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Body Neutral: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues
“An incredible resource for those who are looking to find greater peace with their bodies in order to live a more empowered, joyful, and meaningful life.” —Matt McGorry
A life-changing guide to reclaiming your relationship with your body—and yourself
Have you ever thought that if only you could change the way you looked, your life would be better? It’s so easy to imagine that by changing the outside of our bodies, we’d feel better on the inside. But we all know that even if we could magically attain a so-called “perfect” body, our problems wouldn’t actually be solved. That’s because body image issues are never just about the they’re always about something deeper inside.
As a longtime personal trainer and coach, Jessi Kneeland has seen hundreds of clients achieve their fitness goals but still feel trapped in a web of body hatred, anxiety, obsession, and dysmorphia. Searching for a solution, Kneeland set out on a quest to discover what it truly takes to help people understand, process, and heal their body image issues for good. They share their discoveries in Body Neutral, where you’ll
There is a reason you’re unhappy with your body, and Body Neutral will help you discover what that reason is and how to defuse its power, freeing you to enjoy a life of true confidence, security, and satisfaction.
A life-changing guide to reclaiming your relationship with your body—and yourself
Have you ever thought that if only you could change the way you looked, your life would be better? It’s so easy to imagine that by changing the outside of our bodies, we’d feel better on the inside. But we all know that even if we could magically attain a so-called “perfect” body, our problems wouldn’t actually be solved. That’s because body image issues are never just about the they’re always about something deeper inside.
As a longtime personal trainer and coach, Jessi Kneeland has seen hundreds of clients achieve their fitness goals but still feel trapped in a web of body hatred, anxiety, obsession, and dysmorphia. Searching for a solution, Kneeland set out on a quest to discover what it truly takes to help people understand, process, and heal their body image issues for good. They share their discoveries in Body Neutral, where you’ll
There is a reason you’re unhappy with your body, and Body Neutral will help you discover what that reason is and how to defuse its power, freeing you to enjoy a life of true confidence, security, and satisfaction.
432 pages, Paperback
First published June 6, 2023
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September 11, 2024I wasn’t a huge fan of this book, but it had its moments. Here are my reasons for not being a huge fan:
1) the author is a life coach, which doesn’t require any sort of training or education to become. Literally anyone can do that. They do have experience as a personal trainer, so I think that helps with this particular subject matter. Overall, though, I have such a hard time with life coaches.
2) while the author references some books, no research was really referenced.
3) the development of the body image avatars seemed to have come from anecdotal work. It also feels to be similar to the enneagram and Myers-Briggs, where the results could be different depending on the day. Kneeland did mention that they believe someone could identify with more than one avatar. I think my concern with this type of identifier is that people, especially in my work as a licensed therapist, tend to latch onto that label as their entire identity. (I also recognize the irony of me talking about my issue with anecdotal work and then using my own anecdote.)
4) this reads like a Instagram influencer, albeit one of the more positive and probably helpful ones. They talk about the negative connotations that pop psychology has put into the world, which I do think has happened. I also think that social media is the reason for that. (Looking at you tiktok and instagram) I would encourage someone to talk to a medical professional (i.e., a doctor and/or a therapist) who has actual training and knowledge in these types of subjects rather than read some self-help book or rely on some post from social media.
Now that I’m done ranting, I will say that I like the desire to understand what’s beneath the body image concerns. Those concerns almost always cover some sort of trauma, relational insecurity, self-loathing or disgust, and/or fear of rejection.
1) the author is a life coach, which doesn’t require any sort of training or education to become. Literally anyone can do that. They do have experience as a personal trainer, so I think that helps with this particular subject matter. Overall, though, I have such a hard time with life coaches.
2) while the author references some books, no research was really referenced.
3) the development of the body image avatars seemed to have come from anecdotal work. It also feels to be similar to the enneagram and Myers-Briggs, where the results could be different depending on the day. Kneeland did mention that they believe someone could identify with more than one avatar. I think my concern with this type of identifier is that people, especially in my work as a licensed therapist, tend to latch onto that label as their entire identity. (I also recognize the irony of me talking about my issue with anecdotal work and then using my own anecdote.)
4) this reads like a Instagram influencer, albeit one of the more positive and probably helpful ones. They talk about the negative connotations that pop psychology has put into the world, which I do think has happened. I also think that social media is the reason for that. (Looking at you tiktok and instagram) I would encourage someone to talk to a medical professional (i.e., a doctor and/or a therapist) who has actual training and knowledge in these types of subjects rather than read some self-help book or rely on some post from social media.
Now that I’m done ranting, I will say that I like the desire to understand what’s beneath the body image concerns. Those concerns almost always cover some sort of trauma, relational insecurity, self-loathing or disgust, and/or fear of rejection.
October 2, 2023
Wow this is serious business, with a structural lens but actionable on the individual level. It's definitely got me thinking, and I'd recommend it to anyone. It's long though, and full of tons of prompts. One of the few books I'd say might be better to buy than check out from the library.
January 11, 2024
What I loved: The theory. There's a lot to think about, and I love thinking.
What I didn't love: The homework. I hate books that give you homework or ask you to set goals.
I also agree that this was a little too PC beyond what made sense for the topic. Don't get me wrong, I'm also a queer, enby, AFAB, and I appreciate that Kneeland calls attention to all the intersecting identities that inform literally everyone's relationship with their body. That felt very necessary and good to clarify at the beginning during the theory portion of the book.
