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Bettyville: A Memoir
When George Hodgman leaves Manhattan for his hometown of Paris, Missouri, he finds himself—an unlikely caretaker and near-lethal cook—in a head-on collision with his aging mother, Betty, a woman of wit and will. Will George lure her into assisted living? When hell freezes over. He can’t bring himself to force her from the home both treasure—the place where his father’s voice lingers, the scene of shared jokes, skirmishes, and, behind the dusty antiques, a rarely acknowledged conflict: Betty, who speaks her mind but cannot quite reveal her heart, has never really accepted the fact that her son is gay.
As these two unforgettable characters try to bring their different worlds together, Hodgman reveals the challenges of Betty’s life and his own struggle for self-respect, moving readers from their small town—crumbling but still colorful—to the star-studded corridors of Vanity Fair. Evocative of The End of Your Life Book Club and The Tender Bar, Hodgman’s New York Times bestselling debut is both an indelible portrait of a family and an exquisitely told tale of a prodigal son’s return.
As these two unforgettable characters try to bring their different worlds together, Hodgman reveals the challenges of Betty’s life and his own struggle for self-respect, moving readers from their small town—crumbling but still colorful—to the star-studded corridors of Vanity Fair. Evocative of The End of Your Life Book Club and The Tender Bar, Hodgman’s New York Times bestselling debut is both an indelible portrait of a family and an exquisitely told tale of a prodigal son’s return.
288 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 10, 2015
About the author
George Hodgman
2 books100 followersGeorge Hodgman was an editor at Vanity Fair magazine and at publishing houses. When he became unemployed in 2011, he left New York City to go to his mother's house in Missouri to help care for her. He thought it was going to be a temporary move, but he stayed with her for four years. He wrote a memoir, Bettyville, about the experience.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,304 reviews
February 3, 2015
It goes like this, again and again, in endless towns. There’s a boy, somewhere, a somewhere that’s never New York. He doesn’t know he is not unusual, because there’s no one to tell him; he won’t find that out, and may never come to fully believe it, until he’s left one of those endless towns and come to New York, where he will ask the city to erase who he was and replace it with a portrait of who he would like to be. He’ll master subways, and menus, attain the knowingness he yearned for as a gay boy back wherever it was he came from, where he never wants to return. And that can be enough.
It wasn’t for George Hodgman. He went back to somewhere, in this case Paris, Missouri, as a man who’d accomplished a lot, lost a lot, who’s run out of excuses. He went back to care for his mother, Betty, aged, angry, alone, her arms wrapped tight around a self that was shattering, slowly. He put down the story of their time together, and the result is BETTYVILE, his hilarious, heartbreaking book, which I hesitate to describe as a memoir. It’s more than that; it’s a book for anyone whom, for whatever reason, feels that they can never tell their true story, that as much as they want it they can never be fully known. “I think people who have always felt okay in the world will never understand those of us who haven’t,” Hodgman writes. They will if they read this book. Its pages became mirrors for me. I saw myself in them, saw my own mother, heard all the words I’d never been able to say; BETTYVILLE sent me to Claireville.
Many times, while reading this, I put the book down (in a way you can’t put a Kindle down), grabbed a pad, and wrote out Hodgman’s sentences, which is a thing I do when I love a book. How do you become the kind of writer who can not only see things like that, but tell people about them, in that particular way? Here’s just one passage that got me out of my seat …
“I love the citizens of the city night. For Many years I was one of them … My life has been an odd hotel with strangers drifting through and friends sometimes growing concerned … In a city of arrogant wristwatches, I have rarely been able to keep a Timex running right …”
An odd hotel. Arrogant wristwatches. No one else writes like that. No one else can have lived this story. And no one else can have given it to us with the generosity Mr. Hodgman demonstrates in BETTYVILLE.
It wasn’t for George Hodgman. He went back to somewhere, in this case Paris, Missouri, as a man who’d accomplished a lot, lost a lot, who’s run out of excuses. He went back to care for his mother, Betty, aged, angry, alone, her arms wrapped tight around a self that was shattering, slowly. He put down the story of their time together, and the result is BETTYVILE, his hilarious, heartbreaking book, which I hesitate to describe as a memoir. It’s more than that; it’s a book for anyone whom, for whatever reason, feels that they can never tell their true story, that as much as they want it they can never be fully known. “I think people who have always felt okay in the world will never understand those of us who haven’t,” Hodgman writes. They will if they read this book. Its pages became mirrors for me. I saw myself in them, saw my own mother, heard all the words I’d never been able to say; BETTYVILLE sent me to Claireville.
Many times, while reading this, I put the book down (in a way you can’t put a Kindle down), grabbed a pad, and wrote out Hodgman’s sentences, which is a thing I do when I love a book. How do you become the kind of writer who can not only see things like that, but tell people about them, in that particular way? Here’s just one passage that got me out of my seat …
“I love the citizens of the city night. For Many years I was one of them … My life has been an odd hotel with strangers drifting through and friends sometimes growing concerned … In a city of arrogant wristwatches, I have rarely been able to keep a Timex running right …”
An odd hotel. Arrogant wristwatches. No one else writes like that. No one else can have lived this story. And no one else can have given it to us with the generosity Mr. Hodgman demonstrates in BETTYVILLE.
November 18, 2014
I read BETTYVILLE by George Hodgman in a weekend, ignoring my family to finish it, basically in a day. The memoir is riveting, beautiful, brave, honest, compelling, heart breaking, heart opening, funny and true. It is about family, where we come from, how we don't let those closest to us know us for fear of hurting them or being hurt. It is about secrets and silences and words. Also about the passage of time, and how places and people change with age, and how meaningful it can be to take a brief hold of our parents while we still have them.
I can't recommend this memoir enough. I was so affected by it.
I can't recommend this memoir enough. I was so affected by it.
May 29, 2016
Beautifully assembled and tenderly sad memoir that focuses in on George's relationship with his ailing mother, his late father and the world he came from (small-town Missouri) in relation to the world he inhabited as an urban adult who works in the high-stress fields of magazine and book publishing in New York.
I happen to know George fairly well -- he edited my books, which is in a way about as well as two people can get to know one another. I can't say we came out of the experience unscathed. Reading "Bettyville" is a revelation; whatever I thought I knew or thought we shared was barely the surface of George's life. The writing here is precise and yet almost liquid, in a wonderful sense. Secrets come out, or peek out, and then retreat. Things come into focus and then go out of focus and then come in once more sharp and true. So, on a personal level, this book is a real gift. I have no doubt that those who don't know George will also be glad they took the trip with him back to Bettyville. I especially recommend the book to people who feel like nobody writes enough about the flyover states, or for people who are interested in relationships between adult children and elderly parents. The real core of "Bettyville," though, is the sense of loss running through it, of a parent dying, of a town and a way of life dying, and of a man's life not quite working out or resolving itself in a tidy way. What could be more real?
