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If Only
A groundbreaking but timeless early work from one of the world's most heralded novelists
A relatively young woman, aged thirty. She married in her early twenties, had two children. It is winter. January and minus 14°C, white, frosty mist around the parked car, around the spruces, the mailbox on its post, but higher up the sky is blue, clear, the sun has come back. She has written in her diary that she is waiting for the heartbreak that will turn her into her true self. She has an impending sense of doom or possibly her own death.
So opens Vigids Hjorth’s ground-breaking novel from 2001, which melds the yearning, doomed potency of Annie Ernaux’s A Simple Passion with the scale and force of Anna Karenina. It asks, can passion be mistaken for love? And proceeds to document the destruction a decade defined by such a misconstruction can yield on a life.
A relatively young woman, aged thirty. She married in her early twenties, had two children. It is winter. January and minus 14°C, white, frosty mist around the parked car, around the spruces, the mailbox on its post, but higher up the sky is blue, clear, the sun has come back. She has written in her diary that she is waiting for the heartbreak that will turn her into her true self. She has an impending sense of doom or possibly her own death.
So opens Vigids Hjorth’s ground-breaking novel from 2001, which melds the yearning, doomed potency of Annie Ernaux’s A Simple Passion with the scale and force of Anna Karenina. It asks, can passion be mistaken for love? And proceeds to document the destruction a decade defined by such a misconstruction can yield on a life.
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
About the author
Vigdis Hjorth
70 books592 followersVigdis Hjorth (born 1959) is a Norwegian novelist. She grew up in Oslo, and has studied philosophy, literature and political science.
In 1983, she published her first novel, the children's book "Pelle-Ragnar i den gule gården" for which she received Norsk kulturråd's debut award. Her first book for an adult audience was "Drama med Hilde" (1987). "Om bare" from 2001 is considered her most important novel, and a roman à clef.
Hjorth has three children and lives in Asker.
In 1983, she published her first novel, the children's book "Pelle-Ragnar i den gule gården" for which she received Norsk kulturråd's debut award. Her first book for an adult audience was "Drama med Hilde" (1987). "Om bare" from 2001 is considered her most important novel, and a roman à clef.
Hjorth has three children and lives in Asker.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
August 29, 2024
Just read 300 pages of a woman obsessively salivating over an absolute arsehole of a man when she should have dumped him on page 2 and saved me the time
November 4, 2022
Du behöver ett stycke mört kött av typen Ida Heier, och ett rejält stycke vällagrad fläsksida á la Arnold Busk. Börja med att snitta köttet. För samman bitarna och marinera otroligt länge i rigorösa mängder vin. Tillsätt lidelse, kreativa yrken, otrohet, skilsmässa och gränslöshet. Häll på mer vin. Och öl. Banka nu köttet rejält, allrahelst Ida-biten. Krydda med obehag och rör våldsamt. Det kommer att rinna över men det är meningen. Eftersom det här är en Hjorth-bok smula över Brecht. Servera med champagne. ”Skål för en gångs skull!”
”Lämnar du mig så skjuter jag dig.”
Den här dekadenta romanen med självbiografisk puls från 2001 handlar om en heterosexuell relation som jäser över, ruttnar och stinker. Ett konstnärligt och modigt verk är det, om galenskap, svartsjuka, backanal, våld och förnedring. Rakt in i mörkret leder hon mig och jag följer gladeligen med. Hon gestaltar väl och har en förtjusande besk och humoristisk ton men prosan tar hela tiden omtag vilket gör boken längre än nödvändigt.
”Han sover alltid på sidan för att inte dö spädbarnsdöden.”
Om bara verkligheten inte skilde sig så förbannat från sagans stora romantiska passion som är på liv och död. Om bara Ida kunde säga nej till något någon gång. Eller om bara två dysfunktionella människor kunde hela varandra istället för att dra ner varandra ytterligare. Om bara man slapp känna sig så jävla ensam och rädd. Om bara inte alkohol hjälpte så bra. Om bara kärleken och sexualiteten fungerade rationellt. Om bara någon kunde förklara när kärlekens ögonblick egentligen inträffade.
”Frånvaro kamouflerad till närvaro är hon bra på. Hon som kan uppleva kroppen helt skild från sig själv. Avtrubbad under akten. Tankarna tusen mil bort. Avskuren och onåbar.”
Jag är förtjust i allt jag läst av Hjorth, även den här. Jag rekommenderar den till dig som gillar Det kommer aldrig att vara du, Nora eller Brinn Oslo brinn eller Egenmäktigt förfarande.