After that I kind of feel like there were times where Kneeland hit on social justice either too hard or when it wasn't necessary. They give examples from their practice to demonstrate their methodology and drop quips all the time that perhaps are relevant to that client, but aren't necessarily relevant to the reader's comprehension. Is it important that the client in an example recognized, say, their internalized misogyny? Yes. Do we need to know about their internalized misogyny? Maybe, it depends on the context in which we're examining a particular example. Do we need the tangents about things like the patriarchal conditioning of women to hate themselves? Mmm... probably not.
I'm not familiar with Jessi Kneeland beyond what I've read in the book and a quick perusal of their website, but there came a certain point in reading where I started to question their credibility. Their resume is impressive, and thank God they are educated beyond just their life coaching certificate (gross, by the way), but I'm troubled by the lack of scientific or psychological scholarship throughout the book. To be clear, I listened to the audiobook so I can't see parenthetical citations or a bibliography, but surely I would've heard some name dropping, quotes, or study summaries. Self help gets to be a little too "woo" for me when the author relies too heavily on their own anecdotes and trademarks, and have no citations to show for the development of their work.
Is there good advice here? I think so. I'm not an expert in this particular field. Is Kneeland compassionate, mindful, and knowledgable? Sure. I like the catchy "four avatars" and will probably think about them often when I find myself despairing over my own body. Is that enough to recommend this book? Yeah, provided you consider the caveats above and don't buy into any tours, expensive retreats, or special edition journals for this book.
What I didn't love: The homework. I hate books that give you homework or ask you to set goals.
I also agree that this was a little too PC beyond what made sense for the topic. Don't get me wrong, I'm also a queer, enby, AFAB, and I appreciate that Kneeland calls attention to all the intersecting identities that inform literally everyone's relationship with their body. That felt very necessary and good to clarify at the beginning during the theory portion of the book.
After that I kind of feel like there were times where Kneeland hit on social justice either too hard or when it wasn't necessary. They give examples from their practice to demonstrate their methodology and drop quips all the time that perhaps are relevant to that client, but aren't necessarily relevant to the reader's comprehension. Is it important that the client in an example recognized, say, their internalized misogyny? Yes. Do we need to know about their internalized misogyny? Maybe, it depends on the context in which we're examining a particular example. Do we need the tangents about things like the patriarchal conditioning of women to hate themselves? Mmm... probably not.
I'm not familiar with Jessi Kneeland beyond what I've read in the book and a quick perusal of their website, but there came a certain point in reading where I started to question their credibility. Their resume is impressive, and thank God they are educated beyond just their life coaching certificate (gross, by the way), but I'm troubled by the lack of scientific or psychological scholarship throughout the book. To be clear, I listened to the audiobook so I can't see parenthetical citations or a bibliography, but surely I would've heard some name dropping, quotes, or study summaries. Self help gets to be a little too "woo" for me when the author relies too heavily on their own anecdotes and trademarks, and have no citations to show for the development of their work.
Is there good advice here? I think so. I'm not an expert in this particular field. Is Kneeland compassionate, mindful, and knowledgable? Sure. I like the catchy "four avatars" and will probably think about them often when I find myself despairing over my own body. Is that enough to recommend this book? Yeah, provided you consider the caveats above and don't buy into any tours, expensive retreats, or special edition journals for this book.
July 16, 2024
First of all— this is not the Bible for body image issues. But I think it’s a good place to start and identify your patterns. The quiz and archetypes are helpful. However, the theory section needs some work. Sometimes her language can confuse me and is almost counterintuitive. She was just so wordy during the whole thing that I skimmed the last third of the book.
Helpful but not the cure
Helpful but not the cure
April 12, 2024
I've had body image issues for at least a decade and a half now, and this may sound naïve, but I had never really considered what might be the underlying reason(s) for them. Kneeland presents four "avatars" that describe common profiles of people who struggle with body image.
This book will make you work, and it has a lot to unpack, including specific actions to take on a personal level. I liked this book enough to purchase myself a copy after reading (which is not something I do very often, as a public librarian). I'll for sure revisit this book as I continue to work on seeing my body through a neutral, impartial, unbiased lens.
(I also especially appreciated that Kneeland wrote to a diverse audience in this work: body image issues are not women-exclusive, thank you very much.)
https://dandanlibrarian.blogspot.com/...
This book will make you work, and it has a lot to unpack, including specific actions to take on a personal level. I liked this book enough to purchase myself a copy after reading (which is not something I do very often, as a public librarian). I'll for sure revisit this book as I continue to work on seeing my body through a neutral, impartial, unbiased lens.
(I also especially appreciated that Kneeland wrote to a diverse audience in this work: body image issues are not women-exclusive, thank you very much.)
https://dandanlibrarian.blogspot.com/...
November 27, 2023
I wanted to like this book but there was too much here to cause me to dislike it.
The author is REALLY into social justice, which is fine, but that often has nothing to do with body issues.
For example, she keeps bringing up systems of oppression, and bizarrely, that the US is a colonialist country (whether this is true or what the relevance is, your guess is as good as mine)
She puts people into three categories. I got "high achiever." Fine, that's probably true. What I did not expect was to be told that I was CONTRIBUTING TO SYSTEMS THAT GET PEOPLE IN FAT BODIES KILLED. What????
One of the suggestions for getting over my body imagine is to do work in the "racial or fat phobic spaces to combat.... " blah blah blah. This is not helpful. Why is race and sexuality peppered throughout this book? Apparently body issues disproportionally affect BIPOC and people with disabilities, trans people, gay people, so on and so forth. If you've ever been to an actual hospital for people with eating disorders it will probably not surprise you that it's mostly white women. This is the one area in which white women are quite overrepresented per capita. I also feel like women do this to THEMSELVES and to other WOMEN, it's not done by the patriarchy. Men are pretty clear that they like curves... but people like Anna Wintour are the ones who say NO FAT PEOPLE AT VOGUE.