I happen to know George fairly well -- he edited my books, which is in a way about as well as two people can get to know one another. I can't say we came out of the experience unscathed. Reading "Bettyville" is a revelation; whatever I thought I knew or thought we shared was barely the surface of George's life. The writing here is precise and yet almost liquid, in a wonderful sense. Secrets come out, or peek out, and then retreat. Things come into focus and then go out of focus and then come in once more sharp and true. So, on a personal level, this book is a real gift. I have no doubt that those who don't know George will also be glad they took the trip with him back to Bettyville. I especially recommend the book to people who feel like nobody writes enough about the flyover states, or for people who are interested in relationships between adult children and elderly parents. The real core of "Bettyville," though, is the sense of loss running through it, of a parent dying, of a town and a way of life dying, and of a man's life not quite working out or resolving itself in a tidy way. What could be more real?
March 10, 2016
This memoir was all over the place. I picked it up because I was interested in the story of a son caring for his elderly mother with dementia, but the author takes a lot of detours. There are chapters on the colorful residents in small-town Missouri; there are sections on George's publishing career and his experiences as a gay man; there are some awkward and frustrating stories from his childhood; and there are memories of his parents and grandmother.
The author has had an interesting life, but this memoir was a bit chaotic, as if he had shoved all his diary entries into a bag, then pulled them out at random and stapled them together. I was also put off by how he talked about his mother while he cared for her. He was not very sympathetic, and at times his descriptions of her seemed cruel.
I listened to this on audio, but I think if I had been reading the print version, I would have abandoned the book out of frustration. I didn't hate it, but I can't recommend it.
The author has had an interesting life, but this memoir was a bit chaotic, as if he had shoved all his diary entries into a bag, then pulled them out at random and stapled them together. I was also put off by how he talked about his mother while he cared for her. He was not very sympathetic, and at times his descriptions of her seemed cruel.
I listened to this on audio, but I think if I had been reading the print version, I would have abandoned the book out of frustration. I didn't hate it, but I can't recommend it.
October 18, 2015
Funny and touching memoir about the relationship between a mother and son. The mother, Betty, is a feisty old bird of ninety, who is in failing health in Missouri. Her son, George, is a book editor in New York City who has just lost his job. He comes home, ostensibly for a few weeks or months, to help care for his widowed mother while a neighbor who watches out for Betty recovers from surgery. George thinks Betty, who in the early stages of dementia, should be in an assisted-living facility. Betty is suspicious of George's intentions and has no intention of leaving her home - and she sure doesn't want to ask anyone for help.
George narrates the story, which is equally about Betty and about himself (maybe even a little bit TOO much about himself; my only minor complaint). George constructs his portraits by piecing together stories and scenarios from their past and present, so the narrative does jump around a bit although I didn't find it distracting at all. The story is given added poignancy by the fact that George is gay, something never openly acknowledged by George or his parents to each other. And Betty - so heartbreaking as she struggles so very hard to hang on as everything begins to fade around her.
Something I especially loved about this book was its strong "sense of place," both in terms of location (rural America and New York City) and time (George is a "boomer," so I lived these years along with him). I also found many memorable observations and quotes that I would have loved to have highlighted had I read this on my Kindle.
If you have an aging parent or if you are an older person (like me!), you many find this especially moving (and terrifying). if you enjoy books about family dynamics, there is plenty to explore here and lots to think about.
Well done!
George narrates the story, which is equally about Betty and about himself (maybe even a little bit TOO much about himself; my only minor complaint). George constructs his portraits by piecing together stories and scenarios from their past and present, so the narrative does jump around a bit although I didn't find it distracting at all. The story is given added poignancy by the fact that George is gay, something never openly acknowledged by George or his parents to each other. And Betty - so heartbreaking as she struggles so very hard to hang on as everything begins to fade around her.
Something I especially loved about this book was its strong "sense of place," both in terms of location (rural America and New York City) and time (George is a "boomer," so I lived these years along with him). I also found many memorable observations and quotes that I would have loved to have highlighted had I read this on my Kindle.
If you have an aging parent or if you are an older person (like me!), you many find this especially moving (and terrifying). if you enjoy books about family dynamics, there is plenty to explore here and lots to think about.
Well done!
July 9, 2015
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that a memoir by a former editor should be so well written, but this one has exceptional pacing. We start with the caregiving aspect, as expected, and then move on to Betty's background, the author's own story, and then back to the two of them as a family unit (ok, three, dog people get what's called a lagniappe here). Now that I've re-hashed the plot as much as I care to, where to begin?
Being roughly the same age as George, I came from the northeast, an area that was booming rather than dying; last time I returned to the area, I had a bit of trouble relating to all the growth. Meanwhile, he paints an evocative portrait of a dying area of the rural Midwest, starting with his family's business closing down to a beautiful church that's due to become a crafts market for lack of membership. And then there are the trees ... they're dying, too. If this sounds gloomy, it is. But, that's redeemed by the portrayal of the people that made the area, whom he tries hard to ensure aren't forgotten.
Remember I said his background was similar, yet different? I once asked my grandmother why they never had any more kids, and was told, "Because we couldn't afford them." Granted, Betty would've been around 40 when George was born, but we never hear anything about his being an only child specifically; in all his soul-searching need for frankness, I felt any comment on that was lacking. Much later, we learn that frankness wasn't big on his parents' agenda, so the abridged biography George presents, which seemed a bit detached, was the only way he could make sense of who his parents really were. His father was a more complex figure, who realized his boy was ... different, not in denial that George was gay in a burn-in-hell-for-eternity sense, but that he couldn't accept that by the 1980's and after, it was actually possible for gays to lead other-than-tragic lives. Near the end, George asks his mother whether she and his father ever discussed his gayness, getting back a "No, never." Betty admits she knew, but "thought you'd grow out of it."
Speaking of tragic lives, George's goes there, starting with Betty forcing him to try out for the high school football team, moving onto his experiences at college (close enough to home to cause me to squirm), and then the move to NYC, with parties and drugs instead of any sort of relationship. After all, his parents would never accept a nice, attractive guy as "family", so why bother? A good therapist might have saved (resolved) that, but his past was what it was. He never had a relationship, because he never felt entitled to one, just sex. Here's hoping that the many readers who think he's a great guy can finally get through to him that ... well ... he is. One of my favorite scenes in the book happens when the guy who (seemingly) lead George on earlier, returns to his life later, hinting at a reunion when he needs someone, and George is savvy enough to see that for what it is.
A note on the audio narration, which cinches the fifth star for the story. George ought to be grateful every day that Jeff Woodman agreed to take on the project, because he totally nailed the voices, especially George's father I thought.
Oh yes, in case anyone's concerned about sexual content, there really isn't any - I'd say it's a PG-13 story in that regard. Hardest part for me was the section on the many AIDS deaths among his crowd, which I found ... intense, but even after the section I still didn't want to the story to end. If you're reading these reviews because you're considering it, but not sure if you'll like it, you probably will.
