s closed-off demeanor. Their romance sprinkled throughout the story made my heart melt; Ambrose and Kodiak’s circumstances of true loneliness only served to amplify how much they cared for each other. I wanted to give them both a big hug.
The Darkness Outside Us is comprised of numerous awe-inducing moments. Testament to the great writing, I could picture almost everything in vivid detail; several action sequences took my breath away due to the characters’ raw emotions, as well as the shocking plot twists. I cried on several occasions because of how much Ambrose and Kodiak went through; their journey will have readers pondering important questions drawn back to our reality. The impact this story had on me is immeasurable!
Science fiction has always been my favourite genre (space operas in particular). That being said, there was something about the way Eliot Schrefer established the sense of complete isolation in space that I kept marvelling at. It was so easy to resonate with Ambrose’s feelings of loneliness, fear, and awe while he gazed at the vast nothingness beyond his spacecraft’s windows. There were times I paused in astonishment as I imagined being with the characters, in the centre of endless stars and galaxies.
This is (somehow?) marketed as a YA romance. In my opinion, it is not YA, nor is it centrally a romance. I know The Darkness Outside Us would be tremendously well-received in the adult sci-fi community, so I pray it finds the right readers! This is a fairly new book, and one I hope becomes popular. If the synopsis sounds even remotely interesting to you, I implore you to give this a chance; my review doesn’t do it justice, but I’m almost certain you’ll enjoy it!
August 3, 2023
This book has no buisness being this good.
Based on the reviews I expected something destroyingly sad, but what I got was a twisted mystery thriller thing. In space! It was still sad, yes, but I was too busy focusing on not letting my mind blown to let more than a few tears free. There were tears, don't get me wrong, but after every depressing scene the plot picked up and I was in awe of the roller-coaster this book put me through.
Read it in one sitting.
Based on the reviews I expected something destroyingly sad, but what I got was a twisted mystery thriller thing. In space! It was still sad, yes, but I was too busy focusing on not letting my mind blown to let more than a few tears free. There were tears, don't get me wrong, but after every depressing scene the plot picked up and I was in awe of the roller-coaster this book put me through.
Read it in one sitting.
October 31, 2022
OMG, I am writing a review with shaking fingers.
What an incredibly, incredibly awesome book!!
Safe to say, it is clearly my favorite read this year by far. It's an incredibly powerful and epic story. You have to read it before it gets turned into a Netflix sci fi drama (with actors who just won't do Ambrose and Kodiak justice).
Are there flaws? Yes, I believe that there are some flaws in the logic of things. But the biggest flaw gets resolved on the very last page, so it left me a happy reader.
Just as an early warning: I'm going to add two layers of spoilers in this review. One for interested readers who want to know more than my ambiguous summary of the plot. And the second one for those who already read the book and who want to discuss it with all things out in the open.
But first things first - and I'm beyond excited to write this review, as you can tell.
Here's what we know:
Earth in the distant future, something like the 2400s: Mankind has seen lots of wars and conflicts (don't we know it), and the result of all of them left two big entities in charge. They're not really countries, more like combinations of economic regions not clearly separated by borders:
Federation and Dimokratia (and with today's real world political conflicts in mind: bad tongues would compare them to the US and Russia).
Additionally, there is a multinational corporation that seems to have incredible power on Earth: The Cusk Corporation.
Minerva Cusk, the daughter of the wealthy Cusk family - citizens of Federation, by the way - is in fact the first person to navigate a space vessel to Titan, one of Saturn's moons, intending to establish mankind's first settlement in outer space.
But something goes wrong and Minerva needs a rescue mission.
Her younger brother Ambrose Cusk is assigned the delicate task. On board of the space vessel Endeavor, he is on his way to save his sister. It's through his eyes at this point in time that we enter the story.
The thing is.... he has blank spaces in his memory. He cannot remember his launch and funny enough, he realizes that he isn't alone on the Endeavor - a fact that he wasn't told about when he prepared for the mission. Apparently, Dimokratia also sent a spacefarer to join the mission: Kodiak Celius.
And boy, don't you just love the names in this story <3
Ambrose and Kodiak are complete opposites. Ambrose is a spoiled highly skilled programmer with a taste for androgynous...twinks (for a lack of a better word to fit the 25th century). Kodiak, however, is a soldier and engineer who spends his free time training his body and brooding over the Dimokratia propaganda he was brought up with.
Now, though, they are stuck in a space ship together on a long term mission...set out to find - and ideally rescue - the famous Minerva Cusk.
They spend their time doing all sorts of maintenance work on the ship that the ship's OS (operating system) is asking them to.
And then they discover a few....irregularities.
Spoiler for readers who want to know more but don't want the full on truth:
This is such an unbelievably powerful story. Each page reveals puzzle pieces that lead to a secret much scarier and darker than anything I would have imagined.
Forget Sigourney Weaver chasing alien monsters in space. This plot is much darker and scarier than that.
But this book isn't only impressive regarding the well constructed plot. It also conveys important philosophical aspects, successfully applying Plato's famous allegory of the cave to Ambrose and Kodiak's unique situation.
The next spoiler fully explains what's going on, please do not read it unless you read the book and want to discuss the outcome in detail:
.
.
.
.
I had such an intense and philosophically rich experience reading this book, I cannot even begin to recommend this one enough.
You really have to read this and get to know Ambrose and Kodiak, two absolutely unique characters who need to play a role much larger than they signed up for.
As mentioned earlier, this is by far my favorite read this year, even though it doesn't have any type of detailed intimate scenes (I'm usually a reader of mm romance), and even the romance is up for a detailed discussion. Would Ambrose and Kodiak have been a natural match if they met on Earth? Most likely not. And yet they became a love story that transcends time and space.
This book is truly bringing high quality science fiction content to the MM genre and is a must read for all MM fans.
Please do give it a chance, even if you're not a fan of sci fi.
5 stars and on my list of favorite reads in 2022, as well as for my list of all time favorites!
What an incredibly, incredibly awesome book!!
Safe to say, it is clearly my favorite read this year by far. It's an incredibly powerful and epic story. You have to read it before it gets turned into a Netflix sci fi drama (with actors who just won't do Ambrose and Kodiak justice).
Are there flaws? Yes, I believe that there are some flaws in the logic of things. But the biggest flaw gets resolved on the very last page, so it left me a happy reader.
Just as an early warning: I'm going to add two layers of spoilers in this review. One for interested readers who want to know more than my ambiguous summary of the plot. And the second one for those who already read the book and who want to discuss it with all things out in the open.
But first things first - and I'm beyond excited to write this review, as you can tell.
Here's what we know:
Earth in the distant future, something like the 2400s: Mankind has seen lots of wars and conflicts (don't we know it), and the result of all of them left two big entities in charge. They're not really countries, more like combinations of economic regions not clearly separated by borders:
Federation and Dimokratia (and with today's real world political conflicts in mind: bad tongues would compare them to the US and Russia).
Additionally, there is a multinational corporation that seems to have incredible power on Earth: The Cusk Corporation.
Minerva Cusk, the daughter of the wealthy Cusk family - citizens of Federation, by the way - is in fact the first person to navigate a space vessel to Titan, one of Saturn's moons, intending to establish mankind's first settlement in outer space.
But something goes wrong and Minerva needs a rescue mission.
Her younger brother Ambrose Cusk is assigned the delicate task. On board of the space vessel Endeavor, he is on his way to save his sister. It's through his eyes at this point in time that we enter the story.
The thing is.... he has blank spaces in his memory. He cannot remember his launch and funny enough, he realizes that he isn't alone on the Endeavor - a fact that he wasn't told about when he prepared for the mission. Apparently, Dimokratia also sent a spacefarer to join the mission: Kodiak Celius.
And boy, don't you just love the names in this story <3
Ambrose and Kodiak are complete opposites. Ambrose is a spoiled highly skilled programmer with a taste for androgynous...twinks (for a lack of a better word to fit the 25th century). Kodiak, however, is a soldier and engineer who spends his free time training his body and brooding over the Dimokratia propaganda he was brought up with.