So ... is it really men making us feel bad?
But the author is SO VERY on the left, and even blames the "Right" for body issues (!!!) So she doesn't know or recognize most people with body dysmorphia are female and white, and / or it doesn't fit her narrative. It was surprising to me as a Canadian that Republicans are to blame for my low self-esteem about my appearance. Who knew?
I still want to read about this topic but I will find another author. She helped me a little with some of her rhetorical questions that made me think..... I am sure she has helped others but this book is not a good fit for me.
The author is REALLY into social justice, which is fine, but that often has nothing to do with body issues.
For example, she keeps bringing up systems of oppression, and bizarrely, that the US is a colonialist country (whether this is true or what the relevance is, your guess is as good as mine)
She puts people into three categories. I got "high achiever." Fine, that's probably true. What I did not expect was to be told that I was CONTRIBUTING TO SYSTEMS THAT GET PEOPLE IN FAT BODIES KILLED. What????
One of the suggestions for getting over my body imagine is to do work in the "racial or fat phobic spaces to combat.... " blah blah blah. This is not helpful. Why is race and sexuality peppered throughout this book? Apparently body issues disproportionally affect BIPOC and people with disabilities, trans people, gay people, so on and so forth. If you've ever been to an actual hospital for people with eating disorders it will probably not surprise you that it's mostly white women. This is the one area in which white women are quite overrepresented per capita. I also feel like women do this to THEMSELVES and to other WOMEN, it's not done by the patriarchy. Men are pretty clear that they like curves... but people like Anna Wintour are the ones who say NO FAT PEOPLE AT VOGUE.
So ... is it really men making us feel bad?
But the author is SO VERY on the left, and even blames the "Right" for body issues (!!!) So she doesn't know or recognize most people with body dysmorphia are female and white, and / or it doesn't fit her narrative. It was surprising to me as a Canadian that Republicans are to blame for my low self-esteem about my appearance. Who knew?
I still want to read about this topic but I will find another author. She helped me a little with some of her rhetorical questions that made me think..... I am sure she has helped others but this book is not a good fit for me.
September 10, 2023
Insightful and helpful with scads of actionable steps to help release readers from the prison of their body image issues. No sweeping promises either but rather the systematic questioning of what these issues do for us and how we can dismantle the false or inaccurate beliefs that keep us stuck and trapped and feeling like shit.
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August 27, 2023Reading this book made me realize I no longer have body image issues, though in the past I would have been the “runner” avatar. I’ve used many of the healing strategies such as meditation, using the feelings wheel, and getting in tune with my body through yoga. I’m still glad I read this and will be using some of the talking points in the appendix when people make comments on my appearance.
March 22, 2024
This book really is revolutionary! I loved learning about body neutrality and the true relief it provides from body shaming struggles. If you are interested in this be prepared to do the WORK. To be honest I was not prepared and am going to go buy this and read it again so I can dig into it- it’s especially hard for me because I am not neutral about anything lol. Great concept, loved the anecdotes and the authors expertise
April 8, 2024
Part 1 of this book was amazing (5/5) and I encourage everyone to read the first 70 pages. I really liked the critique of the body positivity movement (for example, in that body positivity still upholds the hierarchal value for beauty and aesthetic, and doesn’t consider the realities of social context). I also really appreciated the anti-oppressive and social justice lens that the author took. However, the concept of the avatars didn’t land with me and felt spurious. I found the second two sections of the book as a whole hard to follow and painfully self-help-y.
September 13, 2024
A book by a life coach that is wayyyyy too PC about every single thing and there isn't any research sighted. A lot of.activities to go but it was just a bit of a letdown for me.
January 13, 2023
The concept of body neutrality gives people with body image issues a different way to understand themselves and move into a healthier understanding of themselves and their self-worth. Kneeland offers a powerful explanation for why "body positivity" as we understand it now isn't enough to help people grow past internalized sexist, racist, and fatphobic beauty ideals -- and how taking a neutral approach to our bodies helps us uncover deeper emotional needs and fears. They present four avatars, or general models, for understanding the different ways body image issues affect people, and they break down many of the self-critical statements expressed by those avatars to reveal the underlying emotional wounds and/or internalized beliefs.
There is A LOT to unpack in this book, but Kneeland offers a nonjudgmental and inclusive space for readers to begin the work of delving into their own body image issues. The author gives credit to many BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ authors and activists who have laid the groundwork for their own journey, and they point out that unpacking the messages so many have internalized about beauty standards will quite likely also lead to unpacking bigger issues such as racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.
This was an incredibly helpful and supportive read for me on a personal level, too, and gave me new insight into some of my own body image issues as well as strategies for addressing those issues. It's a book I'm sure I will come back to, and I know others will find it helpful as well.
Thank you, Penguin Random House and NetGalley, for providing an eARC of this book. Opinions expressed here are solely my own.
There is A LOT to unpack in this book, but Kneeland offers a nonjudgmental and inclusive space for readers to begin the work of delving into their own body image issues. The author gives credit to many BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ authors and activists who have laid the groundwork for their own journey, and they point out that unpacking the messages so many have internalized about beauty standards will quite likely also lead to unpacking bigger issues such as racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.
This was an incredibly helpful and supportive read for me on a personal level, too, and gave me new insight into some of my own body image issues as well as strategies for addressing those issues. It's a book I'm sure I will come back to, and I know others will find it helpful as well.
Thank you, Penguin Random House and NetGalley, for providing an eARC of this book. Opinions expressed here are solely my own.