Being roughly the same age as George, I came from the northeast, an area that was booming rather than dying; last time I returned to the area, I had a bit of trouble relating to all the growth. Meanwhile, he paints an evocative portrait of a dying area of the rural Midwest, starting with his family's business closing down to a beautiful church that's due to become a crafts market for lack of membership. And then there are the trees ... they're dying, too. If this sounds gloomy, it is. But, that's redeemed by the portrayal of the people that made the area, whom he tries hard to ensure aren't forgotten.
Remember I said his background was similar, yet different? I once asked my grandmother why they never had any more kids, and was told, "Because we couldn't afford them." Granted, Betty would've been around 40 when George was born, but we never hear anything about his being an only child specifically; in all his soul-searching need for frankness, I felt any comment on that was lacking. Much later, we learn that frankness wasn't big on his parents' agenda, so the abridged biography George presents, which seemed a bit detached, was the only way he could make sense of who his parents really were. His father was a more complex figure, who realized his boy was ... different, not in denial that George was gay in a burn-in-hell-for-eternity sense, but that he couldn't accept that by the 1980's and after, it was actually possible for gays to lead other-than-tragic lives. Near the end, George asks his mother whether she and his father ever discussed his gayness, getting back a "No, never." Betty admits she knew, but "thought you'd grow out of it."
Speaking of tragic lives, George's goes there, starting with Betty forcing him to try out for the high school football team, moving onto his experiences at college (close enough to home to cause me to squirm), and then the move to NYC, with parties and drugs instead of any sort of relationship. After all, his parents would never accept a nice, attractive guy as "family", so why bother? A good therapist might have saved (resolved) that, but his past was what it was. He never had a relationship, because he never felt entitled to one, just sex. Here's hoping that the many readers who think he's a great guy can finally get through to him that ... well ... he is. One of my favorite scenes in the book happens when the guy who (seemingly) lead George on earlier, returns to his life later, hinting at a reunion when he needs someone, and George is savvy enough to see that for what it is.
A note on the audio narration, which cinches the fifth star for the story. George ought to be grateful every day that Jeff Woodman agreed to take on the project, because he totally nailed the voices, especially George's father I thought.
Oh yes, in case anyone's concerned about sexual content, there really isn't any - I'd say it's a PG-13 story in that regard. Hardest part for me was the section on the many AIDS deaths among his crowd, which I found ... intense, but even after the section I still didn't want to the story to end. If you're reading these reviews because you're considering it, but not sure if you'll like it, you probably will.
December 7, 2014
Despite the praise, Bettyville by George Hodgman is not particularly illuminating, it does not have a gratifying end and it is mostly a compendium of the same thoughts and scenes, slightly tweaked, repeated ad nauseum.
While Bettyville certainly had the potential to be poignant and illuminating, “gorgeous” as one author describes it on the back blurb, it squanders all of this potential by relentlessly repeating the same pointless scenes. Once is fine, five times is inane.
Most of the book is essentially journal entries by Hodgman and the problem is, these journal entries are all the same. Betty rarely changes and her antics are always the same.
The second major problem with Bettyville is the complete and total lack of grounding. The memoir appears to jump back and forth through time and where we are on Betty’s descent into dementia appears to vary. Sometimes we’re near the beginning, sometimes near the end.
(Writing of ends, the book doesn’t have one, not even in the epilogue.)
The memoir gets interesting when Hodgman starts writing some new material. Either new scenes or experiences with Betty or his past descents into addiction or his firing from his last job.
Alas, these interesting bits are too few and far between and while they might get personal, it still feels as if Hodgman is holding something back.
Alas. Alas.
This book (an advanced uncorrected proof) was received, free of charge, from the Goodreads First Reads program.
While Bettyville certainly had the potential to be poignant and illuminating, “gorgeous” as one author describes it on the back blurb, it squanders all of this potential by relentlessly repeating the same pointless scenes. Once is fine, five times is inane.
Most of the book is essentially journal entries by Hodgman and the problem is, these journal entries are all the same. Betty rarely changes and her antics are always the same.
The second major problem with Bettyville is the complete and total lack of grounding. The memoir appears to jump back and forth through time and where we are on Betty’s descent into dementia appears to vary. Sometimes we’re near the beginning, sometimes near the end.
(Writing of ends, the book doesn’t have one, not even in the epilogue.)
The memoir gets interesting when Hodgman starts writing some new material. Either new scenes or experiences with Betty or his past descents into addiction or his firing from his last job.
Alas, these interesting bits are too few and far between and while they might get personal, it still feels as if Hodgman is holding something back.
Alas. Alas.
This book (an advanced uncorrected proof) was received, free of charge, from the Goodreads First Reads program.
January 26, 2020
4.5, rounded up.
Knowing that the author committed suicide 6 months ago necessarily colored how I read this book, and perhaps I therefore forgave a lot of stuff that would have otherwise made me a bit more critical (some needless repetition; stereotypical self-loathing gay and addiction/recovery tropes; non-chronological bouncing around, which made it difficult at times to figure out where you were in the story). But as a middle-aged gay man who returned home to be a caregiver for his now 97.5 year old mother (whose name is ALSO Betty!), let's just say that I could relate to almost all of his story (well, OK, NOT the drugged out orgies in Fire Island!). And however maudlin and bleak parts of it get, it is also VERY funny, and that wit mitigates a lot of its deficiencies. And (spoiler alert) it mercifully ends before Betty herself passes, so that it ends on a hopeful note, rather than one of ineffable sadness.
Here's an interesting news report on George and Betty, made after the book became a bestseller: https://www.cbsnews.com/video/taking-...
Knowing that the author committed suicide 6 months ago necessarily colored how I read this book, and perhaps I therefore forgave a lot of stuff that would have otherwise made me a bit more critical (some needless repetition; stereotypical self-loathing gay and addiction/recovery tropes; non-chronological bouncing around, which made it difficult at times to figure out where you were in the story). But as a middle-aged gay man who returned home to be a caregiver for his now 97.5 year old mother (whose name is ALSO Betty!), let's just say that I could relate to almost all of his story (well, OK, NOT the drugged out orgies in Fire Island!). And however maudlin and bleak parts of it get, it is also VERY funny, and that wit mitigates a lot of its deficiencies. And (spoiler alert) it mercifully ends before Betty herself passes, so that it ends on a hopeful note, rather than one of ineffable sadness.
Here's an interesting news report on George and Betty, made after the book became a bestseller: https://www.cbsnews.com/video/taking-...
