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360 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 1839
I was so delighted to be so high above the world: it was a childlike feeling, I won’t deny it, but withdrawing from the demands of society, and drawing near to nature, we become children without meaning to, and everything that has been acquired falls away from the soul – and it becomes as it once was, and probably will be once again.
Yes, such has been my lot since early childhood. Everyone would read on my face evil signs that weren’t even there. But they were assumed to be there, and so they were born in me. I was modest – and I was accused of craftiness: I started to be secretive. I had deep feelings of good and evil. No one caressed me; everyone insulted me. I became rancorous. I was sullen – other children were merry and chatty. I felt myself to be superior to them – and I was made inferior. I grew envious. I was prepared to love the whole world – and no one understood me – and I learned to hate. My colorless youth elapsed in a struggle with myself and the world.
I have already surpassed that period in a soul’s life when it seeks only happiness, when the heart feels a necessity to love someone strongly and ardently. Now I only want to be loved, and at that, only by a very few.
(Funnily enough - in the saddest way possible - Lermontov himself wrote a passionate and angry poem Death of the Poet about Pushkin’s death, condemning the societal scorn that pushed Pushkin to such an end - only to repeat the same fate himself. And both Pushkin and Lermontov have written and condemned pointless duel scenes in both of their greatest works - Pushkin in Eugene Onegin, Lermontov in this one, A Hero of Our Time. Writing the scathing Death of the Poet about Pushkin’s death was what earned the young previously little-known writer both skyrocketing fame in the literary circles and displeasure of the Tsar, culminating in basically what amounted to the exile to serve in the army in the Caucasus mountains - the place where his masterpiece A Hero of Our Time is set and where Lermontov himself eventually was killed.)
(Supposedly, Lermontov himself was not the nicest person. A very wealthy and spoiled young man, he was famous for seducing women and breaking their hearts, writing rambunctious and lurid poetry after joining a cadet school, a sharp and caustic wit that could border on casual cruelty, impressive intelligence bordering on cynical arrogance, and boundless bravery in war battles leaning towards careless recklessness. But again, the man was only 26 when he died, with no chance to ever reach maturity and wisdom of age, to outgrow the swagger stage of a young rich guy with all the life ahead of him.)
“[…] This is a portrait, indeed, but not of one man: it is a portrait comprised of the vices of our entire generation, in all of their form. You will tell me again that a man cannot be this bad, and I will tell you that if you could believe in the possibility of the existence of all the tragic and romantic scoundrels, why wouldn’t you believe in the reality of Pechorin? If you enjoyed creations much more terrible and uglier, why would this character, even as an invention, not find mercy with you? Is it because that he carries more truth than you would have wished for?”
“The dancing choirs of the stars were interwoven in wondrous patterns on the distant horizon, and, one after another, they flickered out as the wan resplendence of the east suffused the dark, lilac vault of heaven, gradually illuminating the steep mountain slopes, covered with the virgin snows. To right and left loomed grim and mysterious chasms, and masses of mist, eddying and coiling like snakes, were creeping thither along the furrows of the neighbouring cliffs, as though sentient and fearful of the approach of day.”
“On reading over these notes, I have become convinced of the sincerity of the man who has so unsparingly exposed to view his own weaknesses and vices. The history of a man’s soul, even the pettiest soul, is hardly less interesting and useful than the history of a whole people; especially when the former is the result of the observations of a mature mind upon itself, and has been written without any egoistical desire of arousing sympathy or astonishment. Rousseau’s Confessions has precisely this defect—he read it to his friends.”
“What a glorious place that valley is! On every hand are inaccessible mountains, steep, yellow slopes scored by water-channels, and reddish rocks draped with green ivy and crowned with clusters of plane-trees. Yonder, at an immense height, is the golden fringe of the snow. Down below rolls the River Aragva, which, after bursting noisily forth from the dark and misty depths of the gorge, with an unnamed stream clasped in its embrace, stretches out like a thread of silver, its waters glistening like a snake with flashing scales.”
“A childish feeling, I admit, but, when we retire from the conventions of society and draw close to nature, we involuntarily become as children: each attribute acquired by experience falls away from the soul, which becomes anew such as it was once and will surely be again. He whose lot it has been, as mine has been, to wander over the desolate mountains, long, long to observe their fantastic shapes, greedily to gulp down the life-giving air diffused through their ravines—he, of course, will understand my desire to communicate, to narrate, to sketch those magic pictures.”