October 9, 2023
I think this book offers some straightforward, practical advice for dealing with body image issues. The basic point is that your body image issues are used as an emotional crutch to protect you from deeper needs or issues. The idea is to uncover what those are and work toward solving the root causes rather than obsessing over weight or looks.
It also is extremely political in many respects, and it would be a shame if that turned people off to its overall useful message. Some of it seems possibly irrelevant to the message, however I’m sure that while people in my generation are not as accustomed to confronting or thinking about sexual and gender identity as younger people are today, it’s probably vital to the discussion for more people than it isn’t.
I found the case studies/client stories extremely interesting and useful. There’s hands on work suggested with journaling ideas. I ended up highlighting a lot of it towards the end to save the thoughts because I had to return it quickly.
It also is extremely political in many respects, and it would be a shame if that turned people off to its overall useful message. Some of it seems possibly irrelevant to the message, however I’m sure that while people in my generation are not as accustomed to confronting or thinking about sexual and gender identity as younger people are today, it’s probably vital to the discussion for more people than it isn’t.
I found the case studies/client stories extremely interesting and useful. There’s hands on work suggested with journaling ideas. I ended up highlighting a lot of it towards the end to save the thoughts because I had to return it quickly.
August 12, 2023
Body neutrality is a reaction to the fact that body positivity seems unattainable for many. While the body-positive movement began as a collectivist political stance against fatphobia, it became individualistic as it gained steam on social media. It became about deciding to like yourself in the face of social pressure rather than deconstructing those pressures and acknowledging that they affect people to different degrees because of structural discrimination. Those who succeeded at attaining a positive view of their bodies were likely already closest to the social ideal. They didn't have as much weighing them down, like the image hierarchy that particularly oppresses people of color, trans people, and people with disabilities to a greater degree. The author makes a point of discussing how social context and intersectionality are big influences on body image issues. Body neutrality aims to be realistic about that power and try to disengage from harmful, internalized views that embattle us. It's about seeing something in the mirror you may not like without letting it ruin your day. This is an easier journey to make than the one to glowing enthusiasm towards the very cellulite that sent Barbie into an existential panic (or whatever else may be bothering you). The author suggests some affirmations/mantras to start resetting your mind like: I don't like [insert body image concern], and that makes sense, and it's ok.
This is a book that's hard to sum up for review because the experience of reading it is so personal. The author notes that you know you're on the right track when you dig deep enough to get some emotional response, and that definitely happened to me. I read this as an audiobook, and it's a fun way to interact with the knowledge and exercises since it's read by the author. It felt like they were my empathetic and patient coach through it all. No matter the topic, Kneeland focuses on the reader's well-being, offering professional expertise while reminding the reader to do what feels right for them and take ownership of knowing themself best. That made an overwhelming topic more friendly to approach and emphasizes the process as a team endeavor, not a space where the reader is a passive recipient of knowledge. I've done some of the writing prompts already and will refer back to some in my physical copy later because I just need some more time to process before diving into action steps, etc.
Some broad-stroke pieces of advice that I found useful were:
1. Don't add moral judgments to your body's reality. It only prolongs your suffering.
2. It's logical to have body image issues in a world that prefers certain body features and rewards people accordingly. Don't feel unreasonable or dumb for having body image issues.
3. Jobs we give our bodies outside just existing make it impossible to view it neutrally, i.e. getting a partner, demonstrating power or strength of will, or being socially acceptable, etc. You have to let go of whatever insidious values you've applied to your body's reality to be neutral toward it.
4. Body image issues can extend beyond the stereotypical ones centered around fatphobia. Neurodivergent and queer people may feel not right in their bodies because of negative pressure against being their full, authentic selves. People of color must face beauty standards that place their natural features low on an image hierarchy. And people with chronic health conditions may feel their bodies are working against them.
Another thing I found very helpful is Kneeland's use of avatars to explain common suites of body image issues and etiology. They make sure to emphasize that the reader shouldn't lean on the avatars in a limiting way. Some people resonate with more than one to differing degrees or don't entirely fit a profile because of their personal history. I'm not going to get into describing all the avatars because they're complex and deserve a full reading to decide what resonates with you. I'll just note that "the outsider" avatar fit me like a glove, and there were some specific points in those sections that were paradigm-shifting for me, so I want to share them in case it could do the same for another outsider. Kneeland states that people pleasing is morally neutral and makes sense if you grew up in a situation where that ensured your needs were met. I often feel that descriptor is leveled at me as an accusation, so the author's approach was sort of a cleansing one for me. The author also delineates the differences between growing up in a "guess culture" where direct communication is seen as crass and impolite and an "ask culture" where people say what they mean to prevent miscommunication. Wow. As someone who's definitely accustomed to guess culture, my constant need to search for subtext and analyze what people say for the "true meaning" makes a lot more sense. The author also describes a case study where an outsider hates their body to get the jump on other people so they can't surprise or humiliate them with body criticism. It's the kind of "feeling seen" that hurts a bit. What I've always interpreted as being tough is actually hurting me.
Out of necessity, this review is a bit vulnerable to show that this book could be a source of important revelations for you if you want to move into a space where you're not run down by body hatred. This can be a transformative read, and I recommend it to others feeling compulsive negativity about their bodies.
This is a book that's hard to sum up for review because the experience of reading it is so personal. The author notes that you know you're on the right track when you dig deep enough to get some emotional response, and that definitely happened to me. I read this as an audiobook, and it's a fun way to interact with the knowledge and exercises since it's read by the author. It felt like they were my empathetic and patient coach through it all. No matter the topic, Kneeland focuses on the reader's well-being, offering professional expertise while reminding the reader to do what feels right for them and take ownership of knowing themself best. That made an overwhelming topic more friendly to approach and emphasizes the process as a team endeavor, not a space where the reader is a passive recipient of knowledge. I've done some of the writing prompts already and will refer back to some in my physical copy later because I just need some more time to process before diving into action steps, etc.