January 11, 2015
As a Missourian, the first sentence of Bettyville, which lists Missouri towns with borrowed and strange names was what sucked me in, but it was the universality of the writing that held me for the next 274 pages. The book is about being respected and being accepted. It is also about searching for love, finding love and then the hardest part - accepting love. Hodgman reveals himself with an Elia Kazan candid-revelatory style. By the end of the book, you will feel that you know him better than you know your friends or family. The author’s laugh-out-loud humor makes this story of the relationship of mother and son so unique and their sharp-tongued quips back and forth make it real and keep it from getting sad and maudlin. Hodgman interweaves his past and his present but rarely speaks of his future. He doesn’t know where it will take him but he knows wherever it is, his beloved Betty will not be there.
Shelved as 'didn-t-finish'
August 20, 2015Well, after reading almost 1/3 of this book, I've decided we are just not a good fit. I find myself getting frustrated with it each time I read. Some of it appeals so much and then Hodgman loses me entirely with his abrupt shifts of time and place. The story is about his mother but equally about himself, his awareness early on that he was gay and therefore different within his small community. While both stories are interesting, the way they are brought together just don't work for me. So I have somewhat reluctantly decided to stop reading and move on to other books.
November 9, 2014
Bettyville is an honest and loving portrait of a disappearing world—an America of weekly bridge games and hymns played on the organs of small town churches, of proud rose gardens and desserts delivered to neighbors in need. It’s a world exemplified by a tall, stoic mother named Betty and the witty gay son she didn’t always understand yet who loves her so fully it breaks your heart. A beautiful story.
December 21, 2017
This book's author, George Hodgman, is facing a problem that will be faced, or already has been faced, by many members of the boomer generation. This is a memoir framed by Hodgman's move from his New York City life to return to his boyhood home in rural Paris, Missouri in order to assist his 92-year-old mother who has been living alone and is entering midstage dementia.
Hodgman's return in someways is conveniently timed because he is free of marriage obligations since he is single, and he also happens to be free of work obligations because he has recently lost his job as a book editor. However, his return presents a contrasting poignancy between the rural conservatism of his home town and the fact that he's gay.
The framing narrative of the book centers on interactions between Hodgman and his mother. Intertwined within this narrative are numerous flashbacks to his boyhood, college and professional career experiences. These musing function in many ways as a meditation on feelings of not belonging because of his homosexuality.
The irascible personality of his mother is made apparent by the book's descriptions of Hodgman's conversations with her. Their visit to a nursing home to explore the possibility of his mother living there is particularly painful. It is clear that such a move would be difficult and disorienting for his mother. This presents a sad prospect in the consideration of possible future care of his mother. She did not qualify for independent living which could have made the change easier.
A significant truth revealed by conversations with his mother is that she and his deceased father never discussed their son's sexual orientation. He knows that he had never talked to them about it, but he assumed his life style made it obvious. It did, but his parents simply didn't know how to discuss it or acknowledge it.
Hodgman's background as a book editor serves him well in the writing of this book. The story is well written and maintains the reader's interest. The variety of subjects touched by the book's narrative assures a wide readership.
__________________
The following short review is from PageADay Book Lover's Calendar for December 21, 2017:
George Hodgman left Manhattan and his career in book publishing to head home to his feisty and aging mother, Betty, in Paris, Missouri. Betty is a force to be reckoned with, and Hodgman finds he can't bring himself to put her in assisted living. What follows is a charming and hilarious memoir about an unlikely mother/son relationship and the power of home. People magazine was right when it said Bettyville is “a lovely memoir. . . . You won't finish this tale dry-eyed.”
BETTYVILLE, by George Hodgman (Viking, 2015)
Hodgman's return in someways is conveniently timed because he is free of marriage obligations since he is single, and he also happens to be free of work obligations because he has recently lost his job as a book editor. However, his return presents a contrasting poignancy between the rural conservatism of his home town and the fact that he's gay.
The framing narrative of the book centers on interactions between Hodgman and his mother. Intertwined within this narrative are numerous flashbacks to his boyhood, college and professional career experiences. These musing function in many ways as a meditation on feelings of not belonging because of his homosexuality.
The irascible personality of his mother is made apparent by the book's descriptions of Hodgman's conversations with her. Their visit to a nursing home to explore the possibility of his mother living there is particularly painful. It is clear that such a move would be difficult and disorienting for his mother. This presents a sad prospect in the consideration of possible future care of his mother. She did not qualify for independent living which could have made the change easier.
A significant truth revealed by conversations with his mother is that she and his deceased father never discussed their son's sexual orientation. He knows that he had never talked to them about it, but he assumed his life style made it obvious. It did, but his parents simply didn't know how to discuss it or acknowledge it.
Hodgman's background as a book editor serves him well in the writing of this book. The story is well written and maintains the reader's interest. The variety of subjects touched by the book's narrative assures a wide readership.
__________________
The following short review is from PageADay Book Lover's Calendar for December 21, 2017:
George Hodgman left Manhattan and his career in book publishing to head home to his feisty and aging mother, Betty, in Paris, Missouri. Betty is a force to be reckoned with, and Hodgman finds he can't bring himself to put her in assisted living. What follows is a charming and hilarious memoir about an unlikely mother/son relationship and the power of home. People magazine was right when it said Bettyville is “a lovely memoir. . . . You won't finish this tale dry-eyed.”
BETTYVILLE, by George Hodgman (Viking, 2015)
April 4, 2016
Confession: I bought this for the cover, which I love. I didn't know anything about the author and hadn't read the description all that carefully before I clicked "buy." Now I want it to be the Community Read for every state in the country, including Utah, where I lived for many years, and I want you to read it, and I want to go to a reading by George Hodgman and attempt to express my admiration for him, which I will completely botch, and I'd like him to write a daily column about Paris, Missouri, or wherever he's living because he's so funny and so eloquently forgiving, so honest and yet beautifully discreet.
The compassion and humor Hodgman brings to this homage to his aging mother, his late father, his crumbling, lovely, dying hometown of Paris, Missouri, is deeply moving. The book feels, at its most painful moments, like an act of expiation, which in many ways it is. He goes home to forgive and be forgiven, to atone for a sin that he knows isn't a sin even though he has been made to feel, all his life, that it is one, but beyond and above all that to care for his mother, who is slipping slowly into dementia. He's riding with her in the car when he learns that his parents never discussed his homosexuality with each other, not even when they were all by themselves.
"They couldn't even talk about me to each other. I was an issue they avoided. Because of the way they had been raised to think about people like me."
After Hodgman has this thought, he and his mother continue to ride along in the car, silent, while the wind blows over the hood and windshield. "She said he loved me, my father, he loved me, but not who I turned out to be. That was the essence of it . . . It was a set of circumstances inflicted that we could not avoid, the legacy of our place and time--and all that they had been brought up to believe by the world and the churches that told them I was something wrong."
That set of circumstances is fully, richly, lovingly, and yet scathingly described here, and if any book could change it for the better, this is it.
