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279 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 26, 2022
**“I don’t know who hurt you,” I say, keeping my voice soft. She tenses up a little as she closes her eyes. “Hey.” I wait for her baby blues to land on me once again. “Never with me. When you’re with me, you never have to worry about me hurting you.”**
**“Never with me, Ramsey. When you’re with me, you tell me what you want. I don’t care if I hate it. If you love it, that’s what matters to me. I never want you to hide who you are.” His thumb traces my bottom lip. “I never want you to hide your needs, wants, or desires from me. Never.”**
**“Why not your wrists?” I try not to show my embarrassment. “You remember that, do you?” I ask. He nods. “My ex, he used to grab me by the wrist when I wasn’t agreeable. He was rough and often left bruises. I guess I’m still not over the fear he instilled in me.”**
**“So, do I still need to warn you if I’m going to touch you?” “No. But my wrists,” I say at the same time as he takes my hand in his and his thumb traces over the bottom of my wrist. “You didn’t flinch this time.” “No. Not with you.” “Never with me.”**
**“Come keep me company while I cook for you.” She allows me to link our hands together and lead her into the kitchen. I can’t help but think about life with her, lazy Saturday afternoons. Sundays in bed making love. The vision is clear and so real. I want that. I want her.**
**“Never with me. Never sensor yourself. If you’re pissed off, I want to hear it. I don’t care if you’re screaming and yelling at me. I want to hear it. If you want me to kiss you, I want you to tell me. If you want my hands on you,” he leans in even closer, “I want you to tell me. There is nothing that you could do or say that would cause me to put my hands on you in anger. I might get pissed off, and we’re going to argue, Ramsey. We’re human and emotional creatures, but I promise you, baby, I will never hurt you.”**
**I’ve never been in love. Sure, I had relationships in the past. There was a woman in college who I thought was going to be the one, but it didn’t work out. We wanted different things. I was torn up for a couple of weeks when we broke things off, but I got over the pain and her with ease. I know with absolute certainty I would not get over losing Ramsey. Never. I also know that what I felt for my college girlfriend is nothing compared to the woman in my arms.**
**“I want to make you happy.” I’m glad she’s found her voice, and she’s telling me what she wants, but those six words confirm that my cock will not be going anywhere near her pussy. Not tonight. I don’t want her to want me inside her to make me happy. I want her to want it because it will make her happy. Call me a pussy, or take my man card or whatever, but she’s lived her life for everyone else. I won’t let her make decisions like this because she thinks that’s what she needs to do to make me happy. Her breathing makes me happy. I just have to prove that to her.**
**This is a night I will never forget. This moment with her has changed me. My heart is no longer my own.**
**He grabs my wrist, and I flinch but don’t pull away. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Rams. I didn’t mean,” he starts, but I lean over and kiss him to shut him up. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I flinched a little, and I might always, but there was no panic or fear. Not with you.” “Doesn’t matter. I knew better. You made the boundaries clear.” “Fuck the boundaries,” I say, surprising both of us. “I don’t want boundaries. Not with you.” I stare him down, willing him to see the truth in my eyes. “Never with you.” He swallows hard. “Never with me.”**
**I’ve had sex, I’m not a monk, but I’ve never made love. Yeah, I’m aware it’s the same thing. At least, I used to think it was the same thing. Now I know better. I’m more nervous now than I was my first time. Losing my virginity was nothing compared to knowing that this woman is the last I’ll ever be inside of. This is my last first time. My Ramsey.**
**“I-I wanted it to be you.” Fuck. Six words wrap themselves around my heart like a vise. I don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s almost as if my heart physically leaves my chest and jumps into hers. The love I have for her is greater than anything I’ve ever felt in my life. Why is it that knowing she gave this to me, that she got to choose this, and it was me she chose, makes my eyes water? How did I not know she was a virgin? What is it about her that has my heart dancing in my chest to a beat that can only be heard by her?**
**“I know this has been a fast-moving train, our relationship, and I wouldn’t change a single thing. I think you were right when you said that we hadn’t met before the photo shoot because maybe we weren’t ready. I’m ready now. I’m all in. There is only Deacon and Ramsey as a unit from here on out. I want to make sure you know that I’m yours and that you’re mine. I need to know that you feel confident in the love that we share and that you know you can always count on me. I want you to always speak your mind and use your words. I’ll never silence you.” Tears shimmer in her eyes. “Thank you for loving me the way that you do.” “Never thank me for loving you, baby. It’s as easy as breathing for me.”**