Now, though, they are stuck in a space ship together on a long term mission...set out to find - and ideally rescue - the famous Minerva Cusk.
They spend their time doing all sorts of maintenance work on the ship that the ship's OS (operating system) is asking them to.
And then they discover a few....irregularities.
Spoiler for readers who want to know more but don't want the full on truth:
This is such an unbelievably powerful story. Each page reveals puzzle pieces that lead to a secret much scarier and darker than anything I would have imagined.
Forget Sigourney Weaver chasing alien monsters in space. This plot is much darker and scarier than that.
But this book isn't only impressive regarding the well constructed plot. It also conveys important philosophical aspects, successfully applying Plato's famous allegory of the cave to Ambrose and Kodiak's unique situation.
The next spoiler fully explains what's going on, please do not read it unless you read the book and want to discuss the outcome in detail:
.
.
.
.
I had such an intense and philosophically rich experience reading this book, I cannot even begin to recommend this one enough.
You really have to read this and get to know Ambrose and Kodiak, two absolutely unique characters who need to play a role much larger than they signed up for.
As mentioned earlier, this is by far my favorite read this year, even though it doesn't have any type of detailed intimate scenes (I'm usually a reader of mm romance), and even the romance is up for a detailed discussion. Would Ambrose and Kodiak have been a natural match if they met on Earth? Most likely not. And yet they became a love story that transcends time and space.
This book is truly bringing high quality science fiction content to the MM genre and is a must read for all MM fans.
Please do give it a chance, even if you're not a fan of sci fi.
5 stars and on my list of favorite reads in 2022, as well as for my list of all time favorites!
June 16, 2021
This was so good and so much more than it's been marketed as. Sure this has a romance, but it is such an engaging, dangerous, and intriguing story about two boys in space who have to figure out how to survive together. I could not put this book down and I was freaking out with every turn of the page. I didn't know what was going on or how they were going to survive by the end. The romance was adorable and I really loved how it progressed throughout the story. I really can't say much else without spoiling a lot of the book, so I'll just leave it at that. If you're a fan of the Illuminae Files, I would highly recommend picking this up!
May 28, 2024
OMG what a wild ride!! And you were all so right! All those friends who told me time and again that I should read this book, that I would love this book, that it was a must-read. Thank you all so much for pushing me into reading this gem. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
A Complicated Love Story Set in Space meets Konstance’s story in Cloud Cuckoo Land. The Darkness Outside Us is thrilling, insane, heartbreaking at times, ingenious, and just my kind of book. I was afraid to start, though. I stared at the cover for a long time, my hands trembling, because what if I wouldn’t like it? But the moment I started reading, I moved to the edge of my seat and wanted to read on and on and on. I loved Ambrose and Kodiak, two boys all alone up there in space, and I gasped, and I screamed, and I cried, and sometimes I had to recover from all those shocking plot twists. Don’t let this book fool you because it’s harsh at times. But it’s also a story about living, about friendship, about intimacy, about trust, and eventually about love.
TDOU is splendidly written and a full five-star read, although I think this should not have been marketed as a YA book. In my opinion, the story would have been even better if those two boys had been two twenty-somethings. But who cares? Because I already added this book to my 2022 most memorable reads shelf!
And if you haven’t read it yet, I urge you to pick it up! It’s worth it, I promise!!!
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A Complicated Love Story Set in Space meets Konstance’s story in Cloud Cuckoo Land. The Darkness Outside Us is thrilling, insane, heartbreaking at times, ingenious, and just my kind of book. I was afraid to start, though. I stared at the cover for a long time, my hands trembling, because what if I wouldn’t like it? But the moment I started reading, I moved to the edge of my seat and wanted to read on and on and on. I loved Ambrose and Kodiak, two boys all alone up there in space, and I gasped, and I screamed, and I cried, and sometimes I had to recover from all those shocking plot twists. Don’t let this book fool you because it’s harsh at times. But it’s also a story about living, about friendship, about intimacy, about trust, and eventually about love.
TDOU is splendidly written and a full five-star read, although I think this should not have been marketed as a YA book. In my opinion, the story would have been even better if those two boys had been two twenty-somethings. But who cares? Because I already added this book to my 2022 most memorable reads shelf!
And if you haven’t read it yet, I urge you to pick it up! It’s worth it, I promise!!!
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October 27, 2022
This is in the top five books I’ve read this year, easily. Fortunately I was swayed by the YA romance cover, otherwise I likely wouldn’t have picked it up.
Because this is absolutely not a YA romance. It’s significantly closer to horror. With every arc of this story, I spent my time wondering, adjusting, mourning, and repeating the process. I was devastated often. Then relieved, then devastated again.
This book must have been so lofty to write, I really admire the author and the time and care he must have put into it. Sometimes I read a book and think, “god, I could have written this. I SHOULD have written this, it’s so close to how I write.” I couldn’t be further from that line of thinking with this one. It’s so much smarter than me, I could absolutely never have written this book.
All of that said, there is a romance in this book, and I fell in love with Kodiak and Ambrose as they fell in love with each other.
Because this is absolutely not a YA romance. It’s significantly closer to horror. With every arc of this story, I spent my time wondering, adjusting, mourning, and repeating the process. I was devastated often. Then relieved, then devastated again.
This book must have been so lofty to write, I really admire the author and the time and care he must have put into it. Sometimes I read a book and think, “god, I could have written this. I SHOULD have written this, it’s so close to how I write.” I couldn’t be further from that line of thinking with this one. It’s so much smarter than me, I could absolutely never have written this book.
All of that said, there is a romance in this book, and I fell in love with Kodiak and Ambrose as they fell in love with each other.
August 5, 2022
"Plenty of organisms live for a season, in order for those who come next to have a chance, Mayflies, daffodils, the octopus. We can accept that?"
"Well, we're hardwired not to accept our own demise. Daffodils are a lot more chill about it."
"Okay, but we can be like daffodils together."
in case anyone's wondering, gays n mysteries in space might be one of my new favorite tropes.
as for this book, i probably enjoyed the execution more than i did the story itself, and i definitely didn't expect it to be so...heavy, but i enjoyed it and now i'm considering asking Boyfriend for a tiny personal rover for my birthday.
i found the plot to be a bit slow and there were plotholes here and there that made zero sense, but it was overall an okay and cute read.
btw i never thought i'd see the day where i'd find myself not enjoying a book too much because of its evident YA-ness, but here i am.
August 15, 2023
3.75⭐️ i'm feeling too lazy to write a proper review but this book was good, cute, funny, shocking and set in space in year 2472 💥
June 29, 2024
2022 reread: "cel why are you doing this again?"
well firstly, i like to suffer
___
(original review)
oh boy how do i talk about this book without spoiling it but i will try!
we first meet ambrose as he awakens on the coordinated endeavor, a spaceship on course to saturn’s moon - titan - where his sister awaits his rescue. he has no recollection of the spaceship’s launch, however, and he soon learns from the ship’s operating system that there’s someone else on board with him - kodiak, a spacefarer from a rival country. things aren’t at all as they seem, though.
so i don’t read a lot of sci-fi. i enjoy it but with the world building and complicated words that sound like static in my head, i don’t often have the cognitive capacity for it. but every once in a while, a book like the darkness outside us comes along, demands to be read, and leaves you feeling a little bit empty, a little bit weird, and very contemplative.
this was the most breaktaking sci-fi book i’ve read. it’s introspective, thrilling, and very queer. it’s about love that perseveres in spite of true loneliness. that transcends space and time through desperation and unimaginable grief. that remains tender, even when when circumstances threaten to make you harsh.
but beyond that, it’s an exploration of the expanse of the human heart, the human experience, and all it’s capable of. it asks you: what does it mean to live? to love? (clearly not laugh bc i did a lot of crying in this one) what does it mean to exist?
are you alive?
i love stories that make me think about what it means to be human. to *feel* human. when everything is stripped down to its bare bones - just two people and an infinite nothingness, what is connection? what is intimacy? is there a reason for anything at all?
and by now you might have accurately guessed that this book might trigger an existential crisis. it did for me. it put me in the fetal position and i had to take a nap after finishing this book. it also gave me intense emotional whiplash - from laughing one moment, to full on sobbing, to feeling strange and staring at the ceiling. i love that for me.
all that to say - *clenches fist* i’m pretty sure this is one of my fave reads of the year.
circling back, it’s difficult to talk about this book without spoiling it, and its best experienced blind so I will stop here. i’ll leave it for you to discover if you do read this book. i hope you do.
the space gays are really out here delivering.
