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Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption

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The most popular, provocative, and unforgettable essays from the past fifteen years of the New York Times "Modern Love" column--including stories from the upcoming anthology series starring Tina Fey, Andy Garcia, Anne Hathaway, Catherine Keener, Dev Patel, and John Slattery

A young woman goes through the five stages of ghosting grief. A man's promising fourth date ends in the emergency room. A female lawyer with bipolar disorder experiences the highs and lows of dating. A widower hesitates about introducing his children to his new girlfriend. A divorcée in her seventies looks back at the beauty and rubble of past relationships.

These are just a few of the people who tell their stories in Modern Love, Revised and Updated, featuring dozens of the most memorable essays to run in The New York Times "Modern Love" column since its debut in 2004.

Some of the stories are unconventional, while others hit close to home. Some reveal the way technology has changed dating forever; others explore the timeless struggles experienced by anyone who has ever searched for love. But all of the stories are, above everything else, honest. Together, they tell the larger story of how relationships begin, often fail, and--when we're lucky--endure.

Edited by longtime "Modern Love" editor Daniel Jones and featuring a diverse selection of contributors--including Mindy Hung, Trey Ellis, Ann Hood, Deborah Copaken, Terri Cheney, and more--this is the perfect book for anyone who's loved, lost, stalked an ex on social media, or pined for true romance: In other words, anyone interested in the endlessly complicated workings of the human heart.

304 pages, Paperback

First published September 3, 2019

About the author

Daniel Jones

10 books104 followers
Daniel Jones has edited the Modern Love column in The New York Times since its inception in 2004. His books include “Love Illuminated: Exploring Life’s Most Mystifying Subject (with the Help of 50,000 Strangers),” “The Bastard on the Couch,” and the novel “After Lucy.” Jones appears weekly on the Modern Love podcast and is a consulting producer for Amazon Studios’ show “Modern Love.” He lives in Northampton, Massachusetts and in New York City.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,359 reviews
Profile Image for emma.
2,291 reviews76.2k followers
March 3, 2020
Books are better than everything for a million reasons but the number one reason they’ll forever be the best form of content?

NO PAYWALL.

I just read a couple dozen New York Times articles with no subscription, baby.

That’s the best thing about this book. I get to cheat the system.

(Don’t ask me about how much I paid for it. Let me have this.)

The second best thing, you may ask?

I love people’s stories. It’s why I devour memoirs of people I know and don’t, why I search for money diaries and Grub Street Diets and long-form articles about falling-apart friendships and revelations, why my online correspondences quickly either die or become very deep.

It’s why I read.

I especially love love stories, because of course I do. They’re the best kind of story. Missed connections rediscovered? I’m in. Longtime friends becoming crushes? YES. A person you saw every day on the subway / in the coffee shop / across the hall who you then don’t see for years and then suddenly see again in a random place?! SIGN ME UP!

Like I said. The best kind of story.

But not just romantic love - family love, platonic love, every kind. Which is why this book is such a dream.

That and the lack of paywall.

Bottom line: Can someone just start giving me NYT articles in book form? Thanks. I’m cheap.

-----------

okay so maybe humanity isn't ENTIRELY a garbage fire.

review to come / 4 stars

-----------

dear this book,

i'd like my faith in humanity restored, please.

sincerely, me
Profile Image for Larry H.
2,837 reviews29.6k followers
October 12, 2019
Boy, did this book hit the spot so perfectly!!

"Because real love, once blossomed, never disappears. It may get lost with a piece of paper, or transform into art, books, or children, or trigger another couple’s union while failing to cement your own. But it’s always there, lying in wait for a ray of sun, pushing through thawing soil, insisting upon its rightful existence in our hearts and on earth."

A column that has appeared in the New York Times since 2004, "Modern Love" is an exploration of love in its many forms—romantic, familial, filial, platonic—and the way it is manifested both positively and negatively.

This book is a collection of those columns. Some hit more common themes—rebuilding after a relationship or marriage ends, the excitement and despair of dating, dealing with parental disapproval, getting a second chance at love.