”Lämnar du mig så skjuter jag dig.”
Den här dekadenta romanen med självbiografisk puls från 2001 handlar om en heterosexuell relation som jäser över, ruttnar och stinker. Ett konstnärligt och modigt verk är det, om galenskap, svartsjuka, backanal, våld och förnedring. Rakt in i mörkret leder hon mig och jag följer gladeligen med. Hon gestaltar väl och har en förtjusande besk och humoristisk ton men prosan tar hela tiden omtag vilket gör boken längre än nödvändigt.
”Han sover alltid på sidan för att inte dö spädbarnsdöden.”
Om bara verkligheten inte skilde sig så förbannat från sagans stora romantiska passion som är på liv och död. Om bara Ida kunde säga nej till något någon gång. Eller om bara två dysfunktionella människor kunde hela varandra istället för att dra ner varandra ytterligare. Om bara man slapp känna sig så jävla ensam och rädd. Om bara inte alkohol hjälpte så bra. Om bara kärleken och sexualiteten fungerade rationellt. Om bara någon kunde förklara när kärlekens ögonblick egentligen inträffade.
”Frånvaro kamouflerad till närvaro är hon bra på. Hon som kan uppleva kroppen helt skild från sig själv. Avtrubbad under akten. Tankarna tusen mil bort. Avskuren och onåbar.”
Jag är förtjust i allt jag läst av Hjorth, även den här. Jag rekommenderar den till dig som gillar Det kommer aldrig att vara du, Nora eller Brinn Oslo brinn eller Egenmäktigt förfarande.
December 18, 2019
En strålende roman om at finde sin store kærlighed, sætte alt på spil for at få HAM for så derefter gradvist at erkende, men også fortrænge erkendelsen: At det ikke fungerer mellem dem. De krangler, de forsones, de elsker til det uudholdelige. "[M]å være kjedelig å lese," undskylder fortælleren sig selv henimod slutningen af bogen, men det bliver aldrig kedeligt at læse, tværtimod, den er lige så medrivende som en spændingsroman og er så absolut det bedste, jeg hidtil har læst af Hjorth.
August 25, 2024
Major thanks to NetGalley and Verso for offering me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest thoughts:
*3.75
If Ernaux wrote Ferrante’s The Days of Abandonment on speed.
Hjorth lets intrusive thoughts win over female rage and depressed woman moving to create a desire-driven novel of fever dream questions that pulverize mental stability into insecure drivel that somehow forms a song so violent all you want is out of the novel.
My issue with Hjorth’s work is how cyclical her prose and themes move. Her thoughts and sentences chase each other in a dizzying whirlwind that it’s almost like getting a migraine from overthinking.
I’ve always been one for feel-bad books and this tops my feel-bad book of the year. It’s tough and no fun to get through, hitting a rush of relief by the end that it stuck the landing, stuck with me, and still, I am exhausted.
I don’t think I’ll recover because I’ve been here before. Imagine losing your first love, but it echoes in auditorium-eternity that it’s stitched into your DNA. It’s EHS with the pain. It’s the loss of losses, love at first loss.
*3.75
If Ernaux wrote Ferrante’s The Days of Abandonment on speed.
Hjorth lets intrusive thoughts win over female rage and depressed woman moving to create a desire-driven novel of fever dream questions that pulverize mental stability into insecure drivel that somehow forms a song so violent all you want is out of the novel.
My issue with Hjorth’s work is how cyclical her prose and themes move. Her thoughts and sentences chase each other in a dizzying whirlwind that it’s almost like getting a migraine from overthinking.
I’ve always been one for feel-bad books and this tops my feel-bad book of the year. It’s tough and no fun to get through, hitting a rush of relief by the end that it stuck the landing, stuck with me, and still, I am exhausted.
I don’t think I’ll recover because I’ve been here before. Imagine losing your first love, but it echoes in auditorium-eternity that it’s stitched into your DNA. It’s EHS with the pain. It’s the loss of losses, love at first loss.
January 4, 2023
En roman om den stora kärleken, eller kanske besatthet, och dess uppgång och fall. Jag läser det som att det inte alltid är så att man passar ihop med sin stora kärlek. Smärtsamt destruktivt.