___
(top 10 books of 2021 countdown: #1)
(written for my top 10 books of 2021 countdown on bookstagram where the darkness outside us is ranked at #1)
at the end of each year, i rank my top 10 books. for weeks, i struggled with the list. where should this book go? shall i bump that book up a rank? but one thing i had no question about, knew right from the start: the darkness outside us is my favorite book of 2021.
how do i talk about a book that has obliterated my capacity for language?
for months after finishing tdou, i searched for words to convey the extent of my love for it, to do justice to how deeply kodiak and ambrose have burrowed into my heart. how i did not anticipate for this book to impact me so deeply but not a day goes by where i don’t think about it. and yet, only elevator music.
i’ve talked about how sci-fi scares me. world building threatens my two brain cells. so if you think about it, tdou should not be my top book.
but it is.
to describe this book in a word: breathtaking.
breathtaking how perfectly eliot schrefer has crafted this book. just two boys on a spaceship with a deep sense of unease - a seemingly simple plot that ends up being so heartbreakingly thrilling. both epic & intimate; speculative & achingly familiar.
breathtaking in its exploration of the expanse of the human experience. are you alive? what is living? how vast the universe is that nowhere is truly empty and yet how much fight we have even when surrounded by darkness. fucking extraordinary.
also, the expanse of the human heart. the story of kodiak and ambrose is one that is so deeply ingrained in my head and heart. how this is a sci-fi story but they are the brightly burning star at its core. so much happens because of this love that spans space and time, that holds on so tightly, that says “we will find each other again and again”.
how the human heart perseveres in spite of true loneliness, desperation, unimaginable grief, and has the capacity to remain tender even in the harshest circumstances.
and also quite literally. breathtaking. so often i would be mid-sentence, going about my silly little life, and then kodiak and ambrose would pop into my head asking whether i am truly alive and then “oh no i can’t breathe i must lie down”
the darkness outside us was a monumental part of my year (shoutout to the week long existential crisis!). it is bonkers and fucking anguish, but also incredibly hopeful and beautiful. i didn’t even know i was looking for it, but now its my everything.
___
*post-book thoughts*
i must lie down and have an existential crisis now thanks
well firstly, i like to suffer
___
(original review)
oh boy how do i talk about this book without spoiling it but i will try!
we first meet ambrose as he awakens on the coordinated endeavor, a spaceship on course to saturn’s moon - titan - where his sister awaits his rescue. he has no recollection of the spaceship’s launch, however, and he soon learns from the ship’s operating system that there’s someone else on board with him - kodiak, a spacefarer from a rival country. things aren’t at all as they seem, though.
so i don’t read a lot of sci-fi. i enjoy it but with the world building and complicated words that sound like static in my head, i don’t often have the cognitive capacity for it. but every once in a while, a book like the darkness outside us comes along, demands to be read, and leaves you feeling a little bit empty, a little bit weird, and very contemplative.
this was the most breaktaking sci-fi book i’ve read. it’s introspective, thrilling, and very queer. it’s about love that perseveres in spite of true loneliness. that transcends space and time through desperation and unimaginable grief. that remains tender, even when when circumstances threaten to make you harsh.
but beyond that, it’s an exploration of the expanse of the human heart, the human experience, and all it’s capable of. it asks you: what does it mean to live? to love? (clearly not laugh bc i did a lot of crying in this one) what does it mean to exist?
are you alive?
i love stories that make me think about what it means to be human. to *feel* human. when everything is stripped down to its bare bones - just two people and an infinite nothingness, what is connection? what is intimacy? is there a reason for anything at all?
and by now you might have accurately guessed that this book might trigger an existential crisis. it did for me. it put me in the fetal position and i had to take a nap after finishing this book. it also gave me intense emotional whiplash - from laughing one moment, to full on sobbing, to feeling strange and staring at the ceiling. i love that for me.
all that to say - *clenches fist* i’m pretty sure this is one of my fave reads of the year.
circling back, it’s difficult to talk about this book without spoiling it, and its best experienced blind so I will stop here. i’ll leave it for you to discover if you do read this book. i hope you do.
the space gays are really out here delivering.
___
(top 10 books of 2021 countdown: #1)
“the feeling has been there the whole time in the darkness, like a pilot light that’s always been flickering inside me: i will fight to live.”
(written for my top 10 books of 2021 countdown on bookstagram where the darkness outside us is ranked at #1)
at the end of each year, i rank my top 10 books. for weeks, i struggled with the list. where should this book go? shall i bump that book up a rank? but one thing i had no question about, knew right from the start: the darkness outside us is my favorite book of 2021.
how do i talk about a book that has obliterated my capacity for language?
for months after finishing tdou, i searched for words to convey the extent of my love for it, to do justice to how deeply kodiak and ambrose have burrowed into my heart. how i did not anticipate for this book to impact me so deeply but not a day goes by where i don’t think about it. and yet, only elevator music.
i’ve talked about how sci-fi scares me. world building threatens my two brain cells. so if you think about it, tdou should not be my top book.
but it is.
to describe this book in a word: breathtaking.
breathtaking how perfectly eliot schrefer has crafted this book. just two boys on a spaceship with a deep sense of unease - a seemingly simple plot that ends up being so heartbreakingly thrilling. both epic & intimate; speculative & achingly familiar.
breathtaking in its exploration of the expanse of the human experience. are you alive? what is living? how vast the universe is that nowhere is truly empty and yet how much fight we have even when surrounded by darkness. fucking extraordinary.
also, the expanse of the human heart. the story of kodiak and ambrose is one that is so deeply ingrained in my head and heart. how this is a sci-fi story but they are the brightly burning star at its core. so much happens because of this love that spans space and time, that holds on so tightly, that says “we will find each other again and again”.
how the human heart perseveres in spite of true loneliness, desperation, unimaginable grief, and has the capacity to remain tender even in the harshest circumstances.
and also quite literally. breathtaking. so often i would be mid-sentence, going about my silly little life, and then kodiak and ambrose would pop into my head asking whether i am truly alive and then “oh no i can’t breathe i must lie down”
the darkness outside us was a monumental part of my year (shoutout to the week long existential crisis!). it is bonkers and fucking anguish, but also incredibly hopeful and beautiful. i didn’t even know i was looking for it, but now its my everything.
___
*post-book thoughts*
i must lie down and have an existential crisis now thanks
Shelved as 'dnf'
October 18, 2023DNF 21%
This kid acts like a ten year old in a space suit instead of the heir to the space traveling/robotic science dynasty he belongs to.
This is 100% written for a juvenile audience new to SciFi, as the MC can't seem to go a page without whining about his ouchies...and his privilege...
There's mention of robots and solar flares so, you know... they're in space...
I really wanted to like this but there isn't enough in a hundred pages to warrant a journey with this human eye-roll inducer all the way to Titan, as he primarily mopes, re-skins his OS, and reminisces about his fam and "sweaty bodies" instead of tackling his mission duties ie. Spaceship maintenance that Chris Hadfield would insist is important for, you know, staying alive...in outer space... where there's no oxygen. His ship has an air leak. It was mentioned. Who fixed it? Doesn't matter. We get to read about him perving on the other astronaut who is along on this mission. That guy is actually focused on the mission so at least someone on that ship is acting the part... read: career astronaut.
Thank you to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
This kid acts like a ten year old in a space suit instead of the heir to the space traveling/robotic science dynasty he belongs to.