Others are more unusual—the woman bringing her husband (soon to become her wife) to the first stage of gender reassignment surgery, the woman writing an "ad" of sorts to find her husband a new love after her impending death, the fears of a mother of a teenage boy with autism as he begins seeing girls in a romantic and sexual way.

The columns differ in length, style, tone, and topic, yet there is beautiful emotion in each one. Some made me smile, some made me cry, and some made me wonder just where these writers who shared such a moment of their lives are now. Some are written by well-known people (there's a column by Andrew Rannells he published in his own memoir earlier this year) and some are written by "everyday" people.

I devoured this book in a matter of hours, as it read like fiction. This truly was a special gem I’m so excited I stumbled upon. Perfect for those who love love, or the saps among us.

See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.

Check out my list of the best books I read in 2018 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2018.html.

You can follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
Profile Image for Pam Gonçalves.
113 reviews9,487 followers
February 11, 2021
Uma leitura bastante interessante para alternar com outros livros. São crônicas que exploram o amor de diversas formas, mas que não chegam nem perto da profundidade dos episódios da série.

Foi muito interessante ler as histórias que não foram escolhidas para a primeira temporada e até já consigo listar as minhas favoritas para ganhar adaptação na próxima.
Profile Image for Gabby.
1,553 reviews28.9k followers
September 26, 2019
This is one of the best nonfiction books I’ve ever read. I’m fascinated by love stories of all kinds, and this book really is inspired by modern love. It’s true stories (that are apparently based off a podcast) which are all written about people’s real experiences with love. And not just romantic love, but the love of a parent, a child, and not even all the good - but all the bad and the ugly and the heartbreak too. These stories are divided into sections: so we get stories specifically about first loves, heartbreaks, family, serious illness, divorce, adopting children, just all kinds of very interesting topics are covered in this collection of stories.

Some of these stories were skippable and forgettable for me, but some of them actually made me cry???? and some of them were just fascinating and really incredible stories. My personal favorite story in this entire collection is The Race Grows Sweeter Near It’s Final Lap I fucking cried and it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. Some of my other favorites were: Now I Need A Place to Hide Away and You May Want to Marry My Husband

Some other stories that I found absolutely fascinating were: My Husbands is Now My Wife which is about a woman who was married to a man for eight years when he finally told her he is a woman, and begins his transition. Another very interesting story was: First I Met My Children, The My Girlfriend. They’re Related about a guy who met his biological children after being a sperm donor in the 90’s, and finding his future wife through those kids.

Overall, this was a very interesting and enjoyable collection of short stories of modern love - and I love that all kinds of love are explored in this, not just romantic love. I’m not usually a huge fan of short stories or nonfiction but I’m a huge lover of romance and love so I think that’s why I ended up enjoying it so much, plus there was just so many relatable quotes like the one below:

”For some reason I’ve always been susceptible to thinking my life would be vastly improved by the solution of a single problem. In high school, I thought, it will all get better when the braces come off, or when my skin clears up or when I go to college.

And now, older and supposedly wiser, I find myself thinking it will all get better when I find romance. When I have a man who wants me despite how fallible, loud, or political I can be. Someone who, with a kiss, can snap me out of my self-pitying reverie. I think about how long I’ve been ready to find the beauty in another human being, to caress the scars of someone as flawed as me and to feel that person reciprocate.”
Profile Image for صان.
422 reviews364 followers
August 6, 2023
خوندنش خیلی چسبید.
قصه‌های خیلی کوتاهی -در حد سه تا چهار صفحه- از عشق‌های آدم‌ها بود. عشق رمانتیک، عشق مادر و بچه، پدر و بچه(؟ یادم نیست از پدر هم داشت یا نه؟ اکثرا مادر و بچه بون.) و عشق به پدر و مادر شاید. ماجراهای جالب و گاهی احساس‌برانگیزی توش بود. همه‌ش احساسی بود اما بعضیا تاثیرگذارتر بودن و بعضیا صرفا بامزه.