كنت خجولا فاتهموني بالمكر فأصبحت كتوما. و كنت أحس بالخير و الش�� إحساسا عميقا. و لكن أحدا لم يعطف عليّ. بل كانوا جميعا يؤذونني. فأصبحت حقودا أحب الإنتقام. و كنت حزين النفس و كان الأطفال الأخرون فرحين هدارين و كنت أشعر أنني فوقهم فقيل لي أنني دونهم فأصبحت حسودا. و كنت مهيأ لأن أحب جميع الناس فلم يفهمني أحد فتعلمت الكرْه. دفنت أنبل عواطفي في أعماق قلبي فماتت هنالك. و كنت أحب أن أقول الحقيقة فلم يصدقني أحد فأخذت أكذب.هذا هو بتشورين بطل زمان ليرمنتوف و هذا ما زرعناه اليوم في نفوس شبابنا. زرعة خائبة لا تبني إلا بمقدار ما تهدم و لا تصعد إلا إلى أسفل و لا تتقدم أبدا للأمام. نرى اليوم حصاد فشل الثورات فسادا و ديكتاتورية و إرهابا و ما خفي كان أعظم. لا زالت أمامنا فرصا ضئيلة بعدم إعلان الإستسلام و استئناف ما بدأناه فورا في جولة هي حتما الأخيرة للمهزوم قبل المنتصر.
ولد اليأس في قلبي. أصبحت روحي مشلولة. ذهب نصف نفسي. جف. تبخر. مات. قطعته و رميته بعيدا عني.
لا أدري أأنا أحمق أم أنا وغد. و لكن هناك شيئا لا مراء فيه و هو أنني جدير بالشفقة. ان لي نفسا أفسدتها حياة المجتمع الراقي و خيالا قلقا و قلبا لا يشبع من جوع. لا شيء يرويني. فسرعان ما آلف الألم و اللذة كليهما. و إن وجودي ليزداد فراغا يوما بعد يوم و لم يبق لي إلا مخرج واحد .. السفر.
And now Childe Harold was sore sick at heart,
And from his fellow bacchanals would flee;
'Tis said, at times the sullen tear would start,
But pride congealed the drop within his e'e...
- Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage (Canto I, Stanza VI)
Yes, such has been my lot from very childhood! All have read upon my countenance the marks of bad qualities, which were not existent; but they were assumed to exist—and they were born. I was modest—I was accused of slyness: I grew secretive. I profoundly felt both good and evil—no one caressed me, all insulted me: I grew vindictive. I was gloomy—other children merry and talkative; I felt myself higher than they—I was rated lower: I grew envious. I was prepared to love the whole world—no one understood me: I learned to hate. My colourless youth flowed by in conflict with myself and the world; fearing ridicule, I buried my best feelings in the depths of my heart, and there they died. I spoke the truth—I was not believed: I began to deceive. (93)
Therefore, you must wait a bit, or, if you like, turn over a few pages. (26)
Though I do not advise you to do the latter, because the crossing of Mount Krestov (or, as the erudite Gamba calls it, le mont St. Christophe) is worthy of your curiosity. (26)
“I sing whatever comes into my head. It'll be heard by who it's meant for, and who isn't meant to hear won't understand.”
"That man of loneliness and mystery,
Scarce seen to smile, and seldom heard to sigh;
Whose name appalls the fiercest of his crew,
And tints each swarthy cheek with sallower hue;
Still sways their souls with that commanding art
That dazzles, leads, yet chills the vulgar heart.
What is that spell, that thus his lawless train
Confess and envy—yet oppose in vain?
What should it be, that thus their faith can bind?
The power of Thought—the magic of the Mind!
Linked with success, assumed and kept with skill,
That molds another's weakness to its will;
Wields with their hands, but, still to these unknown,
Makes even their mightiest deeds appear his own.
Such hath it been—shall be—beneath the Sun
The many still must labour for the one!
'Tis Nature's doom—but let the wretch who toils,
Accuse not—hate not—him who wears the spoils.
Oh! if he knew the weight of splendid chains,
How light the balance of his humbler pains!"
George Gordon, Lord Byron
"A Hero of Our Time, my dear readers, is indeed a portrait, but not of one man. It is a portrait built up of all our generation's vices in full bloom. You will again tell me that a human being cannot be so wicked, and I will reply that if you can believe in the existence of all the villains of tragedy and romance, why wouldn't believe that there was a Pechorin? If you could admire far more terrifying and repulsive types, why aren't you more merciful to this character, even if it is fictitious? Isn't it because there's more truth in it than you might wish?"
I often ask myself why I am so obstinately endeavouring to win the love of a young girl whom I do not wish to deceive, and whom I will never marry.