This is 100% written for a juvenile audience new to SciFi, as the MC can't seem to go a page without whining about his ouchies...and his privilege...
There's mention of robots and solar flares so, you know... they're in space...
I really wanted to like this but there isn't enough in a hundred pages to warrant a journey with this human eye-roll inducer all the way to Titan, as he primarily mopes, re-skins his OS, and reminisces about his fam and "sweaty bodies" instead of tackling his mission duties ie. Spaceship maintenance that Chris Hadfield would insist is important for, you know, staying alive...in outer space... where there's no oxygen. His ship has an air leak. It was mentioned. Who fixed it? Doesn't matter. We get to read about him perving on the other astronaut who is along on this mission. That guy is actually focused on the mission so at least someone on that ship is acting the part... read: career astronaut.
Thank you to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
February 3, 2022
“am i alive? are you?”
i find it hard to conjure words for what is definitely possibly going to be my favorite book of 2022. i don’t think i can find another book…. that makes me question everything, that makes me love, and feel afraid for everything i’ve grown close to. there’s so much i can’t say about this, there’s so much that is only for you to discover alone. but there’s also so much i want to say. this book is, as i like to call it, existentialism space gays. i don’t know how else to describe it. to quote my lovely friend cel about this book, “so often i’d would be mid-sentence, going about my silly little life, and then kodiak and ambrose would pop into my head asking whether i am truly alive and then ‘oh no i can’t breathe i must lie down’”. (she said it perfectly.)
this book was just so breathtaking. schrefer knew what he was writing, you can feel just the emotions and the pain and the angst in this story. reading about two boys on the brink of adulthood hurtling through space, surrounded by darkness and stars and a vastness impossible to comprehend. i can’t talk about who they are or their mission or their journey because it is absolutely necessary you know as little as possible. but i can say that there were chapters where i couldn’t read without putting the book down. holding it to my chest. looking up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and feeling my heart crack apart with the reality of this book. it’s so lonely, and in that loneliness we find beauty.
i was so scared, but in awe, because of the wild reality and lack of this book presented. ambrose and kodiak: they are soulmates. that may be the point of the book. i could write an entire essay on their connection to each other, on their love story, but i need you to know that this book is about two boys who are soulmates. no matter how… much they face together, the universe still wants them together. it’s not about the space, it’s about the emptyness of it. it’s not about the spaceship, it’s about the two boys inside. it questions what our purpose is, and loving each other is the ultimate purpose.
i need you to understand that this book will leave you in ruins. it will make you question life. it asks not just why we’re here, if we actually having meaning, but also what life is, and what defines life. what parameters we live in that give us value. i guess- in a way- it also questions how and why we love, and how we know anything to be true. by asking if we’re alive, schrefer questions truth, and belief, and why we believe in things: because we have no other choice. like how is this a young adult book this is so deep? there is so much meaning packed into this book and so much to unpack but just be prepared for a fun time that makes you feel very lonely and sad but also insanely joyous because, well, it’s a truly amazing book.
i hope this was somewhat comprehensible and didn’t scare you away. i hope you’ll read this? if you do i’d love for you to come into my dms and give me your live reactions. it’s a wild time out here.
content warnings: blood, violence, death (offpage and by action on page), depression, suicide, vomit
i find it hard to conjure words for what is definitely possibly going to be my favorite book of 2022. i don’t think i can find another book…. that makes me question everything, that makes me love, and feel afraid for everything i’ve grown close to. there’s so much i can’t say about this, there’s so much that is only for you to discover alone. but there’s also so much i want to say. this book is, as i like to call it, existentialism space gays. i don’t know how else to describe it. to quote my lovely friend cel about this book, “so often i’d would be mid-sentence, going about my silly little life, and then kodiak and ambrose would pop into my head asking whether i am truly alive and then ‘oh no i can’t breathe i must lie down’”. (she said it perfectly.)
this book was just so breathtaking. schrefer knew what he was writing, you can feel just the emotions and the pain and the angst in this story. reading about two boys on the brink of adulthood hurtling through space, surrounded by darkness and stars and a vastness impossible to comprehend. i can’t talk about who they are or their mission or their journey because it is absolutely necessary you know as little as possible. but i can say that there were chapters where i couldn’t read without putting the book down. holding it to my chest. looking up at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and feeling my heart crack apart with the reality of this book. it’s so lonely, and in that loneliness we find beauty.
i was so scared, but in awe, because of the wild reality and lack of this book presented. ambrose and kodiak: they are soulmates. that may be the point of the book. i could write an entire essay on their connection to each other, on their love story, but i need you to know that this book is about two boys who are soulmates. no matter how… much they face together, the universe still wants them together. it’s not about the space, it’s about the emptyness of it. it’s not about the spaceship, it’s about the two boys inside. it questions what our purpose is, and loving each other is the ultimate purpose.
i need you to understand that this book will leave you in ruins. it will make you question life. it asks not just why we’re here, if we actually having meaning, but also what life is, and what defines life. what parameters we live in that give us value. i guess- in a way- it also questions how and why we love, and how we know anything to be true. by asking if we’re alive, schrefer questions truth, and belief, and why we believe in things: because we have no other choice. like how is this a young adult book this is so deep? there is so much meaning packed into this book and so much to unpack but just be prepared for a fun time that makes you feel very lonely and sad but also insanely joyous because, well, it’s a truly amazing book.
i hope this was somewhat comprehensible and didn’t scare you away. i hope you’ll read this? if you do i’d love for you to come into my dms and give me your live reactions. it’s a wild time out here.
content warnings: blood, violence, death (offpage and by action on page), depression, suicide, vomit
![Profile Image for Kati *☆･ﾟ [a bit distracted atm].](https://cdn.statically.io/img/i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/users/1725834613i/144158876._UX200_CR0,0,200,200_.jpg)
October 6, 2024
4.75***** stars
Wow, what a crazy story that was. I loved it and I’m super excited that three years after its release there is a sequel on the horizon obv no one saw coming. Glad I’m late in the game with this one.
The audio was fantastic and I've listened to it until late into the night (or early morning) to finish it.
I read one of the popular reviews that stated that this book was totally mismarketed as a YA romance. And I wholeheartedly agree. The romance part, while beautiful with its falling in love with each other over and over again, was hardly the point of this story. Same with the boys being 17. There was no relevant aspect of them being that age that made this book YA. No coming of age, first love, struggles with being at the cusp of adulthood. They could’ve easily been literally any other age. What I’m saying is, this book could’ve been marketed for a wider audience to fall into the hands of many many more readers who would’ve loved this but will probably not pick this up.
Anyway, I’m glad I did. Thanks to all my friends and their gushing who made me choose it. ♡
***************
Book 1 - The Darkness Outside Us - 4.75 stars
Book 2 - The Brightness Between Us - 4.5 stars
Wow, what a crazy story that was. I loved it and I’m super excited that three years after its release there is a sequel on the horizon obv no one saw coming. Glad I’m late in the game with this one.
The audio was fantastic and I've listened to it until late into the night (or early morning) to finish it.
I read one of the popular reviews that stated that this book was totally mismarketed as a YA romance. And I wholeheartedly agree. The romance part, while beautiful with its falling in love with each other over and over again, was hardly the point of this story. Same with the boys being 17. There was no relevant aspect of them being that age that made this book YA. No coming of age, first love, struggles with being at the cusp of adulthood. They could’ve easily been literally any other age. What I’m saying is, this book could’ve been marketed for a wider audience to fall into the hands of many many more readers who would’ve loved this but will probably not pick this up.
Anyway, I’m glad I did. Thanks to all my friends and their gushing who made me choose it. ♡
***************
Book 1 - The Darkness Outside Us - 4.75 stars
Book 2 - The Brightness Between Us - 4.5 stars
June 18, 2021
I went into this book knowing absolutely nothing other than the fact that this book had ✨gays in space✨ but. oh my goodness. I am so glad that was all I knew because this book was such a thrilling, evocative, and wild ride that had me literally YELLING. I loved this book so much.