چند وقت پیش داشتم با یکی از دوستام که مشکلی در روابطش داشت صحبت می‌کردم. وسط صحبت‌هامون یاد این کتاب افتادم و بهش گفتم اگر مشکلت رو به یک تراپیست و اینا بگی، جدا از تراپی و اینجور چیزها، اون احتمالا الگوهای رابطه‌ای زیادی دیده، کلی رابطه از آدم‌ها شنیده، و می‌تونه وضعیت تو رو از لحاظ ساختاری دسته‌بندی کنه و با موردهای دیگه مقایسه کنه و نتیجه‌ی رفتارهای مختلفی که می‌تونی پیش بگیری رو تخمین بزنه. و این کتاب به نظرم از این لحاظ جالب بود. آدم‌هایی می‌بینی توش که می‌تونی با خودت مقایسه کنی، جهانشون رو ببینی، شیوه‌ی عشق‌ورزی و دلبستگی‌شونو مشاهده کنی و یه تجربه‌ی دست اول گیرت بیاد. اونی که به دلیل ایکس فلان‌جا طلاق گرفته الان نظرش چیه؟ یه تجربه‌ی زیسته‌ی غنی و عالی.
به نظرم به قصه‌های واقعی درباره عشق نیاز داریم تا جای قصه‌های رمانتیک و کلاسیک رو برامون پر کنه. مسئله‌ایه که آدما ازش حرف نمی‌زنن و همه فکر می‌کنن سطحیه. اما اگر صادقانه باشه به هیچ وجه احساساتی‌گرایانه نخواهد بود به نظرم. یعنی ویژگی‌ای که یه متن عاشقانه رو به نظرم واقعی و به دور از احساساتی‌گری می‌کنه صداقتشه. تا وقتی طرف باهامون صادقه، اگر شیپور آبی رو هم برای عشقش بدزده زیاده‌روی نیست و درک می‌شه و به اون نقطه‌ی حساس ذهن مخاطب متصل می‌شه.

کتاب خیلی خوش‌خوان و روان بود و سریع پیش می‌رفت و مناسب اتوبوس\تاکسی‌خوانی بود که می‌خوایم در بازه زمانی‌های کوتاه چیزی رو بخونیم و تموم شه.
Profile Image for Reading_ Tamishly.
5,215 reviews3,222 followers
October 20, 2020
I simply could not enjoy this collection after two stories. It was kind of bland and abrupt. I couldn't continue reading this.
Profile Image for Literary Redhead.
2,382 reviews615 followers
July 24, 2019
HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
As a former relationship coach who helped clients attract true love, I snatched up this amazing book in a sec — and I’m thrilled I did! Its stories of love and loss published originally as essays in The New York Times “Modern Love” column tickled, saddened, angered, perplexed, and exhilarated me.

GOBSMACKED
Two stories especially gobsmacked. Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s “You May Want to Marry My Husband,” urging readers to wed her perfect spouse after her impending death. And Ann Hood’s “Now I Need a Place to Hide Away,” on why she could not hear the Beatles, a once fave band, after her young daughter succumbed to virulent strep. But all enthralled, thus my highest applause for MODERN LOVE. 5/5

Pub Date 03 Sep 2019.

Thanks to the editor, authors, Crown Publishing, and NetGalley for the review copy. Opinions are mine.

#ModernLoveRevisedAndUpdated #NetGalley
Profile Image for fatma.
970 reviews1,004 followers
November 2, 2019
it was fine. i dont know, i found that most, if not all, of the stories weren't very memorable. nothing egregiously bad, but nothing impressionable either.
Profile Image for leah.
420 reviews2,919 followers
June 22, 2021
this was a beautiful anthology all about people’s true experiences with love, adapted from the ‘modern love’ column in the new york times. as the title suggests, the book is full of tales all about modern love - romantic love, the love we have for our families, the love between a parent and a child - and all the good and the bad that can be found in between. it was touching, heart-wrenching, life affirming, and overall, just incredibly human. this would be a great book to read if you’re just getting into nonfiction.
Profile Image for Fareya.
329 reviews910 followers
October 25, 2019
A collection of heartfelt and unforgettable essays that reads like short stories and are life/love stories of real people! Every essay is in a different tone and style, plus it's not just about romantic love but that plus family, friend and filial love. Really, it doesn't even feel like reading non-fiction. I devoured it in a few days and would recommend it if short stories/essays are your jam!