The compassion and humor Hodgman brings to this homage to his aging mother, his late father, his crumbling, lovely, dying hometown of Paris, Missouri, is deeply moving. The book feels, at its most painful moments, like an act of expiation, which in many ways it is. He goes home to forgive and be forgiven, to atone for a sin that he knows isn't a sin even though he has been made to feel, all his life, that it is one, but beyond and above all that to care for his mother, who is slipping slowly into dementia. He's riding with her in the car when he learns that his parents never discussed his homosexuality with each other, not even when they were all by themselves.
"They couldn't even talk about me to each other. I was an issue they avoided. Because of the way they had been raised to think about people like me."
After Hodgman has this thought, he and his mother continue to ride along in the car, silent, while the wind blows over the hood and windshield. "She said he loved me, my father, he loved me, but not who I turned out to be. That was the essence of it . . . It was a set of circumstances inflicted that we could not avoid, the legacy of our place and time--and all that they had been brought up to believe by the world and the churches that told them I was something wrong."
That set of circumstances is fully, richly, lovingly, and yet scathingly described here, and if any book could change it for the better, this is it.
September 4, 2016
Bettyville is a wonderful, moving, sad and funny memoir about a man who goes home to take care of his ailing 90 year old mother. She lives in his hometown called Paris, Missouri (George had been living in New York). Betty has dementia, and needs to move to an assisted living facility but she doesn't want to leave her home so George moves back to care for her.
This is a very special book and the reader will want to know what happens to Betty. George reflects back on his youth and learns a lot about himself as he deals with his mother (a strong, often stubborn woman) and also how he came to accept the fact that he's gay. I loved Bettyville and recommend it highly.
This is a very special book and the reader will want to know what happens to Betty. George reflects back on his youth and learns a lot about himself as he deals with his mother (a strong, often stubborn woman) and also how he came to accept the fact that he's gay. I loved Bettyville and recommend it highly.
June 24, 2023
An excellent memoir — urbanized literate gay man returns to the small town holding the memories, fears and psychological damage of his childhood. The dying small town also precariously shelters his elderly mother.
Beautifully written and almost unbearable if you fold in what happens after the book's publication and success (the author's suicide in July 2019).
I’m glad I read this after I finished writing my own memoir, because there is a great deal of thematic overlap, although Hodgman's book is much more ambitious and accomplished. Many memoirs cover the same territory — the return to the small town to care for an elderly parent, and this one is definitely one of the best.
Beautifully written and almost unbearable if you fold in what happens after the book's publication and success (the author's suicide in July 2019).
I’m glad I read this after I finished writing my own memoir, because there is a great deal of thematic overlap, although Hodgman's book is much more ambitious and accomplished. Many memoirs cover the same territory — the return to the small town to care for an elderly parent, and this one is definitely one of the best.
May 4, 2015
I've been to "Bettyville", as has my brother, but we knew it as "Dorothyville." Our mother Dorothy had TIA dementia for the last few years of her life. She lived to be 94. So I thought I knew where this book was headed. I could really relate to the agonies of Hodgman's role as caretaker to his mother Betty. But at times, the book felt very jumbled and repetitive for me (hey, maybe that is appropriate given the subject of dementia). Initially I loved the book and would have thought it was headed for 5 stars in my estimation.
But as the book went on, I found it to be an uneasy mix, adding in addiction and recovery, homophobia, Hodgman's difficult coming of age/coming out as a gay man and his up-and-down editing career. And by the end of the book, I was exasperated because there was no update on whether his mother was still alive or if she was alive, how she was doing. I guess he just wanted the book to take place in that first summer of 2012 when he left New York to spend time with his mother after she lost her Missouri driver's license. So I went to his website to get an update on Betty. Amazingly, she is still with us. Good for her! She is struggling with cancer, but apparently her doctors have been able to find the right combination of pharmaceuticals to keep her dementia somewhat at bay. I just wish Hodgman's editor had urged him to include an afterword about his mother's current condition, even though, of course, that is always less than up to date as the years go on. I cared about his mother and it felt very odd and suspended to shut the book without knowing how she was.
I feel like a meanie criticizing the book at all since there is a tremendous amount of love and kindness herein. And the writing was polished and witty in a self deprecating way. Not all editors can write like this, but Hodgman does have polish. Bless his heart for taking such good care of his mother.
But as the book went on, I found it to be an uneasy mix, adding in addiction and recovery, homophobia, Hodgman's difficult coming of age/coming out as a gay man and his up-and-down editing career. And by the end of the book, I was exasperated because there was no update on whether his mother was still alive or if she was alive, how she was doing. I guess he just wanted the book to take place in that first summer of 2012 when he left New York to spend time with his mother after she lost her Missouri driver's license. So I went to his website to get an update on Betty. Amazingly, she is still with us. Good for her! She is struggling with cancer, but apparently her doctors have been able to find the right combination of pharmaceuticals to keep her dementia somewhat at bay. I just wish Hodgman's editor had urged him to include an afterword about his mother's current condition, even though, of course, that is always less than up to date as the years go on. I cared about his mother and it felt very odd and suspended to shut the book without knowing how she was.
I feel like a meanie criticizing the book at all since there is a tremendous amount of love and kindness herein. And the writing was polished and witty in a self deprecating way. Not all editors can write like this, but Hodgman does have polish. Bless his heart for taking such good care of his mother.
February 9, 2016
Endearing portrait of an imperfect love between an aging mother and her adult son. George sees that his ninety year old mother needs his help, he leaves NYC (fortunately he had just lost his writing job and could do freelance) and moves back home to Paris, Missouri. This was not the time to harbor bad feelings about his parents' refusal to accept him as a gay man; it was a time to recognize their shared histories and forgive each other. This process was navigated with humor, misunderstandings, and some really bad cooking. Eventually they were able to mostly accept each other's idiosyncrasies.As the story of Betty unfolds, George's addiction troubles and social anxieties are revealed. For me, this constant switching from past to present was somewhat uneven. Only in the end did it come together to form a cohesive whole. The language used was evocative yet never pretentious or overwrought. The scenes where George was helping Betty deal with her escalating dementia were heart breaking. She tried so hard to hold onto her church hymns for piano, her vocabulary, her information. George would find scraps of paper under her pillow with her words and lists carefully written.
"She is of a generation who existed before feelings were spoken of." At 68 I sometimes feel that I am trying to straddle the emotional expectations of two generations. My parents never talked about or recognized feelings. My daughter and grandchild are really good at talking about emotions. My awkwardness is often evident.
"I wanted a place in the tribe. I still do." George struggles to find his tribe. He is a good man; I feel certain of that. I hope he finds his tribe. I have a feeling it won't be in a small town in Missouri.
Betty is not accepted at assisted living as she needs too much assistance. (!) George decides to stay. "Sometime, at least once, everyone should see someone through. All the way home." I bet he will never regret this decision.
"She is of a generation who existed before feelings were spoken of." At 68 I sometimes feel that I am trying to straddle the emotional expectations of two generations. My parents never talked about or recognized feelings. My daughter and grandchild are really good at talking about emotions. My awkwardness is often evident.