Some broad-stroke pieces of advice that I found useful were:
1. Don't add moral judgments to your body's reality. It only prolongs your suffering.
2. It's logical to have body image issues in a world that prefers certain body features and rewards people accordingly. Don't feel unreasonable or dumb for having body image issues.
3. Jobs we give our bodies outside just existing make it impossible to view it neutrally, i.e. getting a partner, demonstrating power or strength of will, or being socially acceptable, etc. You have to let go of whatever insidious values you've applied to your body's reality to be neutral toward it.
4. Body image issues can extend beyond the stereotypical ones centered around fatphobia. Neurodivergent and queer people may feel not right in their bodies because of negative pressure against being their full, authentic selves. People of color must face beauty standards that place their natural features low on an image hierarchy. And people with chronic health conditions may feel their bodies are working against them.
Another thing I found very helpful is Kneeland's use of avatars to explain common suites of body image issues and etiology. They make sure to emphasize that the reader shouldn't lean on the avatars in a limiting way. Some people resonate with more than one to differing degrees or don't entirely fit a profile because of their personal history. I'm not going to get into describing all the avatars because they're complex and deserve a full reading to decide what resonates with you. I'll just note that "the outsider" avatar fit me like a glove, and there were some specific points in those sections that were paradigm-shifting for me, so I want to share them in case it could do the same for another outsider. Kneeland states that people pleasing is morally neutral and makes sense if you grew up in a situation where that ensured your needs were met. I often feel that descriptor is leveled at me as an accusation, so the author's approach was sort of a cleansing one for me. The author also delineates the differences between growing up in a "guess culture" where direct communication is seen as crass and impolite and an "ask culture" where people say what they mean to prevent miscommunication. Wow. As someone who's definitely accustomed to guess culture, my constant need to search for subtext and analyze what people say for the "true meaning" makes a lot more sense. The author also describes a case study where an outsider hates their body to get the jump on other people so they can't surprise or humiliate them with body criticism. It's the kind of "feeling seen" that hurts a bit. What I've always interpreted as being tough is actually hurting me.
Out of necessity, this review is a bit vulnerable to show that this book could be a source of important revelations for you if you want to move into a space where you're not run down by body hatred. This can be a transformative read, and I recommend it to others feeling compulsive negativity about their bodies.
May 28, 2024
How what you say to me affects my self-worth
I never considered how what another person said about my appearance or my body affected me. But when I think about it, the positive body comments fueled me and made me proud, while the negative ones made me want to slink away and hide. This book made me think about how I internalize comments other people gave me that were solely related to my body and appearance. They say, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you," if only that were the case.
How words matter
Words matter; how we see ourselves and what others say they see affects who we are and how we behave. It's funny; I would let other people tell me what they thought of my body or my appearance, but I can't recall ever telling someone what I thought about their body or appearance. I guess I always felt like that stuff was superficial and wanted to talk to people about how I saw them in relation to their personalities, their intellect, their desires, and their passions. I generally looked past the outer shell to what was on the inside, and that always mattered so much more to me. But I also let what others said about me affect my actions.
Living as a strong and fit person and living as a fat person
So I was living this weird life of letting people talk about my body, but I didn't talk about theirs. So I think I was getting half of what this book discusses right.
The thing is—what people said about me hurt or fueled me. I have been very healthy—good body, strong and fit—and I have been very fat, unhealthy, tired, and lonely. When I was strong and fit, the body talk was constant. When I was very fat, the body talk was non-existent except for, "You need to think about losing weight."
Body Neutrality
Living in both worlds gave me insight into why taking a more body-neutral look at my own body can help me get over the guilt of not living up to what and who others think I should look like. I literally stayed away from people when I was very fat because I felt like I was a disappointment. That's what words about how you look do to a person. And I am a pretty confident person.
Changing the Narrative
The things we let into our heads and allow to affect our actions can be changed, and this book is a gateway for that change.
I urge you if you have ever said to someone, "You look great," to consider what you are implying. If they looked different, would they not look great? If their hair, body, or face changed, would they look how? Not great??
A New Way of Thinking
And then think about how that comment can get a person thinking, "This is how I have to look in order for people to accept me. If I look different from this, then I am not as acceptable."
It's a crazy cycle and one I would urge you to explore.
We have spent enough time beating ourselves up and spending all kinds of money and time trying to change who we are because of comments from others. Be yourself and become body-neutral. You will find great freedom in doing so, and you will learn all about it from reading this book. It is a great start to a new way of thinking.
I never considered how what another person said about my appearance or my body affected me. But when I think about it, the positive body comments fueled me and made me proud, while the negative ones made me want to slink away and hide. This book made me think about how I internalize comments other people gave me that were solely related to my body and appearance. They say, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you," if only that were the case.
How words matter
Words matter; how we see ourselves and what others say they see affects who we are and how we behave. It's funny; I would let other people tell me what they thought of my body or my appearance, but I can't recall ever telling someone what I thought about their body or appearance. I guess I always felt like that stuff was superficial and wanted to talk to people about how I saw them in relation to their personalities, their intellect, their desires, and their passions. I generally looked past the outer shell to what was on the inside, and that always mattered so much more to me. But I also let what others said about me affect my actions.
Living as a strong and fit person and living as a fat person
So I was living this weird life of letting people talk about my body, but I didn't talk about theirs. So I think I was getting half of what this book discusses right.