**A free finished was provided by Random House. All opinions are my own.**
Profile Image for Jenny (Reading Envy).
3,876 reviews3,582 followers
September 28, 2019
This is a complication of Modern Love columns from the New York Times, in preparation of some Netflix show that comes out in October. I was a little disappointed by the sparse diversity but liked the variety of topics within love, from dating to marriage to divorce to children to loss. An easy read of short personal stories.

I received a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss, and it came out Sept. 3, 2019.
Profile Image for Melina Souza.
357 reviews1,918 followers
April 18, 2020
Comecei a ler esse livro no mesmo dia em que assisti aos primeiros episódios da série, mas só finalizei a leitura um bom tempo depois de ter assistido os oito episódios da primeira temporada.

Apesar de ter chorado em todos os episódios, apenas duas ou três histórias (que por acaso não foram adaptadas) do livro me deixaram com os olhos marejando. Achei isso curioso.

Foi uma leitura muito interessantes. Ler sobre tantas histórias reais de pessoas tão diferentes é uma experiência muito legal e que traz muitas reflexões e devaneios. Em vários momentos me peguei imaginando o que faria se passasse por aquela situação ou o que escreveria se fosse enviar algo sobre minha vida para essa coluna.

Gostei muito da leitura e espero que a série ganhe mais algumas temporadas.

Ah, acho importante ressaltar que os episódios são *inspirados* nesses relatos, mas que há algumas mudanças e coisas são acrescentadas.

Profile Image for BookOfCinz.
1,515 reviews3,303 followers
October 14, 2019
If you are like me who lives outside if the US and basically under a rock, the New York Times does a column called Modern Love. The book Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss and Redemption is a collection of the some of the best essays that appeared in the column over the last ten years. This is an insanely cohesive, well put together collection of essays that explores modern love in the most hilarious, deeply personal, moving, vulnerable, and heartfelt way. I could not have enough of this collection- I found myself crying at the end of some of these essays and it was beautiful!

Modern Love... what does that even mean? Well, in this collection we are privy to all the various types of love and I think that is exactly what I loved about it. We see love explored in all its various forms, from young love, parental love, sibling love, gay love, redemptive love etc. There are so many different essays that I read and it really spoke to me on a deep level. Some of these essays captured what it is like for millennials dating and trying to find love and for me, it really helps to see I am not alone.

Majority of these essays I lovr but my favorites were:
Uh, Honey, That's Not Your Line
The Five Stages of Ghosting Grief
For Best Hookup Results, Use Your Words, Ok?
When Cupid Is A Prying Journalist
Hear That Wedding March Often Enough, You Fall in Step
When Eve and Eve Bit the Apple
Truly, Madly Guilty
You May Want to Marry My Husband
Adolescence without a Roadmap
Something Like Motherhood

I loved how vulnerable and open these essays were, from the women freaking out and trying not to stare at her phone after sending a sexy message to a guy she recently met who might have ghosted her. To the woman admitting that she loves her husband more than her kids (yes! you read that right!). To the mother trying to guide her autistic son to love because, adolescence is hard as it is. To the woman serving in church and being excommunicated from said church after falling in love with another woman.... y'all- these essays are profound and deeply moving.

If you are looking for a great collection on love- THIS IS IT!!!!

Thanks Penguin RandomHouse for this copy!
Profile Image for Gabrielle Cunha.
378 reviews82 followers
June 7, 2020
Gostei tanto da série que fui presenteada com o livro. Amei o fato que o organizador, o editor da coluna do NY Times, já na apresentação diz que escolheu histórias diversas sobre o que é amor, então não tem muita coisa romantizada, pelo contrário. E como toda seleção, tem histórias que amei/achei fraca/refleti. Mas vale super a pena! pena que são curtinhas.
Profile Image for Brittany Viklund.
328 reviews307 followers
February 21, 2021
Beautiful in so many ways, the honesty, the courage, the wide-range of love stories poured out of the pages as I read. I loved every piece, some more than others— some resonated with me, some astounded me, some made me cry, some broke my heart & all of them taught me something. The book grew with depth & intensity & I’m grateful to the editor for curating a vast range of the human experience as it pertains to love.
Profile Image for Girish Joshi.
131 reviews19 followers
December 5, 2020
Rating: 3.7/5