- Follows Ambrose, who wakes up aboard the Coordinated Endeavour tasked with flying to the moon Titan to rescue his sister - but has no memory of the launch. When he discovers that he's not alone on the ship, the two boys must work together to survive the journey - and learn that love may be the only way to stay alive.
- This book destroyed me. I think I experienced a lifetime of emotions in this book - grief, hope, terror, hopelessness, love... everything. I can't believe this book had me go from absolute cold from terror to crying my eyes out because of [redacted].
- I don't want to spoil this book, but I loved what the story explores: What does it mean to live? What does it mean to love? How do we define our existences?
- This book is also queer as heck, but I loved the chemistry between Ambrose and Kodiak. The space gays really did deliver - and more.
Content warning: death, graphic depiction of injury, off-text and implied sex
- Follows Ambrose, who wakes up aboard the Coordinated Endeavour tasked with flying to the moon Titan to rescue his sister - but has no memory of the launch. When he discovers that he's not alone on the ship, the two boys must work together to survive the journey - and learn that love may be the only way to stay alive.
- This book destroyed me. I think I experienced a lifetime of emotions in this book - grief, hope, terror, hopelessness, love... everything. I can't believe this book had me go from absolute cold from terror to crying my eyes out because of [redacted].
- I don't want to spoil this book, but I loved what the story explores: What does it mean to live? What does it mean to love? How do we define our existences?
- This book is also queer as heck, but I loved the chemistry between Ambrose and Kodiak. The space gays really did deliver - and more.
Content warning: death, graphic depiction of injury, off-text and implied sex
June 11, 2024
This book is officially in my Top 5 favorite books of all time!
_-*-_
The story follows Ambrose, an astronaut on a mission to rescue his sister, Minerva, who is stranded on a far away planet called Titan. Things get weird when Ambrose wakes up on the Coordinated Endeavor with no recollection of departing from Earth. Things get even weirder when the operating system aka OS informs him that there is another passenger on the ship…
_-*-_
I am still in awe of how good this book is! The story was a rollercoaster of twist and turns and insane plot twists that I did not see coming at all! This isn’t like any type of MM romance book I’ve ever read, and that’s why I like it so much. The author does an amazing job of balancing the romantic aspect of the book with the suspenseful/thrilling storyline. And when I say suspenseful/thrilling storyline, I mean it! I was glued to the pages, needing to know what was going to happen next. There were moments I even got goosebumps because of the craziness. This book was perfection ✨ I recommend it to anyone that is interested in sci-fi, thriller, suspense with a sprinkle of MM romance that’ll melt your heart. I’m so excited for the sequel!
_-*-_
The story follows Ambrose, an astronaut on a mission to rescue his sister, Minerva, who is stranded on a far away planet called Titan. Things get weird when Ambrose wakes up on the Coordinated Endeavor with no recollection of departing from Earth. Things get even weirder when the operating system aka OS informs him that there is another passenger on the ship…
_-*-_
I am still in awe of how good this book is! The story was a rollercoaster of twist and turns and insane plot twists that I did not see coming at all! This isn’t like any type of MM romance book I’ve ever read, and that’s why I like it so much. The author does an amazing job of balancing the romantic aspect of the book with the suspenseful/thrilling storyline. And when I say suspenseful/thrilling storyline, I mean it! I was glued to the pages, needing to know what was going to happen next. There were moments I even got goosebumps because of the craziness. This book was perfection ✨ I recommend it to anyone that is interested in sci-fi, thriller, suspense with a sprinkle of MM romance that’ll melt your heart. I’m so excited for the sequel!
June 5, 2021
Eliot Schrefer's The Darkness Outside Us is truly an exceptional novel. It defies genre in the best of ways. It is a space adventure, a love story, and an exploration of human identity. It is a meditation on death and on the meaning death lends to life. It is transcendent. From the story of two boys in space, Mr Schrefer's novel grows to encompass much of the great expanse of human experience. It is both epic and intimate; audaciously speculative and achingly familiar. The Darkness Outside Us reaches out to the depths of space and the future of humanity, all the while illuminating the smallest, secret spaces of the human heart.
June 10, 2021
Rep: pan mc, gay li
It’s been a long while since I reviewed a book that wasn’t an ARC, but I had too many thoughts to get out about The Darkness Outside Us to let it be.
So here we are.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. I’ll put that out there before I start properly reviewing it. Yes, the first 40% or so was a little rocky, but once the end of part one hit, I was fully invested. It’s less a romance (as implied by the blurb. Honestly, publishing needs to get its act together on marketing), and more a space thriller, and one of those ones that’ll make you go oh fuck at points. None of that was where my issues lay though.
I’m splitting this review into three parts: the worldbuilding, the plot, and the characters/relationship. These are probably going in decreasing importance for how they affected my rating, i.e. the worldbuilding was the big one, and the characters were pretty much negligible in comparison. But all of them contributed to the 3.5 star rating.
The worldbuilding.
First up is how I felt about the futuristic world that was being built up. I think it’s fair to say this is probably the reason I found the first 40% rocky, since a lot of the worldbuilding was expanded on then. As the book wore on, and the mystery came into play, there was less and less focus on it, probably contributing to my increased enjoyment.
That being said.
The primary thing you notice about the worldbuilding is the pseudo-Cold War society. On the one hand, you have the Féderation, Ambrose’s society, and on the other, the Dimokratía, where Kodiak comes from. The former is pseudo-USA, a society presented as progressive and forward-thinking, utopian and capitalist. The latter is pseudo-Russia, focused heavily on physical prowess—potential spacefarers go through a lot of physical tasks aimed at weeding out the weak (unlike the Féderation, who assess through exams)—and framed as backwards and bigoted, misogynistic because men are the only spacefarers and old-fashioned for using labels to describe sexuality (I mention this specifically because I’ll bring it up again later).
And it’s not like these countries aren’t meant to be specifically associated with their real world counterparts. There’s a brief attempt at confronting imperialist USA—a comment about how the Féderation’s war crimes in the Philippines aren’t “cold war bullshit”—but it’s immediately countered by “but the Dimokratía have also committed war crimes”. And that’s it. Never mentioned again. I thought at the start, that perhaps the main character’s naivete (and judgement) was merely a product of having been brought up in the Féderation, that it would later get confronted and torn apart. But it never did. Instead, all this worldbuilding faded into the background as the mystery took precedence.
I’m not saying that’s necessarily the wrong way to go, of course. The story is about the mystery, about two individuals who hate each other, isolated in space and forced to work together. I get that. But why would you introduce that worldbuilding if you’re not going to confront it at all? Because throughout it all—and even despite the reveals—the Féderation are good, the Dimokratía are bad. It was, on the whole, unnuanced in that respect.
I think this is well-illustrated when the topic of labels for sexuality is brought up. Firstly, I have no real issue with futuristic books simply choosing not to use labels—I think linguistically it makes little sense, but I’ll shrug that off because there are plenty of contemporary ones which do the same. What I disliked here was the framing of their continued use as “backwards”, equated with a society that was still misogynistic and homophobic (although Kodiak never gives Ambrose reason to believe he is homophobic, so the number of times Ambrose accused him of homophobia, even while Kodiak was talking about relationships with men? A little weird, but I digress). I think this is mostly because, to me reading in 2021, we still live in a society where claiming those labels is an act of pride and/or resistance. So the sneery tone this book took, about those who continued to use them (albeit a long way in the future), didn’t sit right.
The plot.
Regarding the plot, this will be pretty brief, but let me start with the positives. The mystery was very well done. From the end of the first part onwards, the tension was high, the plot twists mostly caught you off guard (I did partly guess one, but I think that was more me spitballing, not because it was blindingly obvious), and I got very involved in reading it to find out what would happen next.
And that kept me engaged until the end, despite the slight petering out of tension once it was clear what was going on (although given the plot that could hardly be helped). I would say though, because of the need to repeat parts like it did (I’m trying to describe this in a non-spoilery way), it seemed to move along in a way that affected the character and relationship development. It’s almost like it needed to cut part one down, and have a few more parts where they don’t yet know what’s going on, just to build more suspense. And to delay the relationship forming.