The thing is—what people said about me hurt or fueled me. I have been very healthy—good body, strong and fit—and I have been very fat, unhealthy, tired, and lonely. When I was strong and fit, the body talk was constant. When I was very fat, the body talk was non-existent except for, "You need to think about losing weight."
Body Neutrality
Living in both worlds gave me insight into why taking a more body-neutral look at my own body can help me get over the guilt of not living up to what and who others think I should look like. I literally stayed away from people when I was very fat because I felt like I was a disappointment. That's what words about how you look do to a person. And I am a pretty confident person.
Changing the Narrative
The things we let into our heads and allow to affect our actions can be changed, and this book is a gateway for that change.
I urge you if you have ever said to someone, "You look great," to consider what you are implying. If they looked different, would they not look great? If their hair, body, or face changed, would they look how? Not great??
A New Way of Thinking
And then think about how that comment can get a person thinking, "This is how I have to look in order for people to accept me. If I look different from this, then I am not as acceptable."
It's a crazy cycle and one I would urge you to explore.
We have spent enough time beating ourselves up and spending all kinds of money and time trying to change who we are because of comments from others. Be yourself and become body-neutral. You will find great freedom in doing so, and you will learn all about it from reading this book. It is a great start to a new way of thinking.
June 5, 2024
3.75/5
jessi kneeland is incredibly insightful, using years of their own experience as a body image coach to describe the four “body image avatars” they found in their clientele.
this book quickly helped me identify what my insecurities were, the systems that encouraged them, and the unmet needs i had that continued feeding my body image issues.
the first half of the book was all about identifying your avatar, and i read it in entirety, seeing myself and my friends in each form.
the second half of the book, honestly, fell a bit flatter for me. i felt like the fire i’d caught from the first portion was getting a little tired. because so much of it is subjective and personal, the long winded and repeated explanations of things i didn’t feel resonated with me got to be a bit exhausting, especially as you’re encouraged to read them all in detail.
there were also a few conclusions that kneeland came to that i just outright disagreed with, particularly with their client Dani, a victim of SA, and together deciding to investigate Dani’s feelings about BDSM. for me, it was incredibly clear that Dani’s view of sex was violently screwed because they had been taken advantage of. the idea that the solution would be to lean into that is honestly very upsetting with me. you do you, but i can’t really stand beside the “no-kink shaming” thing. there are a few kinks that are beyond morally grey, and r*pe play is one of them. i don’t blame Dani for their pain and confusion at all, but as a victim of SA myself, i see how my following relationships were twisted because of my misunderstanding of intimacy and love. is the solution for me to let others take advantage of me, because that’s all i know? absolutely not. do i believe Dani’s next move should be to further explore r*pe fantasies? god, no! they seriously need deep healing, not for it to be leaned into. especially if this eventually become triggering for Dani, and their partner is already into the deep end and can’t fathom giving it up.
long rant about that portion, my heart just aches for anyone who tries to escape their pain by leaning into it. ah! it hurt my heart!
i’d say this is a good book, but one you might have to skip at parts, and one you’ll have to sift through.
jessi kneeland is incredibly insightful, using years of their own experience as a body image coach to describe the four “body image avatars” they found in their clientele.
this book quickly helped me identify what my insecurities were, the systems that encouraged them, and the unmet needs i had that continued feeding my body image issues.
the first half of the book was all about identifying your avatar, and i read it in entirety, seeing myself and my friends in each form.
the second half of the book, honestly, fell a bit flatter for me. i felt like the fire i’d caught from the first portion was getting a little tired. because so much of it is subjective and personal, the long winded and repeated explanations of things i didn’t feel resonated with me got to be a bit exhausting, especially as you’re encouraged to read them all in detail.
there were also a few conclusions that kneeland came to that i just outright disagreed with, particularly with their client Dani, a victim of SA, and together deciding to investigate Dani’s feelings about BDSM. for me, it was incredibly clear that Dani’s view of sex was violently screwed because they had been taken advantage of. the idea that the solution would be to lean into that is honestly very upsetting with me. you do you, but i can’t really stand beside the “no-kink shaming” thing. there are a few kinks that are beyond morally grey, and r*pe play is one of them. i don’t blame Dani for their pain and confusion at all, but as a victim of SA myself, i see how my following relationships were twisted because of my misunderstanding of intimacy and love. is the solution for me to let others take advantage of me, because that’s all i know? absolutely not. do i believe Dani’s next move should be to further explore r*pe fantasies? god, no! they seriously need deep healing, not for it to be leaned into. especially if this eventually become triggering for Dani, and their partner is already into the deep end and can’t fathom giving it up.
long rant about that portion, my heart just aches for anyone who tries to escape their pain by leaning into it. ah! it hurt my heart!
i’d say this is a good book, but one you might have to skip at parts, and one you’ll have to sift through.
March 16, 2024
Jessi Kneeland’s (they/them) book, “Body Neutral,” is illuminatingly powerful and opened my eyes to the relationships I was having with my own body and the ways in which I viewed that body both consciously and unconsciously.
As opposed to body positivity, which paints an unrealistic picture of loving every single physical flaw in your body (think “toxic positivity”), body neutrality is defined as “the practice of approaching your body through a clear, unbiased, and impartial lens, attempting to see and deal only with what’s objectively true in the moment, without moral judgement, interpretation, projection, added meaning, or undue significance” (p. 35).
All of us at one point or another have struggled or are currently struggling with deeply personal body image issues: distress and moral-social hierarchies, Kneeland argues, form the core structures of these issues.