Spotify recommended to me a song called Days Aren't Long Enough by Thomas Dybdahl. I loved the song so much that I streamed it for the entire year. On the cover of the song, it was written: music from the amazon original series modern love. So when the days did start feeling long enough for me, I decided to watch the series. This series was based on the New York Times column by the same name, Modern Love. And guess what? To my surprise, there was a book as well. So I watched the series, I loved it. And then I read the book, I loved it. It's not a book with a collection of love stories where a boy meets a girl. It's a book of love stories when it's really hard to love, and you decide to love nonetheless. If there is one compliment I can give to this book, then it would be that it made me see the love in all its forms and ages.

Another reason why I wanted to read this book was to see how these short stories were translated into episodes of the series. It was nice to see how screenwriters work with these story structures and make them more lovable.
Profile Image for Basic B's Guide.
1,156 reviews376 followers
September 20, 2019
A collection of essays featured in the NY Times “Modern Love” column since its debut, this is now an original streaming series on Amazon Prime. Having a pretty traditional love life, I wasn’t sure how much I would relate to a book about modern love but boy was I wrong. Like most essays you will connect with some on a deeper level than others but the overall sense I was left with was that love is only fully achieved through vulnerability. We must completely surrender ourselves and often times at the expense of extreme emotional distress, but ultimately opening the door to the possibility of the best of love. Sometimes those times of pure blissful love are cut short but they will forever remain a part of us and will change us forever. One of my favorite essays was “The Race Grows Sweeter Near Its Final Lap”. This is an essay about Eve and Sam who found one another later in life. Eve and Sam only had a handful of years together but because of the leap of faith she took she was happy for those years instead of lonely. Having both a father and grandmother who have lost their spouses and still have many years ahead of themselves, I find myself desperately wanting them to find love again. Don’t get me wrong, the last 6 years with my Dad in the dating world has been bananas. I can’t even get started on that but really all we want is for him to be happy. He can’t find my Mom again but he might be able to find a close second that still respects that he had another love of his life and has room in his heart for one more.

“If I were Spock from Star Trek, I would explain that human love is a combination of three emotions or impulses: desire, vulnerability, and bravery. Desire makes one feel vulnerable, which then requires one to be brave.”

So, my question to you is; have you been brave?

Thank you @randomhouse for the free copy.
Profile Image for Rachel | All the RAD Reads.
1,192 reviews1,283 followers
September 17, 2019
This one is a great collection of Modern Love columns (plz tell me you know about this column from the @nytimes or the podcast!!) — heart-wrenching, humorous, poignant, wistful, wise, and just so, so very human. These are stories of love gained and lost and everything in between, and they are such a beautiful picture of humanity and emotions and just life. Big fan.
Profile Image for Madeleine (Top Shelf Text).
292 reviews245 followers
March 14, 2020
Thank you to Random House for my free review copy! All opinions are my own.

These essays are reflections on dating, marriage, and modern relationships between family and friends. No matter which season of life you’re in, there is an essay in this book that will make you smile, tear up, or laugh. I sped through this book and can’t wait to pass it on to my girlfriends. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Kaitlyn.
21 reviews
February 24, 2020
At the end of the day, Love is Love, in all its complicated wonderful ness. And I am nothing, if not a sucker for love.
Profile Image for Johanna.
1,291 reviews
May 24, 2022
4.5 ⭐️
Want your next nonfiction recommendation? THIS IS IT!

SYNOPSIS
"A joyful collection of the most popular, provocative, and unforgettable essays from the New York Times 'Modern Love' column. The perfect book for anyone who's loved, lost, stalked an ex on social media, or pined for true romance: in other words, anyone interested in the endlessly complicated workings of the human heart."

WHAT I LOVED pun intended

✔️ How jam-packed this book was of first-person essays tell so many different stories.