"I wanted a place in the tribe. I still do." George struggles to find his tribe. He is a good man; I feel certain of that. I hope he finds his tribe. I have a feeling it won't be in a small town in Missouri.
Betty is not accepted at assisted living as she needs too much assistance. (!) George decides to stay. "Sometime, at least once, everyone should see someone through. All the way home." I bet he will never regret this decision.
March 16, 2015
I couldn't finish this book. I feel like the book was all over the place. I would think the writer was bringing up a subject to tell more about it but the subject would end as soon as it began. The author is funny and the book did bring tears to my eyes once but I got almost to half and couldn't move on for there.
November 30, 2020
No shortage of plaudits for this. The first few pages of the book ooze with favourable reviews. I always try to avoid reading them until I’ve finished the book. The New York Times says of it, quoted on the front cover (so, hard to ignore) : ‘A remarkable, laugh-out-loud book’. I agree with the first part – it is a very remarkable memoir – brave, soul-bareingly honest, tender and perceptive, almost to a fault. But, ‘laugh-out-loud book’? If so, it failed to hit my ticklish spot. Perhaps the reviewer’s medication differs fundamentally from mine. Intelligently written, there is humour throughout, alongside sadness, pathos and the other sensations which make us human. But to label it as ‘laugh-out-loud’ is almost an insult to the work and its author.
This is the very personal memoir of George Hodgman junior (born c 1959) , his parents, the wider family and their worlds. It feels like a series of counselling sessions, which he says he has had, and during which he goes backwards and forwards, revisiting experiences and their attendant emotions.
An only child, growing up in Missouri, gay and isolated. Parents with love in their hearts but not on their sleeves. Betty, his Mum, finds it especially hard to express emotion. Mother and son are like two peas in the same pod.
Working and playing in New York we experience the AIDS pandemic through George’s eyes and his battles with substance misuse.
We meet Betty in old age with a series of ailments, not least of which is dementia. George junior becomes her carer and much more besides and in the process he comes to “be still”, an injuction mother and son constantly demand of each other throughout the book. At its most negative it can mean “Shut up”; in positive speak it means something akin to “take it easy on yourself”.
A rewarding read.
This is the very personal memoir of George Hodgman junior (born c 1959) , his parents, the wider family and their worlds. It feels like a series of counselling sessions, which he says he has had, and during which he goes backwards and forwards, revisiting experiences and their attendant emotions.
An only child, growing up in Missouri, gay and isolated. Parents with love in their hearts but not on their sleeves. Betty, his Mum, finds it especially hard to express emotion. Mother and son are like two peas in the same pod.
Working and playing in New York we experience the AIDS pandemic through George’s eyes and his battles with substance misuse.
We meet Betty in old age with a series of ailments, not least of which is dementia. George junior becomes her carer and much more besides and in the process he comes to “be still”, an injuction mother and son constantly demand of each other throughout the book. At its most negative it can mean “Shut up”; in positive speak it means something akin to “take it easy on yourself”.
A rewarding read.
January 25, 2023
Book on CD read by Jeff Woodman
Hodgman’s elderly mother was clearly in trouble. He had lost one job and had the time to spend with her back home in Missouri. His work as an editor allowed him to continue “remotely” while he shepherded his mother along a path neither of them wanted to take. In this memoir he relates not only their fractious journey together, but the many incidents in their backgrounds that brought them to this place.
I found this tender and funny, heartbreaking and hopeful. There were times when I wanted to slap him (or Betty) upside the head and force one or both of them to face reality. There were times when I wanted to just wrap them in a blanket and give them little “now, now and there, there” comforting pats. I was reminded of the many trips I took to Texas to help my parents as they faced these same demons: of aging, of loss of independence, of loss of control, of loss of identity.
This snippet describes perfectly the relationship I had with my mother during the earlier stages of her disease process: I know she hates me sometimes. how could she not? I am the guard at the prison she will never get out of. Sometimes I am just as pent-up and angry. I loathe her too. Just a typical American family, torn between love and homicide, but united in our way.
Not that you need my opinion, George, but you did the right thing. Always.
The audiobook was masterfully performed by Jeff Woodman.
Hodgman’s elderly mother was clearly in trouble. He had lost one job and had the time to spend with her back home in Missouri. His work as an editor allowed him to continue “remotely” while he shepherded his mother along a path neither of them wanted to take. In this memoir he relates not only their fractious journey together, but the many incidents in their backgrounds that brought them to this place.
I found this tender and funny, heartbreaking and hopeful. There were times when I wanted to slap him (or Betty) upside the head and force one or both of them to face reality. There were times when I wanted to just wrap them in a blanket and give them little “now, now and there, there” comforting pats. I was reminded of the many trips I took to Texas to help my parents as they faced these same demons: of aging, of loss of independence, of loss of control, of loss of identity.
This snippet describes perfectly the relationship I had with my mother during the earlier stages of her disease process: I know she hates me sometimes. how could she not? I am the guard at the prison she will never get out of. Sometimes I am just as pent-up and angry. I loathe her too. Just a typical American family, torn between love and homicide, but united in our way.
Not that you need my opinion, George, but you did the right thing. Always.
The audiobook was masterfully performed by Jeff Woodman.
April 20, 2015
I was conflicted about this book. Parts of it were beautiful - the discussions on aging, dementia, family, secrets and the Midwest of the late 20th century. When George veered off to discuss his life in NYC, I tended to lose interest. But he has a gift of expressing things wonderfully and phrases definitely stuck with me.
August 31, 2016
Just finished reading this for the second time - my local library has chosen BETTYVILLE as this year's One Read title and I am leading a discussion about it tomorrow. I love this book so much - it's so full of heart and so damn smart and funny.
March 16, 2015
I got this book from the author through one of my book groups for an honest review. Thank you!
This book is sad and hilarious all at once. I really feel for the author having to take care of his mom while she is going through dementia.
George comes from his home in New York to his hometown in Paris, Missouri. His mom Betty has turned 91 years old, but she's not doing well at all. Her eyesight is bad, she's slowly getting dementia. It's such a sad thing to me. You want your parents around forever, but you don't want them to go through anything bad or to suffer in any way. He had already lost his dad to cancer.
The small town they live in is sort of becoming a ghost town. All of the old cool places have shut down and boarded up as we have all seen across America. I like one of the things the author says in the book, "Things are different now. A book I read said three things changed rural America: the breakup of the family farm; Wal-Mart; meth." I totally agree.
All of the older people are passing, nothing new is coming in. It's sad.
Betty and George have this witty banter with each other, it seems to have been there all of their lives. Sometimes it's very heart-breaking, but most of the time I found myself cracking up at the things they would say to each other!
Betty was feeling her world collapse around her, like everything was getting lost, going away. It's like having no control over your life any more.
I give kudos to George for taking care of her, and even though he was going back and forth whether to put her in a home or not, he chose to do what he could until he could not. I think that is wonderful.