August 22, 2024
i fear this wasn’t the book for me! if only tells the extremely cursed “love” story between ida, writer of radio plays, and arnold, professor of german. they first meet when they are both married to other people and we follow their relationship throughout many long years.
i kept on reading thinking, “surely we’ll stop repeating ourselves at some point, things have to change.” but we just kept going over the same cycle of ida and arnold professing their love for each other over the phone, flying to meet up, getting drunk, having sex, getting in a huge fight over nothing, having sex again… rinse and repeat. while this repetition was really effective in showing how cyclical and never-ending toxic, abusive relationships can be… it didn’t make for a compelling read. there was no forward movement or character progression until the last 20 pages - the first 330, we were just spinning our wheels in the mud of the relationship. the characters fell really flat because their love for each other is all tell and no show - WHY are they so drawn to each other? what is the basis of them declaring their undying love for each other? what do they keep fighting and crying about? i had no reason to be invested in either ida or arnold’s lives.
i think i could forgive some of the repetitiveness if i had been blown away by the writing, but i wasn’t. once again, there was an improvement in the last 20 pages but not enough to redeem it. there were occasional passages that stood out to me as beautifully written, but not enough to cancel out the banality of the rest of it.
really disappointed because the synopsis sounded so promising to me due to the annie ernaux comparison. sure, hjorth and ernaux explore similar themes of passion, obsession, and forbidden love. but the reason why ernaux’s writing works so well is how precisely she’s able to express those feelings. her books being short makes them pack more of a punch, whereas if only’s 350 pages feel bloated. if it was edited down, i would’ve enjoyed it so much more.
thank you (and i’m sorry!) to netgalley and verso for the digital copy!
i kept on reading thinking, “surely we’ll stop repeating ourselves at some point, things have to change.” but we just kept going over the same cycle of ida and arnold professing their love for each other over the phone, flying to meet up, getting drunk, having sex, getting in a huge fight over nothing, having sex again… rinse and repeat. while this repetition was really effective in showing how cyclical and never-ending toxic, abusive relationships can be… it didn’t make for a compelling read. there was no forward movement or character progression until the last 20 pages - the first 330, we were just spinning our wheels in the mud of the relationship. the characters fell really flat because their love for each other is all tell and no show - WHY are they so drawn to each other? what is the basis of them declaring their undying love for each other? what do they keep fighting and crying about? i had no reason to be invested in either ida or arnold’s lives.
i think i could forgive some of the repetitiveness if i had been blown away by the writing, but i wasn’t. once again, there was an improvement in the last 20 pages but not enough to redeem it. there were occasional passages that stood out to me as beautifully written, but not enough to cancel out the banality of the rest of it.
really disappointed because the synopsis sounded so promising to me due to the annie ernaux comparison. sure, hjorth and ernaux explore similar themes of passion, obsession, and forbidden love. but the reason why ernaux’s writing works so well is how precisely she’s able to express those feelings. her books being short makes them pack more of a punch, whereas if only’s 350 pages feel bloated. if it was edited down, i would’ve enjoyed it so much more.
thank you (and i’m sorry!) to netgalley and verso for the digital copy!
November 24, 2022
Känner mig mörbultad.
Ingen kan sätta ord på Livet som Vigdis Hjorth.
Ingen kan sätta ord på Livet som Vigdis Hjorth.
March 5, 2022
Jeg likte den første halvdelen av boken veldig godt. Egentlig ville jeg nok ha foretrukket en bok hvor Ida og Arnold aldri ble sammen, hvor tematikken holdt seg til å omfavne hvordan hun ville håndtert/ikke håndtert det.
Gjennom hele beskrivelsen av deres forhold følte jeg meg nærmest slukt og tygget på og spyttet ut igjen i et ekstremt høyt tempo. Det er en form for rå intensitet i følelsene og historien, som jeg gjenkjenner fra de andre bøkene jeg har lest av Hjorth, og som jeg tidligere har likt men som her kanskje akkurat vippet litt for mye ut av balanse for meg, akkurat nå. Det blir så ubehagelig at det nesten ikke er til å orke, og det er jo nettopp noe av det som kjennetegner hele denne relasjonen som beskrives. Den sterke ambivalensen mellom en lengsel som aldri er mulig å tilfredsstille helt, og hvor mye det koster å bære og være i så intense følelser som ytterligere forsterkes, ved forsøkene på å fylle det tomrommet som aldri kan fylles nok. En fryktelig ufiltrert levende roman. Jeg skjønner godt hvorfor denne har blitt kåret som en viktig roman, og også som et hurtigtig.
