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335 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 13, 2013
“I’ll always be yours. No distance or time apart will change that, Lily. You need to believe that.”
“But Lo and I…” I try to find the words. “We may not be good for each other, but sometimes I feel like he’s the only guy who could ever love me.”
“I love you, but I want to love you enough that I never choose alcohol over you. Not even for a moment. I want to be someone you deserve. Who helps you rather than enables you, and I can’t begin to do that until I get help for myself.”
“If I could be enough to fill you, would you let me?” I look at him.
“Yes.”
“Then let me try,” he says, his hand cupping my face. “Let me try to be enough for you.”
“Don’t change too much,” I tell him. I fear he’ll return and won’t fit within my life anymore. He’ll grow beyond me while I stay stagnant and alone.
“Only the bad parts,” he says.
“ I’ll do better. I’ll try harder for you.”
“Lily, what do you mean about not being good people?”
“We’re selfish and miserable.”
“I realized I wasn’t just another promiscuous girl in school. I didn’t just have sex for fun or because it made me feel empowered. I liked the high, the rush, and how it seemed to fill an emptiness that kept growing inside of me.”
I know I can be a royal asshole. But I love you. You’re my best friend, and the only person I’ve ever told that I have a problem. It doesn’t matter if we’re in a fucking fake relationship. We’re supposed to talk to each other. Come to me before you go off the deep end, okay?”
"You’re a permanent fixture in my life. You’re not going anywhere."
“You two are so weird,” Connor says, very casually.”
"He kisses my forehead before I can form thoughts, and when he pulls away, his lips brush my ear. “I’m here for you. Always "
"“Lo?” I whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Please…don’t move, okay? »
“I won’t”He wraps his arms around me, keeping me warm on the cold tile."
"We may not be good for each other, but sometimes I feel like he’s the only guy who could ever love me."
"Then let me try,” he says, his hand cupping my face. “Let me try to be enough for you."
"I’ve never pretended, Lil. We’ve been together, even if you thought it was some fucking lie."
"We’re terrible at so many things—remembering important dates, college, making friends—but the one thing we’ve always been halfway decent at is being together. We owe it to ourselves to try."
"Sometimes the cannots turn into maybes which become okays."
"I’ll always be yours. No distance or time apart will change that, Lily. You need to believe that."
He enables my addiction. Always has. And the longer we’re together, he always will.
“But you don’t need me to drink. You don’t have to ask me to fix a whiskey sour. Your addiction doesn’t infiltrate my life like mine does yours.”
→I mean is she serious right now? The fact that she’s refuses to talk to Loren about his addiction IS putting her at the very center of the problem.
“You’re a permanent fixture in my life. You're not going anywhere.”
“I want to love you more than I love this.”
"We lied for each other and hid our infidelities, playing the role of doting boyfriend and girlfriend. The deeper we sink, the harder it is to crawl out. I fear the moment when… someone discovers our secrets. At any moment, everything can crumble beneath us."
"In this moment, I'm yours."
His voice lowers… "I don't have any right to tell you to stop... I'm here for you. Always."
"I'm not one of your conquests," he says in a throaty voice. "I know what you want, and you don't need to take it. I can give it to you... Let me try," he says, his hand cupping my face. "Let me try to be enough for you."
“The fear of losing each other is always stronger than the pain we cause.”
“Unless we want to say goodbye to our luxuries from our inherited wealth, we have to pretend to be together. And pretend that we’re two perfectly functioning, perfectly well-kept human beings.”
“I didn’t just have sex for fun or because it made me feel empowered. I liked the high, the rush, and how it seemed to fill an emptiness that kept growing inside of me.”
“This is why I don’t do family functions. This is why I don’t have friends. I disappoint everyone.”
“I warned Lo not to, but I couldn’t force him to stop. Not when I wanted sex as much as he craved alcohol.”
“In their moments of silence, I pictured a stare-off between them. One that only fathers and sons with tempestuous relationships can share. Full of hatred and unspoken truths.”
“I want to love you more than I love this”—he waves his bottle—“and I don’t know how else to do it unless there’s something to lose.”
“His addiction scares me sometimes. Alcoholism can destroy livers and kidneys, and one day, he may not wake up from a night of bingeing. But how can I tell him to stop? How can I judge him when I am nowhere near ready to let go of my crutch? So for right now, this is the best I can do.”
“Six years of miscommunication. One of us could have opened up. Instead we let the tension build between us, growing a lie.”
“No one told me you can love someone and still be miserable. How is that possible?”
“Tears flow and he says, “Wait for me.” The words come out choked and pained. “I need you to wait for me.”
“You’re a permanent fixture in my life. You’re not going anywhere.”
“I’ll always be yours. No distance or time apart will change that, Lily. You need to believe that.”
“His lips quirk. “I love all of you.”
“Loren Hale fucks better.”
“We’re terrible at so many things—remembering important dates, college, making friends—but the one thing we’ve always been halfway decent at is being together. We owe it to ourselves to try.”
“It’s like we’ve been married our whole lives, and now we have to separate. I know it’s for the best, but the hurt still festers like a new wound.”
“I love you, but I want to love you enough that I never choose alcohol over you. Not even for a moment. I want to be someone you deserve. Who helps you rather than enables you, and I can’t begin to do that until I get help for myself.”
“I guess the only way to be close to me is to inject yourself in my world because I won’t make the move to enter yours. That’s horrible, isn’t it?”
“If you don’t love yourself, Lily, how can anyone love you back? And you don’t need a guy to fulfill you. I wish you would remember that.”
“I watch Lo, and I start to see a new future. It’s there, still blurry, but it looks brighter and better. I just wonder if it still includes me.”
The fear of losing each other is
always stronger than the pain we cause.
He’s my drug that I gladly consume, and I think that’s what he fears most. He enables my addiction. Always has. And the longer we’re together, he always will.
..••°°°°••..“No one told me you can love someone and still be miserable. How is that possible?”°°••....••°°
“I love you, but I want to love you enough that I never choose alcohol over you. Not even for a moment. I want to be someone you deserve.”
” Just repeat this phrase whenever you feel the urge to jump some other guy’s bones.”
His mouth brushes my ear. “Loren Hale fucks better. “
“She waltzes into the apartment, her Chanel handbag swinging on her arm like a weapon. Rose frightens children, pets, and even grown males with her icy eyes and chilling glares.”
“Wait for me.” The words come out choked and pained. “I need you to wait for me.”