And this also brings me to point three.
The characters/relationship.
As I said, this is probably a consequence of the way the plot was structured. Because the first part at least had to span a fair while to set everything up, the relationship development seemed to happen quite abruptly. I think this is probably because of the fact there were so many small timeskips, but they weren’t done in a way that was necessarily obvious. So it went from something like Kodiak refusing to eat meals with Ambrose, to suddenly he’s eating them and having conversations.
Tie into that the fact there were a few times where the narrative said something like, Kodiak doesn’t talk much, or Kodiak is standoffish, and then the next thing Kodiak does is entirely contradictory? Again though, I do think this was just a product of the plot pacing. And as I said at the start, I’m going through points in an order where they progressively less impacted my rating, so this one, right down here, is pretty low.
Overall, though, as I said up top, I did enjoy this book. It had a slow start, yes, but once I got into it I was properly engaged by it. I do think, however, like many others on here, that this could have stood to be not a YA book.
It’s been a long while since I reviewed a book that wasn’t an ARC, but I had too many thoughts to get out about The Darkness Outside Us to let it be.
So here we are.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. I’ll put that out there before I start properly reviewing it. Yes, the first 40% or so was a little rocky, but once the end of part one hit, I was fully invested. It’s less a romance (as implied by the blurb. Honestly, publishing needs to get its act together on marketing), and more a space thriller, and one of those ones that’ll make you go oh fuck at points. None of that was where my issues lay though.
I’m splitting this review into three parts: the worldbuilding, the plot, and the characters/relationship. These are probably going in decreasing importance for how they affected my rating, i.e. the worldbuilding was the big one, and the characters were pretty much negligible in comparison. But all of them contributed to the 3.5 star rating.
The worldbuilding.
First up is how I felt about the futuristic world that was being built up. I think it’s fair to say this is probably the reason I found the first 40% rocky, since a lot of the worldbuilding was expanded on then. As the book wore on, and the mystery came into play, there was less and less focus on it, probably contributing to my increased enjoyment.
That being said.
The primary thing you notice about the worldbuilding is the pseudo-Cold War society. On the one hand, you have the Féderation, Ambrose’s society, and on the other, the Dimokratía, where Kodiak comes from. The former is pseudo-USA, a society presented as progressive and forward-thinking, utopian and capitalist. The latter is pseudo-Russia, focused heavily on physical prowess—potential spacefarers go through a lot of physical tasks aimed at weeding out the weak (unlike the Féderation, who assess through exams)—and framed as backwards and bigoted, misogynistic because men are the only spacefarers and old-fashioned for using labels to describe sexuality (I mention this specifically because I’ll bring it up again later).
And it’s not like these countries aren’t meant to be specifically associated with their real world counterparts. There’s a brief attempt at confronting imperialist USA—a comment about how the Féderation’s war crimes in the Philippines aren’t “cold war bullshit”—but it’s immediately countered by “but the Dimokratía have also committed war crimes”. And that’s it. Never mentioned again. I thought at the start, that perhaps the main character’s naivete (and judgement) was merely a product of having been brought up in the Féderation, that it would later get confronted and torn apart. But it never did. Instead, all this worldbuilding faded into the background as the mystery took precedence.
I’m not saying that’s necessarily the wrong way to go, of course. The story is about the mystery, about two individuals who hate each other, isolated in space and forced to work together. I get that. But why would you introduce that worldbuilding if you’re not going to confront it at all? Because throughout it all—and even despite the reveals—the Féderation are good, the Dimokratía are bad. It was, on the whole, unnuanced in that respect.
I think this is well-illustrated when the topic of labels for sexuality is brought up. Firstly, I have no real issue with futuristic books simply choosing not to use labels—I think linguistically it makes little sense, but I’ll shrug that off because there are plenty of contemporary ones which do the same. What I disliked here was the framing of their continued use as “backwards”, equated with a society that was still misogynistic and homophobic (although Kodiak never gives Ambrose reason to believe he is homophobic, so the number of times Ambrose accused him of homophobia, even while Kodiak was talking about relationships with men? A little weird, but I digress). I think this is mostly because, to me reading in 2021, we still live in a society where claiming those labels is an act of pride and/or resistance. So the sneery tone this book took, about those who continued to use them (albeit a long way in the future), didn’t sit right.
The plot.
Regarding the plot, this will be pretty brief, but let me start with the positives. The mystery was very well done. From the end of the first part onwards, the tension was high, the plot twists mostly caught you off guard (I did partly guess one, but I think that was more me spitballing, not because it was blindingly obvious), and I got very involved in reading it to find out what would happen next.
And that kept me engaged until the end, despite the slight petering out of tension once it was clear what was going on (although given the plot that could hardly be helped). I would say though, because of the need to repeat parts like it did (I’m trying to describe this in a non-spoilery way), it seemed to move along in a way that affected the character and relationship development. It’s almost like it needed to cut part one down, and have a few more parts where they don’t yet know what’s going on, just to build more suspense. And to delay the relationship forming.
And this also brings me to point three.
The characters/relationship.
As I said, this is probably a consequence of the way the plot was structured. Because the first part at least had to span a fair while to set everything up, the relationship development seemed to happen quite abruptly. I think this is probably because of the fact there were so many small timeskips, but they weren’t done in a way that was necessarily obvious. So it went from something like Kodiak refusing to eat meals with Ambrose, to suddenly he’s eating them and having conversations.
Tie into that the fact there were a few times where the narrative said something like, Kodiak doesn’t talk much, or Kodiak is standoffish, and then the next thing Kodiak does is entirely contradictory? Again though, I do think this was just a product of the plot pacing. And as I said at the start, I’m going through points in an order where they progressively less impacted my rating, so this one, right down here, is pretty low.
Overall, though, as I said up top, I did enjoy this book. It had a slow start, yes, but once I got into it I was properly engaged by it. I do think, however, like many others on here, that this could have stood to be not a YA book.
April 1, 2024
3.5 stars
This was my second time giving this book a try. Listening to it on audio helped a lot, because the narrator is excellent.
Overall, I liked the concept and it was interesting to see how the story developed. It was a bit slow at times and maybe not everything made perfect sense, but I didn't mind it much.
The reason I'm not giving it a higher rating is that I never felt the connection to the characters and I found the story sadder and more depressing than I expected.
This was my second time giving this book a try. Listening to it on audio helped a lot, because the narrator is excellent.
Overall, I liked the concept and it was interesting to see how the story developed. It was a bit slow at times and maybe not everything made perfect sense, but I didn't mind it much.
The reason I'm not giving it a higher rating is that I never felt the connection to the characters and I found the story sadder and more depressing than I expected.
February 22, 2022
disclaimer: editing my review just to say that this book should have a LOT more hype. go read.
WHAT A FUCKING RIDE REALLY
I really started this book because gays in space? yes, please!! but it's At the end of the first chapter I was already crying screaming and throwing up.
I would spoil the whole experience by saying anything about any little thing in this book. You better read totally blind about it.
I really don't think it's for everyone but if you like sci-fi and a lot of pain you will probably love.
WHAT A FUCKING RIDE REALLY
I really started this book because gays in space? yes, please!! but it's At the end of the first chapter I was already crying screaming and throwing up.
I would spoil the whole experience by saying anything about any little thing in this book. You better read totally blind about it.
I really don't think it's for everyone but if you like sci-fi and a lot of pain you will probably love.
April 17, 2023
Without a shred of doubt, this is one of the best things I've ever read.
And if you think you know what this book is going to be about, you're probably wrong. This story shattered my soul into microscopic pieces, but soon enough lent out a hand to mend it back together.
April 3, 2024
♾️ Stars
Two guys from rival nations are alone in space on a rescue mission when things get weird …
These two made me cry so freaking much. This book is basically interstellar but make it gay.
This was me the entire time:
0-50% - 😍🥰🤔🤔
50%-60% - 😭🤯
60%-100% - 😭😭
SPOILER AHEAD ‼️
The fact that they loved each other EVERY SINGLE TIME!😭 The only thing that kept me going was knowing that at the end at least one version of them would get their happy ending.