✔️ That one minute I could be giggling about someone's ghosting experience and then breaking my heart over someone's story of loss.

✔️ The diversity of the stories about love. From a woman whose husband transitions to a woman, to a cis couple who discover their love for each other in their 70s, to the complexity of love in adoption. There are so many wonderfully diverse stories.

✔️ That the length of the stories being told is pretty short yet stunningly encapsulating.

✔️ This whole book is a wonderfully heartbreaking, heartwarming and humourous emotional rollercoaster.
Profile Image for Valeria Midobuche.
385 reviews25 followers
August 3, 2022
(3.5 ⭐️) “Desde mi punto de vista -cómo alguien que ha leído, ojeado o, de una u otra forma, digerido una 100,000 historias de amor en los últimos 15 años-, el amor, en su mejor versión, es más una carretilla que una rosa: es áspero y enredado, pero resistente. Difícil de expresar en palabras.”

Este libro es un caleidoscopio de historia sobre el amor: desde los que lo buscan usando aplicaciones y citas a ciegas, los que lidian con desórdenes mentales, con crisis, con distancia, con enfermedades.

Un libro sencillo, esperanzador y lleno de empatía.
Profile Image for Pascale.
13 reviews
December 22, 2023
Couldn’t put this one down! Probably my favourite of the year. Absolutely loved 💛 (Maybe biased because I love the podcast)
Profile Image for Alex.
917 reviews19 followers
April 21, 2023
Gabbyreads was talking about this in one of her booktube videos and it sounded intresting to me so I picked it up and some of the stories actually made me cry. I was not expecting that.

My fave stories were:
1. At the Hospital…
2. During a night of casual sex…
3. The Race Grows Sweeter…
4. When Eve and Eve bit the apple
5. Truly, Madly, Guiltily
6. You May want to Marry My Husband
7. DJ’s homeless mommy
8. Now I need a place to hide away
9. Just Holding on Through the Curves
10. Take me as I am…
11. First I met my Children…
12. My First lesson in Motherhood
13. When Mom is on the Scent
14. The Third Half of a Couple
15. When I was Sixteen
Profile Image for Siena.
225 reviews
April 19, 2021
Watched the show. Loved it. Watched it again. Got the book. Freaking loved it. I was surprised to see there were so many short stories! And they were all good and heartfelt, as I was going I wrote down my favourites until I realized the list got longer and longer! What a delightful read!

My favourite essays: Misery loves fried chicken too. So he looked like dad, it was just dinner right? During a night of casual sex, urgent messages go unanswered. The race grows sweeter near its final lap. When eve and eve bit the apple. You may want to marry my husband. DJ’s homeless mommy. Now I need a place to hide away. Just holding on through the curves. Take me as I am, whoever I am. Adolescence without a roadmap. My husband is now my wife. Something like motherhood. First I met my children, then my girlfriend. My first lesson in motherhood. Two decembers: loss and redemption.

Really hope they film a season 2 with all these amazing essays!!
Profile Image for Rachel Sorensen.
54 reviews
December 12, 2023
Filled with bite-sized stories of love in all forms. Perfect bedside table book when you want to read a short chapter before bed.
Profile Image for Corinn Tiffany.
53 reviews1 follower
December 24, 2023
interesting, though the tone and writing style were oddly homogenous despite the variety of experiences (over-curated?). Now I need a place to hide and You may want to marry my husband made me cry
Profile Image for Jacqie Wheeler.
566 reviews1,546 followers
March 15, 2021
This book is for poetry fans. The writing style is very metaphorical and deep - a bit too deep for me. I was very bored throughout this whole book, and didn't get the full appreciation out of the stories. This book was made into a tv series on Amazon Prime and I watched one episode, but still couldn't get into the stories. These are all excerpts taken from The New York Times.

Watch my vlog for more thoughts: https://youtu.be/PHX92dV7KEw
9 reviews6 followers
November 13, 2019
I flew through this book, devouring each sweet story. I loved it so much I couldn’t keep it to myself.. I read some essays aloud to the people I love, and I sent the link to about four people. I laughed, I cried.. So touching.
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