Gjennom hele beskrivelsen av deres forhold følte jeg meg nærmest slukt og tygget på og spyttet ut igjen i et ekstremt høyt tempo. Det er en form for rå intensitet i følelsene og historien, som jeg gjenkjenner fra de andre bøkene jeg har lest av Hjorth, og som jeg tidligere har likt men som her kanskje akkurat vippet litt for mye ut av balanse for meg, akkurat nå. Det blir så ubehagelig at det nesten ikke er til å orke, og det er jo nettopp noe av det som kjennetegner hele denne relasjonen som beskrives. Den sterke ambivalensen mellom en lengsel som aldri er mulig å tilfredsstille helt, og hvor mye det koster å bære og være i så intense følelser som ytterligere forsterkes, ved forsøkene på å fylle det tomrommet som aldri kan fylles nok. En fryktelig ufiltrert levende roman. Jeg skjønner godt hvorfor denne har blitt kåret som en viktig roman, og også som et hurtigtig.
January 9, 2023
Läste grimaserandes med armarna utsträckta.
January 7, 2023
Åh hvor jeg føler mig hvirvlet tilbage til at være 22 og håbløst forelsket i ældre, fraværende mænd. Hér dog, gennem det spøjst blik af en gift mor til to. Denne bog haster, på den gode måde! Den har en rå stil, som man vænner sig hurtigt til, og vil have mere af. Genkendelig, sjov og måske endda lidt af et mesterværk - på samme måde at David Foster Wallaces ‘The Depressed Person’ er et mesterværk: Den sætter det håbeløse og ængstelige ved mennesker på spil, det gør ondt at læse, men er også fascinerende, og så detaljeret observeret. Den efterlader mig med så mange spørgsmål om de to hovedpersoner og deres adfærdsmønstre og deres barndom, men jeg er glad for, at de spørgsmål ikke bliver besvarede i bogen - for så har jeg plads til at tænke over mine egne mønstre og deres mystiske oprindelse.
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May 10, 2023Dnf ved 45%
Kvinder der opgiver alt for en mand, der ikke helt kan huske hvad hun hedder, fordi han har så mange sidechicks.
No thank you
Kvinder der opgiver alt for en mand, der ikke helt kan huske hvad hun hedder, fordi han har så mange sidechicks.
No thank you
September 9, 2024
“Their tragedy wasn’t that they didn’t get to be together, it was that they did.”
The tragedy is the readers’ as well. For the first half of the book, this portrayal of love addiction and obsession was the most shattering I’ve ever seen. It took my breath away.
Ida is a woman in her early 30s, married with two children, who writes radio plays and edits a magazine in Norway. At an out-of-town seminar, she meets Arnold Bush, who is also married, a Brecht translator, who ends up in her bed that night. He is unremarkable: slight and balding, not exactly a giving or trustworthy personality. Yet Ida imprints on him. She can’t get him out of her mind.
She relentlessly pursues Arnold who gives her the bare minimum to sustain her belief there is something between us. That little bit is enough: she divorces her husband, is careless with her children, and is obsessed with seeing him, spending time with him, speaking to him. In the first three years, she sees him exactly seven times and during those times, makes it evident that she is dying to be together with him.
It is pure obsession (and if I were Arnold, I would have run for the hills). She thinks,” Don’t take this away, the only thing that matters, without this pounding in my heart, this all-consuming nothing, I will be numb, life is meaningless, what will I think about then, what will I wait for, what will I replace it with?” In her lucid days, she wonders, “Is this infatuation, the strongest she has experienced, about Arnold Bush, or whether she needed to be in love, needed the strength which being in love gave her to do what was necessary, to divorce.”
Had the book stopped here, I would have been completely satisfied. But it doesn’t. Arnold, too, is addicted, maybe not to Ida, but to savagery and passion. He and his much younger wife split up. Now he is with Ida, and the relationship becomes right out of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf – controlling, manipulative, all-encompassing, boundary-less, and need I add, unhealthy?
They sleep with each other. They sleep with other people. They sleep with a crowd. They rage. They howl. They cry. Her kids hate him. Her colleagues think she’s lost her mind. She begins to believe, “Suffering is a link that brings the magical pleasure happiness can never deliver.”
The characters are unlikeable. I couldn’t care less because unlikeable characters, to me, are usually more intriguing than “likable” ones. I have no idea how to rate this one. The writing is powerful but in my heart of hearts, I wish that the second half was edited down. If only.