Kneeland then goes on to explain the four main body image avatars that often feed into these issues and their covert dynamics:
(1) The Self-Objectifier (whose body image is centred around attractiveness as the key to getting what they want);
(2) The High Achiever (whose body image is centred around proving their worth and their desire to feel “good enough”);
(3) The Outsider (whose body image is centred around a sense of wanting to belong and feel connected); and
(4) The Runner (whose body image is centred around wanting to feel protected and safe).
Kneeland provides a questionnaire, which readers can fill in to figure out which avatars they most align with before jumping into a fulsome discussion on them as well as ways to assuage the conflicts each of them present.
Overall, this is a well-researched book based on years of experience the author had whilst coaching thousands of unique clients (several case studies are presented throughout the book). Kneeland does provide the caveat that they are speaking from a place of privilege (as a white, cisgender-passing, able-bodied, and conventionally attractive person). However, they annex a list of different resources and books at the end, which readers in more marginalized bodies may choose to explore on their journey to body neutrality.
As opposed to body positivity, which paints an unrealistic picture of loving every single physical flaw in your body (think “toxic positivity”), body neutrality is defined as “the practice of approaching your body through a clear, unbiased, and impartial lens, attempting to see and deal only with what’s objectively true in the moment, without moral judgement, interpretation, projection, added meaning, or undue significance” (p. 35).
All of us at one point or another have struggled or are currently struggling with deeply personal body image issues: distress and moral-social hierarchies, Kneeland argues, form the core structures of these issues.
Kneeland then goes on to explain the four main body image avatars that often feed into these issues and their covert dynamics:
(1) The Self-Objectifier (whose body image is centred around attractiveness as the key to getting what they want);
(2) The High Achiever (whose body image is centred around proving their worth and their desire to feel “good enough”);
(3) The Outsider (whose body image is centred around a sense of wanting to belong and feel connected); and
(4) The Runner (whose body image is centred around wanting to feel protected and safe).
Kneeland provides a questionnaire, which readers can fill in to figure out which avatars they most align with before jumping into a fulsome discussion on them as well as ways to assuage the conflicts each of them present.
Overall, this is a well-researched book based on years of experience the author had whilst coaching thousands of unique clients (several case studies are presented throughout the book). Kneeland does provide the caveat that they are speaking from a place of privilege (as a white, cisgender-passing, able-bodied, and conventionally attractive person). However, they annex a list of different resources and books at the end, which readers in more marginalized bodies may choose to explore on their journey to body neutrality.
January 29, 2024
(9/10) I've never really reviewed a self-help book before, so I don't have a lot of points of comparison. Rating it as a non-fiction book, Body Neutral is quite strong - it's approachably written, well-referenced and aware of its place in the literature, the author is plausibly knowledgeable about the subject matter, and in terms of helping the reader, it is very clearly and helpfully structured into a sequence of mental exercises that flow on from each other to allow the reader to deconstruct the body image issues they're hanging on to.
Attesting to the book's emotional and ideological impact on myself is harder, and will probably require more time to pass. The message of the book is quite compelling, and the level of personalisable detail seems very helpful in allowing almost any given reader to be able to identify some threads of non-neutral thought in themselves that they can work on. In day to day life, I expect I will catch myself having a thought, and remind myself that it's a socially distorted one that doesn't help me.
Though I'd love to buy in fully, I do hold a lingering reservation that the ambit of the book becomes *so incredibly broad* as time goes on - it is an awfully ambitious claim to say that literally every non-neutral body image issue we have stems from something else, and I am suspicious that it is basically unfalsifiable, as the author seems very skilled at backforming a believable narrative from any available evidence. Still, the experience they speak to in the book does convince me well enough that they know what they're talking about.
Attesting to the book's emotional and ideological impact on myself is harder, and will probably require more time to pass. The message of the book is quite compelling, and the level of personalisable detail seems very helpful in allowing almost any given reader to be able to identify some threads of non-neutral thought in themselves that they can work on. In day to day life, I expect I will catch myself having a thought, and remind myself that it's a socially distorted one that doesn't help me.
Though I'd love to buy in fully, I do hold a lingering reservation that the ambit of the book becomes *so incredibly broad* as time goes on - it is an awfully ambitious claim to say that literally every non-neutral body image issue we have stems from something else, and I am suspicious that it is basically unfalsifiable, as the author seems very skilled at backforming a believable narrative from any available evidence. Still, the experience they speak to in the book does convince me well enough that they know what they're talking about.
January 29, 2023
As a survivor of sexual violence and disordered eating, Kneeland (they/them) has experienced more than their fair share of trauma—and their TED Talk on body neutrality offered up those experiences in order to suggest that the currently buzzy trend of body positivity isn’t just elusive: for many, it’s impossible and even triggers additional feelings of self-recrimination. Their new book is action-oriented and accessible, organized first around a debunking of body myths and then a classification of archetypes or “avatars” (dominant body image types) and culminating with a step-by-step approach to achieving body neutrality, which is not a fixed goal but rather an adaptable, fluid outcome. From body checking and self-objectification to validation, humiliation, shame, and so much more, this book strips away the socially constructed rules that govern our valuing of bodies and provides highly individualized pathways into body neutrality that anyone can add to their lives. A must-read for anyone interested in wellness trends, trauma and embodiment, and gender theory that’s as suitable for academic libraries as it is for everyday readers tired of fighting against their desire to be or seem a specific way.
February 29, 2024
This book was a whole damn trek. Start to finish, it was a whole journey. A journey I just started, and a journey I will continue to travel on beyond these pages.
If you have struggles with your body image, this book is a must read. The author breaks down what is likely the root and core of your body image issues while helping you figure them out on your own, provides tools, guided thought sessions, activities and prompts... All in attempts to help you work toward a more neutral state of viewing your body and the bodies of others.