"I want an Ambrose and a Kodiak to eventually get off this ship. I want them to have a chance to live their lives together. Their happiness will be ours and not ours. That's the most I can hope for."
Two guys from rival nations are alone in space on a rescue mission when things get weird …
These two made me cry so freaking much. This book is basically interstellar but make it gay.
This was me the entire time:
0-50% - 😍🥰🤔🤔
50%-60% - 😭🤯
60%-100% - 😭😭
SPOILER AHEAD ‼️
The fact that they loved each other EVERY SINGLE TIME!😭 The only thing that kept me going was knowing that at the end at least one version of them would get their happy ending.
"I want an Ambrose and a Kodiak to eventually get off this ship. I want them to have a chance to live their lives together. Their happiness will be ours and not ours. That's the most I can hope for."
May 16, 2024
Update number 2: because I fucking love this book, lets be real. But I just need to put it out there, that OS is a dumb slut. Love you all. Read this book please so we can all start talking about it again. xox
Some of my reviews in the past have been pretty tame and not chaotic enough for the energy that I'm bring in the end of 2023, and plan on continuing into 2024...
I'm not going to bring too much chaotic energy to this one, but I was just re-remembering my love of this book as my special edition is coming soon.
I remember starting The darkness outside of us thinking.... "I'm not really into space/sci-fi books, and I'm pre-put off by the fact there's no spice" (I was in a real horny stage of reading at this point, lets be real here, heh heh heh and hadn't read much YA) BUT.. This book literally got me like that surprised Pikachu fr.. this book was ADDICTING to me. I was kept guessing the whole time and i'm dumb as hell and pretty much never see what's coming so the ending was CHEFS KISS.
I will reread this when I get my pretty hard copy.
Old review:
What a fkn roller coaster holy, I felt invested in this story from beginning to end with no idea what the story was about, but I loved it! Im so glad it was a happy ending, I was getting worried there wow. Hahahha.
Some of my reviews in the past have been pretty tame and not chaotic enough for the energy that I'm bring in the end of 2023, and plan on continuing into 2024...
I'm not going to bring too much chaotic energy to this one, but I was just re-remembering my love of this book as my special edition is coming soon.
I remember starting The darkness outside of us thinking.... "I'm not really into space/sci-fi books, and I'm pre-put off by the fact there's no spice" (I was in a real horny stage of reading at this point, lets be real here, heh heh heh and hadn't read much YA) BUT.. This book literally got me like that surprised Pikachu fr.. this book was ADDICTING to me. I was kept guessing the whole time and i'm dumb as hell and pretty much never see what's coming so the ending was CHEFS KISS.
I will reread this when I get my pretty hard copy.
Old review:
What a fkn roller coaster holy, I felt invested in this story from beginning to end with no idea what the story was about, but I loved it! Im so glad it was a happy ending, I was getting worried there wow. Hahahha.
August 9, 2021
Sometimes you read a book and hate it and it's fine and you move on and you never think about that book again. And sometimes you read a book and hate it, and it fucking haunts you, because of the amount of wasted potential. This is one of those.
The entire plot of this book was all-time favourite material, like, this could have been one of my favourite books of all time with how much potential it had to be absolutely amazing and absolutely devastating. Yet the writing and execution were so fucking bad, it was jarring to read this book and some parts made me do a double take because of how terribly written they were.
Without wanting to give any spoilers (because the plot twists are really the only things that make this book worth reading), I very much don't understand why this book was marketed as a YA book because the entire concept of it is very much not. And this could have been a wildly amazing adult sci-fi, if the author had only leant into a suspenseful build-up and emotional depth more. Both of those were missing in this book, so I didn't feel emotionally connected with it at all when it would have been absolutely devastating to read in any other context. I don't say this easily, but I think this book was very poorly crafted and missed all of its potential, and I'm genuinely really sad about it. I desperately want to read the book this could have been.
The entire plot of this book was all-time favourite material, like, this could have been one of my favourite books of all time with how much potential it had to be absolutely amazing and absolutely devastating. Yet the writing and execution were so fucking bad, it was jarring to read this book and some parts made me do a double take because of how terribly written they were.
Without wanting to give any spoilers (because the plot twists are really the only things that make this book worth reading), I very much don't understand why this book was marketed as a YA book because the entire concept of it is very much not. And this could have been a wildly amazing adult sci-fi, if the author had only leant into a suspenseful build-up and emotional depth more. Both of those were missing in this book, so I didn't feel emotionally connected with it at all when it would have been absolutely devastating to read in any other context. I don't say this easily, but I think this book was very poorly crafted and missed all of its potential, and I'm genuinely really sad about it. I desperately want to read the book this could have been.
November 21, 2023
Now that the HarperCollins strike is over, I can post my review of this book!
The beginning of this book is a solid, but conventional, slow burn romance between two teens on a long term space mission responding to a distress call from a space station on one of the moons of Titan. The main character is Ambrose Cusk, the smart, handsome, privileged son of the Cusk corporation, which invented much of the technology on the spacecraft, including the AI operating system. The distress call is from his sister, Minerva, who like Ambrose graduated from the top of her class in the astronaut academy. But Ambrose wakes up aboard the Coordinated Endeavor with no memory of takeoff. Also, he learns he is not alone on the ship. A second young man, from a rival country, inhabits the second half of the ship, sealed away behind one central connecting door. Initially suspicious of each other, the two must begin working together as they discover more and more strange incongruencies on their craft. If this isn’t enough to whet your interest, the book throws out a huge twist at around the 40% mark, one that absolutely surprised and hooked me in for the rest of this wild journey. Queer, original, and a page turner.
The beginning of this book is a solid, but conventional, slow burn romance between two teens on a long term space mission responding to a distress call from a space station on one of the moons of Titan. The main character is Ambrose Cusk, the smart, handsome, privileged son of the Cusk corporation, which invented much of the technology on the spacecraft, including the AI operating system. The distress call is from his sister, Minerva, who like Ambrose graduated from the top of her class in the astronaut academy. But Ambrose wakes up aboard the Coordinated Endeavor with no memory of takeoff. Also, he learns he is not alone on the ship. A second young man, from a rival country, inhabits the second half of the ship, sealed away behind one central connecting door. Initially suspicious of each other, the two must begin working together as they discover more and more strange incongruencies on their craft. If this isn’t enough to whet your interest, the book throws out a huge twist at around the 40% mark, one that absolutely surprised and hooked me in for the rest of this wild journey. Queer, original, and a page turner.
July 21, 2021
4.5 stars.
OH MY GOSH THIS BOOK WAS SO (unexpectedly) INTENSE !!!!!! highkey sent me into multiple existential crises,, i can never look at outer space the same way again 🥲
even though i predicted one of the major plot points lmaoooo (wow maybe i actually have some brain cells after all 😌), i was still absolutely MINDBLOWN and reeling in shock for most of the book 😭😭like wtf there were actually some pretty messed up things that happened here and i'm just. SLDKFJDSLKJF oh my goodness aahhhhhhh :')) and can i just say, i loved Ambrose as a main character and narrator of this book, he deserves the world (literally)
i can't even say much about this book without spoiling it because. damn. the synopsis really doesn't even begin to cover what The Darkness Outside Us is about 😳 (honestly, i feel like it was mismarketed - it's really not as lighthearted as the synopsis makes it seem.....) this book is compared to They Both Die at the End and The Loneliest Girl in the Universe, and although i haven't read TBDATE, i'd say that's a pretty accurate comparison. but lmaooooo between this book and The Loneliest Girl in the Universe (which i have read).......damn. i am actually COMPLETELY terrified of outer space now 😩not that i was planning on ever going there but slkdjfsd
i'd probably categorize this book as a sci-fi thriller because it felt so eerie and creepy and suspenseful, and definitely went to some pretty dark places 🥲 also this is labeled as YA, but for most of the book, i genuinely thought this was adult bc the characters did not act like teenagers :') [edit: after reading some reviews of this book, i can see that a lot of people agree that this book should be labeled as adult sci-fi!]