The tragedy is the readers’ as well. For the first half of the book, this portrayal of love addiction and obsession was the most shattering I’ve ever seen. It took my breath away.
Ida is a woman in her early 30s, married with two children, who writes radio plays and edits a magazine in Norway. At an out-of-town seminar, she meets Arnold Bush, who is also married, a Brecht translator, who ends up in her bed that night. He is unremarkable: slight and balding, not exactly a giving or trustworthy personality. Yet Ida imprints on him. She can’t get him out of her mind.
She relentlessly pursues Arnold who gives her the bare minimum to sustain her belief there is something between us. That little bit is enough: she divorces her husband, is careless with her children, and is obsessed with seeing him, spending time with him, speaking to him. In the first three years, she sees him exactly seven times and during those times, makes it evident that she is dying to be together with him.
It is pure obsession (and if I were Arnold, I would have run for the hills). She thinks,” Don’t take this away, the only thing that matters, without this pounding in my heart, this all-consuming nothing, I will be numb, life is meaningless, what will I think about then, what will I wait for, what will I replace it with?” In her lucid days, she wonders, “Is this infatuation, the strongest she has experienced, about Arnold Bush, or whether she needed to be in love, needed the strength which being in love gave her to do what was necessary, to divorce.”
Had the book stopped here, I would have been completely satisfied. But it doesn’t. Arnold, too, is addicted, maybe not to Ida, but to savagery and passion. He and his much younger wife split up. Now he is with Ida, and the relationship becomes right out of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf – controlling, manipulative, all-encompassing, boundary-less, and need I add, unhealthy?
They sleep with each other. They sleep with other people. They sleep with a crowd. They rage. They howl. They cry. Her kids hate him. Her colleagues think she’s lost her mind. She begins to believe, “Suffering is a link that brings the magical pleasure happiness can never deliver.”
The characters are unlikeable. I couldn’t care less because unlikeable characters, to me, are usually more intriguing than “likable” ones. I have no idea how to rate this one. The writing is powerful but in my heart of hearts, I wish that the second half was edited down. If only.
July 5, 2024
4 stjerner ⭐️ Denne boken var en intens opplevelse! Jeg ble sugd inn i den lidenskapelige affæren mellom hovedpersonene, og makan til drama og lidenskap! Hjorth har klart å fange den desperate, stygg-vakre følelsen av en destruktiv forelskelse på en mesterlig måte. Jeg hadde nesten glemt hvor godt hun skriver og hvor mye jeg liker bøkene hennes. Hjorths skildring av menneskelige følelser og relasjoner er både rørende og skremmende realistisk. Dette er en bok som både river og rører ved hjertet.
August 14, 2023
Påminner mycket om Anderssons Egenmäktigt Förfarande, men är mer brutal. Roligt med tidsmarkörerna - de skickas brev och inväntas otåligt på svar vid brevlådan, det springs till telefonkiosken för att ringa osv. Det var krångligare att vara besatta av någon i slutet på 90-talet…
August 5, 2024
Jag älskade den??
June 14, 2024
As described, the novel indeed asks can passion be mistaken for love? But it also asks, can a reader sustain attention for 350 pages on shallow, histrionic characters?
If Only follows Ida's obsession with Arnold, her on-and-off-again lover while they both harm each other as well as other partners and friends who stand in their way. Ida believes their romance is destined, but keeps failing to see the person Arnold really is despite his obvious character flaws. As a whole, this story explores the relationship between romance and freedom.
Hjorth has sharp lines and strong dialog, but ultimately failed in cultivating any reason to care about the character(s).
Thanks Verso & NetGalley for the e-arc.
If Only follows Ida's obsession with Arnold, her on-and-off-again lover while they both harm each other as well as other partners and friends who stand in their way. Ida believes their romance is destined, but keeps failing to see the person Arnold really is despite his obvious character flaws. As a whole, this story explores the relationship between romance and freedom.
Hjorth has sharp lines and strong dialog, but ultimately failed in cultivating any reason to care about the character(s).
Thanks Verso & NetGalley for the e-arc.
May 31, 2017
Hovedpersonen havner i et polarisert forhold som i begynnelsen kun handler om å vinne mannen hun elsker og på slutten kun handler om å komme seg ut av destruktiviteten. Hjorth beskriver utrolig godt hvordan man kan være fanget i et destruktivt forhold og ikke se klart hva som er best for en selv. Boka er utrolig intens og jeg veksler mellom å sympatisere med og irritere meg over hovedpersonen. Jeg liker Hjorths skrivestil. Den er svært muntlig, men på en måte som framstår som logisk, naturlig og lett å følge.