Important to note that this book touches heavily on equity, justice, and inclusion. Saying that because it's so important that this is the lens in which we continue to do our own body image work through. If you're not already doing work in that area of equity as a whole and on your own, this is a good way to start that work by starting within your own vessel.
So much love for all the humans that decide to embark on reading this book. Prepare to learn, prepare to love, prepare to wake up.
If you have struggles with your body image, this book is a must read. The author breaks down what is likely the root and core of your body image issues while helping you figure them out on your own, provides tools, guided thought sessions, activities and prompts... All in attempts to help you work toward a more neutral state of viewing your body and the bodies of others.
Important to note that this book touches heavily on equity, justice, and inclusion. Saying that because it's so important that this is the lens in which we continue to do our own body image work through. If you're not already doing work in that area of equity as a whole and on your own, this is a good way to start that work by starting within your own vessel.
So much love for all the humans that decide to embark on reading this book. Prepare to learn, prepare to love, prepare to wake up.
September 5, 2023
This book is a deeply thoughtful, thorough, social justice oriented about how to navigate body image issues. It is full of kindness towards all of us and gentle challenges to the narrative of body shame we are all immersed in. It deconstructs step by step how we get there and then offers specific, highly actionable steps on how to start to climb out of it. I got several invaluable insights from it. I also appreciate how it doesn’t promise a fast or easy recovery, or a single solution for all. What it offers is all the good questions we need to start to disentangle the confusion inside, and to gain clarity and choice. What an amazing feat, to write this! I have recommended it to several friends and clients already. All the stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟!
July 23, 2024
Body Neutral is a thorough examination and explanation of how we attach altogether too much significance to our bodies, how they look, what we believe they say about us. These false narratives, like "smaller is better," "looking attractive is what gives me meaning," color what we think , how we feel about ourselves, and how we behave. In Body Neutral, Ms. Kneeland gives the reader valid information and the power to break free of these tilting notions and give our bodies, our faces, our looks the neutrality they should have. How we look, after all, say absolutely nothing about who we are, our character, our worth.
Want to read
October 28, 20232023-10-27 abandoned, p.238 (over halfway). Not because it was in any way bad, I just found it unrelatable, even weird. I stopped reading because it was not helping me understand or be a better ally to anyone I love or even anyone in my distant circles; and probably a big reason for that is that people don’t talk about these things. Or maybe just not with me. I really have no idea, and just felt lost. I’d probably be glad to continue or even restart this if I just had some idea of how to understand it better.
December 15, 2023
honest opinion: the first two chapters realllllly trying to be super PC. but the other chapters are very interesting. in some ways, i think that the author is suggesting a very simple solution to a very complex problem (body acceptance) but also i haven’t yet tried the journal exercises yet, so who am i to say! (it is on my to do list to try them though!!)
if anything, i think it is a fabulous book especially for therapists because she gives FABULOUS open ended questions to ask or use in work with yourself or clients who are working on improving body image.
if anything, i think it is a fabulous book especially for therapists because she gives FABULOUS open ended questions to ask or use in work with yourself or clients who are working on improving body image.
September 20, 2024
Overall Rating: 6.5/10 ⭐️
Lots of good thoughts but most of the best bits are pieces I’m already aware of and working on. The hardest part of this for me is aligning my feelings with my values, so this wasn’t particularly helpful. I also felt it was excessive with some elements.
Authenticity - 6 ⭐️
Charisma - 6 ⭐️
Emotional Response - 7 ⭐️
Enjoyment - 7 ⭐️
Interest Level - 7 ⭐️
Story - 5 ⭐️
Progression - 5 ⭐️
Satisfying Ending - 4 ⭐️
Thought Provoking Themes - 10 ⭐️
Well Written - 8 ⭐️
Writing Style - 7 ⭐️
Lots of good thoughts but most of the best bits are pieces I’m already aware of and working on. The hardest part of this for me is aligning my feelings with my values, so this wasn’t particularly helpful. I also felt it was excessive with some elements.
Authenticity - 6 ⭐️
Charisma - 6 ⭐️
Emotional Response - 7 ⭐️
Enjoyment - 7 ⭐️
Interest Level - 7 ⭐️
Story - 5 ⭐️
Progression - 5 ⭐️
Satisfying Ending - 4 ⭐️
Thought Provoking Themes - 10 ⭐️
Well Written - 8 ⭐️
Writing Style - 7 ⭐️
November 24, 2023
I learned a lot about the foundation of my body image issues from this book and how to address them and work through them. It was great to take the quiz to see which body image archetypes I relate with and how to more specifically deal with recovering from my body dysmorphia and ED in those terms. However, the chapter that resonated the most with me as a disabled woman was the chapter on marginalized bodies and sadly that was only a few pages long.
June 18, 2023
This book is exactly what I needed. The hate I feel for my body is overwhelming most days. Now I have a plan for getting to body neutrality. I’m looking forward to starting my journey and leaving body hate behind.
Please read this book if you think bad thoughts about your body.
Please read this book if you think bad thoughts about your body.
September 3, 2023
I thought this book was an excellent new take on the concept of body neutrality, and not one that I had heard of before. It’ll take a ton of work but with the help of this book I think most people can achieve body neutrality!
October 17, 2023
This was pretty amazing, revelatory, mind-blowing. It has lots of exercises and really step-by-step instructions for implementing her process, though it seems daunting to do without some professional help.
December 30, 2023
This book has a lot of good, well-explained information. I definitely have a better understanding of body neutrality now.
I think it's a book I will need to read over a long time; read, then take a look at myself and process; repeat.
I think it's a book I will need to read over a long time; read, then take a look at myself and process; repeat.
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