overall, this book was out of this world.......ok ok i'll stop. i could NOT put this book down bc i simply had to know what was gonna happen next - this was such an addicting read!! yay for a sci-fi book that didn't make me feel stupid bc i actually understood what was going on and had fun in the process hehe 🤩
OH MY GOSH THIS BOOK WAS SO (unexpectedly) INTENSE !!!!!! highkey sent me into multiple existential crises,, i can never look at outer space the same way again 🥲
even though i predicted one of the major plot points lmaoooo (wow maybe i actually have some brain cells after all 😌), i was still absolutely MINDBLOWN and reeling in shock for most of the book 😭😭like wtf there were actually some pretty messed up things that happened here and i'm just. SLDKFJDSLKJF oh my goodness aahhhhhhh :')) and can i just say, i loved Ambrose as a main character and narrator of this book, he deserves the world (literally)
i can't even say much about this book without spoiling it because. damn. the synopsis really doesn't even begin to cover what The Darkness Outside Us is about 😳 (honestly, i feel like it was mismarketed - it's really not as lighthearted as the synopsis makes it seem.....) this book is compared to They Both Die at the End and The Loneliest Girl in the Universe, and although i haven't read TBDATE, i'd say that's a pretty accurate comparison. but lmaooooo between this book and The Loneliest Girl in the Universe (which i have read).......damn. i am actually COMPLETELY terrified of outer space now 😩
i'd probably categorize this book as a sci-fi thriller because it felt so eerie and creepy and suspenseful, and definitely went to some pretty dark places 🥲 also this is labeled as YA, but for most of the book, i genuinely thought this was adult bc the characters did not act like teenagers :') [edit: after reading some reviews of this book, i can see that a lot of people agree that this book should be labeled as adult sci-fi!]
overall, this book was out of this world.......
September 29, 2022
Reread #2 via audiobook
Still loved this book and I really liked the audio and narrator.
OMG. THIS BOOK BLEW MY MIND!!!!
Like seriously...One of the best books I've read this year. I'm in LOVE!!!
Q&A:
Q: Best books of the year you say? Color me intrigued! What are the tropes?
A: Close Proximity, First Times, Pseudo-enemies to lovers, Post-apocalyptic, Grumpy sunshine, Hurt-Comfort
Q: That's quite a list! Which genre is this?
A: It's YA sci-fi!
Q: Well this is getting more interesting by the minute! How are the characters?
A: Charming as all F*ck! Ambrose is just a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak setting. Kodiak is big softie under all the "don't-f*ck-with-me grumpy attitude*.
Q: That does sound charming! What about the plot?
A: These couple of seventeen year olds are tasked with a rescue mission. They are hurtling through space towards Titan, Jupiter's moon, to save Ambrose's sister. But, unbeknownst to them, That's not the whole truth of their mission. Twists, turns, secrets, lies and so much more make this a epic journey.
Q: Wow! That sounds incredible! What about the steam-o-meter?
A: In true YA fashion, it's fade to black. But Ambrose does *admire* Kodiak's physique quite alot.
Q: Angst-o-meter?
A: Be prepared to smile, laugh and cry. Some parts are heartbreaking and other are heartwarming.
Q: Please tell me there is an HEA!
A: After going through ALOT, there is!
Still loved this book and I really liked the audio and narrator.
OMG. THIS BOOK BLEW MY MIND!!!!
Like seriously...One of the best books I've read this year. I'm in LOVE!!!
Q&A:
Q: Best books of the year you say? Color me intrigued! What are the tropes?
A: Close Proximity, First Times, Pseudo-enemies to lovers, Post-apocalyptic, Grumpy sunshine, Hurt-Comfort
Q: That's quite a list! Which genre is this?
A: It's YA sci-fi!
Q: Well this is getting more interesting by the minute! How are the characters?
A: Charming as all F*ck! Ambrose is just a ray of sunshine in an otherwise bleak setting. Kodiak is big softie under all the "don't-f*ck-with-me grumpy attitude*.
Q: That does sound charming! What about the plot?
A: These couple of seventeen year olds are tasked with a rescue mission. They are hurtling through space towards Titan, Jupiter's moon, to save Ambrose's sister. But, unbeknownst to them, That's not the whole truth of their mission. Twists, turns, secrets, lies and so much more make this a epic journey.
Q: Wow! That sounds incredible! What about the steam-o-meter?
A: In true YA fashion, it's fade to black. But Ambrose does *admire* Kodiak's physique quite alot.
Q: Angst-o-meter?
A: Be prepared to smile, laugh and cry. Some parts are heartbreaking and other are heartwarming.
Q: Please tell me there is an HEA!
A: After going through ALOT, there is!
September 12, 2022
i was not expecting to get absolutely emotionally destroyed by this book— but that’s what happened.
February 5, 2022
Overhyped book gone wrong.
The premise of this was fantastic! Two boys wake up on a spaceship with no recollection of how they boarded and lifted off. All they have is a set of tasks to fix the ship before they arrive at Titan to save one of the character's sister after hearing her distress beacon go off. Certain attraction begins to develop between Ambrose and Kodiak as they have absolutely no communication with anyone but their OS whom they get suspicion of.
Then the book goes really fucking downhill.
I really fucking wish they just remain friends, no romance because
I'd say you have better luck reading the first and second part because those chapters were exciting and the science fiction aspect was BAM in your face unexpected. Continue reading only if you wish for a fluffy gushy romance. The science fiction definitely takes the backseat.
The premise of this was fantastic! Two boys wake up on a spaceship with no recollection of how they boarded and lifted off. All they have is a set of tasks to fix the ship before they arrive at Titan to save one of the character's sister after hearing her distress beacon go off. Certain attraction begins to develop between Ambrose and Kodiak as they have absolutely no communication with anyone but their OS whom they get suspicion of.
Then the book goes really fucking downhill.
I really fucking wish they just remain friends, no romance because
I'd say you have better luck reading the first and second part because those chapters were exciting and the science fiction aspect was BAM in your face unexpected. Continue reading only if you wish for a fluffy gushy romance. The science fiction definitely takes the backseat.
September 27, 2023
Holy wow, that was intense! The reviews said "go in blind", so blind I went and I'm honestly kind of shook right now. One thing is for certain, Eliot Schrefer is smarter than me. When you consult someone who works for NASA while writing your book? Um, yeah. There are definite discrepancies between our educational aptitudes. This book was so many things - thought provoking, terrifying, heartbreaking, intelligent, captivating, surprising and, most of all, impossible to put down. I was enthralled, which shocks no one more than me. Sci-fi is not my genre du jour. I only watch Star Wars for the cute characters and the colorful light sabers that make cool sounds. Without all of the gushing reviews for this book, I would have continued to scroll right past that gorgeous cover because the mysteries of space can stay mysterious as far as I'm concerned. But this book wasn't about space, per se. It was about humanity and resilience and hope. I can't say much without saying everything, but I will go so far as to say that if you don't think the story of Ambrose and Kodiak is for you, read it anyway. Nothing about this book should have worked for me, yet all of it did.
I will warn that the romance is so secondary that if you blink you might miss it, so I am not reviewing this book as a romance reader because that would be unfair. It kept me up past my bedtime and had me asking a lot of questions, the biggest being...what if? Followed by...who do we think we are and is this more than what we deserve? I won't be rushing out to read the Dune Saga or become a Trekkie, but I'm really glad I left my comfort zone for this book. I'll be thinking about it for awhile, I'm sure.
I will warn that the romance is so secondary that if you blink you might miss it, so I am not reviewing this book as a romance reader because that would be unfair. It kept me up past my bedtime and had me asking a lot of questions, the biggest being...what if? Followed by...who do we think we are and is this more than what we deserve? I won't be rushing out to read the Dune Saga or become a Trekkie, but I'm really glad I left my comfort zone for this book. I'll be thinking about it for awhile, I'm sure.
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