This book is sad and hilarious all at once. I really feel for the author having to take care of his mom while she is going through dementia.
George comes from his home in New York to his hometown in Paris, Missouri. His mom Betty has turned 91 years old, but she's not doing well at all. Her eyesight is bad, she's slowly getting dementia. It's such a sad thing to me. You want your parents around forever, but you don't want them to go through anything bad or to suffer in any way. He had already lost his dad to cancer.
The small town they live in is sort of becoming a ghost town. All of the old cool places have shut down and boarded up as we have all seen across America. I like one of the things the author says in the book, "Things are different now. A book I read said three things changed rural America: the breakup of the family farm; Wal-Mart; meth." I totally agree.
All of the older people are passing, nothing new is coming in. It's sad.
Betty and George have this witty banter with each other, it seems to have been there all of their lives. Sometimes it's very heart-breaking, but most of the time I found myself cracking up at the things they would say to each other!
Betty was feeling her world collapse around her, like everything was getting lost, going away. It's like having no control over your life any more.
I give kudos to George for taking care of her, and even though he was going back and forth whether to put her in a home or not, he chose to do what he could until he could not. I think that is wonderful.
March 15, 2015
Bettyville is the real thing. It's the perfect memoir---the sort of book you want to press into people's hands and say, "I know you'll love this," and if they are a writer, "Here is how you write a book."
I know George Hodgman from working in publishing together. That's not why I'm recommending this one. Because of my job, lots of books come across my desk, and I have stacks of them I haven't finished. It's a rare pleasure to come across a book this good.
One of the great things about Bettyville is there is a way in for so many readers, helped in no small part by its perfect mix of humor, good storytelling and enormous generosity. It's the story of gay man who's lived in New York for decades who returns to his small hometown in Missouri to take care of his mother, a formidable woman battling dementia. I can imagine giving Bettyville to someone older who isn't quite comfortable around gay people, and knowing they'll fall in love with George---not just for his charm and wit, but for his obvious love for his mother and his appreciation of small-town virtues. I'd give it to someone dealing with an aging parent, or to anyone who loves small town life, and to anyone who got out of their small town as soon as they could. Oh, and if you believe rescue dogs rescue us, then this is the book for you.
Bettyville is unusually well-crafted. Betty and what her world means to George are mysteries to be solved, and each reveal and realization is so well-timed and well-earned. The central mystery of the book deeply moved me, and it's one I think so many readers can relate to: how do you love a parent who will never fully understand you? How do you love, and accept, across your differences?
There is so much I loved and admired about this book, but perhaps it's greatest gift to me is how it made me think of my own family. Reading Bettyville made me want to be a better daughter---kinder, more understanding, more forgiving. Perhaps because it's narrated with such honesty and humility---by a character who is anything but a scold or a saint, I closed it thinking, "I could do this. I could love more."
I know George Hodgman from working in publishing together. That's not why I'm recommending this one. Because of my job, lots of books come across my desk, and I have stacks of them I haven't finished. It's a rare pleasure to come across a book this good.
One of the great things about Bettyville is there is a way in for so many readers, helped in no small part by its perfect mix of humor, good storytelling and enormous generosity. It's the story of gay man who's lived in New York for decades who returns to his small hometown in Missouri to take care of his mother, a formidable woman battling dementia. I can imagine giving Bettyville to someone older who isn't quite comfortable around gay people, and knowing they'll fall in love with George---not just for his charm and wit, but for his obvious love for his mother and his appreciation of small-town virtues. I'd give it to someone dealing with an aging parent, or to anyone who loves small town life, and to anyone who got out of their small town as soon as they could. Oh, and if you believe rescue dogs rescue us, then this is the book for you.
Bettyville is unusually well-crafted. Betty and what her world means to George are mysteries to be solved, and each reveal and realization is so well-timed and well-earned. The central mystery of the book deeply moved me, and it's one I think so many readers can relate to: how do you love a parent who will never fully understand you? How do you love, and accept, across your differences?
There is so much I loved and admired about this book, but perhaps it's greatest gift to me is how it made me think of my own family. Reading Bettyville made me want to be a better daughter---kinder, more understanding, more forgiving. Perhaps because it's narrated with such honesty and humility---by a character who is anything but a scold or a saint, I closed it thinking, "I could do this. I could love more."
January 16, 2015
Hodgman's memoir is a subtle, beautiful, sly book that leverages its apparently simple, Oscar-season premise--Midwest outcast comes home to care for his aging, colorful mother--into much, much more. It's a book of bewilderments: willful, skittish characters trying to be strong for (or to?) each other in a world they have never mastered, even as that world's familiar elements drop away. Its narrator, George, is a sharp, vigilant, hapless son pummeled into shame by the homophobia he grew up with, which reached even into his family; his mother, Betty, is a complex, testy battleship Edward Albee would have swooned for. Their profound, but captious love (and need) for each other drives a narrative which is--and this is a strange word to use for a memoir, but it fits--thrilling.
I went in expecting very good craft, but the beauty of the writing is often astonishing. The attention and observation Hodgman has, the way he gets in a character with a swift sketch, is superb. An uncle soaks his used typewriter ribbons in jars of ink and "kept a typewritten journal of his bowel movements (June 24: COMPLETE EVACUATION), which I pored over when he and Betty left the room." The nurse at the posh assisted living community, who asks Betty fatal questions like, "Are you aware of the concept of being mindful?", says she "is so devoted to the residents here that she got married in the courtyard." George: "'Where did you honeymoon?' I want to ask." This isn't the glib comedy of potshots and caricatures, but the art of seeing people's lovely strangeness when they are right in front of you, a sense of fun earned by a life of being the odd duck.
I could go on and on about why this book is great, but really, best to find out yourself.
I went in expecting very good craft, but the beauty of the writing is often astonishing. The attention and observation Hodgman has, the way he gets in a character with a swift sketch, is superb. An uncle soaks his used typewriter ribbons in jars of ink and "kept a typewritten journal of his bowel movements (June 24: COMPLETE EVACUATION), which I pored over when he and Betty left the room." The nurse at the posh assisted living community, who asks Betty fatal questions like, "Are you aware of the concept of being mindful?", says she "is so devoted to the residents here that she got married in the courtyard." George: "'Where did you honeymoon?' I want to ask." This isn't the glib comedy of potshots and caricatures, but the art of seeing people's lovely strangeness when they are right in front of you, a sense of fun earned by a life of being the odd duck.
I could go on and on about why this book is great, but really, best to find out yourself.
July 28, 2015
Almost a 4.5 for me. I understand completely why George was unable to tell his parents about the "real him" considering their traditional or conservative upbringing, along with living in rural Missouri. All that combined with the timeframe. It just wasn't done. I also understand the shutting down of one's emotions, for various reasons. You build your wall around yourself and hope you don't get hurt; again. My parents died five years apart when I was a young teen, along with some other not great events. I learned early to shut down. Luckily, over the years I've been blessed with many wonderful events so I was mended. Many, many people have gone through this experience; some fixed some not.