September 18, 2024
Intense stream of thought contemplation written by a Oslo-based unhappily married female writer in her twenties who has a long-distance relationship with a married professor. The affair destroys both party's lives, their families, and their self-worth. Question the reader has to ask - will you survive 350 pages worth of masochistic self-indulgence?
November 16, 2022
3,5 ⭐️
Hög igenkänningsfaktor och bra gestaltning av självutplånande. Ofta blir det dock monotont och upprepande, den hade tjänat på att vara lite kortare
Hög igenkänningsfaktor och bra gestaltning av självutplånande. Ofta blir det dock monotont och upprepande, den hade tjänat på att vara lite kortare
April 4, 2023
Delvis starkt förmedlade känslor men för ältande för min smak
September 24, 2023
Balanserar mellan 2&3.. första delen var en sämre variant av Lena Anderssons Egenmäktigt förfarande. Andra någon typ av finare formulerad studie i porr & destruktivitet. Hon har bra nivå på språket så därför hankar sig betyget upp över gränsen till en trea.
March 2, 2024
Herregud vilken intensiv bok. Skriven som på inandning. Besatthet, desperation och elände. Ja, nog är det och snuddar på en riktigt stor roman.
Read
November 22, 2022Ush va mycket ångest!!!
March 16, 2022
Den 30-årige dramatiker Ida Heiler er gift og mor til to børn, da hun møder og hovedkulds forelsker sig i professoren Arnold Busk, som ligeledes har en anden.
På randen af sindssyge oplever Ida en besættelse af Arnold, der gør at hun flytter fra manden og lever alene, mens hun drømmer om livet med hendes Arnold. Der går dog en del år, inden han opgiver sit gamle liv for hende.
Det er begyndelsen på et overstadigt, dirrende og grænseløst kærlighedsforhold - en erobring af hinanden , som nærmer sig galskab. En destruktiv kærlighed, der ernæres afalkohol, sex, utroskab, magt og kontrol.
Men pludselig er Ida ikke længere lykkelige, men evner ikke at stoppe forholdet, der på alle måder har nedbrudt dem begge.
–
En lille smule forpustet, efter at havde været igennem alle følelserne, men sikke en rørende læseoplevelse.
Med ekstrem smertelig intensitet og kompleksitet føres man gennem siderne i et tempo, hvor man tilslut ikke længere overraskes over den selvudslettelse hovedkarakteren Ida gennemgå.
I denne altopslugende kærlighed som forfatteren Vigdis Hjorth her beskriver, svinger man mellem foragt og anerkendelse for det forhold, der er fyldt af så meget passion og vilje. Det
er simpelthen enestående beskrevet - Vildt forfatterskab, der viser hendes særlige evne med ord.
‘Hvis bare’ er en kærlighedshistorie, en fortælling om parforholdet og ikke mindst den destruktive af slagsen. Det er barsk, usmageligt og sødt. Foruroligende og fascinerende på selv samme tid.
Kæmpe anbefaling til alle, der nyder lækker litteratur, der kan mærkes helt ind til knoglerne.
Fortvivlelse, håb og fuldstændig gribende,
derfor 🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎/5
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Reklame - Anmeldereksemplar modtaget.
På randen af sindssyge oplever Ida en besættelse af Arnold, der gør at hun flytter fra manden og lever alene, mens hun drømmer om livet med hendes Arnold. Der går dog en del år, inden han opgiver sit gamle liv for hende.
Det er begyndelsen på et overstadigt, dirrende og grænseløst kærlighedsforhold - en erobring af hinanden , som nærmer sig galskab. En destruktiv kærlighed, der ernæres afalkohol, sex, utroskab, magt og kontrol.
Men pludselig er Ida ikke længere lykkelige, men evner ikke at stoppe forholdet, der på alle måder har nedbrudt dem begge.
–
En lille smule forpustet, efter at havde været igennem alle følelserne, men sikke en rørende læseoplevelse.
Med ekstrem smertelig intensitet og kompleksitet føres man gennem siderne i et tempo, hvor man tilslut ikke længere overraskes over den selvudslettelse hovedkarakteren Ida gennemgå.
I denne altopslugende kærlighed som forfatteren Vigdis Hjorth her beskriver, svinger man mellem foragt og anerkendelse for det forhold, der er fyldt af så meget passion og vilje. Det
er simpelthen enestående beskrevet - Vildt forfatterskab, der viser hendes særlige evne med ord.
‘Hvis bare’ er en kærlighedshistorie, en fortælling om parforholdet og ikke mindst den destruktive af slagsen. Det er barsk, usmageligt og sødt. Foruroligende og fascinerende på selv samme tid.
Kæmpe anbefaling til alle, der nyder lækker litteratur, der kan mærkes helt ind til knoglerne.
Fortvivlelse, håb og fuldstændig gribende,
derfor 🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎/5
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Reklame - Anmeldereksemplar modtaget.
November 13, 2023
En plågsam och alkoholmarinerad historia.
" - Det var ju synd, säger hon, att när jag väl lyckades ragga upp en så snygg man var jag för berusad för att njuta av det.
- Äsch, säger han, det gick för dig tre gånger.
Hon ser sig själv framför sig, vältrande sig i sängen, rop och stön, frånvaro kamouflerat till närvaro är hon bra på, hon som kan uppleva kroppen helt skild från sig själv, avtrubbad under akten, tankarna tusen mil bort, avskuren och onåbar."
" - Det var ju synd, säger hon, att när jag väl lyckades ragga upp en så snygg man var jag för berusad för att njuta av det.
- Äsch, säger han, det gick för dig tre gånger.
Hon ser sig själv framför sig, vältrande sig i sängen, rop och stön, frånvaro kamouflerat till närvaro är hon bra på, hon som kan uppleva kroppen helt skild från sig själv, avtrubbad under akten, tankarna tusen mil bort, avskuren och onåbar."
October 11, 2016
Fryktelig intens men god
September 20, 2024
Absolutely incredible. This wrecked me. Hjorth has absolutely nailed the genesis, the duration, and the fiery end of a toxic and abusive relationship with the most precise of details. It’s a rigorous examination and every moment of it rings true.
Ida meets Arnold. Ida falls in love with Arnold. Arnold is married. Ida is married. An affair ensues. The highs are high. The lows are low. It's a tale as old as time, but Hjorth's rendering is anything but stale or hackneyed. From the start, I was hypnotized by the simple and addicting prose that continually sucked me in and spat me out breathless one hundred pages later. I was exhausted reading this and I mean that as the highest praise.
Ida and Arnold's relationship is all-encompassing. Their love is obsessive, co-dependent, and requires total sacrifice of the self. They morph into one, they isolate, and their trajectory is so predictable, but tragic all the same.
We all know someone like Ida, we all know someone like Arnold. We may have even resembled them at one point in our lives. Maybe not for as long and maybe not quite to this extent, but their characterizations are so real and so human, it’s what makes this so compelling.
As much as I absolutely loved this and it will be a top read of the year, it’s not one I would recommend widely and to just anyone. Book comparisons that come to mind are Erpenbeck’s Kairos, Ernaux’s Simple Passion, Patel’s I’m a Fan, and Nolan’s Acts of Desperation. If you could stomach those, then dive right in.
Ida meets Arnold. Ida falls in love with Arnold. Arnold is married. Ida is married. An affair ensues. The highs are high. The lows are low. It's a tale as old as time, but Hjorth's rendering is anything but stale or hackneyed. From the start, I was hypnotized by the simple and addicting prose that continually sucked me in and spat me out breathless one hundred pages later. I was exhausted reading this and I mean that as the highest praise.
Ida and Arnold's relationship is all-encompassing. Their love is obsessive, co-dependent, and requires total sacrifice of the self. They morph into one, they isolate, and their trajectory is so predictable, but tragic all the same.
We all know someone like Ida, we all know someone like Arnold. We may have even resembled them at one point in our lives. Maybe not for as long and maybe not quite to this extent, but their characterizations are so real and so human, it’s what makes this so compelling.
As much as I absolutely loved this and it will be a top read of the year, it’s not one I would recommend widely and to just anyone. Book comparisons that come to mind are Erpenbeck’s Kairos, Ernaux’s Simple Passion, Patel’s I’m a Fan, and Nolan’s Acts of Desperation. If you could stomach those, then dive right in.
June 15, 2024
Det her må uten tvil være det mest toxice forholdet jeg har lest om noensinne. Boken følger forholdet mellom Ida og Arnold, og hvordan deres reise starter fra de inngår en affære til tross for at de begge er gift. Jeg har hatt lyst til å filleriste Ida, hovedkarakteren, gjennom hele boken. Forholdet som står i sentrum her er så utrolig dysfunksjonelt; det bedras, det misbrukes, det manipuleres og det elskes til det mest ekstreme.