So happy for you George that you were and continue to be; and hopefully you keep writing because you're very talented.
Betty, a force all her life, sounds like, is marvelous. I really felt for her when the two of you visited the nursing home. I can just imagine her feeling trapped, helpless and having no control in that situation. How frustrating that must have been. I too would have been saying, "I just want to go home." I don't think I want to live to be 90 yrs. old.
George, you are to be commended for your care of Betty. I laughed, I yelled, and maybe shed a tear or two. This is a great memoir.
Everyone should read this. Oh, as a sideline, just a minor point, if anyone has an issue with the gay part; get to really know someone who is gay as a person, really know them. Their sexuality really doesn't matter. Love is love.
Great book. I highly recommend it. Cheers to Betty, and to you George. Oh hope Raj is ok too. I'm so happy you got a dog.
So happy for you George that you were and continue to be; and hopefully you keep writing because you're very talented.
Betty, a force all her life, sounds like, is marvelous. I really felt for her when the two of you visited the nursing home. I can just imagine her feeling trapped, helpless and having no control in that situation. How frustrating that must have been. I too would have been saying, "I just want to go home." I don't think I want to live to be 90 yrs. old.
George, you are to be commended for your care of Betty. I laughed, I yelled, and maybe shed a tear or two. This is a great memoir.
Everyone should read this. Oh, as a sideline, just a minor point, if anyone has an issue with the gay part; get to really know someone who is gay as a person, really know them. Their sexuality really doesn't matter. Love is love.
Great book. I highly recommend it. Cheers to Betty, and to you George. Oh hope Raj is ok too. I'm so happy you got a dog.
August 6, 2015
George grows up in Paris, Missouri and moves to Manhattan after graduation from college where he becomes a serious writer at increasingly more glamorous magazines until one day the merry go round ride ends and he returns to Missouri to care for his aged (90-year old) mother. George is the kind of son any mother would dream of: he is so caring, sensitive, compassionate, witty, clever, helpful, so so funny, and gay. Therein lies the rub. Poor George. He grew up in a small town in the middle of America at a time when gay people were not even acknowledged by most of the country, much less respected and given equal rights. If you lived through the 60's, it's easy to forget how horrifically narrow-minded people were back then and how difficult it must have been for people who knew they were "different" but didn't understand it themselves.
So the book is alternately funny and sad. Very funny and very sad. One thing that separates this book from other memoirs is that George dearly loves both his parents and they dearly love him---it's not a typical "oh my poor pathetic childhood". It's so much more subtle than that. For all the love they shared, they couldn't communicate about the very thing that was the essence of George. A must read for all gay guys and for anyone with a sense of humor and compassion.
So the book is alternately funny and sad. Very funny and very sad. One thing that separates this book from other memoirs is that George dearly loves both his parents and they dearly love him---it's not a typical "oh my poor pathetic childhood". It's so much more subtle than that. For all the love they shared, they couldn't communicate about the very thing that was the essence of George. A must read for all gay guys and for anyone with a sense of humor and compassion.
April 18, 2015
Need to say this will be a biased review. I grew up in Paris so for me this is a look back, a revisit of what my hometown used to be.
There could be a tendency to want to read this book quickly. It's well written and well edited; engaging and funny, sad and real. Instead, I chose to read slowly, picking up all the nuances of humor, the descriptions, the wording, the sadness, the regrets. I'm sure I'll go back and read it again, as there were many sentences/paragraphs that I wanted to underline.
Thank you George for talking about the look of small towns in today's age. So many small towns are fading away and it's so sad. Our parents' Paris, the small town that they worked so in, where their friends and neighbors also worked there for a thriving small town community won't ever be the same. I felt like Madison and Paris were characters in your book just as much as the people.
I appreciate your honesty about growing up in Paris and not being able to be honest about your sexuality. I pray this is one area of your book that has changed positively over the years - that young people who find themselves in the same situation have friends, family, teachers, pastors to talk to and not feel judged.
There could be a tendency to want to read this book quickly. It's well written and well edited; engaging and funny, sad and real. Instead, I chose to read slowly, picking up all the nuances of humor, the descriptions, the wording, the sadness, the regrets. I'm sure I'll go back and read it again, as there were many sentences/paragraphs that I wanted to underline.
Thank you George for talking about the look of small towns in today's age. So many small towns are fading away and it's so sad. Our parents' Paris, the small town that they worked so in, where their friends and neighbors also worked there for a thriving small town community won't ever be the same. I felt like Madison and Paris were characters in your book just as much as the people.
I appreciate your honesty about growing up in Paris and not being able to be honest about your sexuality. I pray this is one area of your book that has changed positively over the years - that young people who find themselves in the same situation have friends, family, teachers, pastors to talk to and not feel judged.
March 1, 2015
3.5 rounded down.
This is a memoir, and to be honest, I think it's more a memoir of George, the son vs. Betty the mother. At one point he says his editor says his written work is too "internal" and it sure is. All the action in the story pretty much takes place between his ears, when he's reminiscing, or wondering what Betty is remembering. If this were fiction, it would be amazing how he got into his characters' head.
To me, the saddest part is that being gay and in his 20's during the AIDS mass-hysteria decade George himself may have no one to take care of him the way he takes care of his mother.
At the time the story was written, the mother was 93 and still playing piano for church services! And she still practiced! What a strong woman. I would have liked more background on the mother, and maybe even a family tree for her relations. A map would have been good too. I kept forgetting that when Paris or Mexico is mentioned, it's referring to cities in Missouri.
The cover could have been better--the dog is such a minor character. I received an ARC and I hope the copy editor makes another run through it before final publication to take out all the extra words.
This is a memoir, and to be honest, I think it's more a memoir of George, the son vs. Betty the mother. At one point he says his editor says his written work is too "internal" and it sure is. All the action in the story pretty much takes place between his ears, when he's reminiscing, or wondering what Betty is remembering. If this were fiction, it would be amazing how he got into his characters' head.
To me, the saddest part is that being gay and in his 20's during the AIDS mass-hysteria decade George himself may have no one to take care of him the way he takes care of his mother.
At the time the story was written, the mother was 93 and still playing piano for church services! And she still practiced! What a strong woman. I would have liked more background on the mother, and maybe even a family tree for her relations. A map would have been good too. I kept forgetting that when Paris or Mexico is mentioned, it's referring to cities in Missouri.
The cover could have been better--the dog is such a minor character. I received an ARC and I hope the copy editor makes another run through it before final publication to take out all the extra words.
June 21, 2016
Wow! Sometimes books hit you at the perfect time and this was certainly he case with, Bettyville. I loved it, I laughed out loud so many times, I clutched my heart & cried as well. What an endearing love between Betty & both Georges. I just plain loved it & so pleased & thankful George Hodgman wrote this excellent memoir.
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