Jeg holder fortsatt ved at jeg virkelig ikke liker Vigdis Hjorts skrivemåte. Det blir for kaotisk og ustrukturert for min del, og det repeteres til det uendelige. Boken kunne med fordel vært halve lengden, og det faktum at boken ikke er delt inn i mer enn ett eneste kapittel er ugreit.
Samtidig føler jeg Hjort er flink til å vekke tanker og følelser, og det er i hovedsak dette som gjør at jeg gir boken 3 stjerner. Jeg likte denne ganske mye bedre enn Arv og Miljø, og synes de første 100 sidene var ganske bra!
Jeg holder fortsatt ved at jeg virkelig ikke liker Vigdis Hjorts skrivemåte. Det blir for kaotisk og ustrukturert for min del, og det repeteres til det uendelige. Boken kunne med fordel vært halve lengden, og det faktum at boken ikke er delt inn i mer enn ett eneste kapittel er ugreit.
Samtidig føler jeg Hjort er flink til å vekke tanker og følelser, og det er i hovedsak dette som gjør at jeg gir boken 3 stjerner. Jeg likte denne ganske mye bedre enn Arv og Miljø, og synes de første 100 sidene var ganske bra!
July 22, 2024
I've read the three Hjorth novels that have been published in English, and I'm a fan. If Only was originally published in Norway in 2001 and links with Will and Testament, the Hjorth novel I read first a few years ago, about a woman estranged from her family after accusing her father of sexual abuse (which garnered great attention in Norway and indeed brought forth lots of articles about what constitutes auto-fiction, along with My Struggle by fellow Norwegian Karl Ove Knausgaard). This book - novel? autofiction? - alludes to, but does not delve in, as Will and Testament does, to the sexual abuse and the family estrangement and the narrator in that book is older, has been in therapy, etc. In this one, the main character and narrator, Ida is 30, an editor and writer of radio plays, and we are limited to the information that she has not seen her family in some time, and perhaps, psychologically, the abuse that is not identified is an explanation, in whole or in part, for her obsession with 39-year-old professor and Brecht translator Arnold Bush, who is a father, married, and a serial cheater. It's a volatile obsession for Ida, this is what love is, she decides, and divorces her seemingly good and caring husband, throws herself into her love for Arthur, an inconstant man with his own deep-seated issues. It is some years before whatever they have, itself unhealthy, morphs into a decidedly unhealthy and neurotic relationship. Ida is trapped in that love for a man who is not worth it, traps herself in that unworthy love, and when the book opens it is years later, and she is writing about who she was then when she first met Arthur. It's a linear plot, we go through everything with Ida, and with Arthur, but it's also punctuated by forward flashes, by reflections, by messages between them, the letters they write, Ida's own summary of their relationship, as if she's writing it as a radio play. These years are periods of extreme emotion for Ida - her children cared for really only in between seeing Arthur - and she knows, reflects at times, that she is behaving crazily, insisting that she loves Arthur, no matter what he does, forcing herself, even, to this new narrative about her - that she has finally found love, that only with him can she experience what she is experiencing. Her friends are tired of hearing Arthur's name, as is her therapist, and she ends her sessions with him, later she will wonder if she should have instead increased her sessions with him from three times a week to four. It's a compelling book, although I also grew tired of their banal love affair, because that is what it is - banal, two people whose individual neuroses compel them towards each other, with love and sex and cheating used as means of control. 23 years have passed since this book was first published and the sad truth is that women still often make terrible decisions about love, about men, hang onto the construct despite all the pain. What gives a light throughout and at the end, is that Ida, despite all, still turns to writing and literature, to find her way out. Did I enjoy this book? Yes and no, the reader is in the position of a friend who has heard Ida's story for years, again and again, and can't understand why someone so bright would do this to herself.
Thanks to Verso Books and Netgalley for the ARC.
Thanks to Verso Books and Netgalley for the ARC.
May 3, 2024
Ibland måste jag blunda när ett nytt stycke börjar, bara för att hämta andan innan det drar igång igen. Ältandet och trånaden. Vill att Hjorth ska ge mig en paus, ett nytt kapitel. Men kapitlet är ju alltid desamma för Ida så hur skulle det annars vara för mig. Dessutom är det ju honom jag vill ha en paus från, han som är allt hon kan tänka på. Åh.
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